Fancy, I'll ALWAYS Love YOU!!! :)))

I woke up June 30th, I'd finally made the decision to let my girl, Fancy, cross the bridge, so she wouldn't have to suffer any longer. I needed to,quit being selfish.
Fancy had had abdominal ultrasounds, and, several comprehensive blood panels done. Blood work was always excellent, within range, nothing showed on ultrasound.
Fancy was a beautiful green-eyed pure white cat my daughter was drawn to at the Orange County pound, in California.
They said she was about a year old, when we adopted her on 2/13/2002.
She was indoor only, loved her canned food, and snuggling.
She had a health scare about 18 months ago. After several days with an IV, upon visiting her-she looked at me with those green eyes begging me to take her home.
I DID! Against the vet's wishes. Fancy improved miraculously!!!
About 6 weeks ago, I noticed weight loss. Took her to a different vet we'd started using. Everything checked out fine.
Back and forth to vet in last 3 weeks cuz she was getting REAL finicky with her food. One time I even had the appt. so I could put her to sleep. I chickened out, instead choosing to give her pills, because she screamed off & on, all night long for a couple weeks.
Since this vet could find nothing wrong (Cat Clinic speciality-only), he suggested dementia. I gave her the 1/8 of a pill-NEVER AGAIN! She was coo-coo. I talked to her, heart-to-heart, asking her to heal her body, and not to scream, all night, if possible.
Miracle...no more screaming. Then, I "assumed" she was healing her body also.
June 28th-a Sunday, she quit drinking water. She was ALWAYS first when I'd wash the fountains. She didn't care anymore. She would gladly take syringes of water all day long. Was it painful for her to drink?
June 29th, she stopped eating. I pureed her food, syringed her successfully. This wasn't good quality of life.
June 30th, I finally made the decision. When we took her to the vet, he wanted to take her to the back room to put a catheter in her front leg. I said I WASN'T LEAVING HER. The vet didn't want me coming, but guess what?! He tried both front legs, said she didn't have good veins. Finally he gets it done in a hind leg...all the while, Fancy NEVER flinched! Now he brings her back into exam room for the final dose.
I asked him WHY he had to put her through all that, when 4 yrs ago he put my black cat to sleep with a simple injection in his back leg. He said he didn't remember.
I held her head in the palm of my hand, while he injected the fatal serum into the catheter. I could gradually feel my hand holding more weight, and knew she was gone.
I've cried for almost 48 hours straight! I played God, and took a life. It was especially hard because I had NO diagnosis.
For $200 I could get an autopsy. I just called the vet, the receptionist said he found cancer around her stomach. He will finish the report today, and email it to me.
I miss Fancy so unGodly much! Our other 2 cats "know" I'm sure. I wish I knew what happens on a spiritual level, when our felines cross. Do their souls stick around for a while, did she see me holding her head, did she KNOW what this last vet visit was for?
I SURE hope I helped her. When she stopped drinking, warning sign #1. She would hardly ever come upstairs to eat, I ended up moving her bowls downstairs.


This is my beautiful queen, Fancy!

@Carmacat   Please know that you did the right thing for your Fancy.  I know it feels like we take a life, when we put our animals to sleep, but when their quality of life is so poor, and keeps going downhill, then you kind of know that their end is near.  No age seems like a good time for them to leave us, but their lives are much shorter than our own, and they know that they have been loved, and the love that they gave us carries on towards other animals, people and ourselves, too. 

I do believe that we will see our animals again, and that all living things have a soul, spirit or essence, and that one day we will see them again, but perhaps in another form.  What matters is what you believe, and so know for a fact that you helped Fancy, and she is no longer in pain, with no stomach cancer.  What helped me when I had to pts my 2yr old cat was reading the first post of this thread which a member here had written.  http://www.thecatsite.com/t/237066/when-the-moment-comes 

  I printed it out and put it beside my computer, and would often look at it.  It still made me cry, but it brought comfort, too, as did reading other threads, and having other members share their stories with their own journeys through grief.  What also helped was having other animals who somehow got me to focus on them, and on the fact that they are still alive and need me.  It took a lot of time, and you'll always miss Fancy, but you'll begin to remember all the good things that you shared and that last day may always creep in, but then re-focus on the good days, and not the ending. 

Your queen Fancy is beautiful, and I wish you peace and strength, as she would want you to be, too.

Thank you so much! Yes, Fancy was very beautiful! I read what you forwarded, in that link. It caused me to cry & ball my eyes out more.
I HOPE Fancy is flying free of pain now. I TRULY hope she knows I did it for her. The pain I feel is almost unbearable, and I feel so alone without her.
She's already been picked up for the mass cremation. I caught crap for having her bidy mained fir an autopsy BUT I HAD TO KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG!
She will always ve MY Fancypants!

Very sorry to hear of her passing. Please try to not feel much guilt as you set her free, you didn't let waste away. As her owner/caretaker you did what was best, you let her go. It doesn't get any easier but I know deep down, you know you did what you thought was best for her. And with the autopsy they found what it was, cancer is a cruel disease. Don't let anyone get you down for having it done, for some in brings answers, for others sorrow but in this case, I think you'd always second guess yourself if you hadn't had it done.  Fancy was a beautiful cat and in the picture you posted, you could see the happiness and peace in her eyes.  You need your other kitties as much as they need you, cats grieve for their companions once they've passed on too.

Thank you for your support. It is with much gratitude I say that. Not too many people feel the way I do, with ny pets. Yes, she was a beautiful, beautiful girl. When I had to put Mann to sleep 4 years ago, she grieved! I KNEW she wondered where he was. I explained it to her, the best I could. He was pure black, she pure white...they were,a very loving couple. Now all I have left, is my "personal" cat, Carma.
Carma misses Fancy. Carma just lays in her oversized bed and sleeps. I cry, she watches me. Carma knows.
I just don't understand why the abdominal ultrasound didn't show the cancer. Vet NEVER offered an xray-that's odd, now that I think of it.
I pray Fancy knew in her heart, I did what was best for her.
I just wish I could have one more hug with her and look deep into her eyes.

Carmacat said:

Thank you so much! Yes, Fancy was very beautiful! I read what you forwarded, in that link. It caused me to cry & ball my eyes out more.
I HOPE Fancy is flying free of pain now. I TRULY hope she knows I did it for her. The pain I feel is almost unbearable, and I feel so alone without her.
She's already been picked up for the mass cremation. I caught crap for having her bidy mained fir an autopsy BUT I HAD TO KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG!
She will always ve MY Fancypants!

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@Carmacat   I didn't mean to make you cry more, but I don't think that crying is a bad thing...it's just our way of releasing painful or overflowing emotions, and can actually help at times...but if it interferes with your regular days, and is overly excessive,  then it's probably best to talk to someone, a grief counsellor, doctor, or people who are supportive.  The first 2 weeks are the roughest, and I also cried a lot, especially at night, but then as time moved on... it gets better. 

Like @nansiludie mentioned, cancer is a cruel disease, and I would have done exactly like you, and gotten an autopsy/necropsy too, just to have peace of mind.

Cancer is also strange, in that it does not always get picked up early in humans, either, so perhaps the ultrasound did not show it, because of the location it was at.  One of the ER vets I had gone to for a previous dog, had told me that even biopsies are not always able to get the exact samples, depending upon the location, within a liver, or deep tissue. He told me weight loss with cancer was common, but we did not pick up on this, and just thought it was due to old age.

I do know you released Fancy from pain, and that she knows it, too.  She won't want you to be sad, because cats live in the moment, and take each day as it comes.  I hope your pain and grief lessen with time.

I don't know who you are, however I'd like to say, I appreciate everything! You are VERY KIND & CARING.
I would give ANYTHING to hold Fancy again, and kiss her. We did have a lot of time together, those last couple of days.
I'm sure she's been cremated by now. I wish I knew where her soul was. I'm very into the metaphysical.
Thanks for your concern regarding my mental health. I'm from California. I've had therapy off & on for 30 yrs. Not to make a joke of it, but, in California, it's the "cool" thing to have therapy. I wasn't doing it to be cool-I know when I need it. In fact, I've been in Arizona 4 yrs, (lost my condo in CA), I started searching for a therapist two weeks ago. I need to make sure I have a "connection" with the person I'm seeing. I think I've found a place.
I waited on Fancy hand & foot. I was switching up her food, she'd only take a few licks of whatever I fed her. I knew her favorites.
Fancy was a wonderful cat who really didn't blossom until I moved to Arizona. She became my shadow, like a dog. I loved it. It is so empty without her-so empty.
Thank You again, you've really helped me accept, what I knew I had to do.

What a gorgeous girl.  I have a special place in my heart for white cats.     I am so sorry for your loss.  And I'd like to say that if having an autopsy done helped to give you a sense of closure or eased your pain in any way, no one should have questioned your decision or tried to make you feel guilty.  Stay strong.  

That was a very difficult decision to make, but the last gift you could give Fancy, sparing her the pain of cancer. She was a very beautiful girl.

Hi Carmacat, you gave Fancy such a good life, and it took love and courage to not see her suffering any longer than she already did. It's always hard, and yes, it sometimes does feel like playing God.

But it's not, and God knows that. I'm so sorry for your loss--know somewhere, Fancy is flying free, free from pain, surrounded by more love than we mortals can possibly comprehend. She is not alone, and she is being taken care of.

Beautiful Fancy 

Thank YOU sooooo much for your kind words. I just WISH Fancy could have understood WHY I did it. I know she didn't understand that. The vet shaved and stuck catheters in both front legs & said she had bad veins! Then he stuck the catheter in her back leg, successfully. She NEVER flinched once. She trusted I wouldn't let anyone hurt her! I told him NO catheters. I never left her, the whole time.
OMG-I see her everywhere here! My other cat, Carma (they've been together 12 yrs) is glued to me! I tried to explain it to Carma. Carma is my very own, personal cat-Fancy was my daughter's Valentine's Day present in 2002-she immediately picked her out. When her baby was born in 2006, I inherited Fancy, all to myself-even tho Fancy had always lived with us. Fancy was loved 200% by everyone she met! She ALWAYS minded her own business-never a curious cat, only my shadow.
Just wish she knew how much it hurt me to let her go. I couldn't be selfish, it wasn't a good quality of life for her-syringing her all day long with water, that she gladly accepted.
Thank YOU for your very kind words, and concern...it's all really helped me see others have experienced the same degree of pain that I'm experiencing, and they survived. Bless you & all your kitties!

Those were such KIND, BEAUTIFUL words. Thank you soooo much. They caused me to shed more tears of joy for Fancy.
I wish I knew HOW to navigate this site. I attempt to reply to everyone. Sometimes it works, and then sometimes it posts as an additional comment! Grrr!

Thank you nurseangel!!! I can not figure out HOW to give each one of you caring, wonderful, cat-loving people a PERSONAL reply! I soooo appreciate all the love and support you guys have sent me, regarding my beautiful girl, Fancy.
Thanks again!

I'm sorry for your loss but you did the right thing. If she was in pain then there's really not much more to be said.
I know what you mean by feeling like a murderer. So did I when I asked the vet to come and send him to RB. It'll get better but you'll never forget her.
Again, my condolences.

You did exactly right, you took on Fancy's pain as your own and spared her misery from something that could not be cured. She knew you loved her, you were her everything and all she wanted. Even the strongest heart must stop at some point, she is at peace now and no longer suffering. Try not to dwell on her death, she would never want you to feel such pain, try to concentrate on her life with you and celebrate that you shared this time on earth with her. The heavens gained a beautiful angel, my heart cries for your loss and suffering. RIP sweet Fancy, you will be sorely missed!

Thank YOU Di & Bob. Those were very kind words. Yes, Heaven gained a beautiful ANGEL. I just wish I could hold her again, cuddle and kiss her soft cheeks.
Fancy was a one-of-a-kind girl. She was not the typical curious cat. She rather just lay by me. Rubbing her cheeks all over our faces & head, was one of her favorite things to do. The last couple of days, we noticed she wasn't eager to do this.
Rest in peace, beautiful Fancy. I hope you can see ALL the others who have expressed their love & concern for you. You are truly The Queen, as we told you when you first stepped in our lives. I think of you every day, and will continue to do so.
Thank you again, Di & Bob.

Hi Carmacat,
I am so truly sorry on the loss of your beautiful kitty Fancy. She sure was a beauty and obviously so very loved. I know her passing is a terrible loss. I truly wish I had some magic words to make all your grief go away. All I can say is that I do understand. I was in your place about a year ago and I still cry over my kitty's passing. My baby was so special to me and I don't think that I will ever stop grieving his loss. He remains in my heart just as your Fancy will remain in yours. You are not alone in your grief. Everyone here in the cat site are here for you. We do all understand exactly what you are feeling.RIP Beautiful Fancy! You were loved and will always be missed! Have fun playing with my Mickey. He can be King and you are the Queen.