male neutered cat likes to put his butt on spayed female's head during play. o.O.

Bandit moved here in october 2014 and was neutered by Thanksgiving. It really calmed him down and cut back on the mounting. He was a year old in November and Pudding is spayed and around 4 years. When they play the last month Bandit tries to swing his backside around and sit on Pudding's head. This is new for him and she doesn't like it and runs to me or hides. He will stop and sit if I sternly tell him No. I find this behavior strange and wonder if anyone else has experienced this? I am wondering if it's for attention as I have been spending a lot of time helping my parents as my mother recently fell gravely ill and needs my help. Thank you.

Hi there and welcome, I apologize for the delay in advice!

It does sound like he is showing some separation behavior, and possibly even a bit of dominance behavior as well.

Be careful on how you react to this though. Our first reaction might be to scold him and rescue the girl kitty, but be careful of this, as sometimes it can actually escalate the situation.

Hopefully others will chime in here and offer some advice on this, more than what I can offer.

Hi, could you please describe in more lengh and detail, what is exactly happening in the critical moments?

There are several possible behaviors possible, it will help to analyse if we know exactly what is happening?   We only understand Pudding isnt too happy with this.

Does he pursue her when she rans away and hide?

But otherwise, they are pals with each other, and they DO plays together?   Who seems to be the alpha cat?

3happycats said:

Bandit moved here in october 2014 and was neutered by Thanksgiving. It really calmed him down and cut back on the mounting. He was a year old in November and Pudding is spayed and around 4 years. When they play the last month Bandit tries to swing his backside around and sit on Pudding's head. This is new for him and she doesn't like it and runs to me or hides. He will stop and sit if I sternly tell him No. I find this behavior strange and wonder if anyone else has experienced this? I am wondering if it's for attention as I have been spending a lot of time helping my parents as my mother recently fell gravely ill and needs my help. Thank you.

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I think he's figured out she doesn't like it and does it to annoy her :tongue2:. Pesty little brother! If she consistently stops playing when he does it, he'll eventually figure out that playtime stops when he does it so he won't do it if he wants playtime to continue. Cats are pretty good at teaching each other those kinds of things. Unless it escalates to more serious bullying, I wouldn't interfere. You don't want to strain their relationship.

Thank you so very much catwoman, stefan and willowy for your thoughts and suggestions. Bandit and Pudding will start to wrestle and sometimes she squeals/squeaks if he bites too hard on her leg or neck. He gets excited as his nose turns bright pink when he does. Then they pull apart and she crouches with tail lashing. He is standing and this is usually when he swings his butt around and tries to sit on her head. She sometimes tries to tackle him and though he is a bit smaller he is heavier, more solid and will chase her. At least she gets him off her then runs at which point she hides or jumps up out of his reach and prepares to swat him if he tries to join her. At this point he walks off. If he tries this on Lucy, my senior cat, she Usually growles and her growl discourages him. If not she beats him down then goes under the dresser where he can't pounce her and sleeps. The wrestling may last about twenty minutes but the rest only a few minutes. I have snapped a towel in the air a few times and scolded him. Should I just remove her when he starts? You could be right willowy as he is just do full of antics. I would tend to say Bandit is more dominate over Pudding, but not Lucy. He will shove Pudding from food and water dish and often guards the water dish til Lucy hikes him. Pudding is such a meek and gentle cat it worries me that she is stressed. I noticed too that Bandit will not cover his poop and read this is dominate behavior? Hope i answered your questions and appreciate any advice.

I am thinking what Willowy mentions, he is young and full of himself still, and I also think the pecking order in your home is Lucy, Bandit, Pudding.

There are specific positions a cat will do to gain total control over it's wrestling opponent, and I bet that is what is going on.

Perhaps Bandit did not learn by growing as young kittens with siblings, which is when/how they learn to play and interact with other cats as well as humans.

One sure way to know if this is the case is, when he bites down on Pudding's leg, if she cries out, he should release immediately.

If not, then you can bet he did not have siblings to learn correct play from.

Hi catwoman, did you mean he might be anxious cause i have had to be away more? I try to cuddle and play with him before i go. Is there anything else i can do? Thank you

It could be a bit of that as well, but mostly that he knows the proper way to play with other cats.

Wow, ok. He doesn't let go when he bites her and sometimes when he nips my hand he doesn't want to let go even if i tell him to. I don't know for sure but i suspect he was given away very young then tossed out when he grew.

That explains ALOT.

They learn from about 4 weeks start to about 6 weeks as their play interactions progress to let go when they bite too hard or pin their opponent down and they yell.

They learn to immediately release, then they go right back at it.

Same thing with humans, claws and bites are a no-no, so it sounds to me that he was pulled far too young, and was allowed to use his claws and play bite people, it might be cute early on, but not so cute as they get bigger and stronger!

So now it's going to be up to you to teach, but not so easily done as if he were a young kitten.

If he bites you, immediately yell OOOWW!! And give a short but effective blow on his face so he lets go.

During cat playtime, when she yells, and he doesn't let go, give a sharp NO!! but that's it, and go towards them to get him to let go/stop what he was doing. Nothing else, no babying one or the other, let them go back at it until the next time, then do it again, until he associates it as negative behavior.

Not his fault, keep in mind

Thank you so much catwoman! I was babying her when it happened but i wasnt thinking of negative ramifactions from it. Thank for educating me about what to do.. although i have had cats all my life there is awalys something to learn. I will certainly do this immediately as i want to care for all my cats as best as possible.