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The Truth About Santa!

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
I think, kids shouldn't read this, just because it is really nice to believe in miracles and I always will believe in Santa! But anyways- here is a joke for you guys, it was in Russian and I had to translate it- so it might loose the humor, but I hope you will like it!!!

Truth about Santa


1) There is no a flying kind of rain-deer, but there are 300000 kinds of living creatures that need to be classified, but most of them are insects and micro-organisms, so it doesn't completely except an existence of flying rain-deer that only Santa can see.

2) There are about 2 billions of children (under 18) living on this Earth, but Santa comes only to Catholics, so lets except Muslims, Jews, Buddhists and Krishna’s. The total is that there only 15% left from the whole crowd of children - 378 millions believing the statistics. If to believe the same statistics, the average amount of children living in each family is 3,5. That is 91,8 millions of the homes. And supposedly there is at least one kid that behaves good.

3) If we assume that Santa moves from east to west his shift lasts 31 hours (thanks time zones and rotation of the Earth), the result is 822,6 visit per second. That means that Santa spends 1/1000 of the second to visit every Catholic family with a good child. Within that time he has to do:
a. Park his deer
b. Get out of sledge
c. Jump into the flue
d. Cram the gifts into the socks
e. Throw the rest under a Christmas tree
f. Eat treating that is left for him
g. Climb out from the flue
h. Get into the sledge and go to the next house

4) Lets assume that all these 91,8 millions of stops are even spread on the territory of the land, that we understand is against the truth but will do for our counts. So now we have 1,87 miles between every house. All the way takes about 194,56 millions of miles, except stops for a break that we usually do at least once in 31 hours, to eat, go to the restroom etc. That means that Santa’s sledge move with a speed 786 miles per hour that is about 3000 times more than the speed of the sound. To compare, the fastest mechanism made by human is the space sonde Yllis that is creeping with a speed 50 miles per second, and a regular non-flying deer runs with a speed 25 miles per hour (if you will scare it very much)

5) The load that is on the sledge is also very interesting. Lets assume that every child gets regular pack of Lego construction (about 3 pounds), so there is about 321 300 tons of weight except Santa that is usually described as a fat guy. On the Earth regular deer shifts no more than 400 pounds. Even if the flying deer can move 10 times more than regular one we cannot complete that task using 8 or 9 deers. We will need about 214 200 deers. That makes the weight of the whole harness to 353 430 tonns.

6) 353 000 tons, flying with a speed 786 miles per second feel great resistance of the air, because of which the harness can get heat as a space ship entering the earth atmosphere. First two deers will get 14,300 billions Joules of energy. Every one. In a second. They will burn almost at once. All the team will turn into dust in 4,26/1000 of second. In that time centrifugal power of 17 500, 06 more than gravity of the Earth will be also affect on Santa. 300 pound Santa will be stacked to the back of his sledge with 6 millions pounds of the weight. The conclusion -if Santa is alive he is already dead.


It is kind a sad, but...the truth is not always sweet!!!
post #2 of 22
What?! So you're saying Santa is NOT real?!

post #3 of 22
But I thought Santa was magic and none of that stuff could touch him.
post #4 of 22
Pretty good translation: Here is the English version, about the same just some minor differences. There is a reply to this joke but it is not funny at all.

The Physics of Santa and His Reindeer

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total — 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.

This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75½ million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000/3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see above) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload (not even counting the weight of the sleigh) - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
post #5 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bumpy
Pretty good translation: Here is the English version, about the same just some minor differences. There is a reply to this joke but it is not funny at all.

The Physics of Santa and His Reindeer

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total — 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.

This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75½ million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000/3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see above) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload (not even counting the weight of the sleigh) - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
Thanx for providing with an original! And maybe you should relax about this joke- even if it seems NOTto be funny for you? It just prooves that different people have different points of view and what I think is funny could not be funny at all for you, which is totally fine- just chill out and don't take it toooooo close, OK?
post #6 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoursleeka
Thanx for providing with an original! And maybe you should relax about this joke- even if it seems NOTto be funny for you? It just prooves that different people have different points of view and what I think is funny could not be funny at all for you, which is totally fine- just chill out and don't take it toooooo close, OK?
I think you misunderstand. The santa joke I find funny, but the reply article to counter the santa joke was not really funny.
post #7 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bumpy
I think you misunderstand. The santa joke I find funny, but the reply article to counter the santa joke was not really funny.
OK! Now I gotcha!
post #8 of 22
Of course Santa is real! I got it straight from the Easter Bunny and the St Patty's Day Leprechan!!!

Sandy
post #9 of 22
Hey now don't you be goin' and casting doubt on Santa Clause. Don't want to upset the elves, them critters are mean.

I love this joke and yes I hide it from every child I know. I'd hate to take away what little magic there is in the world any more.
post #10 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrayKittenLove
Hey now don't you be goin' and casting doubt on Santa Clause. Don't want to upset the elves, them critters are mean.

I love this joke and yes I hide it from every child I know. I'd hate to take away what little magic there is in the world any more.
I agree with you - we should keep safe magic that left here in the world! And I love magic and didn't mean to upset somebody- if I did so eventually- please, forgive me...
post #11 of 22
Yoursleeka, I am sure no-one is upset by your post. Unless of course they still believe in Santa - like I do. And I believe that his magic is so great he overcomes all that.
post #12 of 22
This was obviously written, under the Soviet system and that bunch wanted to tak ethe fun out of everything. Coal in their stockings, for sure!
post #13 of 22

This is very funny. I had heard a similar once, also very funny.
I guess we are excluded from this problem here in Iceland, since according to our believe (and of course it is true!), we have 13 different santas, each with a different name and personality. They live up in the mountains, and only come to "man village" at Christmas time. 13 days before Christmas the first one arrives and after that one each day, untill Christmas day, then the 1 leaves for the mountains again, and the last one on the last day of Christmas, January 6th.
Our santas dont have a sled, they come by foot, and dont go indoors, but put gifts in the shue that has been left for them in the window. So, I guess, their job is not a time consuming, but still, they have to walk all their distances
post #14 of 22
Whoo - you people like some long jokes!!!!! So if Santa doesn't exist, does that mean I have a shot with Mrs. Claus?
post #15 of 22
Just wondering, how many of you were never ever told by your parents that Santa exists. I grew up never ever thinking Santa is real. I still get presents from my parents but no Santa.
post #16 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by katl8e
This was obviously written, under the Soviet system and that bunch wanted to tak ethe fun out of everything. Coal in their stockings, for sure!
Yoursleeka...Your story was very funny. It does not matter if it was pre or post Soviet Union..it made me laugh.Russians have a wonderful sense of humor, they have to! Many people don't understand "Russian literature." By the way your English is improving every day!
post #17 of 22
gosh.. that spoilt all the magic!
post #18 of 22
LOL. I always enjoy reading this.
post #19 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by katl8e
This was obviously written, under the Soviet system and that bunch wanted to tak ethe fun out of everything. Coal in their stockings, for sure!
What R U TALKING ABOUT??????????? U really made me laugh!!! People like you still think it is Sovet Union in Russia and we all are soo scared of communizm and staff like that...Originally- 1) we DON"T even have Santa there!!!!! His name is DED MOROZ and he has a daughter SNEGUROCHKA- all story about them is different from American one. 2) THIS JOKE was translated from English into Russian - I just couldn't find original copy, but, if you'll look carefully couple posts before yours- you'll see the original AMERICAN copy of this joke provided by bumpy... So, now under WHAT exactly that joke was written? What Soviet system??? This system does not even excist no more! Before saying something- maybe we all should think? But you really made my day by saying that!!!!
post #20 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of Franz
Yoursleeka...Your story was very funny. It does not matter if it was pre or post Soviet Union..it made me laugh.Russians have a wonderful sense of humor, they have to! Many people don't understand "Russian literature." By the way your English is improving every day!
THANK YOU! I am really trying to improove my written English, but still have common mistakes with spellling... Russian literature is great, and, trust me, even a lot of Russians can't get it, so I think we shouldn't blame English speaking people for that!!!!!!
post #21 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kateang
gosh.. that spoilt all the magic!
I am really sorry for trying to get that magic away from you.... Just forget about it! I just talked with SANTA OVER the phone- he'll bring you huge present this coming Christmas!!!!!
post #22 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bumpy
Just wondering, how many of you were never ever told by your parents that Santa exists. I grew up never ever thinking Santa is real. I still get presents from my parents but no Santa.
I was the one! But I knew- there is DED MOROZ that will bring me a presant if I'll be good girl! So...
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