Beginning to wonder if I made a mistake adopting a new kitten...

Ever since my mom put our oldest cat to sleep I've been missing 2 cats in our house.  My other, Matty, is about 12 years old now, she doesn't do much but lay about eat and thats it.  I dont quite remember much about when she was a kitten, but it seems very different to our newest, Chloe.  I got Chloe about 4 monthes ago.  She's now about 8 monthes old and she's proving more difficult than I can handle.  She's upsetting Matty constantly, and now she's getting a bit too fat for her age.  I'm starting to think I made a huge mistake attempting to adopt a kitten.  I guess 10 years ago I was younger, more lively than I am now, I've had severe depression for a very long time, but when I had Matty it seemed much easier.  Now it's much more difficult for me.  I have trouble taking care of my own self and the thoughts of wanting another cat got the better of me, even despite some of my Aunt's warning against a new kitten.  But now that we are kind of attached to the kitten, how do I just up and give her away?  Should I?  I'm absolutely scared to death I'm hurting this kitten in the long run.  I'm ashamed of myself for everything, but she's becoming more and more hyper to the point it's kind of driving me, my mother, and Matty crazy.  I hate to get give her away, or back to the humane society but I don't know what to do.  Even when I first got her I was wrestling thoughts of "Was this a good idea?  Did I do the right thing?"  This kitten is always purring so it's not like she isn't happy.  But I notice myself, when I'm frustrated and depressed, wanting to yell at her to get down off the tables, or somewhere she's not suppose to be.  I absolutely do NOT want to hurt this kitten in any way.  And I fear by keeping her I may very well be doing just that.  Whats worse is, my grandma may be dying soon and I have no time to properly watch over the kitten, as far as food and playtime.  Since Christmas my grandma had a heartattack and isn't doing good at all, now she's out and in a rehab center but she's not eating much, she's very weak and it's taking a toll on everyone in my family.  I just don't know what to do right now...

Well I'm sorry for all the challenges you are facing.  My understanding is that it's much easier to adopt a young cat or kitten out rather than an adult cat so the sooner you take the cat back to the humane society the better if that's what you decide to do.  Try also not to project any intention into the kittens actions, her actions have no motive other than to burn off some energy or just being a kitten.  You will find that by being patient with her you will be able to be more patient with yourself.  Take care and keep us posted.

With so much stress in your life right now, it is very easy to get so overwhelmed. I agree with Reba, she is just acting like a kitten and it is getting on everyone's nerves. Four months is not very long for everyone to get along, mine took a year. Your Matty will finally get used to the change in the dynamics of the household and will finally assert herself like my Chrissy did, or will let Chloe take on the dominate role. Make sure Matty has a high place to escape to, my Chrissy had a bed on top of the fridge. Chloe needs a lot of stimulation right now, provide plenty of toys, like a 'kickaroo' (my cats LOVE these!) and refresh them once in a while by putting them in a bag with catnip. She sounds like she needs to get herself tired out. Cats, as you know, can't be trained not to do something with punishment, they just become afraid. Positive re-enforcement works much better, or distraction and giving her something she CAN do even better. Get furry 'mice' for  her to play with, perhaps a cat tree if at all possible (advertise on those free swap shows on the radio for one), or another kitten like I do so she leaves the 'oldster' alone,    I have always got two to keep each other company, then the oldster assumes the role of 'Queen'!  Remember too that cats can be left alone for a while, you may have to provide extra litterboxes, water and dry food, but it will work out. Please don't give up, look at that tiny face and know she loves you very much, but HAS to be a kitten for now! Things will get better, no matter how bad things seem now, the future always brings change and we have to think it will get better. I'll pray for you all, and keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Di and Bob said:

 
With so much stress in your life right now, it is very easy to get so overwhelmed. I agree with Reba, she is just acting like a kitten and it is getting on everyone's nerves. Four months is not very long for everyone to get along, mine took a year. Your Matty will finally get used to the change in the dynamics of the household and will finally assert herself like my Chrissy did, or will let Chloe take on the dominate role. Make sure Matty has a high place to escape to, my Chrissy had a bed on top of the fridge. Chloe needs a lot of stimulation right now, provide plenty of toys, like a 'kickaroo' (my cats LOVE these!) and refresh them once in a while by putting them in a bag with catnip. She sounds like she needs to get herself tired out. Cats, as you know, can't be trained not to do something with punishment, they just become afraid. Positive re-enforcement works much better, or distraction and giving her something she CAN do even better. Get furry 'mice' for  her to play with, perhaps a cat tree if at all possible (advertise on those free swap shows on the radio for one), or another kitten like I do so she leaves the 'oldster' alone,  

 I have always got two to keep each other company, then the oldster assumes the role of 'Queen'!  Remember too that cats can be left alone for a while, you may have to provide extra litterboxes, water and dry food, but it will work out. Please don't give up, look at that tiny face and know she loves you very much, but HAS to be a kitten for now! Things will get better, no matter how bad things seem now, the future always brings change and we have to think it will get better. I'll pray for you all, and keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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Problem is, Matty is a bit hefty herself, declawed (biggest mistake I made with her), and clumsy due to minor arthritis in her left hip.  She never really was a tree type cat, she was always a ground cat.  Besides the Kitten can get to places Matty can't.  And since all Matty does is lay around in her usual comfy zones, she wants to be left alone for the most part.  Even when I attempt to pet her she gets all pissy.  I mean looking at the face of the kitten upsets me knowing I may have to give her up, but as it stands i'm not sure I'm responsible enough to take care of her.  Since Matty isn't high energy anymore due to her age, she's much easier to handle and take care of.  The kitten has ripped the cloth from under my bed spring which is another problem I don't know how I'm going to fix, since even if I restaple it back to the way it was, she will just end up tearing it even more and it will be too damaged to restaple.  I might have trouble doing that now.  Then there is the food issue.  We are so used to topping off the food bowl and leaving it out, although Matty has been a bit chunky due to that, that right now I have no idea how to regulate food.  And given that I won't be home all the time to regulate, I can't not have food for them.  I mean I tried to put the food bowls up so they weren't eating so much but the kitten just ended up jumping where the food was anyway.  And to add on to this problem, Matty ends up throwing up if she eats the kitten chow, and the kitten doesn't really eat the kitten chow that much since we have the regular cat food out.  I mean I consulted 2 different vets at 2 differnet times from our pet center and each said the opposite, one said its better for the kitten to eat the kitten chow, but if Matty gets at it, she vomits it up since it's too rich and she's not used to it.  After we told the second vet about this problem, they said it would probably be better to leave the normal cat food out and not worry so much over kitten chow to avoid Matty getting fat.  I'm at odds now to wat to do.  And my stress level is increasing and I'm getting to the point I'm getting overloaded, and I tend to shut down when I'm overwhelmed like this and I'm worried I'll get to that point.  Since my mother, who lives with all of us, helps us out with this isn't here right now due to all the commotion and other reasons, I'm left alone to deal with all of this and I don't think I'm doing a good enough job to warrant keeping the cat.  The last thing I want is to cause damage to this kitten, and already she's getting hefty.  I simply don't know what to do.  Either way is going to be upsetting to me.  My aunt even chimed in about how I was in the wrong getting a kitten because when Misty, our oldest was put to sleep, I wasn't sure if I was going to get another cat so there would be 2.  We are used to 2 and my aunt said, which I do know of course, that cats are mostly independant and some cats are more so than others.  I also do know that Matty was more independant, she would come into my room and sit under my computer desk, or on top of it.  Even now, that my mother hasn't been at home for awhile do to being with her boyfriend all the time, Matty has been coming into my room and sleeping on my bed, of course Chloe would jump up and initiate play and Matty will swat furiously at her, and growl.  I have to attempt to pet Matty to calm her and she just keeps growling in a low voice.  I can't help wondering if I have hurt my Matty due to stress of bringing in this new kitten.

EDIT:  Oh I also forgot to mention too, I haven't been playing with the kitten nearly as much as I did when I first got her.  I know this is bad because kittens need alot of attention.  I've been so depressed these past few monthes, and with all this newfound stress I have little motivation for much of anything anymore.  All I do is sit at home, sleep go watch over my grandma in the rehab center come home at like 2-3am, go to sleep get up, if I can get sleep, I haven't even been taking proper care of myself.  This is mainly why I feel I probably shouldn't have adopted a kitten -_-.  At the time I was thinking this wouldn't be too much of a hassle but over the few monthes I've had her my own mental state has deteriorated.

 think you're absolutely right when you said no matter what you choose you're going to feel bad about it.     What you don't want is to wait for a situation where it becomes a catastsrophe and that is what makes the decision for you to return the cat to the shelter.   As I said, an 8 month old kitten is still pretty cute and very adoptable.  I realize people want you to hang in there, but what I'm reading is that you have more than just a simple case of frustration on your hands.  Plus the older the kitten gets the less likely it will be adopted again and I think that's a risk factor that has to be considered any time people decide to wait and see if things work out.

I wish there were an easy solution for this problem.  I realize you're dealing with severe depression and were not in a state of mind to make a clear choice about adopting.  It's a common mistake.  However, the Humane Society IS a kill shelter.  At most, the cat will have 3 days to be adopted.  Cats are scared in shelters and they will be very distant and scared acting in that time.  So people telling you "Oh it's young, it'll be adopted right away." is wishful thinking.  I would suggest rehoming yourself.  Very few RESCUES (aka no kill shelters) will take straight from people.  They need to save their resources for saving cats from the kill shelters.  There just isn't the room or money to save them all.  Shelters are overrun and adopting out to people they really shouldn't.  That's sad.  But they feel it's better than killing another poor and innocent furbaby that may have reached it's time.  More than likely, this kitten will have only 3 days if you take them to a shelter.  Just being totally honest with you.

Put ads up in Petco or PetSmart or vet offices.  And just be honest with people.  Mostly you will probably find the kitten a home very quickly. 

While I think those are good suggestions for adopting out her kitten, it's impossible to know what the policies are at her shelter, how full it is or that the kitten will be euthanized in three days.  Our "kill shelter" keeps cats for months.

And don't get me started on the kill versus non-kill shelter, when the non-kill shelters reject cats that they can't adopt, they are just as responsible for them being euthanized at a kill shelter or abandoned to die miserable deaths on the street.  When the non-kill shelter takes all comers, and then feeds and houses these cats for life, then that'll be a legitimate label.  I'm sick of watching the compassionate people at traditional shelters get demonized and become even more underfunded by this ridiculous mischaracterization of what they do and what they deal with.  Not to mention the impact on their fund raising which robs them of resources and results in them having to euthanize even more animals.

I'm sorry for the problems you're having!  At least you're concerned for the kitten's welfare and are trying to do the right thing.  The SPCA has a re-homing program for people unable to care for their pets. Maybe you can get the kitten a good home that way?  As far as playing, even just trailing a string behind you as you're moving around the house will give her a bit more exercise.  Good luck!

Our shelter has a  while board in pet smart behind the cages so you can see how many cats are adopted in a week.  The seem to do a pretty good job, especially this time of year when they aren't overrun with kittens.  As I said, I don't the particulars of where she lives or what her shelter is like, but it is true that she would be better off looking for a rescue.  The one time I called around here I never got a call back.  They are usually full or trying to save animals that are in danger of being euthanized.  And putting signs up requires transportation and/or the willingness to let strangers into your home - plus there's no screening process as there is at a shelter.  So to me putting up flyers, or putting your pet up for adoption on craigslist, is placing that animal at additional risk for mistreatment, neglect or adoption failure.  At least the shelters and rescues have applications and policies that state the pet must be returned to them.  Plus an eight month old kitten is still pretty cute and this one sounds very social.  I want her to keep the kitten, but that may just not be possible.

This is a tough situation regardless of your decision, but I must say, I tend to agree with what @Reba  said, that it sounds as if you are beyond just a bit of frustration due to life changes, depression, and so on.

If I were able to advise you prior to getting this kitten, I would have discouraged it as much as possible.

For one thing, you had a pair of older, calm cats, kittens are high energy and alot of work, which is why I will always suggest to adopters that it's a good idea when getting a young kitten to adopt a pair. They will wear one another out and not so much drive your current cat nuts.

Another big reason is, how it effects the senior cat at home. It's alot of stress for them, as kittens tend to annoy and push all the right buttons that clearly aggravate an older, more calm settled cat.

It often will make the old cat feel replaced. The new kitten can relentlessly go after the top position, which demotes the older cat, basically leaving them feeling replaced.

They can no longer enjoy time spent alone with you as they once did because as you mentioned, your cat Matty comes to your bed and whoop! There's the kitten! SO annoying!

If you adopted this kitten from the hs, then she was up for adoptions, and will be again.

Whether a shelter is a kill or a no kill, they all have adoptables there, without a time limit.

Your best bet is another older cat, which in addition may be saving it's life because older cats are not chosen nearly as often as kittens and young cats are.

So there they sit and wait, overlooked endlessly.

Older cats have histories, how did this cat get here, did their owner pass away? 

One of the saddest things I see is how long the adult/older cats wait, getting withdrawn as time goes on, unowned and feeling lost and unloved.

Kittens are carefree, just give them a sibling or a toy and they're good to go! They don't wait long before they are chosen.

Don't think too hard on it, don't try to force yourself to keep her out of guilt, try calling the hs she came from and say you are considering swapping her for an older MALE cat. (best bet for a good match with Matty)

Ask if she will go back up for adoptions, and I bet she will.

The older cat you swap for will be SO grateful to you, and I'd bet anything that kitten would be adopted 10 times over in the same time it would take for the older cat to be adopted.

Think about that idea. 

catwoman707 said:

 
This is a tough situation regardless of your decision, but I must say, I tend to agree with what @Reba  said, that it sounds as if you are beyond just a bit of frustration due to life changes, depression, and so on.

If I were able to advise you prior to getting this kitten, I would have discouraged it as much as possible.

For one thing, you had a pair of older, calm cats, kittens are high energy and alot of work, which is why I will always suggest to adopters that it's a good idea when getting a young kitten to adopt a pair. They will wear one another out and not so much drive your current cat nuts.

Another big reason is, how it effects the senior cat at home. It's alot of stress for them, as kittens tend to annoy and push all the right buttons that clearly aggravate an older, more calm settled cat.

It often will make the old cat feel replaced. The new kitten can relentlessly go after the top position, which demotes the older cat, basically leaving them feeling replaced.

They can no longer enjoy time spent alone with you as they once did because as you mentioned, your cat Matty comes to your bed and whoop! There's the kitten! SO annoying!

If you adopted this kitten from the hs, then she was up for adoptions, and will be again.

Whether a shelter is a kill or a no kill, they all have adoptables there, without a time limit.

Your best bet is another older cat, which in addition may be saving it's life because older cats are not chosen nearly as often as kittens and young cats are.

So there they sit and wait, overlooked endlessly.

Older cats have histories, how did this cat get here, did their owner pass away? 

One of the saddest things I see is how long the adult/older cats wait, getting withdrawn as time goes on, unowned and feeling lost and unloved.

Kittens are carefree, just give them a sibling or a toy and they're good to go! They don't wait long before they are chosen.

Don't think too hard on it, don't try to force yourself to keep her out of guilt, try calling the hs she came from and say you are considering swapping her for an older MALE cat. (best bet for a good match with Matty)

Ask if she will go back up for adoptions, and I bet she will.

The older cat you swap for will be SO grateful to you, and I'd bet anything that kitten would be adopted 10 times over in the same time it would take for the older cat to be adopted.

Think about that idea. 

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At one point I was thinking of getting a second to keep chloe occupied but man I tend to think that would have been a foolish decision.

btw I'm a he >.>.

Anyway My local human society has had some negative reviews i've found.  When I got her she had ear mites and they said they got them all yet she had them and i nearly gave them to Matty.  I diligently cared for her ailments when I received her from the HS.  She had an upper resperitory issue, and Matty ended up getting that as well so I definatly feel I foolishly jumped the gun on adopting the kitten.  I am going to look into ways to maybe see if I can find a good home for her, I still may keep her but.  It's all up in the air right now.

Can I ask you an odd question?

Is Chloe by chance a calico or a tortie?

catwoman707 said:

 
Can I ask you an odd question?

Is Chloe by chance a calico or a tortie?

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Don't see how that's an odd question .  She's black with a tinge of white on her belly and her upper chest just below her neck.

Well just that I specified calico or tortie rather than ask her colors

I love black cats btw !  

catwoman707 said:

 
Well just that I specified calico or tortie rather than ask her colors

I love black cats btw !  

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Both my other cats were tabbies so we thought changing up the color was in order.  I'm not disappointed with her honestly.  She's a very beautiful kitten.  Idon't have access right now to pictures, when I do I'll see if I can post some to show you.

Great!

I asked if calico or tortie because although most all females rule over males, calicos and torts have attitude so-to-speak and will not be fine with another cat being the top cat.

In all actuality, I read about a color study done with cats, and black cats ranked high or even highest in doing the best living in multicat homes.

I'm hoping my next cat is black, but I don't get the pleasure of choosing, it's whoever crosses my path that needs to stay with me. (I have a rescue group so LOTS come and go)

Afterall, black cats go with every decor, are slimming when held against you, are easy to find in the snow, and I wear black clothes alot so I don't need to worry about cat hair

JK.

catwoman707 said:

 
Great!

I asked if calico or tortie because although most all females rule over males, calicos and torts have attitude so-to-speak and will not be fine with another cat being the top cat.

In all actuality, I read about a color study done with cats, and black cats ranked high or even highest in doing the best living in multicat homes.

I'm hoping my next cat is black, but I don't get the pleasure of choosing, it's whoever crosses my path that needs to stay with me. (I have a rescue group so LOTS come and go)

Afterall, black cats go with every decor, are slimming when held against you, are easy to find in the snow, and I wear black clothes alot so I don't need to worry about cat hair

JK.

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Well the only thing that works against them, is sometimes we have a hard time seeing them.  We have electrical problems in our hallway lights and she tends to dart all around and we've stepped on her a few times, poor thing.  But we are careful, I pretty much anticipate, and listen, so when I hear her like jump off my bed I literally stop moving a sec to let her zip past me so I don't step on her.  Even then though I sometimes nearly step on her.

That last line about easy to find in the snow, etc I was kidding around

Sad but so true, she gets in the way and knocked around or stepped on will teach her not to get underfoot. I know, the hard way, but some kittens/teenagers have to learn the hard way.

Reminds me of when my daughters were teens.................

Well, after calming down and giving it ample thought, I realize I'm being way too hard on myself.  This cat looks up to me.  It loves me.  Everytime I see her she's purring.  How can I give this up she's apart of our family now.  no I have decided it would be sad and foolish to give her up.  What kind of person would I be if I gave up on her, or myself for that matter that fast.  No She's such a cutey.  I will endeavor to do the best I can and she will love me and grow up strong and healthy.  I seem to do just fine with Matty.  She's content and happy, least I think so .  Anyway for now I'll keep posting updates, and if I ever have questions will ask on these forums.

xeoneex said:

 
Well, after calming down and giving it ample thought, I realize I'm being way too hard on myself.  This cat looks up to me.  It loves me.  Everytime I see her she's purring.  How can I give this up she's apart of our family now.  no I have decided it would be sad and foolish to give her up.  What kind of person would I be if I gave up on her, or myself for that matter that fast.  No She's such a cutey.  I will endeavor to do the best I can and she will love me and grow up strong and healthy.  I seem to do just fine with Matty.  She's content and happy, least I think so .  Anyway for now I'll keep posting updates, and if I ever have questions will ask on these forums.

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Sounds like you've made up your mind to keep her and deal with things if/as they come.

Great to hear!

We are always here if and when you need help or support, or simply to show off some pics!!