When to euthanize....

I have written a few threads, my little girl Mia, who is almost 13 yrs old, was diagnosed with lymphoma of the esophagus on May 1, 2014. As she is not carrier friendly at all, and draws blood from me regardless of method, carrier type, etc, I decided not to do chemo, since this cancer is not curable. I did decide to do prednisolone treatment, 2x a day. The oncologist only gave her 2-3 months on prednisone as of today she is 10 days shy of 3 months. She was doing fantastic acting completely herself until recently. Recently she hasn't been eating as much, her bowel movements and urination are normal, but yesterday she did throw up some foam with blood (bright red blood, I believe a lesion in her throat is irritating her, hence not eating). However after she threw up, she laid down for a bit, and settled down, and the. From last night to this am, she ate (or lapped up gravy) more than she has in 2 days. She hasn't been eating the actual meat from food, more just laps up all the gravy and then may eat alittle meat. This morning she eate more, used her litter box, then scratched on her scratch pad, jumped onto her window perch and cleaned herself....she seemed good and better than the past few days. However just a bit ago she was dry heaving/coughing for about 20 seconds and then stopped and laid back down on her window perch. I am struggling to figure out if it's time to euthanize her. She seems good more often then not, and she isn't struggling to breath, or panting, or not using the bathroom, and she seems comfortable, but I'm a realist and know that the cancer in her throat is effecting her and that the prednisone can only do so much for so long. But is it time? I do not want her to suffer at all or be living in pain. I just don't want to end her life before she's ready. I'm so sad and upset and my heart aches because I love her with every fiber in my body. I spend 20 hours at home with her the past few days I never want her to feel alone or be in pain or uncomfortable. Anyone who may have been in this situation I am looking for honesty and guidance, as I have never had to put down an animal. Thank you everyone who reads and answers.

I'm so sorry you're having to make this decision. Ultimately, you know her best. If you find certain things are getting a bit more difficult for her but she is otherwise in good spirits and acting normally, you can try blending her food into a puree so as a whole it's more gravy-like, easy to lap up and swallow, and doesn't cause as much discomfort for her throat while providing her with the nutrients of the food.

It's a bit of a balancing act. If she heaves and coughs, that would be something to factor in if it becomes a constant for her. Especially when you have a chronic or terminal condition, you'll see good days and you'll see bad days. Since you know what both look like, you can gauge when the bad days are very bad, and when these bad to very bad days start to take over. That's when I would say it's time...

pinkdagger said:

 
I'm so sorry you're having to make this decision. Ultimately, you know her best. If you find certain things are getting a bit more difficult for her but she is otherwise in good spirits and acting normally, you can try blending her food into a puree so as a whole it's more gravy-like, easy to lap up and swallow, and doesn't cause as much discomfort for her throat while providing her with the nutrients of the food.

It's a bit of a balancing act. If she heaves and coughs, that would be something to factor in if it becomes a constant for her. Especially when you have a chronic or terminal condition, you'll see good days and you'll see bad days. Since you know what both look like, you can gauge when the bad days are very bad, and when these bad to very bad days start to take over. That's when I would say it's time...

Click to expand...

and especially the part I put in bold. 

I'm so sorry you're both going through this. The "when" decision is never easy. When you're dealing with a terminal illness, you'll have to decide how many bad days you're comfortable with her having.

My Vet has advised me in the past that you can see it in their eyes, and usually they stop eating, and change their normal routine. Most of my pets have had to be out down due to a sudden onset of something serious, so I haven't had to make the choice of when- it was decided for me basically. Your situation will be much more difficult because you know it will only get progressively worse.

It sounds like she is still enjoying life; sitting in her window seat, eating, using the box properly, napping. When she begins showing more signs of being in distress (hiding, not enjoying her seat, not eating, etc), then it's time.

In the meantime, I second what has been said about putting her food in a blender so it's a thick gravy. You can even add some water to it to thin the consistency.

Good luck.

Thank you all for your advice and support. I have tried to purée and even add water, or more can food gravy but no meat, she still isn't eating much. I even tried to purée and freeze so the ice cube melting might entice her to play and lick, no luck. I'm still going to try everything to get some nutrients in her. And as of right now, she still seems in good spirits and no distressed at all, and hasn't had the dry heave since hours ago. So fingers crossed for more hours, days, weeks and hopefully months.

Watching her all day and night I notice everything, but it's hard, I feel helpless and cannot help wanting to make her better, more comfortable, but I know I can just be with her as much as possible and let her feel the love. Having to make the decision of "when" is very upsetting and stressful , don't want her to suffer but don't want to take away even a minute more of her life than necessary when she is doing good.

I will keep everyone I informed and I appreciate everyone words. This is very tough for me, she's my baby.

I'm so sorry Mia and you have to go through this...

Please take a deep breath and do not let the mind make this decision. You know Mia and she knows you. She will know when it is her time, and she will tell you. As @chloe wrote, it is in their eyes. Animals usually know when it's their time to leave, they know when they are tired and ready to go.

If she starts looking for places to hide, testing out new hiding places one after another, I mean really hiding from it all, even from you, that might be an indicator she is preparing. Please do not panic, it is the circle of birth and death, our animals know it and accept it as a natural transition while it is us, humans that get paralyzed by fear. 

I went through this for some months ago, trying to keep my cat around, begging him to stay around a bit longer, trying out every possible treatment except the kidney transplant (although, believe it or not, I was considering that too).

I did not handle it well, and acted out of fear and panic. On one occasion I was spending night under the bed where he was hiding, while crying and begging him do not leave yet. So he didn't, he stayed around a bit longer for me, but he suffered.

At some point my son asked me if I am still fighting for our cat, or fighting to postpone my own suffering thus not letting him go.

Then one day, after one of many hospitalisations, I saw it in his eyes. He got enough.

Then you follow your instinct, not your mind, you honor your pet's wish while your heart is breaking to pieces.

Only when you see it in her eyes, not as a conclusion of your thinking.

@Medeamagic, it will never feel right before nor after, only in that moment when you know because she is telling you with her eyes.

You will have the strength when you need it, please trust it. It is a very humbling experience. You will act out of love and your instinct will guide you. When she tells you, there will be no questions nor doubts, in that very moment.

Then, when it is done and you have helped your beloved cat to cross The Bridge, your world will be silent for a moment, before the mind sets in and starts torturing you with all its "ifs" and "whys", huge guilt and regrets. It is the mind's job. But it is not the mind's job to chose the moment - when the time comes, you will know it. Be strong, you will need it for Mia.

Please try to enjoy your time with Mia and trust that you will know when she does not want anymore.

Just be with her to the end.

I've been grieving for 3 months now and it does not go away, so I just stay with it and trying to learn the accepting part of the circle of life. What I find helpful, and what you can ask yourself at any point, is: If you knew for X years ago how heartbreaking time you will have to go through, would you then choose to not have all these beautiful years with Mia to avoid the hurt?

All my best to you and Mia  

I want to thank everyone who has listened and wrote and sent positive vibes to me and Mia. She had a great day! Ate all her gravy (with meds) and even alittle. Meat plus half a piece of minced cold cut turkey, her fav treat. She was also playing with her ball and running around the house. I know tomorrow could be a completely different day, but after the past few, I am ecstatic and am enjoying my day with Mia. So thank you all, please continue to keep us in your thoughts.

@inka, I want to thank you for your post. It really helped me, and I am so thankful to have people like you (and the other people who posted) to help me (and Mia) through this.

Thank you all! :catguy:

Good days are a gift, and may you both have more.

I am very happy to hear about Mia feeling better.  Yesterday I stopped all treatments for Franny.  As posted before here Franny has cancer and even with the 2nd opinion(so glad I did it) nothing can be done.  She found her dying spot.  She is not eating or drinking water for 24hrs.  Franny still purrs a little and wags her tail weakly when I say her name.  I was going to call the Vet today who does in home Euthanasia.  He has done this for many of my friends and also one of my cats in 2003.  Never a problem.  BUT....I am really struggling today....I don't want to put her down just to do it.  I am home, not working so I am here all day/night.  She is dying and I believe the vet will be here in the next day or two.  Here eyes are still bright.  I just don't know what to do.   I appreciate what everyone has said and I am ready for her passing.  But right now she is just sleeping in peace and is not in pain(no signs from her).  I pray she will let me know when to call.  

Robinathome how are you doing with Franny? I wish I had. Vet that would come to my house. The thought do having to get her in her carrier (which she hates) and then take her for that last ride breaks my heart and instantly makes me cry. I know I have to do it for her but the thought pains me.

Just to update everyone, Mia has not eaten or drank anything in the past 24 hours. She was hiding behind the couch most of yesterday and have of today. She finally came out to lay on her window perch but she is tired lethargic. She does not seem in pain, no tearing eyes, or panting, or difficultly breathing, but with the lack or food and water I know it is time. I think I will most likely have to take her tomorrow if she doesn't eat or drink anything I certainly will. But it's devastating to me.

I thank everyone for their support and will update everyone but right now it's a moment by moment thing, and no lnger day by day. :-(

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

Hello there, I am very saddened to hear your story but we all go through it eventually. It totally sucks!

I just went through it in late Oct, my girl was 17 & had cancer & kidney failure. I didn't want to let her go, I couldn't imagine my life without her, I have lived alone practically my whole life & she has always been there. She has outlasted many boyfriends, friends, jobs, etc. I ended up syringe feeding her because I didn't want to let her go. I knew her body was shutting down & she would never be well again. After about a week, I came to the conclusion that she was going to die & that all I'm doing is prolonging it. I contacted a home visit vet to come out as I didn't want to stress my cat out even more by putting her in a carrier & taking her to the very noisy & busy vet office.

This was my first death as an adult, people kept telling me I would know when it was time but I didn't. I didn't want to let her go because I didn't want to be alone. When I looked at her & she would just lay there, I was only keeping her around for my selfish reasons. That's when my logic kicked in & asked me, what is best for her? I have taken care of her since she was a baby, what can I do now for her? 

If she hasn't eaten anything then her body is shutting down. It's the crappiest thing in the world to deal with, I'm so sorry.

Please know my heart goes out to you.  It is the hardest decision you will have to make.  I have been through this twice and it never becomes easier to do.  It hurts BUT just remember this.  You have had a lot of wonderful times together and nothing in this world can take the memories of those away.  When I had to make this decision for my Sam, the one thing my vet said to me was this.  He said cats are very proud creatures and when the time comes, you have to let them go with their dignity and it is the last kind act you can do for her if she is suffering.   As painful as it is, you do need to remember this.  You will know in your heart when it is the right time.  More than anything, I wish I had a magic wand which would make her better and which would help you through this but I don't.  All I can do is to let you know that you and Mia are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so sorry to hear Mia is taking a turn for the worst.  I posted here some where on a thread. Last Monday night Franny would not come out of the closet next to my bed.  I brought her out in the middle of the night when she had burrowed in even father back in the closet.  She had peed herself in there even though I had placed a very small litter pan by the closet. So I put her on the bed with me at 4am and kept petting her.  When I woke at 8am Tue she was back in the closet, she ate no food or water for 2 days.  I knew she could never go thru another night like that.  She is not in pain but on this site I have read that our pets will not show us pain.  Humans as they die are given drugs to stave off their bodies shutting down.  At  2pm I called my vet.  I made a place on the bed at 3pm nice and comfortable.  I placed Franny there and and talked to her and gave her lots of love and petting.  Her eyes were not responding very well but her tail would weg when I said her name.  At 3:30 my vet came.  The first shot is to calm her and then the 2nd shot.  I am crying as I think of this.  She was gone so quickly.  BUT instead of her dying alone in the closet she died with me telling her I loved her and petting her.    I chose group cremation a little less expensive, I was going to pay for the private cremation then I thought how I did not want her to be alone there either.  I will have lots of little soles with her sole all hanging together.    This was the hardest thing I have ever done.   But I know so many of my friends have been down this path before.  Have the courage to make the right decision today.  You will feel much better when you realize you did the right thing for Mia.   A week later I am still crying....I miss Franny so much but each day it gets a little less painful.  It is not easy no matter what.  Please let us know how things go for you.  And most of all I am sorry today you are faced with this decision.  We wish they would just pass on there own, but I am glad she did not because I would have not been there with her.  

Msserena Your story is exactly mine. Mia has been my baby since 6 weeks. I live alone and she has been around through jobs, boyfriends, different houses. She is the constant. She has been by my side as I grew up from early 20's, young lady to woman. It is sad to think of my life without her. I have told myself I will not let her suffer. When I see a sign of it I will have to put on the big girl pants and do what needs to do done and what is right but I spend all yesterday crying my eyes out. although she did wind up eating and drinking last night and this morning and was even hitting the ball around. She still has fight for life in her. So I will continue to watch her like a hawk I think her time is coming soon which I am coming to grips with but you can only prepare so much. Emotionally I'm a mess.

For me, I pretty much grieved when she was still alive! When she was gone, I barely cried, I mean my eyes tear up now & then but I got it out before hand. I was leaving work, I was going to the vet, I was willing to try any medicine, anything to get her to a better state, nothing helped. I only maintained her for a longer period of time. That's crazy though that you got your baby girl around the same time as me, I was 24. I never had kids so she was it!

I'm glad to hear that Mia was eating & drinking, there will be times when she feels good & times when she doesn't. When she doesn't feel good & it's been like a week & you don't see any change, then maybe the time will be near. I wanted so bad for my girl to die naturally, I had a real hard time taking her out because that's exactly how I feel, I was playing God. But then I think, if an animal is suffering, isn't that compassion to put them out of their misery? This brings me to think that we can do this for our animals but not people that suffer with bad medical issues. I don't want to get going on another subject but it does cross my mind.

I did end up getting 3 kittens at the end of Nov. I have a dog & after my baby was gone, like a couple weeks, I was like, really? I have to live with just a dog. I'm not a dog person & know now that I can't live without a cat. The kitties are great because they are so active & play with each other & they make me laugh. But they are in no way a replacement. Maybe in 5 years they will become what my baby was but it's a crap shoot. My girl cared about me, was so involved with me, she was my everything & I was hers.

Just keep us posted, I know the computer isn't going to be something you're thinking of but try to keep doing updates.

I am so happy Mia has rallied.  That is always good.  I sure know what you mean about being an emotional mess.  So many of us, as you have read, have gone through this.  The hardest part for you right now is to live for the moment with Mia.  If she picks up, enjoy it.  She knows you love her and she in turn, loves you.  It certainly sounds like you have accepted the possibility you may have to send her home but enjoy every minute until you believe that she has indicated to you that time has come.  It does sound like she still has some fight in her.  You and Mia continue to be in my thoughts and prayers and I will certainly be following your posts.

Hi,

I didn't have time to read all the posts but try this link here. You don't have to go by what they say to do, but it might help you.

http://www.hilstvet.com/quality-of-life-scale-pets/

and try this one.

http://www.americanhumane.org/animals/adoption-pet-care/caring-for-your-pet/euthanasia-decision.html

I am truly sorry for what is happening with your cat and you. I know it is hard. Cancer shows no mercy to anyone human, feline., canine. equine, or other. Cancer really just sucks.

How is Mia, I am thinking of you Medamagic!   Today it is 8 days since my Franny left my side.  I will be honest to say that as time goes on I will be posting less.  The Cat Site was critical to my decisions in every way.  I realized here that I had to send my Franny to the rainbow bridge.  I am so thankful that I did not let her die in my closet alone in the middle of the night.  I am so thankful that I had my vet come over and very quickly ease her pain.  I am so thankful that I spent the day with her before she passed.  She would not leave the closet and she was kind of out of it when my vet came.  But I got to pet her and tell her goodbye.  PLEASE....do the right thing, all of you.  Today 8 days later...as hard as last Tuesday was I know now that was the best thing I could do for my best friend, Franny.  BUT...for some of you it did not go this way....ALWAYS...please remember you did the best you could for your pet.  There are no perfect endings in our lives.  The only perfect ending is that you tried....just the fact that you took your pet into your home and gave it a life is the most important thing you did.  Do not beat yourself up for an ending that was not perfect.  Your pet had a GREAT life with you....and that is why you cared enough to be on this website sharing your feelings. 

I am very sorry. I didn't know.

It is painful and hard and I feel time doesn't heal the wounds but you do in time learn to function with the pain.

It is still worth it to me to have them in my life, even if only for a short time.

Isn't it Dr. Suess who said "Don't cry because it's over, Smile because it happened" Think he might have said it better. Also easier said than done.

There is a site called Gratefulness.org I think and you can lite an internet candle and write something as well on the candle. It burns for 3 days and then you can write another if you chose. Sometimes it helps. There is also a website called Petloss.com and they have a candle light ceremony every Monday night where they say prayers etc. For some that helps as well.

For me the only thing that ever helped was just immediately involving myself with a cat that really needed allot of help and doing all I could. It kept me from grieving and also kept me on a mission so to speak.

Everyone has ways to cope. It does hurt allot and I am so sorry.