I feel like I made a mistake

kristenann · Jan 22, 2016

Hello everyone, my name is Kristen and I could really use some advice. About 6 weeks ago me and my boyfriend adopted my very first cat (he'd had many growing up, but I grew up with dogs). I was absolutely thrilled to finally be in a position to adopt a cat and set about finding the perfect cat for us. I choose a cat from a rescue that was described to me as a "peoples cat" who was extremely affectionate. I wanted an adult cat because I was worried about rearing a kitten and I wanted one with an already developed personality. I just wanted a nice friendly cat. So we adopted Tiberius an absolutely beautiful cat who also happened to have ringworm and fleas.

Up until recently we've refrained from petting him excessively because he's been contagious but with many visits to the vet (so I know he's otherwise healthy) we're finally getting his skin issues under wraps. However, now that we can pet him more, I'm worried I made a mistake and adopted a mean cat. In many ways he's wonderful, he follows me around the house and sits on my feet, and is basically wonderful but if I pet him he'll bite me and my boyfriend. He hasn't bitten hard yet, but I'm really fearful that he's going to hurt someone, and it makes it even trickier because he seems so friendly and rubs up like he wants affection. At first I thought maybe it was a sort of affectionate love bite, but now I think it's aggressive and its getting more frequent. There really is no pattern to his petting induced aggression, nor any warning. Everything I've read online basically says that with cats with petting induced aggression your best bet is to avoid their triggers, but he doesn't seem to have any. Is there any hope of training him to not bite? He has zero interest in treats, and we play with him as much as he wants, although he's pretty lazy.

I'm now sure this is why his previous owners surrendered him, and I have to say I'm not really sure I can handle this either. I could deal with the health problems, but this aggression just has me feeling betrayed and worried for my friends and family. Because I don't have any prior cat experience, I'm wondering if all cats have quirks like this? I feel horrible because I love him and I really want to be a good cat mom, but I can't help wondering if maybe I should return him to the rescue? Please help!

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kristenann
Jan 22, 2016

catlover73 · Jan 22, 2016

This not something I have experience with. Hopefully someone who has experience can provide insight. I am trying to bump this up so more people see it.

catwoman707 · Jan 22, 2016

Wow he is stunning looking!

Do you have an accurate age for him?

Is he by chance declawed?

artiemom · Jan 22, 2016

I am not an advisor, but I do have a couple of questions.

What kind of things are going on with his health?

What was wrong with his skin?

Why did you say he was contagious?

If he had issues with his skin, then maybe he is still having painful areas.

I think if it were me, I would just let him come to me.

I would try playing with him, using a string toy.

And give him treats...not out of my hand, but just throw them on the floor; as if you were playing.

Maybe he needs to adjust to you on HIS schedule. It can take a long time.

Six weeks is really not very long, especially if he was already surrendered. He is feeling unsafe.

Glad that he is interacting: following you around and sits on your feet~~ that is major.. He may just need more time for him to trust you and your boyfriend.

It would be interesting to find out the reason why he was surrendered, without mentioning the issues you are having...

jcat · Jan 22, 2016

Were you giving him oral and/or topical medications while he was being treated for ringworm? If so, he may be showing a delayed (fear) reaction to that, but it should subside over the next few weeks as he decides you're not just the "meanies" who forced meds on him and dragged him to the dreaded vet's office. He's also still settling in and may need more time and patience till he feels fully secure with you.

Columbine · Jan 22, 2016

I agree that he may still be feeling sore or sensitive - pain/discomfort is one of the commonest reasons for cats biting.

Where on his body are you petting him and how long for? Cats generally don't like being petted for long stretches of time, and often prefer head, cheek and chin rubs to full body petting.

Watch his body language too. Some cats are more easily over stimulated than others - at the first hint of a tail twitch STOP and let him decompress. It's often a good idea to have a suitable toy handy that he can lay into if he really feels the need to bite.[article="32341"][/article][article="22480"][/article][article="29674"][/article][article="32493"][/article]

kristenann · Jan 22, 2016

Thank you for all the responses! I really appreciate the advice I'm just feeling really overwhelmed. Thank you catlover 73, that's really thoughtful.

catwoman707 said:
Wow he is stunning looking!

Do you have an accurate age for him?

Is he by chance declawed?

Thank you, he certainly is a stunner :] He is estimated to be about 6-7 years old, but I'm not really sure how accurate that it, that's just what the rescue told me. Yes, he actually has all 4 paws declawed which I've heard has a tendency to make cats more likely to bite. Which I was worried about before I adopted him, but I was assured he was friendly with no behavioral issues.

Artiemom said:
I am not an advisor, but I do have a couple of questions.

What kind of things are going on with his health?

What was wrong with his skin?

Why did you say he was contagious?

If he had issues with his skin, then maybe he is still having painful areas.

I think if it were me, I would just let him come to me.

I would try playing with him, using a string toy.

And give him treats...not out of my hand, but just throw them on the floor; as if you were playing.

Maybe he needs to adjust to you on HIS schedule. It can take a long time.

Six weeks is really not very long, especially if he was already surrendered. He is feeling unsafe.

Glad that he is interacting: following you around and sits on your feet~~ that is major.. He may just need more time for him to trust you and your boyfriend.

It would be interesting to find out the reason why he was surrendered, without mentioning the issues you are having...

He had fleas and ringworm. He likely had internal parasites as well, the vet gave him a dewormer though so that was quickly resolved. The fleas were also quickly treated but the ringworm has taken awhile to get rid of. I'm still waiting for the results of his latest culture, but we're 10 days out and I haven't heard back and he has no remaining lesions so I think we've conquered it! But it was the ringworm that I was worried about being contagious. It is possible that his skin is still bothering him, that is something to consider.

As for coming up to us, he does that constantly. He will literally rub his head against our hands and legs, that's why it's so shocking to be bit. We do play with him with a string toy and a laser, but he gets bored pretty quick, hes quite a lazy guy. I've tried to give him treats but he just looks at them in repulsion, which is kind of adorable. He does love wet food though!

He may just need more time, and I'm hoping that as he gets healthier he'll feel better.

I really wanted to know why he was surrendered but they claimed to have rescued him from a shelter so they didn't know.

jcat said:
Were you giving him oral and/or topical medications while he was being treated for ringworm? If so, he may be showing a delayed (fear) reaction to that, but it should subside over the next few weeks as he decides you're not just the "meanies" who forced meds on him and dragged him to the dreaded vet's office. He's also still settling in and may need more time and patience till he feels fully secure with you.

That is a really good point. He did get lime sulfur baths and spot treatments which were really unpleasant for both of us. Hopefully time will cause him to forgive us. Although, I'm the one who performed his treatments and he does seem to like me a bit better than my boyfriend. By this I mean he's more likely to follow me around the house, but he rubs on both of our legs a lot. But I understand him needing time to get over the treatments, they were not fun.

Columbine said:
I agree that he may still be feeling sore or sensitive - pain/discomfort is one of the commonest reasons for cats biting.

Where on his body are you petting him and how long for? Cats generally don't like being petted for long stretches of time, and often prefer head, cheek and chin rubs to full body petting.

Watch his body language too. Some cats are more easily over stimulated than others - at the first hint of a tail twitch STOP and let him decompress. It's often a good idea to have a suitable toy handy that he can lay into if he really feels the need to bite.[article="32341"]When Physical Problems Turn Into Behavior Problems [/article][article="22480"]Understanding Cat Behavior [/article][article="29674"]Cat Behavior For Beginners [/article][article="32493"]The Dos And Donts Of Cat Behavior Modification [/article]

Yes he does prefer his face/head rubbed, but it really feels random. Last night my boyfriend was petting his face/head and at first he was purring and happy but then he bit him suddenly, and he'd only been petting him for about a minute.

Columbine · Jan 22, 2016

A solid minute of petting can easily be too much for some cats. My girl is a real cuddlebug, and adores being on my lap...sometimes even leaning on or cuddling my arm...but isn't at all keen on prolonged petting. Sometimes as little as 4 or 5 strokes is enough to set that tail going - if I persist, I'll get gently hit as a warning. This was particularly true in the early days.

For now, the best option might be to offer your hand and let him pet himself by going back and forth, maybe giving a couple of pets or scritches at the start. Over time he should relax about touch and accept - even enjoy - longer petting sessions.

Remember, too, that he probably wouldn't have had a lot of petting at the shelter. With the best will in the world, the staff just wouldn't have the time to devote to a single animal that an owner does. He may simply be feeling overwhelmed by all the extra attention!

angels mommy · Jan 22, 2016

I don't have anything to add, everyone here has given really good advice. Sounds like he may just need more time. For his skin to feel better, for trust, to feel secure, & know that he is in his forever home, especially after being surrendered. I just wanted to wish you luck, & hope that time & patience solves this problem. ( Declawed on all four paws, that's sad. Poor boy. Yes, that I'm sure has a lot to do w/ it as well.

)

catwoman707 · Jan 22, 2016

kristenann said:
Thank you for all the responses! I really appreciate the advice I'm just feeling really overwhelmed. Thank you catlover 73, that's really thoughtful.

Thank you, he certainly is a stunner :] He is estimated to be about 6-7 years old, but I'm not really sure how accurate that it, that's just what the rescue told me. Yes, he actually has all 4 paws declawed which I've heard has a tendency to make cats more likely to bite. Which I was worried about before I adopted him, but I was assured he was friendly with no behavioral issues.

He had fleas and ringworm. He likely had internal parasites as well, the vet gave him a dewormer though so that was quickly resolved. The fleas were also quickly treated but the ringworm has taken awhile to get rid of. I'm still waiting for the results of his latest culture, but we're 10 days out and I haven't heard back and he has no remaining lesions so I think we've conquered it! But it was the ringworm that I was worried about being contagious. It is possible that his skin is still bothering him, that is something to consider.

As for coming up to us, he does that constantly. He will literally rub his head against our hands and legs, that's why it's so shocking to be bit. We do play with him with a string toy and a laser, but he gets bored pretty quick, hes quite a lazy guy. I've tried to give him treats but he just looks at them in repulsion, which is kind of adorable. He does love wet food though!

He may just need more time, and I'm hoping that as he gets healthier he'll feel better.

I really wanted to know why he was surrendered but they claimed to have rescued him from a shelter so they didn't know.

That is a really good point. He did get lime sulfur baths and spot treatments which were really unpleasant for both of us. Hopefully time will cause him to forgive us. Although, I'm the one who performed his treatments and he does seem to like me a bit better than my boyfriend. By this I mean he's more likely to follow me around the house, but he rubs on both of our legs a lot. But I understand him needing time to get over the treatments, they were not fun.

Yes he does prefer his face/head rubbed, but it really feels random. Last night my boyfriend was petting his face/head and at first he was purring and happy but then he bit him suddenly, and he'd only been petting him for about a minute.

Bingo! Now how did I guess declawed?? Because it fits with the entire scenario.

Wish people only knew what it makes the cat feel like, completely defenseless, so they go for the only thing they have left, to bite.

Now, the leg rubs tells me he is in fact very affectionate, but due to his being declawed and older, he is in a new home, new everything and without claws feels very vulnerable.

He doesn't bite down hard because he really doesn't want to seem aggressive, older takes longer to adapt, add declawed and he needs much more time.

However this said, I am sure you will have yourself a wonderful and loving companion when he adjusts completely and bonds with you.

Lime baths and topical stink but that's about all. Ringworm doesn't hurt or cause discomfort unless it's really advanced which is highly doubtful in a grown adult.

I suspect he caught this in his foster home during kitten season, as it's so common in kittens who's immune systems are still developing.

Poor guy, please consider what I'm saying. He needs time, and will be a perfect fit for you then.

Not his fault some person did this to his claws, it's so unnatural...........

As for why he was in a shelter, we see this often, I'd say likely his owner passed away.

kristenann · Jan 22, 2016

Columbine said:
A solid minute of petting can easily be too much for some cats. My girl is a real cuddlebug, and adores being on my lap...sometimes even leaning on or cuddling my arm...but isn't at all keen on prolonged petting. Sometimes as little as 4 or 5 strokes is enough to set that tail going - if I persist, I'll get gently hit as a warning. This was particularly true in the early days.

For now, the best option might be to offer your hand and let him pet himself by going back and forth, maybe giving a couple of pets or scritches at the start. Over time he should relax about touch and accept - even enjoy - longer petting sessions.

Remember, too, that he probably wouldn't have had a lot of petting at the shelter. With the best will in the world, the staff just wouldn't have the time to devote to a single animal that an owner does. He may simply be feeling overwhelmed by all the extra attention!

That is really good to keep in mind, it's admittedly still a bit shocking for me at times how different cats are from dogs. I think he may be like your girl in your personality.

Haha yeah he really likes to pet himself on us, it's ridiculous but I love it. That's a good idea though, just to let him do it for now until he's more comfortable. If anything, I feel like he may be getting increasingly nippy though instead of more comfortable :/ but maybe not, it could just be that we're petting him more.

That is a good point too. The rescue I got him from seemed really over-stretched. I doubt he got very much attention there, they told me foster homes had as many as 16 cats.

Angels mommy said:
I don't have anything to add, everyone here has given really good advice. Sounds like he may just need more time. For his skin to feel better, for trust, to feel secure, & know that he is in his forever home, especially after being surrendered. I just wanted to wish you luck, & hope that time & patience solves this problem. ( Declawed on all four paws, that's sad. Poor boy. Yes, that I'm sure has a lot to do w/ it as well.

)

Thank you, the kind words mean a lot.

catwoman707 said:
Bingo! Now how did I guess declawed?? Because it fits with the entire scenario.

Wish people only knew what it makes the cat feel like, completely defenseless, so they go for the only thing they have left, to bite.

Now, the leg rubs tells me he is in fact very affectionate, but due to his being declawed and older, he is in a new home, new everything and without claws feels very vulnerable.

He doesn't bite down hard because he really doesn't want to seem aggressive, older takes longer to adapt, add declawed and he needs much more time.

However this said, I am sure you will have yourself a wonderful and loving companion when he adjusts completely and bonds with you.

Lime baths and topical stink but that's about all. Ringworm doesn't hurt or cause discomfort unless it's really advanced which is highly doubtful in a grown adult.

I suspect he caught this in his foster home during kitten season, as it's so common in kittens who's immune systems are still developing.

Poor guy, please consider what I'm saying. He needs time, and will be a perfect fit for you then.

Not his fault some person did this to his claws, it's so unnatural...........

As for why he was in a shelter, we see this often, I'd say likely his owner passed away.

I know, I feel bad for the poor guy he's been through so much. Okay, I'm relieved that he's likely very affectionate. Really aside from the nips he's everything I could want in a kitty. Yes, I'm sure he caught it from the foster home, I was aware when I adopted him that he likely had it. The ringworm did seem very itchy to him, particularly on his ears, he lost most of his fur on them but its growing back now. Yay!

I will definitely give him more time to adjust. I feel so much better hearing that other people think there's hope.I really love him and I want things to work out, I couldn't have designed a better cat aside from this one scary issue. Is there anything I should do when he bites? I've been saying "NO" and then stopping petting him. Would it be better to like hiss at him so maybe he understand better that it's not appreciated?

Columbine · Jan 22, 2016

If he does bite, push into him a little - its the opposite of what prey would do, and will often trigger a release. Do NOT pull away, as it will prolong the bite. Keep a suitable toy handy to replace your hand with - that way he can work through the feeling without hurting you. Squealing 'ouch' or 'no' is good too - kittens squeal at each other if one bites another too hard, so he should understand he's hurting you and let go.

Hang in there. I'm sure you'll be able to work through this with him :vibes:

catwoman707 · Jan 22, 2016

I think a stern NO and stop petting immediately is fine, he's older and smart, he will know what you mean.

He really doesn't mean iot either, just isn't completely settled, trusting and confident yet, but will be in time and patience.

Yes, he will be all that you hoped for, I'm sure of it!

artiemom · Jan 22, 2016

Oh, the poor baby.. all 4 declawed, ringworm, fleas, and taken from his 'home' and 'dumped' into a shelter. No wonder he is so confused. All that he has been through.

I had a front declawed cat, Pumpkin. She was a biter...not affectionate either, unless it was on her terms. Not a cuddler or lap cat. She was very sick when we got her.

I seriously think it will take time. The only defense he has is his biting.. that is all he can do to 'save' himself from 'hurt'....

Most likely, at his age, his owner either passed or went into a home where animals are not allowed. This poor thing was abandoned...think of how she is feeling...

Full of love, wanting to love, but being afraid.

Tiberius is absolutely gorgeous! He is showing his love, but is not ready to accept touching.. just talk softly to him, he will come around. It may take a while longer.. Just think of it his way: he was stolen from his home, put in a shelter, got fleas and ringworm, was taken to a different home and had to endure the treatment for ringworm and fleas....no wonder he is lashing out...

not sure about the hissing back. It could work or it could backfire...I am not sure...sorry

misty8723 · Jan 22, 2016

I'm wondering what kind of rescue adopts out a cat they know has medical issues. Maybe I'm spoiled by the one I volunteer at (and adopted from), because they take care of the medical needs of the cats before putting them out for adoption.

In any case, he is a beautiful boy and it's awesome that you actually took him knowing he had the health issues - a lot of people wouldn't. I hope it works out for all of you.

I have a cat who is affectionate, friendly, loving, follows me around - and also bites if we do something he doesn't like. Doesn't bite hard (and he's not declawed), so maybe you just need to learn the things that will set him off and avoid it. I know you said it was random, but maybe as you get to know each other better, it will become more obvious. I know what sets my boy off, lol.

talkingpeanut · Jan 22, 2016

He's gorgeous, and so great if you to adopt an older cat. I agree with everyone above. He needs some time and some love so he can adjust and start to feel comfortable and stable. As everyone has said, let him dictate the relationship for now. If he wants to rub his head on you, that's great! But maybe don't push it any further for now. The poor guy just wants to be in control.

molly92 · Jan 22, 2016

Because the only thing you did with your hands for a while around him was give him medicine and baths and put him in a carrier to go to the vet, it is likely that he's wary of your hands. It makes since that he's fine rubbing up against your legs and everything because legs have never done anything to him! Have you ever tried petting him with your feet? Most cats don't like that, so it's a long shot, but I have heard of some that prefer it.

Speaking of cats having weird preferences, they tend to be pickier eaters than dogs, so he may like some treats, just not whatever you've tried so far. There are a lot of different brands, textures, and flavors of cat treats out there, so whenever you get the chance you can try experimenting. Having a treat on hand that you know your cat loves can be very helpful at times!

kristenann · Jan 22, 2016

Columbine said:
If he does bite, push into him a little - its the opposite of what prey would do, and will often trigger a release. Do NOT pull away, as it will prolong the bite. Keep a suitable toy handy to replace your hand with - that way he can work through the feeling without hurting you. Squealing 'ouch' or 'no' is good too - kittens squeal at each other if one bites another too hard, so he should understand he's hurting you and let go.

Hang in there. I'm sure you'll be able to work through this with him

That's good advice. I'll try to keep it in mind, although, if he truly does bite down then I'm not sure I'll be able to pull away but I'll definitely squeal!

catwoman707 said:
I think a stern NO and stop petting immediately is fine, he's older and smart, he will know what you mean.

He really doesn't mean iot either, just isn't completely settled, trusting and confident yet, but will be in time and patience.

Yes, he will be all that you hoped for, I'm sure of it!

Okay I think you're right. I don't think he is trying to hurt us, that's why I didn't initially think it was aggressive. He really is being gentle, he's just such a big guy that it scares me, I recognize he could hurt me if he wanted too. I think so too.

Artiemom said:
Oh, the poor baby.. all 4 declawed, ringworm, fleas, and taken from his 'home' and 'dumped' into a shelter. No wonder he is so confused. All that he has been through.

I had a front declawed cat, Pumpkin. She was a biter...not affectionate either, unless it was on her terms. Not a cuddler or lap cat. She was very sick when we got her.

I seriously think it will take time. The only defense he has is his biting.. that is all he can do to 'save' himself from 'hurt'....

Most likely, at his age, his owner either passed or went into a home where animals are not allowed. This poor thing was abandoned...think of how she is feeling...

Full of love, wanting to love, but being afraid.

Tiberius is absolutely gorgeous! He is showing his love, but is not ready to accept touching.. just talk softly to him, he will come around. It may take a while longer.. Just think of it his way: he was stolen from his home, put in a shelter, got fleas and ringworm, was taken to a different home and had to endure the treatment for ringworm and fleas....no wonder he is lashing out...

not sure about the hissing back. It could work or it could backfire...I am not sure...sorry

I know, he's had a really rough go of it recently. Yeah first the shelter and then transported to the rescue and a foster home. I can give him time, but I don't think I would be happy with a cat that was not nice ever, so you're definitely a better kitty mom than me. I give you serious credit for that.

Thank you, he is quite a handsome guy. I appreciate your advice, I talked to my boyfriend about what everyone's said on here and we've basically agreed to leave him alone and let him love us on his own terms for now.

Misty8723 said:
I'm wondering what kind of rescue adopts out a cat they know has medical issues. Maybe I'm spoiled by the one I volunteer at (and adopted from), because they take care of the medical needs of the cats before putting them out for adoption.

In any case, he is a beautiful boy and it's awesome that you actually took him knowing he had the health issues - a lot of people wouldn't. I hope it works out for all of you.

I have a cat who is affectionate, friendly, loving, follows me around - and also bites if we do something he doesn't like. Doesn't bite hard (and he's not declawed), so maybe you just need to learn the things that will set him off and avoid it. I know you said it was random, but maybe as you get to know each other better, it will become more obvious. I know what sets my boy off, lol.

Not a very good one. I think they had really good intentions but they're just to overwhelmed with cats and not enough resources. Thank you, I wasn't looking to take in a sick cat but his pretty blue eyes won me over. I'm actually hoping to become a veterinarian, I'm in my last semester of undergraduate work right now, so this is actually really good experience. It's the finances of dealing with a sick cat that was the biggest challenge with that. Haha you may be right, I may not understand what ticks him off yet. If only cats could talk...

talkingpeanut said:
He's gorgeous, and so great if you to adopt an older cat. I agree with everyone above. He needs some time and some love so he can adjust and start to feel comfortable and stable. As everyone has said, let him dictate the relationship for now. If he wants to rub his head on you, that's great! But maybe don't push it any further for now. The poor guy just wants to be in control.

Thank you :] If time and love is all he needs then that I can certainly provide! Yeah we'll take a step back and let him set the tone of things for now.

Molly92 said:
Because the only thing you did with your hands for a while around him was give him medicine and baths and put him in a carrier to go to the vet, it is likely that he's wary of your hands. It makes since that he's fine rubbing up against your legs and everything because legs have never done anything to him! Have you ever tried petting him with your feet? Most cats don't like that, so it's a long shot, but I have heard of some that prefer it.

Speaking of cats having weird preferences, they tend to be pickier eaters than dogs, so he may like some treats, just not whatever you've tried so far. There are a lot of different brands, textures, and flavors of cat treats out there, so whenever you get the chance you can try experimenting. Having a treat on hand that you know your cat loves can be very helpful at times!

I don't blame him for hating my hands when put that way. He hates the carrier! We'll maybe it's only my driving he hates. He gave me nips before all the treatments though, but that was in the very beginning so he definitely gets credit for being uncomfortable in new surroundings. I tried to pet him with my feet because he seems to like them, but nope they get bites too. There probably is some treat out there that he likes but we have yet to find it, last time we were at the vet they tried giving him a ton of treats and he rejected them all. The picky eating is still so bizarre but it kind of cracks me up while being slightly exasperating.

artiemom · Jan 23, 2016

I just thought of this last night.

You could try getting a Feliway Plug in. It is a pheromone plug in--like a Glade one, which can help to calm down kitties.

I swear it helped my guy.

Ordering from Amazon is the cheapest.

angels mommy · Jan 23, 2016

Yes, yes, a very good idea @Artiemom! I keep one plugged in too.
In fact, I just got an air purifier, & wonder if it would just cleanse it out of the air now??
Anyway, yes its a good idea, & amazon is the cheapest look for comfort zone too. Same thing, just a different name & sometimes cheaper.

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