Desperately need advice...to keep my cats, I must declaw

Hi, first time posting, but I have been lurking here for quite a while. I know a lot of the members are very knowledgeable here and I would appreciate any advice. This might get long so please hold on for the ride! I would really appreciate any help...thank you so much.



Here is my situation:

I used to live with my mother about 3 years ago. I got my cats 5 years ago. For 2 years she accepted my cats, "accepted" being a very hard term to put it. She is not a big fan of cats actually, she doesn't like them at all. They ended up scratching her white rug and white couch (completely made out of that cotton-flex material) that she told me cost "3k and 8k" respectively. She has a house dedicated to a white and cerulean-blue theme and my two black cats were apparently "ruining" this aesthetic. I tried my very best to make them not scratch these two items. She doesn't even like them going on them because they have black fur. I used everything, including the sprays (3 different deterrent sprays), I had up to 10 different scratching posts, squares, inclines all scattered around the house so that they wouldn't scratch (but also she didn't like them around the house... because this ruined the 'aesthetic' so that ended up being a huge argument as well). I tried covering up the couch with a cover at night so they wouldn't go on it, and a cover for the rug...she didn't like it because it ruined her aesthetic... She also didn't like their smell (they didn't have any), their fur, how they ran away from her (she's always yelling and screaming), etc. etc.

Regardless, I ended up moving out because my mother couldn't stand my cats.  She said, that the only way the cats could stay would be if I declawed them. She got this idea from my neighbors, who apparently, all 3 of them around the cul-de-sac declawed their cats. I was very upset at the time when I learned this as well, because I know at least 2 of the neighbors lets their cats outdoors. I'm COMPLETELY against declawing, and I can't even imagine my cats declawed due to their own personalities and the amount of negative effect that will have on them (more on this later). I told her no, I gave her tons of articles, videos, regarding how terrible it is to declaw and she said "I don't care about all that. If THEY (the neighbors) can do it, WHY CAN'T YOU". 

Anyway, right after that, I left to go fend my self off for 3 years with my cats helping me every step of the way. Unfortunately,  my mother the entire time told me that I could come back anytime I wanted (rent-free), as long as I either got rid of my cats, or declawed them. Although this is really a tempting offer to a college student who was working a full time job at minimum wage...I couldn't accept this offer. I couldn't give them up or declaw them, no matter what my mother said or no matter how cheap it would be to live at her house (literally saving over 12k  of pure living expenses a year).  

Unfortunately, I'm going to law school and I would be needing to stop working full time for this to happen. I cannot live on my own anymore (I do have a savings dedicated ONLY to my cats which I touch only for them), and I will be needing to live with my mom. The declawing option came back again when I was talking to her this week and I REALLY NEED SAFE, SOUND, EASY HAPPY ALTERNATIVES!!!

Also to fully why I can't give them up/put them up for adoption/ no way in hell I'm declawing them, I need to fully explain my cats:



My two cats are named Bean Dip and Meatloaf, 10 and 15 years old respectively. They are seniors but they are very active!   They have been cycling in the foster/adoption system for around 4 years until I got to them, I adopted two at the same time because they bonded in the foster home. Bean Dip was a rescue from an extremely abusive home, and has EXTREME anxiety, depression...the most nervous of any cat can be. Meatloaf, on the other hand was a stray for ~6 years, got to an adoption center...and just stayed there. They were both adults when I got them, and as you know...adult cats do not go as fast as kittens, especially not cats that are 5~10 years old...and sadly, especially not black cats.  

As I said, Bean Dip had a very rough beginning, and his behavior shows this. According to the agency, he was strangled with a plastic bag several times and was beaten/shaved  etc for no reason. He came to them in a nervous wreck.  It makes me mad every time I think about it... Anyway, for Bean Dip, it took him about 7 months to even let me touch him when I adopted him. The entire time, he stayed in the litter box, or in the bathroom, refused to go out side of the room, hid in the cabinets, and refused to even look at me. Constantly threw up out of anxiety. He went through about 3 families, according to the adoption agency, and they brought him back every time because he didn't acclimate to the environment and I could see why. It took me full 2 years to develop his trust, and he is the sweetest cat ever, but definitely for someone who has patience and understanding. Even if I were to give him up, especially at 10 years old with a traumatic background, this is literally a death sentence. I cannot, and will not, give him up...but declawing is an extremely awful option too. 

Even I almost even gave up on him around 7 months. He has a VERY HARD TIME going to the vet, meeting anyone new, doing anything that is outside his comfort zone...none of which is his fault. He lived with my mom for 2 years and he will not let her touch him. So there are a lot of things I must avoid. Small things, like making loud noise, startling him, trying to pet him too fast, stomping, opening the blinds too fast, plastic bags, trash bags... and big things like maintenance men/visitors that comes in my apartment and literally paralyzes him and he will stay underneath the bed for 4 days... As you can see, I cannot for the life of me, clip his nails (has extreme trauma), and he, along with meatloaf, are HUGE, tall cats (roughly around 19 lbs) so it is an EXTREME struggle. 

I cannot even imagine what such traumatic thing like declawing would do to Bean Dip. He visits the vet once a year (always a clean bill of health though) and he will hide and won't come out, for up to a week, when he goes. He looks like he's betrayed and won't even let me touch him for up to 2 weeks (it really breaks my heart). When I leave for over 24 to 48 hours, I come home in multiple piles of anxiety vomit. Anxiety reducing things like Feliaway doesn't help. When Meatloaf leaves the room, Bean dip MUST follow him. When we lived in a two story house, Meatloaf would frequently leave Bean Dip downstairs and Bean Dip would start YOWLING like crazy out of separation problems (and Meatloaf would just sprint to him to tell him he's there). 

I really, really need something that can help the scratching problem, but is not traumatic for him...even clipping his nails is too much. I don't know what to do, I'm in tears. 

For Meatloaf, he's a strong and great old man. He's very, what my vet called, "paw-sy", and will not let anyone touch him unless he wants it. When the vet wanted to examine his mouth, up to three people had to hold him down because he's strong, huge, lean, mean, fighting machine. I like to imagine him as an old war veteran.    Also, if he hates something, he will SHOW it. When Bean Dip used to wear a collar (this also upped his anxiety but I had no idea until a couple of days later), the bell would piss him off so Meatloaf CHEWED through the collar so Bean Dip wouldn't wear anything. It was a regular collar... I didn't think cat teeth could do that much damage, to this day I'm astounded. He has chewed through play ropes before, wires, my crocs (lol), etc (wires are so bad and I put the citrus stuff on them so he doesn't chew but he doesn't give a CRAP. if he wants to chew it, he chews it. I just hide the wires now). He depends on his nails a lot to climb a lot of stuff like chairs, couches, beds, and I don't know what will happen to him either if he gets declawed. I don't even think it is an option at his age. Unnecessary surgery at 15???? No thanks.

I tried looking into softpaws, but as I have said before, he is extremely paw-sy and extremely...filled with hatred at stuff he doesn't like. I'm not sure if I can apply it regularly, and if I do, I have an extreme feeling that he will just chew that off. Even if it takes him 5 hours, he will try to take it off. He's so filled with hatred.  

SO here is my story and here are my cat's problems. What can I do, catsite folks? Please give me your wisdom, god knows I need it.

TL;DR:

Strict mother. Past-abused cat and a crazy old man cat. Can't declaw, can't give them up.

1. I need a recommendation for something that can hold a cat down as well. I've tried towels and they breakthrough it. When I get someone to hold my cats, Bean Dip LOSES his mind at the site of anybody but me anywhere close to him. Same for Meatloaf, just not as extreme. When I went to pet con, I saw a weird vest, almost like a straight jacket for cats that are supposed to hold them immobile but I haven't seen it anywhere but there, and that was about 2 years ago. Do you know of anything like that?

2. Is there any other option then cutting their nails/SoftPaws?? How is cutting their nails compared to softpaws? What about grinding them to making them round? Does it puncture cloth badly??

I need help!!!

Thank you so much for sticking with this wall of text, I'm sorry.

Hi, and welcome to TCS

First of all, thank you so much for taking these cats in, and for sticking with them despite their behavioral quirks. You truly are their saviour :bigthumb:

Bean Dip just breaks my heart - I dread to think what happened to make him so fearful and anxious Have you tried him on Composure, or considered anti anxiety meds for him? Even though he's made enormous progress with you, it can't be nice for him to be so anxious so much of the time. [article="30316"][/article][article="30323"][/article]

If you have a good relationship with your vet, it would be well worth talking to them without taking Bean Dip in, especially if theyve seen the extent of his anxiety for themselves in the past. Taking some videos to illustrate the issues could help too. They may still ultimately want to see him, but the more you can cover without stressing him out, the better.

As far as scratching goes, just keeping the claws clipped is almost as effective as using claw caps. Remember that you dont have to do all the ckaws at one time - just keep playing with the idea when theyre relaxed/sleepy, and start with one claw at a time. For Bean Dip, I'd suggest you first get him desensitised to the sound of vlipping by clipping your own nails next to him. Think baby steps

With Meatloaf's chewing, have you tried wrapping wires in tinfoil? Most cats hate the taste and the sound it makes, so it can work far better than deterrent sprays.

As far as shedding goes, do keep working on grooming them both - the more you groom, the less fur there is to shed. Look into the grooming mitts that are available. They may both take to it more easily if the experience is closer to being petted.

With scratching/scratching posts etc, can you work with your mother to find some that fit with her aesthetic? Theres some truly beautiful cat furniture around these days. Its not cheap, but maybe it could be a birthday present for you, or you can pay your mother back in installments?

I think the straitjacket thing you're talking about is a cat grooming bag. I know you can get them on Amazon, but they're likely available from larger pet stores too.

Just thinking about the whole situation. I'm sure your mother's house is a lot bigger than the place you've been renting. One solution, therefore, might be for the cats to have a designated area of the house - maybe somewhere away from the main reception areas. This would probably help Bean Dip in any case, as smaller areas are easier to 'own' than bigger ones, and he wouldn't have to worry about running into visitors etc. It should ease tensions with your mother too, as her precious white sofa and carpet would be safe.

Really hope you can find a solution that works for everyone.

If you think your vet would cooperate, have him/her write a note saying that cats that old shouldn't have major orthopedic surgery for non-medical reasons. They really are too old for that.

Keeping their claws clipped short (for most cats this requires clipping once or twice a week) is almost as effective as using Soft Claws, especially if they let you file the edges down. But of course Soft Claws are more visible and might make your mom feel better.

Will your cats freak out if you keep them in your room? You can cut carpet protector to go under the door if they try to dig under.

Have you tried putting them in a jumper to trim their claws, with their head poking out the head/sleeve hole and the rest of the body inside the sweater (decided to change vernacular as I suspect you're from the US)?  Then you can feed a paw through an arm hole to get at the claws whilst holding the rest of the sweater taught.  And by virtually sitting on them in their straightjacket with one paw exposed at a time, trimming may be possible.  Only the very tip of the claws need to be trimmed or blunted, you don't have to cut them right down.  And I reckon that a rasp for filing claws is a very good idea.  You could invest in a special cat rasp or a simple sandpaper soft block from a hardware store.

Your mum doesn't sound like she'd be willing to help, and as your budget probably won't stretch to regular vet visits, why not advertise for a claw-clipping chum in your local neighbourhood?  I'd be more than happy to assist someone struggling to administer hands-on cat care and I'm sure you'll find there are other cat people in your area willing to play vet nurse.  Especially if it was a regular appointment and you bunged them a couple of $ or helped them with their cat in return.  Once your cats get into a regular routine and discover that it only takes a couple of minutes, being securely bound is actually not that bad, and not getting caught up every five minutes is kinda cool, they'll possibly not make quite so much protest and forgive you much quicker each time.  

Perhaps try a piece/block/branch of softish wood as an extra scratching post.  Maybe get them a similar rug to your mum's (oops, mom's) for your bedroom that they are encouraged to scratch, and wrap similar fabric as the couch around a scratching post/bit of wood.  I read on this site about a magical spray called "cat attract" that you could spray on their rug/couch-post to entice them, whilst squirting water at your cats and loudly rattling pennies & clapping when they try to use your mom's whites.  Try putting clear double sided tape on your mom's couch and laying aluminium foil around it.  Have you tried citronella or black pepper essential oils as a cat deterrent?  Maybe milled white pepper works too and could be sneakily mixed into the rug when your mom's not looking.  Basically, make your room a cat haven and the living room a cat hell.  

As for hairs, have you tried a Furminator, they remove masses of undercoat/loose hairs that other combs miss.  

It's a shame that you can't dye your cats blue or your mom's soft furnishings black.  It's also a shame that your mom doesn't seem willing to accommodate her grand-furchildren by making a few small changes, like, for example, not having a rug and putting a black throw over her couch for a couple of years....

If you can't trim your cat's nails due to cat's past trauma, you're in for A LOT more trauma and trauma-related behavior once your cat has been declawed. Please do not declaw. It is completely barbaric and inhumane. 

Watch the following videos on how to trim cat nails. The second video shows how to trim nails for an uncooperative cat.

I second what cocobutterfly said.

Though claw caps may be helpful in the sense that they are visible so your mom would know that they are unable to scratch things.

It may be a chore to put them on, but I'd say that's WAY BETTER than declawing!

Ah I completely forgot to post this. I also read somewhere on TCS that people have used something like a rice/bean bag laid over the cat to help with the ease of administering meds. Something about the weight of the bag (it's not very heavy, diy with a tube sock filled with rice/beans/that kibble they don't like but you don't have the heart to toss out) helps keep them in place. Maybe one or two or three over Bean Dip and Meatloaf and you can clip their nails? Or starting out even slower and just touching their paws, then giving them a treat to train them??

GOOD LUCK!!

My only advice on trimming cat nails is to try and use a human nail clipper on yourself in front of the cat, to help the cat learn, by example, that trimming nails isn't so bad.  I trim my nails in front o my cat, and it seems to have made her more chill about it all, which makes sense, since cats learn best by observing others, especially their "mother."

My advice on working with your mother, OTOH, is a lot more involved.

1.Your mother wants to help you succeed, or she'd never allow even 2 declawed cats into her home, since she doesn't like pets. it is important to keep that in mind in dealing with her.  From her POV, she's being generous and making a lot of sacrifices to help you.  Even if she doesn't feed you ( which I suspect she will), she's probably out a couple hundred a month in extra utility costs and wear and tear on her house and furnishings, double  that if she feeds you, so probably she's already just volunteered to essentially give you 5,000 a year out of her own savings, money that plenty of people would say she doesn't have to offer.

Likewise, while Your mom is wrong about declawing,  she's right to worry about her house and possessions.   As cat lovers we don't like to admit it, especially because declawing is so awful ( and so often backfires), but if you have cats, you will *NOT* have pristine furnature very long.   IMO, it isn't right to pretend or claim otherwise. Except the corner of my bed, my cat has only ever actively scratched her scratching posts, is relatively gentle, is fairly regularly trimmed, etc. Still, my sofa has scratches all over it in only a few months from accidental scratches (cat jumps, cat misses where she's jumping, scrambles and claws as she slides down,etc. ). claws grow fast, and soft paws fall off, and nothing will stop a determined cat (mine recently was repeatedly jumping on a wet plastic mat (spikey side up) over and over to swat and bite at a plant that not only had thorns on it, but which was covered in castille soap and bitter apple! )

So, given all that, here is more or less what Id' tell your mother in your position (preferably sharing a meal out at a restaurant she likes a little more than you ). 

"mom, I really appreciate your willingness to let me live with you during law school, it'll make a huge difference in my life. i especially appreciate that you are willing to consider letting my cats come with me, because you know how much I love them. it means a lot, especially since you aren't a cat person, and, your worries about your furnature (which i know is important to you) are real, valid, and something we need to work out a solution to, especially since it was such a source of conflict between us last time.

We'll work out a plan to prevent any damage, and part of that plan is that, with them being my cats, I'm responsible for any damage they do, and I'm willing to sign something that says that I'll give 10% (or whatever reasonable #s you feel you can afford) of my post law school salary to pay for any of that damage until that debt is paid.   The one thing I cant' do is declaw my cats. I know that you don't think it is a big deal, and I'm not asking you to change your opinion, just to accept that I couldn't live with myself if I did that."

then talk about your plans to minimize damage, and, I believe that your mother will probably respond well. Also,  as long as you stick to your agreed on plan and try to minimize damage, the odds of your mother actually making you pay are probably quite low (especially since in 4 years she's probably going to want a new color scheme ), because push comes to shove your mother clearly loves you (she wouldn't let you have your cats at all if not, trust me on this), and wants you to succeed, but if she does, then she does, and you'll be a successfull attourney and able to pay her back anyhow.

TLDR: You're both responsible adults, approach her one adult to another, respect her concerns and position, give reasonable assurances that she won't be left holding the cat pee soaked bag, and she'll probably drop the declawing requirement (she doesn't actually want your cats declawed, it is just the only way she knows of to reduce the clawing and financial loss associated with it, present a better way, and she'll probably give on that)

Ps, shwo pictures of your cats in cerulean blue collars with white tags of somesuch... (who says that your cats can't match the furnature, at least a little )

I have a little suggestion that I think might help. Recently I was in a conversation with another cat owner about trimming cat's claws as opposed to declawing. I had mentioned that mine won't allow me to trim and that he gets snippy, will try to bite, and scratches me up as he's trying to get away. She gave a tip that helped her which I actually tried myself just today and it helped A LOT. I know it sure eased the burden for my 5 month old kitten, and though your cats are older I still think it could help visually and mentally prepare Bean Dip and Meatloaf for a trimming. 

All you have to do is have your clippers handy, and some dry pasta noodles. When Bean Dip is half asleep have the clippers and pasta ready and slowly begin clipping the pasta in front of him. This is a very stress free way for your cat(s) to be around the clippers, and its easy as anything. You can also spend a good bit of time doing it. It really helped me and Kaleb this morning! It takes time , as I'm sure it will but you seem like a very patient person with your two so I believe you can do it. Good Luck!