Unsolicited "pet parent" advice & judgement

Hi Everyone

So I have had a frustrating situation happen as of recent. A fellow friend of mine who has a Russian Blue as well, has been getting very judgmental about my methods of taking care of Xena. Every time we speak, she tells me what I am doing wrong. It reminds me of, a "know it all" (but maybe well meaning friend), giving you parenting advice.

Most recently, it has been about her food. I feed her Blue Buffalo Wilderness. I know Raw is likely the absolute best diet for her (though I have mixed feelings about it), but Blue Buffalo is quality dry food. I know some would beg to differ... but it is quality, and is within our family budget. This other individual is an exclusive raw feeder, and wants to judge others who aren't able to and / or don't want to feed raw.

I understand if it is something awful, like refusing to get your cat vaccinated or medical treatment if needed etc. But we're talking food, I was under the impression that all pet food had to meet minimal dietary requirements, thought I could be wrong?

Does anyone else ever deal with judgement and unsolicited advice about "raising" your cat? How do you handle it?

Mel

I actually haven't experienced that so far. It's really nobody's business but yours (and Xena's of course  ) what you feed her. Just because a certain diet works for her cat doesn't mean it will work for yours. You could go out and spend exorbitant amounts of money on the most expensive food there is or put together the most perfect, nutritious raw diet in the world and that doesn't mean that Xena will eat it. That makes it worthless as it will end up in the trash.

Xena doesn't know or care how much a food costs. She wants what she likes. You have to decide what's best for her and for your budget. Your friend doesn't handle your finances and she's not the one caring for your cat so she should butt out. If you wanted her opinion, wouldn't you ask for it?

If it were me, the next time she started in, I would stop her and tell her as gently as possible that while I appreciate her concern, my cat is healthy and happy and is on a diet that is approved by her veterinarian. It's clearly obvious that Xena is loved dearly and is very well cared for. She always looks so content in her photos. 

I know what you mean by other people's advise.. they're used to their own ways that they don't believe in any other way. No one tells me how to treat my own cats.. they see mine are muscular and of healthy weight.. and theirs are fat and sluggish. lol.

I admit, I became one of those annoying people who offer advise when unsolicted.. not to cats, but to betta fish. I cringe when I see people have them in tiny jars or in planted vases (they can't breathe in there!).. so yea, I say something to help give the poor fish a better quality of life. Of course, I always get the response "but they live in dirty puddles!".. no. no they don't. lol

but if I see cats or other animals are healthy, no matter what the husbandry is, I don't bother. I may ask why they do things a certain way, but I don't say "you should do it this way". if they ask, I answer.

I think the whole subject of cat food and feeding is incredibly volatile - and there are certainly raw feeders who verge on evangelistic in their attitude and approach.

I personally feel the wet or raw is best, but there are a whole host of factors to consider when feeding - its not just about ideal nutrition. The best food in the world is useless unless it gets inside the cat!

The only caveat with a high quality dry diet I'd have is to take extra measures to get your cat to drink - 'flavoured water' is ideal for this http://www.thecatsite.com/a/tips-to-increase-your-cat-s-water-intake

I know how annoying it is to get unsolicited advice for your animals - especially if it's regular lectures. I've not come across it with cats, but I've had horses for years and it's rife in the horse world. A lot of tounge biting is needed - both when being given ignorant (if not downright rude/insulting) advice, and when I see people doing dreadful things to their horses because they don't know any better. (I'm not starting a big lecture, but most accepted teachings when handling/riding in the traditional English/European style takes no account of how the horse thinks. We'd never hit a cat with a whip, or boot in in the ribs, yet this is routine with horses - even taught as the right way to do things So hard to watch without comment...)

Anyway...There comes a point when you have to trust your own instincts and judgement. No one knows your cat better than you.

Some people are just like that unfortunately.  It verges on almost like a religion to them, in fact that is what it is like because there is no scientific evidence to back their position.  That doesn't mean it isn't better there simply have been no controlled studies to say what is best.  I generally handle people like that by pretending to listen when I am actually letting what  they say go in one ear and out the other.  They can take it to the point where they are highly annoying.

Why get into it with her? Just nod your head yes every time she gives you advice, then do what you want to do. Nodding your head is acknowledging what she is saying, not agreeing with her. Better yet, keep your distance and don't let it get to you.

good girl! Some people are just so set in their ways, they don't see it any othe rways

Nebula said:

 

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Good for you!