Fears with pets after losing one

My Holly got sick this week. I had to take her to the ER. Ultrasound shows colitis, gastritis and pancreatitis. All mild. This week I've been giving her any canned food she'll eat. She's going for the cheap brands like Friskies, 9 Lives and Fancy Feast. As long as she eats and doesn't get sick the dr says it's fine. I'm not use to giving her cheap brands but became desperate for her to eat. I was so mortified thinking I would lose her. I took her to the same place where Cocoa passed. I was scared I'd leave without her. Has anyone else ever had a feeling of terror like that with one of your other pets after losing one previously? I may be switching her to just canned permanently. I tried Iams canned and she wouldn't eat it any more. It use to be a favorite of hers.

:rub:

YES.

I lost my cat, Romeo in October due to an unspecified congenital kidney disorder. Trips to and from the vet for a little over a week led to him ultimately being so sick that he had to be put down. I was devastated. So was my other cat. After a month, my other cat was so depressed, lonely and crying out for a friend. So I adopted an 8 month old kitten. All was good for a few weeks then the new kitten started getting sick. I was petrified that I was having a repeat of what happened to Romeo. I'm still going through it with my new cat, Haze. Almost $1500 in vet bills and still not completely sure what the underlying problem is. It's a horrible feeling. And I find myself paranoid that I will return home from work with either of my two cats seriously ill or even worse, dead.

I wish I had a more positive view to bring you. But I do understand your worry.

I'm sorry for your experiences. It can be a help to know I'm not alone with this.

It's a normal human reaction to avoid trauma, and the loss of a pet is certainly considered traumatic emotionally.

Just like if you have ever been in a car accident. The first few/several times in a car again and it's like paranoia if a car gets too close.

In time it will fade but only as the memory of it fades and is not right in front of your mind all the time.

I think you are just a wonderful cat mommy. Worrying about their health and safety just shows how much you love and care for them.

My oldest cat had a bought of colitis.  Now I watch what everyone eats and drinks and how much. I watch them in the litterbox and make sure everyone is having proper bowel movements.  If one vomits or is having an off day I am on them like Velcro.  When my oldest was sick I did not notice the first day until he was hiding, by then he would not eat, having watery bowel movements and he would not even purr. I now have a heightened awareness of their behavior.  I am lucky to have a great vet and they always respond quickly.

KittyMomma1122 said:

I think you are just a wonderful cat mommy. Worrying about their health and safety just shows how much you love and care for them.

My oldest cat had a bought of colitis.  Now I watch what everyone eats and drinks and how much. I watch them in the litterbox and make sure everyone is having proper bowel movements.  If one vomits or is having an off day I am on them like Velcro.  When my oldest was sick I did not notice the first day until he was hiding, by then he would not eat, having watery bowel movements and he would not even purr. I now have a heightened awareness of their behavior.  I am lucky to have a great vet and they always respond quickly.

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I watch mine like a hawk too!!! Lol

I didn't have the money to take her. A lady at the clinic told me beforehand to go to a site called Care Credit. They help with things like urgent pet care. When approved I got an immediate 1,200.00 limit. Her bill is 773.00. I'll be spending the rest of my life paying it off but my baby was most important.She's eating well today. Hopefully this continues.

This has been a huge issue with me, so I apologize for going on so long about it.

My last cat, Puck, lived to be almost 19, and for most of it, I didn't really know what I was doing. He started as an indoor/outdoor cat - I just felt there was no way he would come inside permanently and happily. I fed him only dry food throughout most of his life, on my vet's recommendation, and for a lot of it, it was massive bags of Purina. As he got older and I had a bit more money, it was dry Science Diet Senior Cat formula. He was a very healthy cat, and so often, it would be years between vet visits.

I was devoted to him, but while I was a very loving owner, I wasn't really a very smart one. He was hit by a car when he was 10 years old, and was lucky to escape with minor injuries. He was diagnosed with CKD at age 15 and I learned enough to move him onto wet food, but I still fed him senior cat formulations. But through diet and fluids, I had almost 4 more years with him. I know that if I had known more and done more things right, I probably could have had more.

When it was time to let him go in August 2013, I was devastated. I still cry when I think of him (my throat is tightening and my eyes are welling as I'm typing this). He has a shelf in my bedroom where I keep his ashes and his last cat bed and his food bowl. The shelves above and below it are a jumble, but nothing else EVER gets put on Puck's shelf. Some of his toys, I'll let my two kittens have, but I am more likely than not to put one away in a cupboard if I find it. Some of the things I have kept are so insane that I can't bring myself to talk about them here, where I know I'm surrounded by the people most likely to understand. I miss him every day, sometimes crushingly so, to the point that I can't carry on with what I was doing before I thought of him.

Nine months after he died, I got a new kitten, about two months old. It was hard for me to bond with her at first, and a lot of my care of her in the beginning was prompted by the question, Would I have done this for Puck? Do I wish I could go back and do this for Puck now? If the answer was yes, I did it for her without question. I feel that the best way to deal with grief and regret is to do it better next time. I've learned so much through and because of Puck, and while I can't use that to help him now, I can take what I've learned and use it for other cats, in tribute to him. (He hated all other cats. I don't think he'd appreciate the gesture, but I make it for him anyway.) I did so much wrong with Puck. With this new kitten, I was going to do absolutely everything right.

But here's the thing: I can put my kitten on the best foods. I can exercise her with the best toys. I can get her a companion when it seems she's anxious to be left alone. I can keep an eagle eye on her and get her to the vet the moment I sense something is wrong with her. I can get her shots on schedule and spayed on schedule - I can do everything right to the best of my ability. But things still go wrong. And when they go wrong, it sends me completely off the rails.

I ended up calling the ASPCA grief hotline about this, after a terrible week with my girl that ended with her at an unnecessary emergency appointment with the travelling veterinary opthamologist. It's like there's something in me that thinks that if I do everything right, nothing bad can happen to her, but also that if I do everything right, then somehow I can get Puck back. And when things go wrong with my kitten, it's not just that my kitten is suffering (which is awful enough), but also that I am somehow losing my chance at Puck again. Everything in me just flips out.

The woman I spoke to had some really helpful insights: she said that the years I spent caring for a chronically ill pet have changed me, and hypervigilance has become a part of who I am now. This is probably why I feel better feeding good foods and crushing up supplements to give to my kittens; I've trained myself to think that this is proper care with Puck's arthritis medicines. She also told me that it's part of the human condition to try to recreate situations where we'd like to change the outcome, and to try to do them differently this time around, and so somehow change the past by doing so. It's similar to how grandparents are with grandchildren; they love their grandchildren for themselves, but their patience and kindness is informed by all the things they wish they had done differently with their own children.

For some reason, understanding that these behaviors on my part are aimed at soothing my anxiety and sadness, somehow helps soothe my anxiety and sadness. Just understanding why I feel and act this way helps.

Again, I apologize for such a long, long reply. Your question is so close to my heart. And I hope your baby feels better soon, and that you feel better, too.

Thank you for sharing. I'm sure it was very painful. I have found myself apologizing to Cocoa for not being able to save him and wishing I had gotten him in sooner. Maybe he'd be here.If I only had known about this credit company then. But I think back to it being the holidays and having a big snow storm. He got sick the day after Christmas. There's no way I could find a ride back then. I really have a hard time forgiving myself.

I think in everything I said (sorry, sorry) what kind of got lost was, yes, I know how it feels to take a cat to the same place you recently lost one, to drive down the same streets in the same car to get there. And to feel a new unreasoning terror because you can only think of what happened last time.

I am really glad that you've found new ways to take care of your cats, and I am so sorry that you feel this guilt for not knowing these things and having the resources available to you when Cocoa was sick. Please try to forgive yourself: you didn't know, and you didn't have these resources. I really do mean it when I say that the best use for grief and regret is to try to do it better next time. And you're doing that. You did the best you could for Cocoa at the time, and you've made it so you can do better now. That more than anything shows how much you loved Cocoa, and maybe Cocoa, wherever he is now, can see that too.

Just noticed this. They had to shave Holly for the ultrasound. With her coloring and shave it looks like a heart.

Awe  

I understand the trauma that is experienced when we lose our loved ones, but I wish I had a way to at least decrease the horrible feelings I get, and the worrying I do so I could at least help others through this awful period in our lives.  I'm sure it is post traumatic stress syndrome. Every time I hear a car going too fast, or see something laying in the road, my mind flashes back to that horrible day when I saw my beautiful cat get hit by that car. My stomach drops and I get tears in my eyes. Now I worry so much about something happening to my two boys I get sick to my stomach. It's natural, but painful. We cannot change the past or the future, we have to live for today and hope we have learned from our mistakes so they never happen again. Love what you have now and make sure they know it. Time is the great healer and knowing our sweet babies would never blame us for anything helps. They would want us to love again and to keep them alive in our hearts. Please take care, be gentle on yourself, and know one day you'll be able to remember your precious one with a smile instead of tears.

angels4mom said:

My Holly got sick this week. I had to take her to the ER. Ultrasound shows colitis, gastritis and pancreatitis. All mild. This week I've been giving her any canned food she'll eat. She's going for the cheap brands like Friskies, 9 Lives and Fancy Feast. As long as she eats and doesn't get sick the dr says it's fine. I'm not use to giving her cheap brands but became desperate for her to eat. I was so mortified thinking I would lose her. I took her to the same place where Cocoa passed. I was scared I'd leave without her. Has anyone else ever had a feeling of terror like that with one of your other pets after losing one previously? I may be switching her to just canned permanently. I tried Iams canned and she wouldn't eat it any more. It use to be a favorite of hers.

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First off, I extend many HUGE hugs to ((((you)))) and to say that...YES! I have had and am still having that terror. Actually I had wondered if other people felt that fear too. The first time I came here was last month when my little Slinkey Cat was dying. Although I refused to accept it. I went to 2 different  veternarian clinics and 3 different vets saw him. The last time we went they found a tumor growing in his throat. I refused to put him down (huge mistake) I could never watch that suffering again. It got extremely bad the last 2 days,I can't stand the thought of going through that pain again even if one goes in a natural way r in their sleep.. The vet said he would last for another 3 weeks-maybe. But he died a week later. The vets think it was feline cancer AND H.I.V. with how his congestion would get better for a few days then he'd be even worse. It was like the saying,'2 steps forward and 4 steps backwards'.  A simple cold/congestion is how it all started. So now the youngest kitten I have has a very slightly runny nose but has an appeitite and plays some. I know it isn't the same as my Slinkey but still,I'm scared of going through that pain again. I rescued him and we were very close. The others are rescues too. One is 9 months old I raised him from 2 weeks old.His mom had the litter on my porch in a shelter I had set up for the strays to stay in. The youngest is from a second litter she had about 4-5 months later. Wish I could catch her to get her fixed,but she's totally feral.