Giving Away A Cat

jazzyp · Jan 30, 2017

ImTheBae said:
And this is not aimed at anyone specifically. And I hope no one gets offended or anything. I am a very sensitive person who would rather avoid conflict. So I'd like to just say that so I do not upset anyone in anyway. And I hope my tone isn't mean or rude in anyway. I just think what I'm about to say needs to be out there to be read by others commenting.

The problem is that he's been peeing and pooping on almost everything the dog touches. And we're under a lot of stress with moving and my mother becoming a single mother and having to support us single handedly after 15 years of being a family. Everything we've known has fallen apart these last few months. We were going to neuter him but right around that time my father left the picture. And my father and I were the animal people of our family and he'd usually deal, with these things. And I'm sorry that the cat wasn't our first priority after misfortune happened to our family. Unfortunately the physical and mental health of my younger siblings comes before the cat. And as for my mom, she had to take on all the responsibilities my father had, and neutering the cat was one we thought could be put off since there were bigger things to take care of. But things are starting to calm down and we will get him neutered and he will become a priority again, now that we are taken care of.

And for anyone who thinks that my father should help, he is completely out of the picture and cannot help us at all.

I am very saddened that I actually have to explain this. And that my life needs to be revealed to people I do not personally know in order to get considerate, non-critical responses for my questions. I came here seeking help and that's all I need. I do not need people who do not know me or my situation personally to critic me and my family. I simply needed answers on how to deal with this. If anyone has anything other than help to offer, I would appreciate you not commenting.

First of all, please let me give you an internet kitty hug. I am sorry this has happened to you.

Second, understand, if you will, that this is a forum for and about cats, and people get upset when they hear of a cat at risk of losing its home. It's not personally directed at you, or at anyone else who posts. It is hard to read the tone of a person's feelings via an internet post, and your initial comments sounded (at least to me) as if you were simply tired of caring for the cat. Clearly, this is not the case, and I, for one, ask your forgiveness for making such an assumption, and for any hurt my comments may have caused.

I'm glad you are going to be able to take care of Chip, and I hope things will soon be better for you and your family.

Primula · Jan 30, 2017

ImTheBae said:
I am very saddened that I actually have to explain this. And that my life needs to be revealed to people I do not personally know in order to get considerate, non-critical responses for my questions. I came here seeking help and that's all I need. I do not need people who do not know me or my situation personally to critic me and my family. I simply needed answers on how to deal with this. If anyone has anything other than help to offer, I would appreciate you not commenting.

This is what you asked for in your very first post. Anyways, please give me your honest unbiased opinion. That's what you asked for and, for good or bad, that's what you got.

Nobody asked you to reveal family or life details. That was your choice. Everyone has their own bag of rocks to carry. I'm sorry for your problems, but it's not your cat's fault.

Primula · Jan 30, 2017

Solomonar said:
The other side of the coin: the thread's author searches for help in this forum. She wants to make informed decision.

Her cat already transformed her: helped her to became adult.

I'm sorry, but are we reading the same thread?

surya · Jan 30, 2017

You asked for our honest unbiased opinion.

I think you knew that you sounded selfish, because you wrote that: "Anyways, I don't have the patience to deal with him. I know that sounds selfish but I am really busy,"

And you said you: "didn't have patience or time to actually deal with him." And: " I just can't deal with him anymore."

So your concern for what was best for the cat was not to evident. It did not sound like you were trying to get the cat to the vet. It sounded like you wanted people to say, yes, go ahead and get rid of it. Sometimes the truth hurts. I am glad you are going to take care of the kitty. I do believe you would regret it if you dropped him off at a shelter to be killed. We don't know you so we can only respond to your question based on it's tone. I did not sugar coat my response, but it was my honest unbiased opinion, which is what you asked for.

jazzyp · Jan 30, 2017

It looks like they are going to keep Chip and get him neutered.

Let's remember, this is a 17-year-old girl. Yes, her first post sounded selfish, but it also looks to me like she is trying. If she really is going to keep the cat and do right by him, I don't see how piling on further criticism is going to help.

I, for one, will be furious if they give this cat away. But I will be equally furious this if girl gets beat up on here even after changing her plan to rehome him.

jazzyp · Jan 30, 2017

Primula said:
I'm sorry, but are we reading the same thread?

I didn't get that one, either.

silverpersian · Jan 30, 2017

It sounds like the two cats are bonded, so if there is an option of keeping Chip, it would be better for both of them.

You are very mature for your age. Given the difficult circumstances you and your family are facing, I admire you for taking the extra step of whether or not your cats would be distressed by separation. Many people would get rid of a problematic cat even under normal circumstances. You did not, and are taking the trouble to seek advice on a forum.

I can imagine that dealing with cat urine on top of everything else is very frustrating. Kudos to you and your family for bearing with it and being so devoted to your pets. I hope that neutering Chip will solve the problem and make your decision easier.

I wish you and your family the best of luck in adapting to the new circumstances. Your mother is fortunate to have a mature and caring child at her side during this difficult time. I am over twice your age and can confidently tell you that one day you will look back and take pride in having helped your mother and siblings through this time.

Good luck with everything!

Norachan · Jan 30, 2017

JazzyP said:
First of all, please let me give you an internet kitty hug. I am sorry this has happened to you.

Second, understand, if you will, that this is a forum for and about cats, and people get upset when they hear of a cat at risk of losing its home. It's not personally directed at you, or at anyone else who posts. It is hard to read the tone of a person's feelings via an internet post, and your initial comments sounded (at least to me) as if you were simply tired of caring for the cat. Clearly, this is not the case, and I, for one, ask your forgiveness for making such an assumption, and for any hurt my comments may have caused.

I'm glad you are going to be able to take care of Chip, and I hope things will soon be better for you and your family.

I'm sorry to hear you've all been going through such a rough patch. Hugs from me too.

I'm glad you can get Chip seen by a vet. A neuter will help calm him down a lot. Make sure you mention the peeing outside of the box so the vet will check for UTI's as well.

Cat's are very sensitive, I'm sure the turmoil in your home will have upset Chip as much as it upset everyone else in the family. This probably exacerbated the problem. He really sounds as if he loves Bagheera, I'm glad to hear they won't be split up.

greypaws · Jan 30, 2017

ImTheBae said:
Yes I will be calling today or tomorrow to set an appointment.

That is such good news that things are settling down and you'll be able to keep the little fellow. I'm sure all the stress of these recent months wasn't good for anyone, animals and humans alike.

Were you able to find a low or no cost clinic to do his neuter? If not, please let us know the nearest big city that you are at and we'll do our best to help find someplace nearby. If you'd like, feel free to PM me and I'll look for you. So many US counties have this service and some even do basic shots at a reduced rate too. In any case, best wishes to your family.

sarah c · Jan 30, 2017

Wishing you the best of luck with your family and cats and hope this at least it makes the rest of you even closer. Let us know how chip does after his surgery. Your siblings and Mom are lucky to have such a thoughtful big sis.

lea98 · Jan 31, 2017

ImTheBae said:
And this is not aimed at anyone specifically. And I hope no one gets offended or anything. I am a very sensitive person who would rather avoid conflict. So I'd like to just say that so I do not upset anyone in anyway. And I hope my tone isn't mean or rude in anyway. I just think what I'm about to say needs to be out there to be read by others commenting.

The problem is that he's been peeing and pooping on almost everything the dog touches. And we're under a lot of stress with moving and my mother becoming a single mother and having to support us single handedly after 15 years of being a family. Everything we've known has fallen apart these last few months. We were going to neuter him but right around that time my father left the picture. And my father and I were the animal people of our family and he'd usually deal, with these things. And I'm sorry that the cat wasn't our first priority after misfortune happened to our family. Unfortunately the physical and mental health of my younger siblings comes before the cat. And as for my mom, she had to take on all the responsibilities my father had, and neutering the cat was one we thought could be put off since there were bigger things to take care of. But things are starting to calm down and we will get him neutered and he will become a priority again, now that we are taken care of.
And for anyone who thinks that my father should help, he is completely out of the picture and cannot help us at all.

I am very saddened that I actually have to explain this. And that my life needs to be revealed to people I do not personally know in order to get considerate, non-critical responses for my questions. I came here seeking help and that's all I need. I do not need people who do not know me or my situation personally to critic me and my family. I simply needed answers on how to deal with this. If anyone has anything other than help to offer, I would appreciate you not commenting.

You don't need to explain anything to anyone. This is your right of privacy. You did ask for an unbiased opinion but nonetheless it should be first nature to be considerate of a sensitive situation. You are doing everything you can so there is nothing else to say. Chip is lucky to have an owner who considers all opinions before action. That's very wise of you to get a second opinion and brave to open your life up to strangers. Criticism is how you improve. Good luck.

imthebae · Jan 31, 2017

We actually got Chip from a cat rescue who has a vet that they have things go through so we'll be setting it through them. I have no idea how much it'll cost I have to discuss that with my mom. If it turns out to be too much I'll be sure to ask you all for references and help.

My mom has a question though, she wants to make sure he doesn't have UTI before he gets neutered so she was wondering if we mention it to the vet as we're setting an appointment for the surgery or if we should make two separate appointments, one to see if he has a UTI and another for his surgery. Or would the vet look him over before the surgery anyways to make sure he's ready and suitable for it?

arouetta · Jan 31, 2017

I am going to get jumped on for what I have to say.

Life never, ever stays the same. Jobs are gained and then lost. People come together and split apart. You have disposable income and then a chronic illness takes all that and the rent money too.

If a parent gets divorced, the support check never comes, the minimum wage job is leaving the kids hungry, there's no options for either increasing income or decreasing expenses, everyone pats the parent on the back for thinking of what's best for the children when they are sent to relatives indefinitely that have the money to feed them. Of course the parent would love to keep her family together, but it's a choice of doing so and starving the ones counting on her or doing what's right for them and saying her goodbyes.

But that same parent, with no money for vet bills, with no money to replace what a stressed pet destroys, sends the pet to someone who can afford a raw diet and a taj mahal cat tree, people jump all over the person for not giving a "forever" home, for not just making the money mystically appear. It doesn't matter if the pet will be far better off by leaving the horrible situation, it doesn't matter if the parent is doing what is ultimately best for the animal, no one cares about anything than some "well life shouldn't change that much, you're just doing something wrong for having life changed and you're bad, bad, bad and I refuse to acknowledge it might be best for the pet because I believe in forever, darn the cost."

It's a stupid double-standard and people ought to be ashamed for making a 17 year old child whose life has just been ripped apart feel horrible for trying to do what's best for everyone - herself, the siblings whose stuff is getting ruined, the cat whose stressed beyond belief and should be in a stress-free home.

Sometimes the right thing is getting the animal out of a bad situation where its financial needs aren't being met. Sometimes that's the real love.

And sorry, just like you would turn your own child in if your child is hurting another one of your children, sometimes it really is a choice between your child and your pet.

And every single one of us could end up in a situation where the best thing for the pet is to give it up. If you lose your job, if you get cancer and drain your savings, well when you are living in your car and have to scrounge for food money, the place for your cat is not in your car, eating only when you can afford a bag of food. We can all end up in that situation. Not a single one of us is not vulnerable.

People here really ought to be ashamed for what they did to ImTheBae. She's going through a lot, she lost part of her family, her dad. Yeah, divorce, but he's still not there every day for her. Her mother is working but money is tight. The siblings' stuff is being targeted by a cat who is so stressed that he's going through litterbox avoidance. And ImTheBae has to stress out the cat even more by adhering to a legal visitation schedule. The mother can't tell the judge "Oh sorry, when ImTheBae sees her father, the cat stresses so I'm going to refuse to allow visitation for the good of the cat." Nope, not going to fly.

If you love something, sometimes you gotta set it free. And sometimes you really do have to make a choice.

I figure I'll get a temporary or permanent ban by calling everyone out on their attitude. So it was nice being here while it lasted.

Norachan · Feb 1, 2017

ImTheBae said:
We actually got Chip from a cat rescue who has a vet that they have things go through so we'll be setting it through them. I have no idea how much it'll cost I have to discuss that with my mom. If it turns out to be too much I'll be sure to ask you all for references and help.

My mom has a question though, she wants to make sure he doesn't have UTI before he gets neutered so she was wondering if we mention it to the vet as we're setting an appointment for the surgery or if we should make two separate appointments, one to see if he has a UTI and another for his surgery. Or would the vet look him over before the surgery anyways to make sure he's ready and suitable for it?

It would be best to get him checked before you go ahead with the surgery. When you make the appointment tell the vet you want to have him neutered but checked for a UTI first. If he is healthy the vet can go ahead with the snip. If not, your vet will probably prescribe some antibiotics for a bacterial UTI or suggest diet changes for a non-bacterial infection.

UTI'S can be caused by stress as well. Your vet will know the best way to deal with any health problem Chip has.

Just give your vet as much background information as you can so that he can make a diagnoses. He will check Chip over for any obvious health problems (a cold, eye infections, injuries etc) but he won't check for internal problems such as a UTI unless you mention it.

Good luck, I hope everything goes well.

jazzyp · Feb 1, 2017

ImTheBae said:
We actually got Chip from a cat rescue who has a vet that they have things go through so we'll be setting it through them. I have no idea how much it'll cost I have to discuss that with my mom. If it turns out to be too much I'll be sure to ask you all for references and help.

My mom has a question though, she wants to make sure he doesn't have UTI before he gets neutered so she was wondering if we mention it to the vet as we're setting an appointment for the surgery or if we should make two separate appointments, one to see if he has a UTI and another for his surgery. Or would the vet look him over before the surgery anyways to make sure he's ready and suitable for it?

They should check for UTI first, and if he has one, they will want to treat it first. Also, since Chip is an elderly cat, they may also want to do a blood panel to make sure he doesn't have any underlying health issues that could make surgery risky. Neutering is a pretty simple procedure, a lot less invasive than a spay, for example. Some rescues will help out with later vet bills, you might want to ask them. At the least, they may be able to refer you to a vet with whom they work, who might be willing to give you a discount. Many humane societies offer low-cost spay/neuter programs, and you will want to look into those, as well.

Yes, by all means, please let us know what you find out. There are a lot of people here ready to offer information, experience, and encouragement.

jazzyp · Feb 1, 2017

arouetta said:
I am going to get jumped on for what I have to say.

Life never, ever stays the same. Jobs are gained and then lost. People come together and split apart. You have disposable income and then a chronic illness takes all that and the rent money too.

If a parent gets divorced, the support check never comes, the minimum wage job is leaving the kids hungry, there's no options for either increasing income or decreasing expenses, everyone pats the parent on the back for thinking of what's best for the children when they are sent to relatives indefinitely that have the money to feed them. Of course the parent would love to keep her family together, but it's a choice of doing so and starving the ones counting on her or doing what's right for them and saying her goodbyes.

But that same parent, with no money for vet bills, with no money to replace what a stressed pet destroys, sends the pet to someone who can afford a raw diet and a taj mahal cat tree, people jump all over the person for not giving a "forever" home, for not just making the money mystically appear. It doesn't matter if the pet will be far better off by leaving the horrible situation, it doesn't matter if the parent is doing what is ultimately best for the animal, no one cares about anything than some "well life shouldn't change that much, you're just doing something wrong for having life changed and you're bad, bad, bad and I refuse to acknowledge it might be best for the pet because I believe in forever, darn the cost."

It's a stupid double-standard and people ought to be ashamed for making a 17 year old child whose life has just been ripped apart feel horrible for trying to do what's best for everyone - herself, the siblings whose stuff is getting ruined, the cat whose stressed beyond belief and should be in a stress-free home.

Sometimes the right thing is getting the animal out of a bad situation where its financial needs aren't being met. Sometimes that's the real love.

And sorry, just like you would turn your own child in if your child is hurting another one of your children, sometimes it really is a choice between your child and your pet.

And every single one of us could end up in a situation where the best thing for the pet is to give it up. If you lose your job, if you get cancer and drain your savings, well when you are living in your car and have to scrounge for food money, the place for your cat is not in your car, eating only when you can afford a bag of food. We can all end up in that situation. Not a single one of us is not vulnerable.

People here really ought to be ashamed for what they did to ImTheBae. She's going through a lot, she lost part of her family, her dad. Yeah, divorce, but he's still not there every day for her. Her mother is working but money is tight. The siblings' stuff is being targeted by a cat who is so stressed that he's going through litterbox avoidance. And ImTheBae has to stress out the cat even more by adhering to a legal visitation schedule. The mother can't tell the judge "Oh sorry, when ImTheBae sees her father, the cat stresses so I'm going to refuse to allow visitation for the good of the cat." Nope, not going to fly.

If you love something, sometimes you gotta set it free. And sometimes you really do have to make a choice.

I figure I'll get a temporary or permanent ban by calling everyone out on their attitude. So it was nice being here while it lasted.

I am not going to jump on you, but I have to confess: it won't be easy. I'll not attack you personally, but there are some serious issues with some of the things you have said.

There is really no comparison between a parent sending children to stay with relatives, and a pet owner sending a cat in its teens to a shelter, and to suggest that every surrendered cat ends up with a raw diet and luxurious cat tree is simply absurd. Most do not, and certainly not most elderly cats who were given up for health issues and house soiling. Some cats get lucky and find great new homes, but acknowledging that many do not is simply facing reality.

I don't think there is anyone here who would say it is *never* appropriate to rehome a cat. What we are saying is that it should be a last resort, after all other options have been exhausted. Clearly that hasn't happened yet, and I'm impressed by ImTheBae's willingness to explore those options.

Please do not lecture about how vulnerable we all are to changing circumstances. I know all about them, believe me. I have lost jobs. I have been broke. I have never lived in my car, which is a blessing, because at the time it looked like a possibility I didn't have a car, but I have lived in a single room with a crazy roommate/landlord, and in a cold-water cabin in a back yard in Anchorage, Alaska, where I had to go to the main house to take a shower unless I wanted to bathe in ice cubes. Somehow, I have always managed to keep my cats, and keep them healthy and fed, knowing that things would get better, and believing that my home, poor as it may have been, was better than no home at all. I realize that I am fortunate in that, and that there are always people who truly have nothing, but I don't know that is the case here.

On to attitude. I know some people were harsh with the OP, and a lot of that was based on the initial perception that her main reason for wanting to rehome Chip was simple convenience. She has made it clear that that is not the case, and I've noticed that the attitude of this group has softened considerably upon seeing that. Some have even apologized for any pain their words may have caused, myself being one of them. Many of us have offered advice and encouragement, and I would be willing to bet, if push comes to shove, someone on here will come forward with a little financial assistance for the surgery, as well.

I personally have no desire to see you banned from here, but I do wish that you would take another look at this conversation and how it has evolved before passing judgment on an entire community.

di and bob · Feb 1, 2017

I truly believe Chip's behavior stems from stress and not being neutered. I had a cat that peed everywhere for a year after a move, he did stop and hasn't done that for 6 years now. There are inexpensive 'calming' treats on Amazon that may reduce the stress you might try them. There is hope! I wish you well, and will pray for you all!

jazzyp · Feb 1, 2017

Di and Bob said:
I truly believe Chip's behavior stems from stress and not being neutered. I had a cat that peed everywhere for a year after a move, he did stop and hasn't done that for 6 years now. There are inexpensive 'calming' treats on Amazon that may reduce the stress you might try them. There is hope! I wish you well, and will pray for you all!

I would try Feliway. It may be cheaper on Chewy, most things are, often by a lot. I'm probably going to be getting this myself, to help comfort a nervous cat. It's recommended for calming cats, helping to defuse conflicts, and as a remedy for spraying and house soiling, once all medical reasons have been addressed.

sarah c · Feb 1, 2017

There's some controversy about how effective feliway is. This article summarizes some of the studies done on it:

http://catsandsquirrels.com/feliway/

Personally if find it a little expensive, the holder and 2 diffusers cost me about $120.00

talkingpeanut · Feb 1, 2017

JazzyP said:
They should check for UTI first, and if he has one, they will want to treat it first. Also, since Chip is an elderly cat, they may also want to do a blood panel to make sure he doesn't have any underlying health issues that could make surgery risky. Neutering is a pretty simple procedure, a lot less invasive than a spay, for example. Some rescues will help out with later vet bills, you might want to ask them. At the least, they may be able to refer you to a vet with whom they work, who might be willing to give you a discount. Many humane societies offer low-cost spay/neuter programs, and you will want to look into those, as well.

Yes, by all means, please let us know what you find out. There are a lot of people here ready to offer information, experience, and encouragement.

I believe @ImTheBae referred to Chip as a teenager. I took that as a teenager in cat years, so 2-3? Maybe I'm wrong!

Giving Away A Cat

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