Help - have to leave my boy for an extended period.

Hi all,

I have a five year old cat, the love of my life and we have an incredible bond. 

I have to go away for five months to work.  I have never spent more than two weeks away from him.  I also don't have much choice, for various reasons about going away.

I am torturing myself.  He went missing for two days and nights last year and although this sounds ridiculous, I thought my world was coming to an end. When the little bugger got home I was beyond relieved and he has not gone very far since, think he got a bit of a fright too.

I must mention, he is an outdoor cat, ie he spends most of the day lazing outside but spends a fair amount of time inside too with me.  Sleeps all day mostly and then all night :-)

The choices I have are:  someone to live in my home and leave him here to be in his familiar surroundings - he does not know the person however I believe she will take good care of him.  BUT - if he went missing, I could never forgive myself.  And what would happen if he started wandering around looking for me as I have effectively abandoned him?

Cattery - amazing one, I trust them, inside and outside space, but still, I am uprooting him from all he knows and putting him in a cattery for 5 months. I know then I come back to my cat.

I have major cat mommy guilt going on here.  Everyone has a different opinion.  All I know is this.  I could not bare if anything happened to him because I left him with someone he does not know to look after him.

Please can anyone who has been in any sort of similar situation give me advise - anyone who has left their cat for a period of time in either a cattery or at home.  Any cat experts out there.  I would value your help immensely.

Michele 

I personally don't believe that there is any guarantee that any cat will stay safe living outside. If I were you I would put my cat in a cattery. It seems like a much more secure choice.

That's not ridiculous at all. I would have been worried sick too if my cat got out and disappeared for awhile. Totally understandable.

That's a hard one. I can see how you've probably gotten a lot of different opinions. Cats seem to not like change...at least that's what I've always observed in the cats I've had. Although a lot of that probably depends on the personality of each cat....Some are probably ok at dealing with it...

I guess if it was me I would take into consideration if the person that would take care of him at your home had had cats of her own at any point...or even if she was just an animal lover in general.... We know the people at the cattery would be familiar with cats so that's a given.

Other cats would be around at the cattery, so I would take that into consideration also. If your cat was ok with having other animals around or not.

Is there any way to make the current outside situation at your house any safer...as far as your cat escaping the yard...I mean....does he wear a leash or is he cool about not taking off when you're out there with him. Or maybe your yard is fenced in?

When you were gone those two weeks before did someone stay at your house with your cat or did you use that cattery that you mentioned?

Thanks sooo much for coming back to me.

I live in South Africa, all cat's are outdoor cat's here mostly.  I live in a complex of houses. So not on a street - he wanders around the complex on occasion but has not gone out the main gate or to the road -   I leave the door ajar for him all day to go and come as he pleases.  He eats inside, dozes on the patio furniture and sleeps indoors mostly.  He is happy as Larry.  Seriously spoiled, loved and adored.

When he went missing last time he jumped a wall behind my house, went through an electric fence and got stuck up a tree with a a big dog in another garden.  I heard meow's in the morning when I went out and went into overdrive as I figured it was him - big rescue operation later, had the little fur ball home safely.

The truth is, I am worried SICK.

Friends mother is lovely, they have had cat's in the past but that is not to say my cat is going to be happy.  Will he think I have abandoned him and go on a trip again.

Is locking him up in a cage for 5 months going to depress him despite how nice it is - but at least after 5 months I will know my cat is safe!

To elaborate, the house is walled in with a garden - not on a main road but he can jump into other peoples gardens!

Also - when I went away I used the cattery before

Oh...that is a bit of a quandry.  Could your house sitter possibly come over for several visits beforehand, to get to know your cat?  That would give you some idea as to how they would rub along together.  And ease your mind, should you decide to leave him in her care.  Cats are, by and large, creatures of habit, and perhaps more importantly, territory.  They cleave to their territory and their routines.  If your cat is like most, he will be happiest in his own place, and if you can make the caregiver familiar to him before you leave, then he should be better than fine at home.

If not, then a cattery where he has been happy for a short period before might be the better option.

OH..if you should opt to leave him at home, be sure to alert the minder of vet's phone number, and what happened with the cat in the tree, and how you handled that, just to be on the safe side.

You're welcome. Not a problem at all....

Hmm...I would do the cattery again then.  I would feel a lot less worried if he was there. To many unknowns at your house as far as will he decide to roam in that time period where he's getting used to the new person taking care of him. Maybe give the cattery a piece of your clothing that smells like you so he will have that around when he first arrives. Overall I think it will be easier to  keep your sanity while away knowing he will be physically safe at the cattery. Worst case scenario when you come back there might be a few days where he has to get used to your house again....but I don't see that being that big a deal. He lived there for 5 years....He should remember it after 5 months. He'll probably just walk around....smell the furniture....rub on everything.....and go back to being like he was before.

Thank you so much for your help.

She (the person coming to live here should I go that direction) has also worked in a vet for several years.  I think as far as common sense goes, she is pretty good.  Another thing I need to consider is that it will be winter coming up here in around May - its boiling hot now, but will be freezing cold for a month or two (not by any other standards than my own :-))  Winter months, he tends to obviously want to be indoors more and cuddle.  I think he would prefer his own home then.

Perhaps I should do this:

1) as suggested, get pet sitter to come stay for a night before I go and visit a few times before I go - get them bonded

I think if he went missing in the winter I would feel even more awful!  He is so used to his comfy cozy life.

I also have a cleaner that will continue coming in once a week and that he knows and that is also a routine for him.

I can also, either way get family he knows to come and drop in every so often - or visit him at the cattery every so often for comfort.

They have four dogs so that is not an option, he is terrified of them!

I am very torn - I can see the benefits and pitfalls of both scenarios....

I know!  I think my sanity will be more intact - knowing he is ok!!

In my heart, I am leaning towards cattery.  

Hey, look. My cat once went missing for a half hour and I almost lost my mind.

So no, it's not ridiculous to be worried when your cat goes missing for two days. I would not have been able to sleep if I were in your position.

That said, I agree with what others have written -- allowing him to run free outdoors exposes him to an incredible amount of danger, and if it was me, I would make him an indoor cat ASAP.

Regarding going away, I would recommend having a friend stay and keeping your cat in his familiar surroundings. How much time do you have? Can you invite that friend over and have her meet your cat, play with him, feed him a few times, etc? That will go a long way toward him trusting her, and not being as stressed when you are away.

This is also going to sound ridiculous, but maybe you can arrange to Skype and/or go on speaker phone a few times while you are away. I know cats probably don't understand what's going on with our devices, but it may be reassuring for him to hear your voice every once in a while. Combined with some clothes that have your scent on them, it may help. And another reason to keep your cat indoors ASAP is precisely so what you said doesn't happen -- you don't want him thinking you abandoned him, then going somewhere else. You would be heartbroken, and your friend would probably never forgive herself either if it happened on her watch.

I know it's not the same thing, but when I went on a long vacation this past year, I had a female friend stop by twice a day to feed and play with my cat. Buddy already knew her pretty well, so he was calm, and she took photos of him and texted them to me as reassurance. It worked out well. All the same, when I got home, Buddy was so excited he started shaking and puked all over the floor. I have never seen him do that before or after, and I'm absolutely sure it was from excitement.

I think if you go with a trusted friend, and keep your cat in his familiar surroundings, that's the best you can do. I know it's not easy, but with photos and him hearing your voice, you can make it easier on both of you. Good luck.