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foxxycat

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I don't know what to think when I see rude parents. Rude. That's it. instead of just saying no or redirecting hands etc they are cruel. and embarrassing the child in public. Like others, a swat is one thing but to be physical with a child doesn't teach them a damn thing. Only that violence is ok. that lashing out is ok. We want to be a role model for the kids, not make the same mistakes we all did but I guess they all have to learn just like I had to learn.
 

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This post is 158 away from the next prize.  A tee-shirt!  

I now leave the store I'm in when a kid starts crying and carrying on.  Just put down anything I have and go.  It's too annoying.  DD hears it and says 'Time to Go'.  Why do people take their kids out when their tired.  The whole family is in the store.  Why doesn't someone stay home with the whinny child?  The grocery store is not that exciting that everyone has to go.
 

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I don't know what to think when I see rude parents. Rude. That's it. instead of just saying no or redirecting hands etc they are cruel. and embarrassing the child in public. Like others, a swat is one thing but to be physical with a child doesn't teach them a damn thing. Only that violence is ok. that lashing out is ok. We want to be a role model for the kids, not make the same mistakes we all did but I guess they all have to learn just like I had to learn.
I figure when the parent is acting this way in public it must be hell at home. 
@Handsome Kitty, and yet, I'd trade all of this for another day with Sara or Lucky. I miss them both so much. But, I do feel like I'm finding myself a bit. I think part of what took so long was that I had to go back into caregiver mode so quickly after Lucky died. But here I am, finding myself again. This part of me was a bit suppressed, but there are other parts of me that have changed completely. And permanently, I think. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Just something to get used to. But I am very much looking forward to tomorrow



Funny, I decided to pop open a can of Spaghettios for my "brunch". Next thing I know, I have all four cats staring at me, expectantly, waiting for me to feed them. I realized it was the sound of that easy-open can that brought that on. I had to tell a very disappointed group of kitties that this was for mommy, not kitties! Oscar even jumped up to inspect it because he didn't believe me, before walking away all dejected.
I haven't had those in ages. Yes anything with a lid that goes pop brings my crew out to see what's in it for them.
 
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margd

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I have a question about child discipline.  How many people think that "rinsing your mouth with soap" is an appropriate punishment for a particularly egregious kind of backtalk by a kid?  You know, like telling Mom to do something anatomically impossible.  My mother sometimes pulled out the ivory soap and made us open wide.  It was a very rare punishment and highly effective. 

I once told some people about this as a kind of laughing anecdote and they all looked at me in horror.  "That's child abuse!" they cried.  
My gentle mother was actually the the least likely person to commit child abuse in the world so this took me by surprise.  It's not like she rammed it down my throat - it was just kind of in and out.  A bit of research revealed that experts also agreed it was child abuse so I didn't use this on my own children.  But I've always wondered.  Is this really child abuse?  What do you think?  
 
 
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foxxycat

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NO!

Good grief. abuse would have been punching you or leaving bruises. I never got the soap because mom let me swear. I remember telling a kid to do something anatomically impossible and thought I would get my butt blistered-my mother says-just don't sweat AT adults. and I don't want to hear it. and half the time she never paid attention to what anyone else was saying. I think my dad was more strict about words but he swears a blue streak now that he is over 70, its like he figures I am old now so blank off. Sometimes I want to hide and run when he gets going.

so no Margd I find it funny to hear similar stories. I had a friend who used hot sauce in her sons. well one of them is a smart butt and liked hot stuff so it didn't work for him, I think it was more of a dare-I can handle this-kind of thing.

and I agree with hell at home if you see basic disrespect going on.
 

margd

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NO!

Good grief. abuse would have been punching you or leaving bruises. I never got the soap because mom let me swear. I remember telling a kid to do something anatomically impossible and thought I would get my butt blistered-my mother says-just don't sweat AT adults. and I don't want to hear it. and half the time she never paid attention to what anyone else was saying. I think my dad was more strict about words but he swears a blue streak now that he is over 70, its like he figures I am old now so blank off. Sometimes I want to hide and run when he gets going.

so no Margd I find it funny to hear similar stories. I had a friend who used hot sauce in her sons. well one of them is a smart butt and liked hot stuff so it didn't work for him, I think it was more of a dare-I can handle this-kind of thing.

and I agree with hell at home if you see basic disrespect going on.
It's funny, though.  As a result of the soap treatment I have a hard time swearing in person, but no problem in writing.  An exception, once when I was in my 30s I was driving with my mother in the car and another driver cut me off.  Well, I did what any red-blooded American would do under the circumstances.  I insulted the other driver's parentage under my breath.  My mother had to have heard me but she didn't say a word.  All the way home I was really uncomfortable.  I guess deep in my subconscious, I was afraid she'd open her purse and out would pop the Ivory Soap. 
 

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Funny, I decided to pop open a can of Spaghettios for my "brunch". Next thing I know, I have all four cats staring at me, expectantly, waiting for me to feed them. I realized it was the sound of that easy-open can that brought that on. I had to tell a very disappointed group of kitties that this was for mommy, not kitties! Oscar even jumped up to inspect it because he didn't believe me, before walking away all dejected.
The same thing happened to me at lunch. I opened a can of Spam, which now has a pop-top lid instead of a key and tab. I hated those things. Anyhoo, as soon as Mingo heard the top pop, he came running, even leaving his own lunch. He didn't go away, either. He liked the smell of that ham. He was disappointed I didn't give him any.
 

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The same thing happened to me at lunch. I opened a can of Spam, which now has a pop-top lid instead of a key and tab. I hated those things. Anyhoo, as soon as Mingo heard the top pop, he came running, even leaving his own lunch. He didn't go away, either. He liked the smell of that ham. He was disappointed I didn't give him any.
Oh the key and tab. I do not miss those at all. So many times I had to use pliers to get the can open because the metal would tear. Then, the metal was SO sharp. I was forever cutting myself. Those were the worst. 


Lilith likes to check out everything I eat just in case it is something she wants a sample of. 
 

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Can't say that I got used to the taste of Spam. Too salty but I guess if in a pinch I would eat it. but can feel my arteries clogging up just thinking about it. Wonder if the house is going to be super hot. Looking forward to laying down on the couch tonight. Not sure why but I feel blah and want to be lazy. Maybe I will get lucky and a kitty will sleep on me.
 

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It seems to happen to me when I accidentally hit the control key instead of the shift key, but that's typing, not touchpad, so no, I don't know.  Have you tried control-Z to undo?

Margret
I had no clue about control-z.  Not one single clue.  I will remember it for next time, and you know me, there WILL be a next time!
 
I was having this problem too.  I asked my son who is pretty good with my 'odd' computer quirks.  Turns out I was sliding the heel of my hands on the touch pad while typing.  He showed me the button to turn it off and Eclipse sometimes turns it back on.  I have a mouse hooked up to my computer that I prefer over the touchpad.

I'm on Day 26!! of the Whole 30.  Yay.  Hopefully only 4 more days of listening to my know-it-all sister.  She asked me to do this diet with her and she is not doing it.  She didn't even read the book!  Oh I have so many diet books I know it all already.   She asked me questions and only listens to me to the point that she can chime in and lecture me about what I should be doing and how to do it and she has it so I must have it.  Her current subject is food sensitivities.  I tried to point out to her that she just quit smoking and she drank for years and I have never smoked and haven't had a drink since 1986 and gee wouldn't those contribute to her food sensitivities and how her body reacted.   Does she get the connection and that I don't have food sensitivities NO!  I get the longer lecture on how they could have contributed to them but I must still have them and I need to rotate my diet and blah blah blah.  Then there was the discussion about how I must have food sensitivities because I'm bloated at night and I said no I think it's the FOD-MAP foods which I have been reintroducing during the Whole 30.  Why does she think I'm so stupid.   I should just put the phone down and walk away.  And she wonders why people who thinks are her friends turn out not to be friends after all.  I've told her I'm doing the Whole30 and not the Kate's weird diet but it goes in one ear and out the other.  Aaaarrrrgh!    Sorry she called me twice today.  I am regretting telling her I am staying on this longer than 30 days - she's going to keep calling me to 'tell' me stuff.   I may need to change my number 
As soon as Rex is totally retired and Punk is 100% functional on all fronts, I'm probably going to hook my mouse up to him.  You'd laugh at me so hard!  I keep my cell phone right next to me, and at least 30 times I've grabbed the phone to move my cursor!

As for your sister, you may have to resort to my favorite...wait for a pause, say, "Thanks for the advice.  Someone is at the door, talk with you later!" and hang up the phone.
 
I have a question about child discipline.  How many people think that "rinsing your mouth with soap" is an appropriate punishment for a particularly egregious kind of backtalk by a kid?  You know, like telling Mom to do something anatomically impossible.  My mother sometimes pulled out the ivory soap and made us open wide.  It was a very rare punishment and highly effective. 

I once told some people about this as a kind of laughing anecdote and they all looked at me in horror.  "That's child abuse!" they cried.  
My gentle mother was actually the the least likely person to commit child abuse in the world so this took me by surprise.  It's not like she rammed it down my throat - it was just kind of in and out.  A bit of research revealed that experts also agreed it was child abuse so I didn't use this on my own children.  But I've always wondered.  Is this really child abuse?  What do you think?  
 
Some think so, but they usually reason with their children while the rest of us cringe as the kids run rough-shod over everyone.  My dad and mom spanked me.  They did not beat me.  They did not hit me in anger, ever,  They made sure I knew that whatever I had done was a spankable offense beforehand.  They held me afterwards and told me that I was a good girl, but sometimes even good girls do bad things, and I had to remember that doing a bad thing would hurt me.  I don't seem to be damaged, although I am polite and courteous. 
 

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I don't know what to think when I see rude parents. Rude. That's it. instead of just saying no or redirecting hands etc they are cruel. and embarrassing the child in public. Like others, a swat is one thing but to be physical with a child doesn't teach them a damn thing. Only that violence is ok. that lashing out is ok. We want to be a role model for the kids, not make the same mistakes we all did but I guess they all have to learn just like I had to learn.
When LS was a toddler she loved throwing tantrums. She didn't necessarily throw them to get her own way (she didn't get her own way nearly often enough for that be a factor), but more to get reactions from other bystanders. One of her favorite places to "throw down", as AWM and I called it,  was in the middle of the grocery store. When that happened, AWM would simply walk away. We knew she was fine, because she was still screaming. One time a fellow customer came up to AWM and asked, "Aren't you afraid someone will take her?" AWM looked at him right back and said, "You really think someone would?"
 
I have a question about child discipline.  How many people think that "rinsing your mouth with soap" is an appropriate punishment for a particularly egregious kind of backtalk by a kid?  You know, like telling Mom to do something anatomically impossible.  My mother sometimes pulled out the ivory soap and made us open wide.  It was a very rare punishment and highly effective. 

I once told some people about this as a kind of laughing anecdote and they all looked at me in horror.  "That's child abuse!" they cried.  
My gentle mother was actually the the least likely person to commit child abuse in the world so this took me by surprise.  It's not like she rammed it down my throat - it was just kind of in and out.  A bit of research revealed that experts also agreed it was child abuse so I didn't use this on my own children.  But I've always wondered.  Is this really child abuse?  What do you think?  
 
I can't speak from personal experience as my mouth was never washed out with soap--but I was never big into cursing either. Anyway, before I get distracted, I think your mother just took a conventional approach. Remember, the purpose of discipline is to correct  unwanted behavior in children, and it certainly looks like it worked!
 
NO!

Good grief. abuse would have been punching you or leaving bruises. I never got the soap because mom let me swear. I remember telling a kid to do something anatomically impossible and thought I would get my butt blistered-my mother says-just don't sweat AT adults. and I don't want to hear it. and half the time she never paid attention to what anyone else was saying. I think my dad was more strict about words but he swears a blue streak now that he is over 70, its like he figures I am old now so blank off. Sometimes I want to hide and run when he gets going.

so no Margd I find it funny to hear similar stories. I had a friend who used hot sauce in her sons. well one of them is a smart butt and liked hot stuff so it didn't work for him, I think it was more of a dare-I can handle this-kind of thing.

and I agree with hell at home if you see basic disrespect going on.
When we first moved in 1999, the first thing we did was get a puppy. The puppy was vicious. (We never  mistreated her.) She attacked all of us and over the course of the year that we had her we tried everything. We tried covering our arms with hot sauce (she loved it!!), we tried spritzing her with ammonia water (it ticked her off), and in a last ditch effort to try and get the dog to actually be part of the family AWM consulted a vet who told her to wrestle the dog (she was well over sixty pounds at that point--and it was all  muscle) down and look her in the eyes until she looked away. (Xena, the dog, was female.) When AWM told me what the vet told her to do I got the phone and was ready to dial for emergency services. I told her it was insane. She managed to win--barely. It was close. I'll never forget how scared I was. At least she was all right.
 
I don't know what to think when I see rude parents. Rude. That's it. instead of just saying no or redirecting hands etc they are cruel. and embarrassing the child in public. Like others, a swat is one thing but to be physical with a child doesn't teach them a damn thing. Only that violence is ok. that lashing out is ok. We want to be a role model for the kids, not make the same mistakes we all did but I guess they all have to learn just like I had to learn.
Yeah, I always feel sorry for children in situations like that.
 
It's funny, though.  As a result of the soap treatment I have a hard time swearing in person, but no problem in writing.  An exception, once when I was in my 30s I was driving with my mother in the car and another driver cut me off.  Well, I did what any red-blooded American would do under the circumstances.  I insulted the other driver's parentage under my breath.  My mother had to have heard me but she didn't say a word.  All the way home I was really uncomfortable.  I guess deep in my subconscious, I was afraid she'd open her purse and out would pop the Ivory Soap. 
 That's so funny! And understandable! I hope your mother understands how well she raised you! 

My lack of swearing had nothing to do with punishments meted out by AWM, but by the fact that I was a kid who purposefully went against trends in school and one of those trends was swearing. As a result I still--to this day--have trouble swearing. (I tended to come out with odd insults, such as calling one of my classmates a thick-skulled clay-nosed serf. My classmates didn't understand what I said, but most of my language was for an audience of one. 
)
 

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What is considered child abuse now was once just regular discipline. Spare the rod, spoil the child was generally accepted. But just what was considered using a rod? And what is it now? And which one worked better or maybe not at all? A swat on the behind, particularly one protected by a diaper, to have that child pay attention after talking got you nowhere will not injure that child's psyche. 

Some children will do what you tell them, others will not. Some punishments work for one but not another.
 

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very true Segelkatt. I think we all know that raising kids is not a one size fits all. All I can say is at least I learned how to tell kids off who were mean but I didnt until I was older because when I was younger-I always thought everyone will call my father and tell him what a bad girl I was-so I thought lots of bad thoughts. But never said it until probably 8th grade or later. 

I remember getting my butt spanked for making foot prints with babypowder. it had rained. there were puddles in the street. this was a back road and we played in it all the time. I decided to sprinkle babypowder on the hot top and dip my feet in the puddle. my neighbors kid was also with me. we both had a blast. then something happened. my father snapped. brought me inside and spanked me super hard. I never got over being scared of him. I think at the time he took his anger out on me because my mother was probably driving him insane. I was an innocent bystander. Or maybe he was looking for the baby powder, I dont remember. I was 6 or 7 at the time. but I never took anything out of the house again. so yeah maybe it worked to discipline me but I never got told why I was gettting spanked. Just that dont do this or that but I really didnt understand. I remember he got angry at my crying. I was crying because I was sad to make him angry and confused. It didnt belong to one particular person and the whole thing was insane. But you are right I survived. 
 

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I have a question about child discipline.  How many people think that "rinsing your mouth with soap" is an appropriate punishment for a particularly egregious kind of backtalk by a kid?  You know, like telling Mom to do something anatomically impossible.  My mother sometimes pulled out the ivory soap and made us open wide.  It was a very rare punishment and highly effective. 

I once told some people about this as a kind of laughing anecdote and they all looked at me in horror.  "That's child abuse!" they cried.  
My gentle mother was actually the the least likely person to commit child abuse in the world so this took me by surprise.  It's not like she rammed it down my throat - it was just kind of in and out.  A bit of research revealed that experts also agreed it was child abuse so I didn't use this on my own children.  But I've always wondered.  Is this really child abuse?  What do you think?  
 
Yes, that is considered child abuse now! I got my mouth rinsed with soap, only once because I talked back to my mother...
 

foxxycat

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Had a pleasant suprise when I came home-Jon was back a day earlier-he is sitting in this hot house-no fan no ac and he says-its not hot-now I must be spoiled. the air is around 82 in the sun but the humidity is gone-as soon as the sun goes behind the trees I will put the fan in the window to blow in fresh air but he is already fast asleep. I envy people who can sleep at the drop of a hat. listening to Don Henley End of the Innocence. Just love the piano work in the back ground. 

I think in these times we will see lots more misbehavin children who will grow up and not outgrow this behavior. When I watch Judge Judy I see this time and again when people sue because someone's child scratched their car or whatever. Most of the time I think these people make up this crap. Does it really happen?
 

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I have a question about child discipline.  How many people think that "rinsing your mouth with soap" is an appropriate punishment for a particularly egregious kind of backtalk by a kid?  You know, like telling Mom to do something anatomically impossible.  My mother sometimes pulled out the ivory soap and made us open wide.  It was a very rare punishment and highly effective. 

I once told some people about this as a kind of laughing anecdote and they all looked at me in horror.  "That's child abuse!" they cried.  
My gentle mother was actually the the least likely person to commit child abuse in the world so this took me by surprise.  It's not like she rammed it down my throat - it was just kind of in and out.  A bit of research revealed that experts also agreed it was child abuse so I didn't use this on my own children.  But I've always wondered.  Is this really child abuse?  What do you think?  
 
It depends on the soak. Most parents I know that have used this make their little foul mouth touch their tongue to a bar of soap. My ex SIL a complete animal was stopped dead in her tracks when she was going to squirt dish soap into her daughter's mouth.  Personally and from a non parent point of view I think it's more appropriate to have a talk about when certain words may not be used and why. Kids are so bright they get it.

Now I don't know hardly anyone that has bar soap around anymore and language and what is acceptable has been greatly relaxed.

The idea was for the bad word to leave a bad taste in your mouth. Association. Not to scar, gag or cause physical harm.
 

foxxycat

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very true Kittens mom. 

I just had to spray a ton of aphids off my false sunflower plants-they are bright red colored. i tried soapy water-didnt phase them. I got a new hose nozzle last night and put it on the highest setting and blasted them off. I hope the flowers still open. They are leaning over now. Darn bugs gross me out.
 

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@Kittensmom No, it wasn't. It was to clean your mouth of dirty words. It was about consequences.
 
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margd

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It depends on the soak. Most parents I know that have used this make their little foul mouth touch their tongue to a bar of soap. My ex SIL a complete animal was stopped dead in her tracks when she was going to squirt dish soap into her daughter's mouth.  Personally and from a non parent point of view I think it's more appropriate to have a talk about when certain words may not be used and why. Kids are so bright they get it.

Now I don't know hardly anyone that has bar soap around anymore and language and what is acceptable has been greatly relaxed.

The idea was for the bad word to leave a bad taste in your mouth. Association. Not to scar, gag or cause physical harm.
Good point!  Very few people use bar soap any more.  My mother actually told me that the lesson to be learned was both things that you and @DreamerRose said - cleaning out the dirty words while leaving a bad taste to remember the lesson.  It was pretty effective.
@Kittensmom No, it wasn't. It was to clean your mouth of dirty words. It was about consequences.
 
very true Segelkatt. I think we all know that raising kids is not a one size fits all. All I can say is at least I learned how to tell kids off who were mean but I didnt until I was older because when I was younger-I always thought everyone will call my father and tell him what a bad girl I was-so I thought lots of bad thoughts. But never said it until probably 8th grade or later. 

I remember getting my butt spanked for making foot prints with babypowder. it had rained. there were puddles in the street. this was a back road and we played in it all the time. I decided to sprinkle babypowder on the hot top and dip my feet in the puddle. my neighbors kid was also with me. we both had a blast. then something happened. my father snapped. brought me inside and spanked me super hard. I never got over being scared of him. I think at the time he took his anger out on me because my mother was probably driving him insane. I was an innocent bystander. Or maybe he was looking for the baby powder, I dont remember. I was 6 or 7 at the time. but I never took anything out of the house again. so yeah maybe it worked to discipline me but I never got told why I was gettting spanked. Just that dont do this or that but I really didnt understand. I remember he got angry at my crying. I was crying because I was sad to make him angry and confused. It didnt belong to one particular person and the whole thing was insane. But you are right I survived. 
Aw, this makes me so sad for the little @foxxycat    Yes, you survived and maybe were even stronger for it but you shouldn't have been treated like that.


The baby powder part of the story reminds me of the time my 2 year old brother discovered the jar of vaseline and somehow got it open.  He crawled up on the bench to my mother's mirrored vanity and proceeded to go to town on the mirror, creating wonderful patterns of goo.  I will never forget the look of happiness on his face and how startled he was when she walked in the room and shrieked in shock.  The look on her face was priceless as well.  I don't think he got much of a punishment, if any.  I do remember how we all got finger paints for Christmas later. 
 

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Just what are bad words? Curses? Obscenities? Is saying "damn" when something does not go right a curse? Usually I say "darn".  I NEVER use obscenities and hardly ever a cuss word and taught my children the same. They learned to substitute more innocent words and even now never use "bad"  language in front of me, what they do elsewhere I don't know. Favorite substitutes were "fudge" and "shoot" , one of my children would say "oh froglips" for "oh f**k" which always cracked me up. At least it made them aware of uncouth language being a sign of low class and who wants to be low class? When I hear young and not so young people lacing their language with a constant "f--ing this and f--ing that"  I just cringe. Is their vocabulary so small that they have no better words? Don't they know the word "very"? What bothers me the most is old people using bad language. Somehow it seems even worse when coming out of their mouths. 
 
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