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questions.... (Monday fun as i am feeling 60% better)

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
Just a few questions for you all - since I got work out of my head and will soon be forever and a new job, also had a realxing christmas (does 5am start for a 5 year old mean relaxing), I am starting to feel a lot lot better. So, to try and smile again - heres some questions for you all?

K

Questions that really need answers...

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme garbage, why
didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? ---thats one for Adrienne in Toronto!!!!

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?

Stop singing and read on...

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email addresses in the first
place?
post #2 of 28
Those are great! My favorite is where it says, stop singing and move on! That's exactly what I was doing!

Glad to hear you are feeling better! 5am? Ouch. My mom was so thrilled when my brother figured out santa wasn't real, so that we could start opening gifts on Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas!
post #3 of 28
Glad you're feeling better... these are great!

I like the question about the light in the freezer... maybe because the freezer isn't as big? Although.. I think my parents have a light in their freezer... newfangled fridges!
post #4 of 28
funny!!
post #5 of 28
I was going to say that too Ariana!

They are good Kev... Thanks for sharing!
post #6 of 28
Good giggles, Kev. Even better is the fact that you're feeling more human. Congratulations!
post #7 of 28
I like the one about the songs as well. Baa Baa Black Sheep is also to the same tune. I used to work at a preschool and there was a song the kids liked that was about those three songs sounding the same. lol
post #8 of 28
Questions that really need answers...

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Energy conservation?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? To celebrate apathy?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? Yes. (And in the hearsepool lane too...)

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? Because the pained expression speaks for itself?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs! Goofy dogs aren't politically correct.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme garbage, why
didn't he just buy dinner? While Wile was wily, he wasn't smart.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? X and Y?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? ---thats one for Adrienne in Toronto!!!! Immature oils who refuse to grow up.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Only when the morons are in the dark.

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune? There will always be imitators...

Stop singing and read on...

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window? It's all about the view.

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Yes.

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Even glue and air have principles.
post #9 of 28
here's one for you Kev - If flies didn't have wings... would we call them walks?

I know exactly how you feel - only I was up at 2:30. Alex had an asthma attack triggered by his cold, and once he got over that, he noticed that Santa had been. So he was opening presents at about 4am. Man that was rough!!! I can't wait til we move - the Danes open gifts on Christmas eve - making it easier for parents to recover in the morning. Kiddies can go play with the new toys... parents can lie in bed!! I like that tradition.
post #10 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilleKat
If flies didn't have wings... would we call them walks?
If donkeys had three legs, would we call them wonkeys???
post #11 of 28
Thread Starter 
and cows had no legs, would we call them ground beef???

Kev
wish I had not started thinking about this now?
post #12 of 28
Here are some definitions that play with words :-)
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH: A female moth.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

English is my second language, so I loved reading this:
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up


speaking English:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example...If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted.

But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?


Thought you'd appreciate this one
post #13 of 28
Thread Starter 
Concede to you on that lot !!!!! well done. Know when am beaten. Have you swallowed a dictionary or something........
post #14 of 28
nah... just have good sources. An encyclopaedic knowledge of useless trivia. My mother
post #15 of 28
These are fun!
post #16 of 28
Nice, Lillie Kat. I got a good laugh out of the secret one. So, so true!
post #17 of 28
Quote:
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? X and Y?
OMG I just about spat out my water reading that!



Now you have my brain all wound up kev
post #18 of 28

Thanks guys Just got off work and now you are making me think more!
No really though, thanks, these are fun!
post #19 of 28
Thread Starter 
questions - if you have a squeak noise and you oil it - where does the squeak go?
How does the man who drives the snow plough get to work?
Why do rich folks always have garden parties in huge marquees? Its cause they like their excitement intense (In tents)....
If a man walks through a forest and is talking out aloud to himself and there are no women around, is he still wrong???
K
Full of a blasted head cold .....accchhhhhoooooooooooooooooooooooo
post #20 of 28
hehehe that last one is kinda the western version of the Zen "If a tree falls in the forest and there is no-one around to hear it, does it make a noise at all?". I prefer this one I think I thought you might appreciate this lot as well... true-life signs...

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

post #21 of 28
Thread Starter 
Emm - in the new year - I really gotta make the trip up the A1 and meet you before you head off. I have a feeling it would be a laugh a minute, find a local pub, get the kids playing and you and your other half and me and mine - I think we will be kicked out for laughing too much!!!!!!

OK - new one for you - man sat on the back of a trap with his dog next to him, pony up the front and walking slowly. Man gets out his whip and whips the horse to get it moving quicker. With that the pony's head turns round and looks at the man and says "Hey - dont go whipping me".
The man astounded looks at the dog and says in amazement with eyes wide open "I didn't know the horse could talk"
To which the dog looked at him, cocked his ear and said "neither did I!"
post #22 of 28
all?



Questions that really need answers...

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Because you go more often int he refrigerator

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Because he cares and maybe he wrote it!

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
My vote is for yes - there is no stipulation that the extra person must be alive!

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
I think that is a new thing we should start!

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
Goofy is more evoled!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme garbage, why
didn't he just buy dinner?
Cause he is craving Road runner and you just can't buy a good filet of road runner now days!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
I would tell you, but this is a family site!

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? ---thats one for Adrienne in Toronto!!!!
You may not go anywhere near my child kev!

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Some issues of morality do seem to.

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?
Cause kids like things that are familiar

Stop singing and read on...

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?
Did you ever think you just have bad breath?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
It helps you believe you are doing something other then waiting!

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
That is a good question.
post #23 of 28
Questions that really need answers...

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?Because it'd wake the snow peas.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him??Well, ask him, I bet he wrote it simply to have someone give a crap


Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
yes, but it's impolite to leave the entourage behind in heavy traffic.


Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
oh, but I do.


Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!?goofy makes the concious choice to do so.. which makes pluto smarter.. it evens out


If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme garbage, why
didn't he just buy dinner??perserverance.


If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests??testicles..ask a woman... she knows.


If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? ---thats one for Adrienne in Toronto!!!!?do you really want to know??


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons??Al sharpton...case in point.


Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune??While children continue to be amazing and creative, adults are not.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window??well.. if you didn't have onions in your sandwich....

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster??no, but at least it's something to do while you wait.


Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle??hint: leave the bottle uncapped...
post #24 of 28
questions - if you have a squeak noise and you oil it - where does the squeak go??The squeek is a tiny creature that feeds of crumbs. the squeak eventually gets in places it oughtn't and gets stuck, the squeak will scream until you set it free.. where it goes home to very worried parents, sqwauk and scree.

How does the man who drives the snow plough get to work? ?have pity for the poor man.. he has to walk!

If a man walks through a forest and is talking out aloud to himself and there are no women around, is he still wrong????the flaw of men always being wrong exists genetically. you need to have 2 matching genes (IE.. be homozygous) in this gene to be always correct. However, this gene lies in that part of the x that gets hacked off to be a y.
post #25 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by turtlecat
questions - if you have a squeak noise and you oil it - where does the squeak go??The squeek is a tiny creature that feeds of crumbs. the squeak eventually gets in places it oughtn't and gets stuck, the squeak will scream until you set it free.. where it goes home to very worried parents, sqwauk and scree.

.[/color][/b]
............and there was me thinking I needed help!!!!!well done of wise one...

next Question - if a man is walking sideways through a turnstile at an airport, is he going to Bangkok?

K
post #26 of 28
Thread Starter 
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

last one is very true........ am off for an early night as have developed a streaming cold and am gonna go rest
post #27 of 28
Why do you never see baby pigeons?
post #28 of 28
Thread Starter 
if a stealth bomber crashed - would it make a noise?
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