Kid Question

I have posted this on other boards on child raising websites and gotten no responses and I thought if you all are as helpful with kids as you are with cats, I may get some new ideas.

My son, who will be 7 in April, is still having accidents in his pants. This has been an ongoing thing since he has been out of diapers. I didnt actually potty train my kids, I let them do it at their own pace with reinforcement and rewards. I have no problems with my youngest, who will be 5 in June, but I am at my wits end with my oldest. He will do very well for about 3 months then relapses into an accident or two--sometimes more each day. I have taken him to the doctor and they cant find anything physically wrong with him. They only suggest that I find a new reward/discipline system. After 4 years, Im a bit out of creative ideas. I have tried money, candy, small toys, stickers, a calendar to keep track of his going to the bathroom with rewards at the end of the week, saying things like "great job", "Im proud of you", "what a big boy you are"..for discipline I have sent to bed early, taken away privileges such as: gameboy, playstation, tv, staying inside for the day. I hate to punish him for accidents, I dont find it to be useful. Nothing seems to work, even if I change them from day to day. Ive tried talking to him about it and what the problem is and get "I dont know" and "nothing" in response. What am I doing wrong???Any new ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I remember when my stepmom was potty training my half brother she used this video tape, I don't remember what it was called, but something about poop. Lol, he loved it since that was his favorite word, and she also gave rewards as presents, all wrapped up and special, maybe also have him wash his own clothes when he has an accident? He might decided he doesn't want to do that, and maybe try harder? I don't know, just a suggestion!

I tried having him wash his own clothes, but then I got worried that he would get some sort of bacterial infection from it. Being a boy he forever has cuts and scrapes on his hands (and everywhere else too lol) I will look into this video though. I remember watching something like that with kids when I worked in a daycare center.

I wonder if there are any medical conditions that could cause this? Have you tried discussing this problem with your son's doctor?

Yes, and I was told there was nothing physically wrong with him and to find a new reward/discipline system for him

How did it work letting him wash his own clothes ? That what I would do . You always can over look what he is really doing and when he is done let him wash his hands with antibacterial soap (sp) . He will be ok . We mothers always worry to much , I know . But with boys it take longer some times .
A friend of mine had a son and did the same thing with 7 years of ages . He did not even mind washing his own clothes . She was on the end of the rope . But then he stoped at 8 years of ages all by himself . Go figure .

My younger sister was out of diapers fairly early, and everything went very well. But some time later (I think she was about 4 by then) she started having those accidents. There was nothing physically wrong with her, she usually was just to busy playing to come in and pee, or kept it to long and then ran to the bathroom, but to late.
I remember my mum trying all kinds of reward things, stickers, little presents etc...but nothing seemed to work for the long run, only for a while at the time. I´ll ask her tomorrow what finally worked, but I think it finally was just time and this stopped.

I hope you will find the magic trick! Good luck!

!

How did it work letting him wash his own clothes ?

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Washing his own clothes didnt phase him a bit, he actually liked doing it for whatever reason that may be. There isnt much that does bother him really which is why I have such a hard time with him lol. I know what you mean about worrying God knows I do it plenty. I am scared to death he will do it at school, especially since next year he will be in all day. I dont know, maybe that would shift him into gear. Ack...its so frustrating

First let me state my credentials, before you take my post in the wrong tone. I am a mom of 2, but I own my own daycare ( family daycare) and deal w/ potty training OFTEN. I am trained for this.

Please, please, please do not punish him in any way, shape or form for accidents. Its absolutely incorrect to do so, and if your pediatrician tells you that its ok, then I highly suggest you find yourself a new doctor.

Children up until the age of 9, yes I said 9, can have accidents and its normal. There may be nothing more to it other than not being 'physically' mature, meaning that his bladder/colon is not yet triggering his brain on a regular basis.

You need to seek out a specialist in behaviour as well, to be sure he isn't doing it subconscienciously just for attention. You may not even realize it, but he may be doing this just to get a rise.

PM me at any time for more suggestions. And please do not punish him. It really will not give you the results you want.

PM me at any time for more suggestions. And please do not punish him. It really will not give you the results you want.

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I will PM you. I have talked to everyone (including a few friends that are pediatricians and family doctors) about this and always get the same answer...take away a privilege for a day. Like I said before, I dont think it does any good, and it also seems wrong to me to do anything to him about it. Anyways, I will PM you, I'm open for any and all suggestions to solve this.

The number one cause in my opinion is pressure. If he's got any sort of pressure to stop doing it, he's going to have a harder time stopping. It is possible that he's just not ready yet. Some children take longer than others to 'grow out' of certain habits. I recommend not pushing him about it. By now he knows he shouldnt be doing it. Once the pressure is gone and he understands you are there for him to help him and he's ready he should stop. I wish you luck and let us know if there are any more problems.

I think Daniela hit on a good point that you haven't mentioned that you have looked into. It's very possible that there is something going on psychologically and this is manefesting itself in accidents. Does this happen in public or just at home? Has this happened when you aren't around, or only when you are there? (I'm not imply that it's something that you are doing, but perhaps it may point to the attention seeking that Daniela brought up.) Have you tried taking him to a councelor or psychiatrist?

He does this at home, at my mom's house, at his dad's house and sometimes while we are out shopping. I have had him in counselling when this first started but they could never link a cause. I would even leave the room so if he was having a problem with me or something I was doing, he could speak freely without the fear of hurting my feelings and he simply told the counsellor that he didn't know why he always has to use the potty. The counsellor that we were seeing said that he is just "acting out" and he would grow out of it. I have never talked down to him or discouraged him in any way. I would take away what he was doing at the time he had an accident and tell him that he needed to go try to use the bathroom. I have even stood outside the door (I'm not allowed inside) while he was going. Sometimes he will go and sometimes he will sit in there and play with the toilet paper and never go. Then later that day hes went again in his pants.

My ex sister in law suggested he could be jealous because of his brother being born, but would that carry out for 5 years?

I am sure I have made many mistakes in raising him but if he would just tell me what I have done or havent done that is causing him to do this I could fix it. I always stress to both of my boys if I dont know whats broke, I cant fix it and I always encourage them to speak up if they have a problem with anything. If I am not spending enough time with him, I can spend more that has never been an issue with me at all. The only time he isnt with me is when one of us is in school or he is at his dad's for the day (he refuses to stay the night). I'm not overly controlling with them. We have 5 rules that are unbendable: no physical fighting, no lying, no stealing, no name calling and no harassing the cats, the rest is usually negotiable. I want to help him somehow but I am at a total loss.

I too think that Dtolle is correct!! I also Have years of experiance potty trianing. ANd punishment never helps the situation only makes the child feel bad. I think that your best bet would be to take him to another Dr. Because Like some here said maybe that his Bladder/Colon aren't making the right conections just yet. Nad if so they have medications for that Both my SO and my Brother were on these meds for the same reason. They helped them out TREMENDOUSLY!!!! Also Stress can cause chhildren of all ages to not be able to control themselves. Has he done this since he first became potty trained? or is it something that started all the sudden?

I have been up all night trying to think of a cause. I cant think of anything that my little guy would be stressed about unless its alot of little things. I am going to make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow morning, there are 6 doctors in the office so we are going to try a new one and see what they say. This has been happening off and on since he was potty trained, but I cant find a breaking point between accidents while potty training and accidents after. I have a notebook that I keep track of all this and was looking at it last night too. Its very hard to distinguish between when I considered him potty trained, there is about a 6 month break and then its got a pretty distinct pattern after that, every two and a half months almost to the day.

Rest assured, I do NOT plan on punishing him for this ever again even if the doctor suggests I do.

Another question I would ask: does he have accidents at school? Are these accidents only involving peeing in his pants? I do think another trip to a different doctor is in order, as well.

My sons 6 and he went through the same thing, we used goodnight pants on him and just kept asking him gotta go potty alot until it clicked in his brain he has to go, sometimes the blatter and the brain nerves don't work correctly and trigger at wrong times, like Jade would be playing outside and he would have a accident then think he has to go potty. it's a chemical problem in the brain when they hit a certain age. but the good night pants are great not to expensive and there thin like underware but still protect the clothes really well. also have u had the "we go potty cus" talk. My sisters son was doing cus he thought he'd get attention and me and her tag teamed him on why a human goes potty (talk about getting the ewwy stuff out of ur body) and he seemed to really take a interest in getting the ewwy stuff out and into a toilet...but each kid is diffrent just my personal experinces good luck with it tho..

According to some research I read, one suggestion is to make him go on a schedule, every 2 hours i.e., so his body and brain get their signals together.

Another question I would ask: does he have accidents at school? Are these accidents only involving peeing in his pants? I do think another trip to a different doctor is in order, as well.

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He has never done this at school. He went thru 3 years of preschool and has started kindergarten this year. No, it is usually him pooping his pants. When he has wet his pants he doesnt even notice it. Its not alot either, just a small wet spot on his pants and a small bit of poop too both are relative in size to a baseball? However, he doesnt run to the bathroom and take care of it. He will go on as if there is nothing wrong at all until I see it or someone else does. I asked him this morning if he had went to poop in the potty and he said no he didnt need to and I told him to try and see what happens and he did need to go afterall. He was surprised so I wonder if it is that he doesnt realize he needs to go until its too late but doesnt seem to be aware that its there.

we used goodnight pants on him and just kept asking him gotta go potty alot until it clicked in his brain he has to go

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I have used them and when I asked if he needed to go potty I was hit with "Nope mom I already went--these pants are cool they dont even leak" I just stood there looking at him with my mouth hanging open. I couldnt decide whether to laugh or cry about that one so we didnt use them anymore lol.

Abby:

I guess I am a bit confused. Is he peeing, pooping, or both? I found this article online, which seems to have some good suggestions.