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Why, Why...WHY?????????????????? - Page 2

post #31 of 51
Debby..just a quick question? Was hubby raised around farm folks by any chance? The reason I ask is that several of my friends are farmers and sometimes their seeming insensitivity jars me. But they have to develop a certain aloofness..just as a surgeon does.

Men are all different just as all women are. I was fortunate to be born in a home where animals were loved...but my Dad was a hunter. I remember my Mom's family drowning kittens and shooting the family dog when it was no longer useful. That was normal in those days. Nobody gave it a second thought. Yet these people taught me to love all little helpless things. On the other hand I do keep a rifle.

Debby..you listen to these folks...you did NOT KILL the kittens. Infants of all types can die in a matter of hours. Ever hear of SIDS?? Sudden Infant Death Syndrome?? No reason,no warning,just gone.
This was NOT your fault. Grieve..but do not BLAME.

As for hubby..I can't obviously explain why he acted this way and would not even try really. But he DOES deserve a good swift boot.
post #32 of 51
Thread Starter 
Thank you kittyfoot, for your reply.....no, hubby was not raised around farm folks.
I was however. My father and brother were all farmers. I was raised on a farm. I was also taught to respect the helpless animals that needed us....we were not insensitive hillbillies like many people think.
I really appreciate your posts, Kittyfoot....I know you are wanting to help me, and you have!!! You are a dear, and so is Meme....you are both so lucky to have found each other....attractive people and cat lovers to boot......I still wish ya had a brother, Wayne.
I you both....thanks for your support during this hard time for me.
post #33 of 51
And for anyone else who has ever lost a beloved animal

By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
When their time on earth is over and done.

For here, between this world and the next,
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.

They romp through the grass, without even a care,
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.

For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past.
The time of their parting is over at last.

The sadness they felt while they were apart,
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
And then, side-by-side, they cross over…together.

Author Unknown
post #34 of 51
Thanks Debby..I'm pleased if Barb and I could help...she is a very special lady.

I thought I'd better clear up one thing tho before someone misunderstood. I do not think farmers are callous or insensitive. Heck a lot of my family on both sides are farm stock, I grew up around an old-fashioned farm and live in a farm country. But as I'm sure Debby understands..farmers have to develop a certain toughness. Otherwise no cute calves,lambs,etc would ever make it to your plate.
Sometimes this carries on to all the animals on the farm and beyond.
It's a necessary defence mechanism like a doctor's. Otherwise they couldn't carry on.
post #35 of 51
Did you know that there is a medical term for what happened to your kittens? It is called Fading Kitten Syndrome and even in breeding catteries of the finest caliber, they can experience this syndrome as much as 34% . So again, it is nothing you did wrong.
post #36 of 51
Thread Starter 
Hissy........ Thank you for that poem....I realy needed that. Maybe I can get to sleep now. Thank you....you are an

Kittyfoot.....don't worry, I know what you meant....it's not that farmers are rough, uncaring people, but they have to develop a sort of rough outside hide, so to speak, because they have to not get attached to the baby calves that are abandoned, or pigs, like I would.......because they know they have to be sold for food to feed their families.
post #37 of 51
Thread Starter 
Hissy, I need to get some sleep now....but I really want to hear more about the fading kitten syndrome....what is it? what is it caused by? Do you think that is what happened to my babies???? Does this happen to healthy babies for no reason?????
post #38 of 51
I have to agree that Kittyfoot is absolutely a sweetie. I do know of a few men that are like him -- Imagyne (Ken, Sandie's husband), Clint (Rene's husband) and mine. But like I said before, I sometimes think he's insensitive but deals with it his own way. He's a big man but acts like a baby when we lose one of ours. He's so protective at shows and of me and any of my babies. He has told people that he will bury them if they hurt me or one of my babies. I sometimes,want to kill him because he gets me angry but then there are times I have to hold him when he breaks down. He also never grew up with a pet but has really come a long way. I on the other hand have always had pets. I hope he realizes how much he hurt you and comes around to his senses. If not, then I agree with Kittyfoot -- he's an ass that doesn't deserve you.

post #39 of 51
Folks..I just had a funny little thought re-reading the Rainbow Bridge. Since there are so many of us who have had many cats in our lives..when one of us gets there the cry might be STAMPEDE!!! Perhaps that's what thunder really is...the rumble of many joyous kitty feet running to meet their loved ones...and lightning is really caused by all the kitty angel halos flying when the collision occurs??
post #40 of 51

I can sure see where you're coming from. I think I was trying so hard to defend him hoping it would make you feel better and hoping he really isn't as big a butt h*** as he sounds. I know however, that it can get very frustrating when someone is trying to help you and barking up the totally wrong tree.

You put it so sweetly that I don't really feel the need to apologize but I'm going to anyway. You are a dear girl and do not deserve the way he is acting. When we lose our babies, it is similar to losing a child...anybody who doesn't understand that can go to he**. Okay, we always have to explain (to non cat lovers) that of course we don't think a cat is the same as a human baby, BUT...in our hearts they are our little babies.

As you can tell by the responses, you are a very much loved person on this site. We are all grieving with you.
post #41 of 51
Please accept my condolences on the passing away of your two little babies. Neither you nor I, nor the greatest wits who've ever lived, can reduce to words the sadness and sorrow we experience when loved ones pass away.

You were a Godsend to those little kittens! Except for you, their last hours would have been spent in total loneliness — bereft of any loving presence. But thanks to you, they fell asleep knowing you were there!

Now, as they are in heaven, they will await that wonderful re-union with you! They are free from pain and suffering; and they are surrounded by loving friends. Try not to be too sad, for they would not wish you anything but happiness and love.

post #42 of 51
Debby, I'm so sorry to hear about your kittens. And am outraged by what your hubby said to you. If we didn't get emotionally attached to our animals, what would be the point in having them. Why tend for something you don't care about? There is nothing worng with mourning for your pets. It shows you are human, and humane. I'm sorry your hubby is not supporting you through this rough time.
post #43 of 51
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your 2 baby kittens, I just caught this thread! You did the best thing any person could've done by taking them in and caring for them! Perhaps they were sick, but it is not your fault. You did everything you could have possibly done! And, even though they were tiny, they appreciated you so much for what you did for them!! I know if I were a kitten, I would!! And, what your husband said to you was wrong of him in the first place! He could've been more supportive, but it sounds like he isn't. So, don't worry about posting how you feel! I am hear to listen! Again, sorry to hear about the loss!!
post #44 of 51
I will never be afraid of a thunder storm again! I will be imagining all those kitties stampeding to their humans! Talk about being bowled over with love!
post #45 of 51

I just found this thread now. I am so sorry about the loss of your babies. Please dont blame yourself as some things are just not meant to be. You gave them all your love and cared for them so much. They had to have felt that from you. You were their mother for a time so you will be missing them a lot. Please take care and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
post #46 of 51
Debby, I wanted to see how you are doing? I hope u are doing better.

I'm glad that my comments made u stop and think about what he might be thinking.

As u have pointed out, yes, he shouldn't have been mad about u not cooking his potatoes. It sounds like he thinks of his own needs first. Unfortunately, many people are like that even though they love their partners. They often will say things that are hurtful, expect life to go on and not let anything affect their lives even if their partners are grieving or struggling.

I had to laugh when u said it sounded like I knew a lot about men and how they think in this section-
"The male mind confuses me so badly I am thankful that you made me stop and see both sides of things, and you seem to have a better grasp of the male mind than I do,I am thankful that you made me stop and see both sides of things, and you seem to have a better grasp of the male mind than I do,"

I do not understand men fully myself! In fact, my last date was over 2 years ago! After some experiences with men, I realized I had to try to see things from their point of view. That's why I said the things I said- because I thought of the men I know and how they'd react if this happened to me.

I know in the past when one of my cats died, I cried and cried for quite a while and couldn't sleep. My dad who had proclaimed a dislike of cats during my childhood, had let me have that cat. After a while of grieving, I knew I needed another cat but knew dad didn't like cats so I was worried that I'd have to fight him about getting another cat but to my surprise when I asked, he said he was waiting for me to ask. He said "sure, go ahead" and u know what????? That da** cat I adopted has slept with HIM for the last SIX YEARS and DISLIKES me tremously!!!!!!

Even though DAD still SAYS he doesn't like cats, he still will put up with them BUT he will complain to me about it. We had 3 dogs but only one cat during my childhood. No matter how hard I begged, he REFUSED to have more than one cat even when I pointed out how unfair that he has 3 dogs while I had ONE cat.(Now my parents are stuck with 2 cats- they love them though! Hahahah BUT Dad still complains) Last night, he FINALLY admitted he misses Rusty (that cat who sleeps with him) because my parents are in Boston having some tests done on my dad for a fatal disease he has. That's a BIG thing- he never admitted missing a cat until now!

Soooo ur hubby sounded a bit like my dad BUT my dad would have NEVER gotten mad about me not cooking potatoes! He'd have done the dinner HIMSELF without asking me OR go out and buy dinner!

However, as I said, it sounds like ur hubby is self oriented and might need some assistance in learning to focus on other people's needs such as urs. Is there anything he cherishes like maybe a dog?
If so, u should ask him how he'd feel if that dog had upped and died for no reason then u expected him to drop everything (grieving, etc) to serve u. Maybe that would help him realize how selfish he sounded.
Just an idea.

I sure wish there are more guys out there who LIKES cats and would let us ladies baby our cats! I can't find a man like my dad though-Am not giving up though because I have seen and heard some great stories thru this forum about some men who are willing to put up with FORTY CATS! That means there are hope for men out there! Hahaha. Maybe one of these lucky gals who are married to one of these men can provide training workshops to men who need training on how to live with cat lovers such as us??!??

I just wanted to check on u and see how u are doing because I know how hard a cat/kitten's death can be. Sorry about being such a MOTORMOUTH! I didn't mean this to be soooo long. I'll shut up for now.
Hang in there Debby!
post #47 of 51
Thread Starter 
Pamela, thanks for wanting to check on me...I am doing better now. I still feel bad, but I am not blaming myself like I was.
Hubby never apologized, we are still barely speaking to each other, but I'm sure it will get better soon.

Patricia, you had no reason to apologize to me for anything, I think you are an

And Kittyfoot.....I LOVED what you said about the thunder and lightening...I will always think of that now! How beautiful!!!!!!!!

I just want to say one more thing before I go.....I want to thank you all for caring so much about my pain, and for helping me feel better, and I feel so blessed to have met such wonderful friends on the internet. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
post #48 of 51
Dearest Debby, I am so sorry about your babies! These things just happen sometimes. I have a few links for you on the fading kitten syndrome. Some of the researchers say it had to do with a mismatch in blood type - something you could have had no control over whatsoever!




I'm puttting these links up in the hope that they may help you realize that you are not to blame for this. I know it won't take away the pain.

I've been reading a lot about fertility and pregnancy and raising babies. It really is a miracle that things work out in the first place. It is maddenning to see how often they don't work out for no apparent reason at all. That's just the way life is I guess...
post #49 of 51

Dearest Debby :angel2:

Please know that if it had not been for your efforts, those kitties wouldn't have lasted as long as they did. Kittens are so sensitive and it was more than likely something they had contracted either before birth or right afterwards that affected them in this way. No, I truly don't believe that your bathing had anything to do with what happened. I know how sensitive you are. You are a wonderful girl and these things are unfortunate, they hurt, but they happen...I'm so sorry honey.

Love You...
I know you love these angels I found another for you Feel better...by the way, it was great to talk the other nite xoxoxox
post #50 of 51

Dear Anne :angel2:

Thanks for those links. I just surfed over there myself and read them. Wow, what a wealth of information.

Thanks again!

Love, Peace &

PS I see you're still posting You must be feeling pretty good today GREAT!
post #51 of 51
Thread Starter 
Thank you both so VERY much!
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