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How are you Fwan?

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
Hey Fwan, I jsut wanted to check up on you and see that you are alright. When we last spoke to you, it was the night before the crash and you were really upset over your mum. I was worried because I couldn't talk to you to make sure you were fine - so I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. Hope everything is ok where you are.
post #2 of 25
Thank you,
I was going to start another thread from when we left off but i didnt know if i should.
It was really horrible. Such a bad timing
I really needed TCS at this time coz i was so dump. I kept on clicking refresh and i was dying to know what had happened. I even ended up thinking that TCS had banned me from looking at the site!
That night my mum didnt cooperate and went to the police station instead.
She came home at 8 am she wasnt fully sober by then but she came home and went to bed.
I went back to bed, and i was in panick.
My dad and i arnt talking at the moment, I have a huge rush of anger each time i look at him.
My dad went to a lawyer on friday and took me with him, my heart is seriously broken.
THe lawyer told me to leave, get a place of my own to get away from everybody. She said my parents have ruined me and that i didnt need to live with two psychos.
The worst part is, When i lived in australia my dad let me have a life. I was hardly ever home this is why the stress wasnt so much on me back then.
I moved to germany and i was totally alone and my anxiety came.
I was such an outgoing person and was able to talk to anybody and i didnt care what they thought of me.
Now its as if im closed in my shell and i dont know how to get out.
I stopped going to school and i only looked foward to go back to australia.
I had only one friend but i couldnt talk to him about the things at home.
I went back to australia for 2 months and i was completely free from my parents and i was happy, my skin looked better and i was really happy.
When i got home it took not even a month for my skin to go back to the gloomy part of me. By april last year i was struggling and i started to have bad thoughts like jumping out of the balcony and dying ect.
I pulled my self together and enrolled immedietely to a course to meet people and learn german. I made friends with most of the class although they were alot older than me i became to be happy again, i made friends with another girl who moved here and then my boyfriend by august. Last year
All of my friends left though because this is frankfurt.
I met a few more people but i dont feel like i belong with them. All it does is make me sad when im with them.
Cats made me happy so this is when i pleaded to get my kitten. I must admit i am so happy now
and i am pulling my self together alot more since i have my kitty but there is still a long way to go...

I went off track anyway.
Friday i went to the lawyer and she told me to pack my things right then,
Since i turned 18 my dad has tried to control me, by not going to places and stuff. This is what is making me really angry towards him.
She told my dad to leave me alone because i already have 2 white hairs and im only 18.
SHe didnt call me today, but i will call her tomorrow because over the weekend my dad tried to controll me by telling me i had to go to bed at midnight and that i couldnt go out with my friend and i cant stand it anymore.
My mother hasnt drank since came home from the police station.
My dad is being two faced, he wont tell her that he is applying for a seperation, he is being nice to her and it justs makes me ven more angry.
I am packing my things away so when the time comes i can just grab all of my things and pack with in an hour and leave!
I wish i had my license and a car and a job!!
I'm not even allowed to work!!! because my dad works for the consulate.

So i am really stuck. Im 18 and all the doors are open but where do i go?
I have no family here. and my boyfriend is 2 hours away!
i barely have any money at all. So to me all the doors are closed still
post #3 of 25
OMG! I'm so sorry! I guess I wasn't thinking! I knew about that thread and had a brain fart and never even thought about it.
Can you move in with your boyfriend? What does he say about it?
Since he is 2 hours away can you get a job there and would your dad have any control over that?
Oh honey, please don't get a fish tank, you need to get away from that place.
pack up and go now. the attorney is right. You're to young to have grey hairs and thoughts of suicide. You seem like a bright and wonderful person. Please go for your own good and sanity. You can make it I know you can!
post #4 of 25
Aw, I had no idea any of this has been going on - I'm so sorry, and that bites that TCS died right when all that happened! You need to grab some of our emails or AIM names so if you ever need us, you can get ahold of us!
I'm sorry I don't have any advice to offer... I can't even imagine what you are going through and I only hope that all this yuckiness ends soon. Do what you feel is right in your heart, as cheesy as that sounds, and be sure to make yourself happy.
Good luck with everything and please keep us updated!
post #5 of 25
Hmm... a question. Do you have any family/friends back in Australia who could help? Perhaps moving with them might be an option, and then after a while get on your feet on your own.

One of your biggest problems, from what I can appreciate is that, even at 18 your stay in Germany depends on your father, because your visa is that of a dependent family member of diplomatic personel, which to make it worse, does not allow you to work. Another option could be your boyfriend, to just move with him for the moment. The problem is that if your father stops putting you as depending of him and stops making himself responsible for you (on paper at least), you might lose your visa once it reaches its expiration date... but if your bf is "of age" you might get some type of visa through him... (This could be done in Spain with a bit of extra legal wrangling and loopholes, but I am not sure of Germany).

But either way, the situation you are describing requires attention now. What you really need to do is get out of there. What I would do right now, if I were you would be to just pack up, take the kitties and go to the boyfriend. Then, and only then start to think over what on earth to do. But, first of all get out of there. If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can't sit around to think what to do. You need to get out of there and then decide what to do.

Feel free to write to me if you need to talk. My email addy is victorherminio@yahoo.com
post #6 of 25
Oh Fran I am so sorry you are going through all of this right now! Yes, please, right now isn't the best time for a fish tank. Just love your kitty and I would talk to your lawyer again about what you can do.
I think moving to wherever your boyfriend is may be a good idea, that is if you 2 are at that stage... I don't know anything about your relationship with him...
We are all here for you while you decide what to do~
Let us know! And please PM me if you want to talk~
post #7 of 25
No thats the problem
Im not australian!!!!
I have the italian citizenship
my life is in a mess.
I can move in with my boyfriend but under consulate status im not allowed to work at all!!

I only have family in scotland and in sicily.. But there is no way im moving in with them they hardly know me.
and my friends in australia??? well none of them are close anymore that i could stay with.

I will move in with my boyfriend, But i cant yet I need to get things sorted.
I dont have a visa to live in germany as im in the EU i only need a green card to work.
post #8 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by ash_bct
Oh Fran I am so sorry you are going through all of this right now! Yes, please, right now isn't the best time for a fish tank. Just love your kitty and I would talk to your lawyer again about what you can do.
I think moving to wherever your boyfriend is may be a good idea, that is if you 2 are at that stage... I don't know anything about your relationship with him...
We are all here for you while you decide what to do~
Let us know! And please PM me if you want to talk~

He was living with us for a while i think about 8 months, only that he cant support the both of us.
I need to get my self sorted before i go anywhere. I have to finish doing my driving course and thats going to take untill Febuary so i will stay at home for that.
I need another hobby to get my self out of the house in the meanwhile.
Its just so hard that i dont have many friends here. the friend i have doesnt understand me and she got upset at me because i didnt want to stay the night at her place.
Im looking for another appartment here in frankfurt at the moment so i can transport my things in there easily and still be close to my parents if anything happens.
Problem is money
BUt like i said
I have to sort my self out before i go anywhere out of this house especially with the consulate
post #9 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
No thats the problem
Im not australian!!!!
I have the italian citizenship
my life is in a mess.
I can move in with my boyfriend but under consulate status im not allowed to work at all!!

I only have family in scotland and in sicily.. But there is no way im moving in with them they hardly know me.
and my friends in australia??? well none of them are close anymore that i could stay with.

I will move in with my boyfriend, But i cant yet I need to get things sorted.
I dont have a visa to live in germany as im in the EU i only need a green card to work.
Well, thanks for clarifying. That means that you can stay in Germany a lot more easily.

Get whatever you need to get sorted, sorted out, and move with your boyfriend. If I were you, I would ask that lawyer what are your legal options to be able to get off the consulate status and off your father, and be able to work there. You know, to be able to say to the law that you are in Germany for primary reasons other than your being a daughter of a diplomatic personel. If there is any emancipation needed or such, get it done.

Now, don't take that from me as I don't know a thing of German inmigration law. Ask the lawyer what are your options in that, if you haven't already.

As I said, you can feel free to write to me: victorherminio@yahoo.com
post #10 of 25
Thank you,
I will let you all know what my options are after i talk to my dads lawyer.
I think she should be my lawyer instead of my dads because she doesnt seem to like him much!
She said
I can do what i want because im 18, AS long im not working my dad has to pay everything for me. She told me she will let me know about work and stuff but she didnt call today so i will give her a call tomorrow.

I was going to work at mc donalds, but here in germany you have to be 18 to work at mc donalds so i decided not to get my green card to work.
I want to finish my school first but also have some sort of part time.
BUt my qualifications arent high.
I can only speak english, italian, sign language and some german.
And i can type really fast thats about it.
So if anyone would hire me i would be very glad hehe.
My dads collegue suggested me to work at some british company here in germany. But we will see.
Maybe i dont get the fishies tomorrow.

I have already bought some essential things like a brush, basket, kitchen paper, tissues, mugsand those thermo things to keep hot water for 20 hours.
a curtain, fake flowers and lots of other things that i have packed in the box.
Maybe this week i will go and buy plates, cups, and cutlery for the house.
I bought a heap of xmas things ready for next year so when i have my own place it can look cosey
i also bought table cloths and pot plants. hehe
post #11 of 25
liliekat
WHere in scotland are you from?
post #12 of 25
to you my friend - I am so sorry to hear what a tough time you are going through
everyone has given you such great advise already - please please know that i am here to chat with you if you ever need it okay?
so glad we can all be here for you - I know its not the same as in person - but its the next best things we will help you as much as we can
post #13 of 25
Hi Fwan. I hope you're doing ok - you're making some good plans. I can't give legal advice, but you are a European Union citizen (as you are an Italian citizen) and free movement of people is a basic right that we all have. That means that we should all have free right of abode in other European member states. When you see your lawyer next time, you should talk about that with her. I don't know whether your consulate status makes a difference for you, but certainly something you should mention.

It sounds like your getting ready to make your own home really cosy.

Very best wishes Beth
post #14 of 25
I find my room very cosey compared to the rest of the appartment. My mum n dad make the house so dull.
I suppose you could say i am a bit traditional compared to them hehe

well like i said in another post. She isnt my lawyer
shes my dads lawyer...
and that im waiting for her to call..
She knows about my status and shes looking into it for me but it could take a week depending on her clients and stuff.
But i swear if my dad doesnt leave me alone i will go and find my own lawyer! and go against him.
post #15 of 25
Fran, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I think you've found a good resource in this lawyer, however. I would write down all of your questions and concerns and talk to her about them the next time you see her.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.
post #16 of 25
Thread Starter 
Oh Fwan, you poor thing! Well, don't you worry babe, we'll still be here to pull you through it all - at least you've got people to talk to. The attourney is right - you really need to get out of that situation for your own sanity. There comes a point where you have to start thinking of self preservation, regardless of how much you want to be there for everyone else. Only your mum can get herself out of alcoholism. Your dad doesn't sound much like he's helping any - so the best advice I can give you is to get out as soon as you possibly can. Even if you did go to stay with your boyfriend - hell girl, I would send you the money to pay for a bus or a train fare for you just to get there, all you have to do is say the word - and though it might not be ideal, at least it will be a starting point. From there you'll have the opportunity to find something to get some money coming in and start over. The EU citizenship will work in your favour - it's working in mine, I'm escaping a nasty situation here in the UK by moving to Denmark . I don't know about the consulate status, but surely something is possible. I don't understand why you're not allowed to work... that's just a concept I don't grasp at all.But you're only 18 - you have more to look forward to in life than looking for the next grey hairs! I've been going grey since I was 17, and trust me, it's much better to get away from the problem that's causing you the grey hair than to just keep dying over it!! You've got a lot to live for girl, and just you remember that there's an awful lot of people out there who care about you, no matter how far away they are. If you want the help, all you have to do is ask.
post #17 of 25
Oh Fwan sweetie it's a shame you didn't live in the UK because i'd say Emma and i would be straight over to help you set up your own place!.

Don't let this drag you down to their level whatever you do!.
post #18 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilleKat
Oh Fwan, you poor thing! Well, don't you worry babe, we'll still be here to pull you through it all - at least you've got people to talk to. The attourney is right - you really need to get out of that situation for your own sanity. There comes a point where you have to start thinking of self preservation, regardless of how much you want to be there for everyone else. Only your mum can get herself out of alcoholism. Your dad doesn't sound much like he's helping any - so the best advice I can give you is to get out as soon as you possibly can. Even if you did go to stay with your boyfriend - hell girl, I would send you the money to pay for a bus or a train fare for you just to get there, all you have to do is say the word - and though it might not be ideal, at least it will be a starting point. From there you'll have the opportunity to find something to get some money coming in and start over. The EU citizenship will work in your favour - it's working in mine, I'm escaping a nasty situation here in the UK by moving to Denmark . I don't know about the consulate status, but surely something is possible. I don't understand why you're not allowed to work... that's just a concept I don't grasp at all.But you're only 18 - you have more to look forward to in life than looking for the next grey hairs! I've been going grey since I was 17, and trust me, it's much better to get away from the problem that's causing you the grey hair than to just keep dying over it!! You've got a lot to live for girl, and just you remember that there's an awful lot of people out there who care about you, no matter how far away they are. If you want the help, all you have to do is ask.
Thank you lilie!
Denmark is really nice i would move there if i could, i went there twice last year. Once in september with my parents because we went on a ship cruise and then the second time was with my boyfriend because he was going to work for a really good company.
Most of them speak english there so its really good!
I am writing down the questions now to ask the lawyer.
Dont worry how i will get away. I couldnt possibly ask anybody on tcs to lend me money. My boyfriend already said that as soon as my parents fight again i just have to pack and go and wait somewhere untill he gets here.


BEING IN THE CONSULATE IS JUST B****S****TTT
I mean, We dont have to pay tax from our income, or car tax or tax at all!
Nearly all relationships are ruined because of parents/spouses working at the consulate. Children express their anger because they move so much, marriges collapse because they are too alone in another country without family.
It only lasts 5 years, but packing up and moving every 5 years is alot in a life time. and starting all over again each time isnt my idea of a life unless im on the run.

And i dont even have immunity!!!! My dad has never brought me up as if the consulate was such an important job. My parents brought me up as if i were like any other child except while living in England and Australia i was purely spoilt!
post #19 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosiemac
Oh Fwan sweetie it's a shame you didn't live in the UK because i'd say Emma and i would be straight over to help you set up your own place!.

Don't let this drag you down to their level whatever you do!.
aww rosiemac
i often wonder what it would have been like if i were still living in london!
post #20 of 25
Thread Starter 
Well Fwan, I'm so glad to hear your boyfriend is being really supportive just now - it's what you really need. I'm so pleased he's going to come and get you whenever you need it It makes me feel really proud to know that there are some good guys out there - after what I went through, it took me a while to believe that - so every good guy out there is worth a thousand times more to girls like us You know that once I move, you and your boyfriend are more than welcome to come and visit in Copenhagen (same goes to all you guys out there - just don't please all come at once - the apartment isn't THAT big!!) And you really don't have to worry about asking for money Fwan, really, I know how hard it is to get out of somewhere you don't want to be, so if I can help in any way at all, please please please let me know. Susan and I will come over and march you out of there if we have to!!
post #21 of 25
post #22 of 25
My boyfriend is very supportive about these things.
The first half year being with him was hell. but i dont know why i kept on giving him chances. Then he finally got his act together
in the past 7 months he has changed alot.. he is more supportive and he has matured alot more!!
although sometimes he does act like a child!
He gets shy about certain things, like His mum wants us to marry and he kept on snapping at her and going crazy about the topic. and then he has his certain moods and says he does want to marry but not yet because we are still young and he wants to have a job before he can fully support me and finish his school. Which i agree beacause he is only still 20 and im only 18 and it wouldnt be right to get married if we hadnt finished something in our life like school.
Im very glad that i have him. He went through the same thing.
WHen he was 11 his mother and step father split. He was stuck with a 3 month old baby looking after. His step father was an alcoholic and then he had to go to a childrens home.
he went through alot more than me but he just didnt have an abusive family.
His step father just faced death back in july. He was admited to hospital and just made it. he went into rehab and ended up finishing early because he stopped drinking and smoking! we are all very proud of him. But because he has been a drinker for more than half of his life he is trying to take on the role of being a father and the family there is actually falling appart because he is trying to do everything.

But now another problem has arised although it hasnt got much to do with me.
His sister is 18. A month younger than me I see her as my self alot... we have the same figure and we think alike, only problem is shes an alcoholic and she wont stop.
I mean she is only 18 why throw your life away like that.
post #23 of 25
Thread Starter 
It must be tough to watch someone else go through the mess that you're avoiding. It does sound ridiculously harsh, but alcoholism is her choice - only she can get out of it herself - and all you can do is help pick up the pieces if and when she decides to give up. In a strange, twisted kind of way, it's a good thing that your boyfriend has experienced the alcoholism in the family as well, because he truly will understand what you're feeling and going through, and he'll at least be able to offer you an understanding shoulder to lean on when you need it. Someone who understands is a rare thing, but more than appreciated when you find it. Yeah... I think all men act like kids form time to time - my boyfriend will be 30 on the 17th - and he's still got the mentality of a guy ten years younger (although that's easy to keep in check) He's really predictable and stable though, which is really what I need in life now. Your boyfriend certainly sounds like a good'un, even if the first 6 months were difficult. What's the phrase... "he's a keeper?" Trust me though, if he messes you about, I shall personally come over and rip his arms off and beat him to death with the soggy ends!
post #24 of 25
Fwan i lived above 2 alcoholics years ago. She met him in the hospital when they were both in trying to dry out, but as soon as any problem came up in their lives both of them would hit the bottle again!.

I did everything i could to try and help her in the beginning and her shrink took me to one side one day and said i'd done everything possible to help her and that although it was difficult i had to leave her to it because until she admitted she has a problem, (and 9/10 they don't think they have!) even they couldn't help her either!.

It is a shame but sadly she has to want to help herself stop.
post #25 of 25
haha yes my mother wont admit she has a problem but she admits she has to stop
One of the jobs i wanted to do was to help children with alcoholic/drug addict/abusive families.
My dad is abusive towards her when she is totally off her face and in some ways i cant blame him because i would do it too but i know that it is so wrong to hit someone because of their illness. Maybe one day i will be able to save some children from the trauma. But the thing is most children dont speak up untill they are teenages and thats the sad thing.
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