Need some reassurance on a new kitty to our home :)

Hi everyone!

My girlfriend and I just got two new cats from a local shelter, one is a female kitten and the other is a two year old male. They have both recently been fixed, the male about two weeks ago and the female about 3 days now. We also have an older cat who's 7. he's lived with other cats and dogs in the past and generally hasn't has any problems with humans or other animals.  We have isolated the male in our bathroom and gave him his own litter box with fresh water and the same food he received from the shelter, same for our kitten but shes in our living room.

Our older male cat was by accident introduced to the kitten last night and he's been very curious of her and hasn't show any aggression except for lifting his paw slightly when he's hiding, it seems like hes just standing his ground. We saw him smelling her butt and following her around and generally he seems absolutely fine with her around and has tried to play with her a bit but he's too big for her.

This is where it gets odd, the new two year old male seems distressed a bit. At first he was giving little chirp meows and was rubbing his body against us . I could pet his head a little but if i went along his body his meows would turn aggressive, he bit me a little but nothing that im not used to. That behavior over time became increasingly aggressive and he started to his at me and just wanted to be left alone, i tried petting his nose a little but he just kept maintaining his low-level meow/growl. He accidentally got out yesterday night and the two males had the usual standoff with hissing and meowing, we decided to keep the separate for now and i put some of my t-shirts in their, i think im also going to get something for my older male to sleep on so this new male cat can get used to our smells. He sprayed also once but i think its because he was scared.

I gave the new cat some wet food and he was happy, I pet his head softly and talked to him in a calm voice.  He meow'd/growl'd but didn't get aggressive at all. My girlfriend is very worried that these two male cats wont get along, i believe that they'll be find but need alot more time to get used to eachothers smells and for this new cat to get used to how we smell also. If we keep feeding him some wet food and leave him space I think he'll be fine. Not to mention he was just neutered and I think he has still some of that sexual or territorial aggression  and needs time for those hormones to leave his body.

At the shelter the male cat was so cuddly and he wanted to be held and be touched, so since he was familiar with that place I believe eventually he'll be fine.

Any incite would be amazing, thanks for your time

@nades12 I'm so sorry it's taken so long for an reply.. and welcome to TCS!

The poor boy is in new territory and has also been to the vet for an operation, so I imagine he's really trying to feel his way.

It's going to be really important to do the whole introduction thing very carefully:  [article="32680"]How To Successfully Introduce Cats The Ultimate Guide​[/article]  

I find it's good to take a book into a room and sit with a new cat, (and if it doesn't feel too odd, read to him ).  He needs to feel comfortable with you.

I'm not totally sure what the set-up is.. which cat is where, but the article should be helpful, and others will hopefully be along with ideas as well.

nades12,

First off, thank you so much for saving these two cats. Wonderful!!

It takes a little while for the testosterone to leave his system so another 2 weeks or so and he should mellow more.

Given the new male cat was good at the shelter that tells me his is fundamentally a good cat. But he has gone through some changes so we have to progress slowly. I don't know what his history was but it is best to take it slowly. Try not to overstimulate him (that sometimes causes cats to bite). Never approach from above the cat, always from below. Approach confidently as well. It is best to let a cat approach you first before petting them. They'll rub on you then probably butt their head into you signifying that they want to be pet. Since at the rescue he could be pet this should happen fast. but cats like things on their terms. Go on his timetable. He'll come around.

Mani suggestions are terrific. You have to go through the introduction process. That guide is very helpful and we can help fill in any blanks. I don't see any reason why these cats will not get along but it does take time.

You have to build trust with the new male. Feeding is important as is play. When you pay after play give him treats or food. Sit with him, talk to him calmly and confidently. I believe cats can pick up on our energy. If we are anxious they will be, if we approach them with fear they will be fearful. But of course you have to be smart and not put yourself in danger.

He sprayed because he was marking his territory. His felt territorially insecure. "This is mine". He smells the other 7yr old male and feels insecure. That is why going through the introduction process and building his confidence is really important. Take it slowly. Feed behind closed doors, then after a while slightly open it up, scent swap, site swap, etc. Just sit with the new male and let him know you love him, care about him and will not hurt him. Warm chicken always works for me as well. 

And don't forget about your existing boy. He will feel unease about a new cat in his territory. So you have to maintian and continue to build his confidence. Play with him then food/treats, love him, pet him, pay him attention (especially where he can smell the new cat).

It is a process, don't rush it as it will just take that much longer. It is really important that you follow the introduction process. Do the scent swapping later in the process, not right away. The feeding by the door is the best start.

The goal is to associate the other cat(s) with something good like food and play. And you'll be able to tell by their body language how things are going. And it does go in waves and 2 steps forward then a step back. And you'll wonder if you are doing everything right and why it isn't working faster. But if done correctly it will work. And we'll be with you every step of the way. 

I hope this helps a little. Please let us know of any questions you may have as it is a bit complicated but it does work.

Thanks again for saving these cats and adding them to your family.