That decision

I am just agonizing over this. We all do. My Wisner has end-stage kidney disease and has lost half her weight. I am hand-feeding her: she will eat only a spoonful ate a time, so I have to stop everything I am doing (and stop sleeping, too) in order to get anything into her. The other 4 cats will fight to get her food, so I have to fend them off at the same time. This takes 15 minutes or more 10 or more times a day;.

She is getting fluids but is still failing. Tomorrow I will get her an anti-nausea shot, which will help. I spoke with the vet about the decision, mainly when, not if, and she said there will come a point where the fluids will no longer work.

I think we are at that point now. But she is sticking close to me, snuggling with me in bed (she never, ever did this when she was well, she was a very aloof cat who gave me almost nothing in affection). IU have seen with my other cats who died that they do this closeness when they are about to die. I need to let go of her.

But she is not in pain, she is affectionate...I cannot do it. My problem is that I am very tired out from all this care and coming to be a bit angry at the others for trying to steal her food. This process is not good for *me*. I hate to say; that, but it's wearing me out.

Please, I feel terrible about feeling this way...has anyone been through a similar experience. Also, I have to devote so much energy to her that the others are not getting their share. Please help, thanks.

It is completely 'normal' to have these feelings, the stress you are under and knowing what is coming up is wearing you to a frazzle. We all wish for our loved ones to die peacefully in their sleep at home at a ripe old age, but it seldom happens. You are caring for your little one, above and beyond what a lot would do, and I'm sure she appreciates and loves you for it. If at all possible, try to feed her in a separate room to reduce the 'competition' and your stress. You have done all you can, now is the time to just love her. As long as she appears to be comfortable continue to monitor her, she'll let you know when she is ready to go. As for the time you are spending with her, it IS her time, the others understand and you can make it up to them later. Hold on to her and let her know how much she is loved, she needs you to comfort her and be there for her, you will never regret it. But you also need to take care of yourself, I know it is hard, but remember this will all pass in time, we all have a finite time on this earth, and her time is almost here. My heart goes out to you for the pain you are going through, please keep in touch and we'll give what comfort and help we can I'll pray for you both, may you be blessed for loving so much.

You will know when it's her time; she will tell you. You'll just look at her and you'll know. I agree with Di to feed her in a separate room, if you can. Even the best-fed cats will steal food every chance they get....it's their nature. This is her time for your attention; the others will understand. They know, too. 

This is something that every cat parent goes through. It's probably the most difficult thing we will ever do in our lives and it always breaks our hearts. I'm so sorry you're going through this now. It will be OK. Not right now and maybe not for a while. But it will be OK. You do what you have to do. And we'll be here.

I completely agree with the others.  

I think it's normal to be feeling the way you are.  You are stressed out and doing so much for your baby.  I know so many who would not go as far as you have to care for and comfort your baby, so please don't feel guilty about your feelings.  When Jewel was near the end (and I didn't know it yet), I would sometimes think of how nice it would be to not have such a huge financial burden with all of her medications, vet visits, etc., but I *never* wanted her to go away.  I felt guilty (and still do sometimes) over that.  I would have much rather have continued to have things stretched over my financial limits and her still with me than not have her here anymore.  

Your kitty will let you know when it is time.  Listen to her.  Just spend time loving her right now.  Your other kitties will understand.  This is one of the hardest things we face as loving cat owners.  Please let us know if we can be of any help.  We are all here to support you in this very difficult time. 

Thank you so much. This has helped me a lot.

I also am facing some surgery  next week, which I guess adds to the stress.

You've been a great comfort.

I agree with what others have said. She will let you know when it's time and she will also let you know that it's ok. Even though they can't talk, I think cats who are at the end understand the situation and feel some sort of peace and acceptance. I've gotten that feeling from my cats when it was time for them.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. *hugs*

I am so sorry you are going through this, and I know exactly what you mean.  My Cindy had cancer and other things and for the last months of her life we had to tube feed her because she wasn't eating enough.  They couldn't find what was wrong, couldn't find the cancer had come back, but she just wasn't eating and even with the tube feeing she wasn't gaining.  But she was enjoying her life and didn't seem to be in pain or bothered by it, so we kept at it.  It was incredibly tiring, mixing the food, straining the food, feeding her slowing over 20 - 30 minutes several times a day. But we loved her so much, we did it as long as we could.  When it looked like it was going to be the end, she was losing weight despite getting the same amount of food, we got her pain medicine and allowed her to pass naturally at home.  Yes, it was painful to watch and I couldn't bear the thought of her suffering, but even right up to her last day she was having some good moments and I couldn't deprive her of that. I also feel much more at peace with the decision to allow her to pass in her home than I do with our other cat who had FIP and I didn't feel we had that luxury to do that with  her.  But we also waiting until it was clear she was at the end before taking her.  I personally just can't make an appointment 2 or 3 days in advance and I'm glad I have a compassionate, understanding vet who doesn't ask that of me.

Just do what your heart tells you is the right thing to do

isty, thank you so much. I have spent a couple of hours feeding her today - like yours, she eats so slowly. It'd har d when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom - I have to pass through the kitchen, and she jumps up to her perch and wants food. She is not losing dramatically right now.

But I won't be able to keep this up when I have surgery next week. It will be a tense week - what if she continues to maintain this very low weight?

Thanks for your sharing of your experience. It helps a lot.

Seaturtle, I just wanted to give you a