My cat hates my fiancé and attacks me whenever he's over.

My 10 year old cat, Eva Braun, has grown into her name. I acquired my cat when I found her abandoned in my apartment on move-in day. Since then when my roommates and I have parted company she lived with my former roommate for a while, then with me full time. She has lived steadily with me for about 5 years. It's taken her a while to adjust to my relatives but she hates my fiancé and will not, under any circumstances, tolerate his presence in the house. She attacks me when we're sitting together on the couch or is he's over and talking in the living room. Now the few odd things that don't seem to add up. My fiancé has a cat, who loves me and rolls around with me when I'm over his house. When I come home, with the smell of the other cat on my clothes she doesn't seem phased by it at all, so the "smell of the other cat" theory doesn't seem to fly in this case. He's never rough or abusive with her as he won't really stay in the same room with her if I'm not there. The cat does seem to be aggressive with other friends that I have brought over to the house too, but I always assumed it was because they were new people that she's not familiar with. Thoughts?

franz said:

My 10 year old cat, Eva Braun, has grown into her name. I acquired my cat when I found her abandoned in my apartment on move-in day. Since then when my roommates and I have parted company she lived with my former roommate for a while, then with me full time. She has lived steadily with me for about 5 years. It's taken her a while to adjust to my relatives but she hates my fiancé and will not, under any circumstances, tolerate his presence in the house. She attacks me when we're sitting together on the couch or is he's over and talking in the living room. Now the few odd things that don't seem to add up. My fiancé has a cat, who loves me and rolls around with me when I'm over his house. When I come home, with the smell of the other cat on my clothes she doesn't seem phased by it at all, so the "smell of the other cat" theory doesn't seem to fly in this case. He's never rough or abusive with her as he won't really stay in the same room with her if I'm not there. The cat does seem to be aggressive with other friends that I have brought over to the house too, but I always assumed it was because they were new people that she's not familiar with. Thoughts?

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It sounds like Eva has had to deal with a lot of different people coming in and out of her life. Some cats have a hard time with that. She may not like the smell of the other cat on him. People have unique scents of their own and his mixed with his cat's scent might be having an effect on her. I think some Feliway diffusers in the apartment might help her some. They make a spray version as well.

How does your fiance feel about your cat? Does he get anxious or upset when she acts like this? Cats are very intuitive and they know when someone is upset, angry, nervous, etc. Does he WANT to make friends with her? If he does, he's really the one that needs to make the effort. If I was him, this is what I would do since he's the one coming into "her turf".

When he comes into the house, he should greet her. Softly. He should talk to her. About everything. About nothing. She should get used to hearing his voice in a calm, friendly manner. When he's near her, he should try to sit on the floor or at her eye level so he's not looming over her. I'd give him treats to give to her and have him help out with meal times so she starts to associate him with good things. Looking at her in the eyes is considered a challenge. He should try to look at her right above her head or to the side. I don't know how long he's been in her life but something upsets her. She might not like sharing you so you should give her some extra love when he's around so she doesn't feel like she's "competing" with him for your attention. He should give her some "slow blinks" this is a sign of friendship exchanged between cats. If he doesn't play with her, maybe he should try to. A wand toy like Da Bird is one of those things that most cats can't resist. I'd get one that only he uses with her. She'll start to associate him with something fun. It will take time and effort on his part but if the 2 of you plan on getting married, it's worth it. They may never be besties but she should come around and at least accept him. Good luck.

Re-home boyfriend!  LOL