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I'm venting- only because there is no where else to go

post #1 of 98
Thread Starter 
Mike is quite ill. This abscess on his back reeks. To give you an example of how bad I have ceased changing out the litter pans hoping that their smell will overpower this one. Although we are in a cold snap the bedroom windows are wide open during the day to get the smell out. I change his bandage 3 times a day and in order to do it without worshipping the porcelain god, I have to put vicks vaporub under my nose (thanks Kim for that idea).

I called the doctor yesterday to tell him mike isn't eating and he chewed mike out but good. That led us into a big argument as mike was mad i called him. The doctor basically said that if mike doesn't follow my directions (from the doctor) and doesn't eat- he will end up either in the hospital or the morgue. His blood sugar is to be monitored every 6 hours at last check it was 142.

Those of you fighting the weight fight and have not been diagnosed with Diabetes yet- I am pleading with you to address your obesity NOW before Diabetes becomes a issue for you. Mike seems to think that this wound is going to go away tomorrow and he will be able to spring up and resume life. I am looking at this ugly invader on his back and know that it is going to be months and months of him enduring pain and boredom before he will be able to move freely again.

I don't need anyone to say how sorry they are in this thread. This is put here for educational purposes. No one deserves this type of an invader in their body. If this doesn't scare this man who weighs 312 pounds to do something about his lifestyle, then I know I will be planning his funeral soon. This has scared me to death! I hope this doesn't lead to his!

Thanks for listening- and those who are pm'ing me and receiving less than nice responses from me, my apologies. I am stressed beyond imagination right now- dealing with mike, tazzy, christmas, and bailey. I just want the planet to stop for a minute so i can step out in space-
post #2 of 98
Mary Anne, I know it is a radical solution, but has Mike looked into gastric bypass surgery? I had it, I have lost 100 pounds. My blood pressure was being treated before, now it runs about 100/60. My pulse was about 90 at rest, now it is 50-60. I am more active, I walk the two miles to work. My feet no longer hurt, or my knees. Even my stress incontinence has improved. I work in a hospital where this surgery is done. Even before the fourth day post-op, people's blood sugars are coming down. The doctor instructs them to check it at least twice a day if they are on meds or insulin, because it comes down so fast. It is not too late for Mike. He can lose weight and get his sugars back to normal. Good luck. Becky
post #3 of 98
Thread Starter 
No he is not a candidate, but thank you for asking.
post #4 of 98
MA I understand what you are going through. Take a break, even though it is hard, you have to get some down time. Spend the night in a hotel is you have to. Even though everyone and every thing seems to be on your shoulders you must take care of you.

Medicate everyone before you leave for those who need it. Then go and don't look back until tomorrow. Take a bubble bath and pamper yourself. Shut out everything and every one until tomorrow.

You are in my prayers
post #5 of 98
Well, then, it is good nursing care, which you are giving. The Vick's is a good idea, I will have to remember that. I have always subscribed to the hold your breath or breathe through your mouth school of nursing. Or wear a mask. It doesn't really help, but it makes you think it does. How about your gadget for litter boxes. Would that help? Becky
post #6 of 98
I am considered obese, maybe even morbidly obese. I am lucky because at this age I have extremely low blood pressure and my blood sugar is fine. But I know for a fact that it will NOT stay this way. If I don't change right now I will be in a world of trouble later on. I never want diabetes, and I will work on my weight. This thread just helped me because I have an injured knee and was falling back a bit. Tonight there will be a healthy meal on the table.

Thank you Mary Anne, and I will be thinking of you and Mike, along with Tazzy and Bailey.
post #7 of 98
Hi Mary Anne

Is there a diabetes education or information clinic in your area? Sometimes they have a special 'wound' clinic associated with them with individuals who can provide you with some extra information that might help in taking care of Mike's abcess. I am sure your doctor is also good and helpful, but sometimes there are other tricks of the trade available that are not as obvious that these specialists who deal with your situation on a daily basis might be able to offer you.

If Mike doesn't want to eat, perhaps he might find soups and broths or things like that more to his liking. His blood sugar is in the high normal range for diabetics so that is improving. It means that his body is showing some success in fighting off this wound. If the blood glucose levels were sky high, then that would indicate his body is really strugglin with the infection.

Is he on insulin? If so, you may be able to adjust that amount (with the doctor's input) to help compensate the blood glucose levels. The biggest concern with diabetics getting ill and not eating is to keep control of blood sugar values - you don't want them plummeting nor do you want them climbing sky high. If his blood sugars are in a reasonable range, don't worry too much if he isn't eating - have fruit juice available, see if he will take a good multi-vitamin and lots of extra vitamin c , and focus on keeping a good fluid intake with fluids that have some sort of nutritional value. V-8 juice, vegetable juices, meat broths, things like that will all be good. There are also some low glycemic meal replacement drinks like Ensure that he could have that will give enough caloric intake without causing major blood sugar impacts. You will know you have started on the upward return to health when his appetite also returns.

I know it is hard not to stress out right now and you sure have every reason to do so. Hang in there and just take it one day at a time. Try and find some time for you, too, ok? You're doing fine, really, you are and it will all work out.

post #8 of 98
heya MA I know what diabetes is like - I've watched my nan suffer with it for as long as I can remember. She was diagnosed with it in her 20s and she is now over 80. people with diabetes do have a tendency to have weight problems - and in later life, the loss of feeling in limbs which can lead to injuries going unnoticed. Particularly in her feet - she can stand on a drawing pin and not notice it until the nurse comes in to wash her etc the day after. Sometimes her injuries have gone unnoticed until they are septic and weepy and all the rest of it. It's not pretty. She has been having insulin injections nearly all of her life which controls her diabetes for a majority of the time, but even then there are times when her blood sugar levels plummet and she finishes up in hospital in a hypo. it has to be said though, that when her weight fluctuates for whatever reason, if she's a little lighter, it's a little easier to control. I'm hoping the doctor giving him a grilling will have changed his mind - he can't afford to be macho about this, because if he tries that, the doctor is right, he'll either finish up in hospital seriously ill, or in the morgue. You've got to tell him to stop being selfish and think about what you'd do without him for the rest of your life. Tell him you'd never forgive him if he died on you I know you don't want people to say that they're sorry Mike is this way - I am - but I'm more sorry for the fact that he's a stubborn boot! All the time he's being a stubborn f*rt, you're suffering as well. If he gives in and lets the people who care about him look after him, then he'll recover more quickly. Good luck - you can Pm me if you really want to vent at any point
post #9 of 98
I won't say how sorry I am, but I will say that I know you are under a lot of stress. I am thinking of you and your husband.
My mother was obese and developed Type II diabetes. It was a struggle for her.
All I can say is that I will NEVER let myself get fat!
Take care.
post #10 of 98
Aww man, I am sending vibes that Mike is not so stubborn. Have you told him how you feel and that it is not fair on you to put up with more stress with that, as well as everything else?

My mum has type 2 diabetes so I have to lose weight as well, and watch everything I eat.

You are in my thoughts, as well as Mike and everyone else.
post #11 of 98
That sounds aweful. Does the Doctor think antibiotics might help the infection?
post #12 of 98
Hey MA, want me to send hub out to cook for you and feed Mike the things that he needs to eat (whether he wants them or not)? Since that's probably out of the question, I'll just have to send you some cyber hugs and tell you that the two of you are in my thoughts and prayers. If you need me, you know where to find me, dear.
post #13 of 98
Oh, another useful diagnostic tool for you - get some ketostix from the pharmacy. Have Mike test his urine with these. If he starts to show signs of ketones then you know he needs more caloric intake. If there are no ketones then his body is coping with the caloric intake and blood glucose control at that time. If there are ketones, and his blood glucose values are not very high, then he needs to eat more complex carbohydrates. If his blood glucose values are high, then he needs to bring his blood glucose down and perhaps his meds need adjustment. It is one more avenue of monitoring to help reassure you about exactly what is happening in his body.

post #14 of 98
My sister and I can sympathize with your wound care problems. Sis has been changing the bandages on her hubby's stump since May and knows all about the smell. In fact the soiled bandages are immediately dumped in a can outside. My mother is a brittle diabetic and has had several foot infections that I have taken care of.

I agree with Kathryn about seeking a wound care facility.

Otherwise, take two kitties and a cup of your favorite beverage and count your blessings. And remind the guy that you love him.
post #15 of 98
I don't know where Mike's wound is, but have you ever heard of a Wound Vac? We have used it at work for difficult to heal wounds. It consists of a sponge that is packed into the wound and covered with a plastic like saran wrap. A tube goes onto it and it is attatched to a suction pump. All the gross stuff is sucked out and it pulls the wound together to help it heal. The stuff is contained so it really cuts down the smell. It only needs to be changed three times a week and the home health nurse usually does it, at least to start. It works great. There are certain parameters that have to be met but many doctors have never heard of it, so check with yours. A home health agency is likely to have experience with it and can be a resource for you.
post #16 of 98
MaryAnne; You know I don't post very often these days, but your sanity and Mike's health are important to me.

My father was an obeese diabetic and a right leg amputee. My mother cared for him for years and combated the abysesses that would form on his stump and butt (if he sat too much), thusly: Cleanse the area with Kerosene (yes, kerosene) apply Preperation H (commonly used for hemmoroids but it reduces the inflamed tissue around the abysess and litterally "presses out the foul drainage"). This cannot harm Mike and it always healed my father's sores. Do this at least twice a day and do not tightly cover the area when the Preparation H is applied. It needs to drain and breathe. One of the best ways to combat the odor is Clorox in water, (1/2 & 1/2) to soak anything you want to use again that way contaminated by the drainage. Towels, wash clothes, bedding, etc.

I love you both; you know this !

post #17 of 98
I wish I had answers, you know I care, and am keeping you both in my prayers, strength for Mike to accept what he has to deal with and to do so, strength for you in this so very difficult time, healing prayers so that the abcess begins to heal and other things can be worked with.

Your message is timely, thank you...I will make myself go buy my lancettes so I go back to doing the bs sugar checks I've been avoiding this past "holiday" week.
post #18 of 98
Hissy, you've had a heck of a rough year. Remember, caregivers need a break, too.

Do you have a nearby friend, who can deal with the critters, for even a day?
post #19 of 98
Hang in there MA, I am praying for both of you...
post #20 of 98
Hearing your and Mike's problems puts everything else into perspective - here's hoping things improve
post #21 of 98
My sympathy, M.A.! I can't give you any advice on how to deal with the wound or Mike, but I know a good trick to work off anger. Get out some of those hideous knickknacks you've received as gifts over the years, or crockery that is just beyond everything, and break it! Away from the kitties, of course. It'll give you more storage space, too.
post #22 of 98
Wow what can I say that hasn't already been said? Do take care of you MA. Mike would be in a mess without you around. for you both.
post #23 of 98
Originally Posted by hissy
I don't need anyone to say how sorry they are in this thread......This has scared me to death!............I just want the planet to stop for a minute so i can step out in space-
I won't say I'm sorry MA...just wanted to send some your way during this trying time. I don't know what it will take to make Mike come to his senses but I hope something does turn around in his stubborn male brain for both of your sake.

You know I've mentioned many times to you that I've worried about how YOU are doing during all these stresses. Please do find an outlet that will allow you to relieve some of this anxiety. I like jcat's Hiddeous Knicknack Breaking Therapy that she mentioned above.

Thinking of you!
post #24 of 98
I am yet to get tested for diabeties.
My dad has mild type and i will most likely get it too if i dont excerzise and keep my sugar intake down.
I only put like one teaspoon not even into my tea now days.
My dad last got checked 3 years ago in Australia... Our doctor isnt too happy with him.. but then what can we do? if he doesnt want to go then he wont.
post #25 of 98
MA -- I have no advice, just major concern for you both. You are in my prayers I like Tricia's anxiety relief exercise, too
post #26 of 98
Oh Mary Anne - Sending you some special thoughts at this hard time!
post #27 of 98
I understand what you are going through Mary Anne. My father is fighting about the same kind of problem that has a lot to do with diabetes....I also see my mother, stepfather and some relatives that take a long time to heal from wounds....

My grandmother had diabetes, so when she died of complications--I lost 30 pounds...and my blood sugar went down tremendiously. I do hope Mike does open his eyes up soon.
post #28 of 98
Maybe Mike doesn't really understand the seriousness of his situation because he is still in his own home, and he still has you taking care of him. I actually think it would be a good thing if Mike did end up in the hospital, especially if he had to be rushed there in an ambulance, because it just might scare him enough to make him change his ways and start taking better care of himself.

I'm sending lots of special vibes and prayers to both you and Mike, and I hope this situation is resolved in a way that is beneficial to Mike very soon.
post #29 of 98
I'm sorry to read this, Mary Anne. I hope that he quits being selfish and recognizes that you are hurting because of him and scared for him. I will say a prayer for him but a special one for you since you have to deal with him being stubborn right now.
post #30 of 98
Hi Hissy. I know I don't personally know you and I'm sorry if this offends you but I know what you're going through.

My father shot himself back in 1992 and went into a coma. While in the hospital he developed ARDS (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome-so he now has approx. 20% capacity in his lungs) among other things. Ever since he got out of the hospital he has not taken care of himself at all. He was just recently in the hospital a week or so ago with Pneumonia and is in and out of the hospital atleast 3 or 4 times a year. Two years ago my Grandmother and I went down to Florida to visit him because when he was brought into the hospital his heart had stopped beating and we weren't sure how long he would be with us. When he got out (when he had signed himself out early) he called us and we found out that he had bought cigarettes and smoked three already.

So I know what it's like to deal with a stubborn male! And this has been going on for almost 13 years. Perhaps you and some of his close loved ones can try to put things into perspective for him. He is digging his hole deeper and deeper (literally) by not caring for himself.

If someone could just knock a little sense into that male brain of his I promise things will get better!

And as everyone else said, please make time out for youself. You certainly deserve it. You will be in my thoughts and I hope things turn around for you soon.

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