Please help me decide

Where do I start? My beautiful, beloved, treasured 17-year-old Siamese, Milo, who has been with me through young adulthood to middle age, has started on a downward trajectory. 

To me he is the most beautiful cat with the sweetest, gentlest disposition. 

His health condition is that he has stage 2 kidney disease and I have been giving him fluids twice a day. He also has a large liver tumor that was believed to be benign. Then we noticed blood in the litter box, then he was straining to pee. After numerous vet visits, it seemed like the cause was kidney stones that were clearing. 

Just in the past two days he has been straining a great deal but not passing urine. We thought it was stones again but the ultrasound showed that the tumor has spread to his bladder, giving him the urge to pee all of the time--but nothing comes out. He has also stopped drinking but I still give him sub-Q fluids.

The vet said he has less than two weeks and that we should help him cross. The concern is he could take a sudden turn for the worse and die a painful death (let's say the tumor started bleeding internally). But where I am struggling is that he is still walking, still responsive, still purrs, enjoys being petted, and looks pretty good!

He's on pain meds now and isn't even straining to pee--BUT he also hasn't been drinking. 

I don't know what to do. He is my little baby. I feel so horrible and so guilty taking any of his time from him. He still looks happy, although maybe a little uncomfortable at times. He doesn't seem to be in a great deal of pain, just pain from arthritis and pressure from the tumors.

His vet has been great in the past so I do trust her but at the same time, what if he could pull through? Or what if he could have 3 more months? It's painful for me to deal with having to wait and wonder that long, but at the same time I would love to have more time. The whole process is very painful for me either way.

What do you think? How can I make the decision?

It is horrible to think we have a decision like this to make. and from experience I can tell you that no matter what you decide there will be guilt and sorrow no matter which way you go. It is called the grieving process. I am going through pretty much the same thing. My 16 year old is losing weight and sleeping most of the day, he has an enlarged heart, is on Lasix to keep the fluid out of his lungs, but has almost stopped eating and drinking, so I have stopped giving it except for every other day now.

 Somehow you have to find the strength to decide what to do, your little one depends on you. I myself would wait until I know for sure there is suffering, then would get the vet to come to my house.If you have to make a trip to the vet, ask for a calming aide, maybe a subcutaneous injection to calm his nerves, it would make the trip less stressfull.  No matter what, the suffering cannot last longer than necessary. You have to know in your heart that at that age, and what an experienced vet is telling you, this will not get better. There may be a little more time, but it is finite and the end is near, as it is with all living things. Try to concentrate on the 17 years you had together, that is a wonderfully long time to share the love of a lifetime. His soul is bonded with yours, use it to send your love and comfort. All he ever wanted was a home and a love. you gave him that. The end of life is never easy, it is so much harder on the one left behind. You are the one that will feel the loss and go through the pain, your sweet Milo will shed his earthly body, but the 'essence' of that precious boy, his very soul, will always be near by. He will take that split in the road that he shared with you for so many years, but his new path will always parallel yours until it crosses again. Be grateful now for every second you share, he loves you above all else and does not want you to be so sad, he loves you too much for that. Give him a kiss for me, and please let us know how both are doing.

May God bless you both and help you both get through this. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. . 

Di and Bob, I wish I could write more to you now, but I have cried so many tears. I am an emotional wreck. I just cannot take this. I'm in a great deal of pain to see my baby go through this. Thank you so much for your message. I read your beautiful words and found them comforting. But I am suffering so. He has not peed or drank in 2 days, yet he still seems very peaceful and happy. I know that he will take a turn for the worse if he can't pee soon. I feel I cannot leave my little baby. He has been with me almost half of my life.

I also feel terribly guilty that in 2 weeks we have an international trip. We won't be here for our darling even if by some miracle he could make it two weeks. I had no idea he would go downhill so quickly.

My heart is breaking...

I am so sorry....... I'll pray that he goes peacefully in his sleep, at home, with the ones he loves so much nearby....... Don't feel guilty for feeling happiness after he does pass, it is so common to do so, just remember that he would want you to be happy as you would want him to be if you were the first to go. That poem that I whisper so often is a prayer to me now, it may help you too....."If love could have saved you, you would have lived for ever"....." If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I would walk right up to Heaven and bring you back again. Since you'll never be forgotten. I pledge to you today, a hallowed place within my heart is where you'll always stay."  ...........

Thank you for the lovely poem. It brought tears to my eyes. He is still with us but these are his last hours. Because he is on pain medicine he looks very comfortable and is resting here with us. However, it's now been 3 days with no urination. I think he has bladder stones, not kidney stones. Even so, he has big tumors in liver and now bladder that won't go away even if the blockage was cleared. It has been difficult these past few weeks. So I think this has helped us make the decision to move forward and help him to the next phase. Thank you so much for the kind thoughts. I will try to repay the favor to someone else who needs it in the future.

My heart goes out to you and your family as you suffer in making that tough decision.  I lost my two babies this year, one to tumor and then more recently my sweet girl to crystals.

It's not easy making these choices even knowing they are suffering.  My eyes are tearing up for you as I remember my own journey with my kitties.

There is a comfort knowing they are no longer suffering, but honestly, I miss them more than ever.

Please know it was the members of TCS who supported me and guided me with kind words of inspiration through the darkness.  Without this site, I would have been at a total loss.

We are here for you as well.

Be strong, but do not deny yourself the right to grieve, when the time comes.

Please update when you are able.  

Warmest regards, Hope 

​Hi hun i can relate to you. 17 years is a long time to have a cat, my cat was 20. Had to put my cat to sleep about 3 weeks ago for a month she wasent good I was nursing her through a mini stroke. I can honestly say never had to make a decision before. My cat like yours was my baby and part of  my family she was so loving and loved being petted  we had a real bond. Losing rosie was my heart is broken I don't think il get over this I wanted rosie at the end of life I wanted her at home with us and peacefully go to sleep. My honest advise is if you know your cat is suffering do the kind thing. If she is eating drinking still wants to be petted purring I don't know maybe shes not as bad as u think? Its a really hard decision u know your cat the best? If u ever need to talk I'm here xx

I can certainly understand where you are at, and sorry that you are in such a painful position, this is always so very tough having to "play God", but I'm sure that you will look into your heart and between you and him will find the answer of what to do and when to do it. And there also is a chance that HE will make the decision for you, and if that is the case I hope that it is a painless and peaceful exit IF it is his time to go.

Many prayers to you and him, sorry that you are having to deal with this....God Bless......  

    I had to travel the same awful path this past Nov. 13. We had to PTS our beloved calico, Christy Ashley, who was my disabled daughter's companion cat and best friend. Even though I have yet to post about Christy in this forum, I have skulked through and gotten much comfort from the understanding posts here. I know that releasing Milo's pain will only begin yours but you are made of strong stuff and will have the courage to do the right thing - as the saying goes, "sometimes the truest act of love is letting go". You are all in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. ~ Susan

Hi folks, just felt I should write an update. We had to let go of our sweet angle Milo on Jan 4, 2017.

It is crazy to look at photos from only 6 months ago when he looked so much better. 
 

He had fully urinary blockage and did not eat, pee, or drink for 3 full days (we spent the entire last day kissing and cuddling and loving him).

That was not all, though; ultrasound showed that his liver tumor had invaded his bladder and nothing could be done.

I am so sad. After the initial shock wore off--I feel I cried a thousand tears--then came loneliness and sadness and a feeling like I'm in a bad dream.

My beautiful boy was so special to me. When I look at old photos I feel so happy but then so sad. I'm really grieving and it is so tough, but like the vet said his last day was still a comfortable one...knowing this gives me a bit of comfort. 

I am so sorry to hear this.. You were an excellent mom to your baby.. you loved him, cherished him, held on to him as long as you could before the inevitable happened.. 

please try to remember the laughable things Milo did... perhaps the tears will then turn to smiles.. 

Milo is not is pain anymore.. he is running free.. and playing...((hugs))

Thank you, Artiemom. This is tough. This is one of the toughest things I have ever dealt with. I am feeling lost.

Milosmamma said:

 
Hi folks, just felt I should write an update. We had to let go of our sweet angle Milo on Jan 4, 2017.

It is crazy to look at photos from only 6 months ago when he looked so much better. 
 

He had fully urinary blockage and did not eat, pee, or drink for 3 full days (we spent the entire last day kissing and cuddling and loving him).

That was not all, though; ultrasound showed that his liver tumor had invaded his bladder and nothing could be done.

I am so sad. After the initial shock wore off--I feel I cried a thousand tears--then came loneliness and sadness and a feeling like I'm in a bad dream.

My beautiful boy was so special to me. When I look at old photos I feel so happy but then so sad. I'm really grieving and it is so tough, but like the vet said his last day was still a comfortable one...knowing this gives me a bit of comfort. 

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Ouch! So sad for you!

But, at least Milo's suffering is over. Sad, but true.

Hope you feel better soon.

Let us know how you are.

I am so sorry that Milo moved on to his next journey. I am certain that your love for him eased his passing. 

I am truly sorry to hear about your sweet Milo's passing. I know the pain you are feeling, and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. I know the pain can be unbearable at times. I wish I had some magic words to comfort you. Just know that your precious Milo loved you just as much as you loved him. You gave him a warm, loving home and all your love. He will remain with you always (in his own special place in your heart). I hope that one day you can think of your Milo with more smiles than tears.
Please take care and be kind to yourself. It is what Milo would want for you, as he loved you so very much.
RIP Sweet Milo!
You are so very missed!
Please watch over your loved ones, as they miss you so much!

Remember the nice days you both enjoyed. That is a gift few people gets.

You know, the savage cats pass away most likely from kidney blockage, because of eating only meat. That can not be avoided, because one can not replace the meat in their diet.  Unlike some similar kidney condition in humans, for cats this death is painful, You have been with Milo all the way and help her passing in a comforting manner. 

My tears to you and a head bow to Milo!

I believe that it's best to say goodbye to our beloved pets before they hit rock bottom. I was 110% sure of this.

And this is the case, expecially if our pets suffer a chronic disease or are old and suffering from old-age, losing their faculties one after the other: sense of smell, sight, taste ...

 My beloved cat "Red" suffers chronic kidney failure and  lies now on his death bed on our bed here at home -- he's hit rock bottom, even too ill to carry into the patch of sun on the livingroom floor. Red always searched out the sun rays .... 

He hates driving in the car, and he hates the vet-hospital even more -- the vet's prices are also over the moon, Red's CKD diagnosis and treatment just about ruined my savings account, being retired does not leave much leeway for unforseen expenses. (today most pet owners have insured their pets and the prices seem to have sky rocketed. My previoius pets (cats and dogs) have had all the treatment they needed, but this is some years ago and the times have changed). I thought I would spare him the anguish og a half hour car ride and the animal hospital (and the thought of facing one more bill from the vet was daunting). And let him take his own time ...

That wasn't a good decision. At least I am wavering violently. Feeling guilty of having failed him now.

He's tough, he is only 9 years old so dying isn't on his agenda. He has refused food (even tempting him with fresh steamed cod, minced to make easy to swallow) and refused water the last 3 days He tried to eat a spoon full of tuna the day before yesterday, but immediately regurgitated, with some lamenting, a frothy yellowish vomit. He urinated yesterday in the litter box and defecated the day before.

He has been a healthy cat up until 7 months ago when he was diagnosed with CKD and I was told there was no cure. It seems cats can have CDK without symptoms until very late in the disease. He was in the very last of stage 3, with symptoms appearing suddenly within several days. There was special diet catfood and Red responded well to the diet food after treatment at the vet's. But within the last month his appetite has waned and he was less and less interrested in his diet feed and would rather eat his brother's  (feed for sterilized cats -- the feed I've used since Red and his brother Black reached adulthood).

It's always a good idea to talk the decision of euthanasia through with the vet, the family and with friends. But you will have to make the decision yourself. Just know that no two crossings are the same. My husband's cat died within hours (in and outdoor cat 15 years old). You have to be ready to stand by your decision, don't hammer yourself for what you decided. Afterwards or during ... What ever happens, my comfort is the belief in God -- a God that knows even when a sparrow falls to the ground. God surely knows Red and His hands are ready to recieve this perfect animal of His own incredible and wondrous creation.

The car ride and the hospital trauma were quickly over, compared to the agony we are facing: me and my husband, Black and mostly Red who can't tell us what he feels.

Dear Milosmamma, I hope you will let us know how you are doing.  It might be a little presumptuous of me to speak for a community I have only recently joined, but I feel pretty confident about saying that these people care about you.  I've been doing internet forums for a long time, and this is by far the most supportive group I have ever encountered.  

I am so sorry about Milo.  I know how much that hurts.  if you ever need to talk, you are welcome to send me a message, and I'm sure others here feel the same.

(((((())hugs)))))))))))

So very sorry about your buddy. The pain is terrible and the tears keep flowing. RIP Milo