need help has anyone ever been a cat foster?

What you are going through in my opinion is worse then a death. As you said, this is worse then when Little Geogie died. When your beloved furbaby dies you at least know where he is or what happened. Here you don't. I do understand why you're going through what you're going through. That's why I was worried.

I know where and how my mind works and I go to those dark places. I don't deal with loss or changes very well and if I'm right neither do you. This is going to take time and there is. no time limit on healing your broken heart. I'm here if you need to express your feelings.

Georgiesmommy said:

thank you all for trying so hard to help me get over this loss..every step forward i take i jump back 5

i miss my babies so very much i wish i had known i still had more time to find them homes, my landlord hasnt even checked yet..i could have had 4 more weeks to love them and maybe be more patient in finding them real homes...i am trying to find away to stop feeling so sad to stop thinking they are feeling what i am feeling im trying to tell myself they are all fine and have moved on..its just me ...this is harder than when georgie died bc neither one of had a choice,...here i made the decision and i never wanted to do this

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I have been checking here on you and glad that you posted. AW hun. I am holding you close at heart. And, listen, another four weeks would only have put off the inevitable anyway. Yes - maybe giving you some more time to find homes but I think the organization IS doing that for you. Please just keep telling yourself that and try to believe that the people are good who took your kitties. You did the right thing for your dear cat's and for yourself. I know how easily it can be to get WAY deep in cat's quickly and then some will suffer because you just cannot possibly give them all the proper food, care and shelter. See, in the end of all of this, please know that your heart is pure and good and you are a strong woman for doing what you had no other option or choice to do. I hope that all makes sense. :lol3: Be kind to yourself - we need more people like you out in this world that love cats so dearly. Bless your heart for who you are. :heart3: :heart2: Keep posting too. It will help you to continue to talk with us. :nod:

Georgiesmommy said:

 
maybe you can help me i actually do not even really know the process of this foster and rescue program..what actually goes on? Do they get shuffled around from home to home? Do they get sent to shelters? How long do fosters "foster" before giving up? what is his life in general like now?I am completely devastated because as hard as it was to give them all up and another one was also rather special but he was a much more independent kitty so I dont worry so much about him but this one I am so upset over was very special he was a very clingy baby and I never ever wanted to hurt him

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I have fostered many cats, and I know plenty of other fosters.  In general, the foster takes a cat into her home and cares for the cat until the cat is adopted into his forever home.  On some occasions, the cat may be moved to a different foster home, but the rescue is not going to "give up" or put the cat into a shelter.  They will provide a loving home for him until he is adopted into his permanent home.  My foster cats are my babies, and it's sad to see them go, but I know that I did my absolute best for them when they are finally adopted.  And yes, most of them do adapt very quickly to their new environment, especially if they have come from a home with multiple cats in the first place, like yours.

Frankly, his life can be better now.  I'm sorry that you are struggling so much over being pushed into this decision - that makes it very difficult to cope with - but it really is best for your cats.  You were overwhelmed, now it is your responsibility to make sure this doesn't happen again.  Your cats have plenty of food, attention, and love.  They will receive medical care if they need it.  No one will threaten to kick them out because there are too many.  They will be brushed, petted, and looked after.  And they will find perfect, forever homes where they will live out the rest of their very happy lives.  Be thankful for your many other kitties and remember those boys fondly, knowing you did the best thing for them.

someone sent me information saying she was connected to a group that takes pets from people who have to give them up promising to put them in foster and get them adopted but actually took them to a shelter in anther county to have them euthanized...this was documented in 2010 .i have no way of actually knowing if she did this or if they are actually in great foster or forever homes now bc all she tells me is of course they are all great now, what is she going to say, "Oh hell no i took all your beloved cats to have them killed that same night'?? of course not...the documents say she and her group do it bc the animals are "better off dead than with their families"...I am not sure if all this really happened or if it was created by crazy over the top animal rights people who saw her bringing very sick rescued animals in to be euthanized bc there was no hope for them. I realize this is my own problem and I should have been a better cat mom and looked into her before but was out of time...also i always ALWAYS fed my cats very well, all of them...always had clean water and they all got attention from all of us in my home...now vet care no i cannot afford which is very bad. there were too many i know this but i love (not lovED but LOVE) them all more than any one can imagine...being without them is very very painful and i miss them so much it is hard to breath hard to sleep, hard to eat, hard to function....

please know that just because I dont have much money does not mean i took bad care of them...they were all safe always indoors slept on my bed with me or anyone of my sons on their beds with them, had toys to play with, got love from all of us ..i tried my very best to give them the best life ever...but i failed and now i will pay for that for the rest of my life

Georgiesmommy said:

please know that just because I dont have much money does not mean i took bad care of them...they were all safe always indoors slept on my bed with me or anyone of my sons on their beds with them, had toys to play with, got love from all of us ..i tried my very best to give them the best life ever...but i failed and now i will pay for that for the rest of my life

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My heart pains for you, Georgiesmommy. Completely and utterly.

PLEASE don't ever feel a need to defend how you cared and loved for all of your kitties. That is blatantly obvious to anyone reading your thread. You will get varying posts and replies from all sorts of people on a public forum but the bottom line is that most posters really truly love cats and sometimes may or may not get their point across without sounding a bit harsh (but not meaning too). They want the best for all of your cats and think that you were very courageous to try to downsize the amount of cats you have in your home, that you did the right thing. And, have the strength to come on here to talk about it with us. We are glad that you did. :nod:

I believe that you really need to find a pet loss support group so you can find a way to release some of this internal torture that you suffer with. I DO completely understand how you must feel by saying that for the rest of your life you will suffer emotionally over letting them go. It is a very, very heavy burden to carry and the thoughts that are going through your mind as to what really happened to them. You are tormented by this every minute of everyday and I think you need help to sort through this whole ordeal. I don't see you as a failure, not at all. I see you as a success in the fact that you are trying to better your home situation, making it more manageable to care for the cats that you still have. They need you and you need them. :heart3: I also hope that your family can see this and be there to support you AND most importantly, be understanding to your feelings. I am just so sorry, hun...... :grphug:

p.s. Rescuers - which I see you as that. always have to make these hard decision and live with them. We just can't keep them all nor can we save them all as much as we want to. That is not failing these cats when we rescue and take them in with all good intentions. You have a good heart.

Thank you so much Feralvr...I am trying to find a pet loss support group near me, I belong to the Angel on my Shoulder on line group ...I try to talk to my sons but either they were not happy with the amount of cats i had and are generally happier now that there are only a few so they don't understand how i feel or they are also too devastated to talk about it...my mom tries hard but its hard when someone doesn't have the same feeling as you towards animals, she likes them but not like i do..all my friends are sick to death of me im sure....to everyone i know they are just cats...to me they were and are my family thank you for making me feel understood

I think i know why this has been so hard on me...i never, not one time, in their whole lives, ever treated them or felt like they were fosters...I knew they needed to find home but they just got in my heart and became part fo my family.... maybe thats why every other foster parent is able to let go easier than i am......

Georgiesmommy said:

Thank you so much Feralvr...I am trying to find a pet loss support group near me, I belong to the Angel on my Shoulder on line group ..

....to everyone i know they are just cats...to me they were and are my family thank you for making me feel understood

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No thanks needed because I am just glad that you are here and opening up about your feelings of loss and sadness over the whole situation. WONDERFUL to hear that you are looking for outside support. GOOD FOR YOU !!!!!! Please try to stay positive although I know hard to do. Sometimes we have to "force" ourselves to find good and try to tune out those negative thoughts.

Believe me, mine are my family too. :nod: My cat's understand me better than any person !!!! The connection we have with them is like none other. :heart3:

Georgiesmommy said:

I think i know why this has been so hard on me...i never, not one time, in their whole lives, ever treated them or felt like they were fosters...I knew they needed to find home but they just got in my heart and became part fo my family.... maybe thats why every other foster parent is able to let go easier than i am......

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You see my Walden and Wendall?? They were "fosters" and have been with me for over three years. Foster Failure - yup - that's me !!!! The foster kids become so engrained in our heart and home that it is hard to let them go AND it is so easy to become overloaded and overwhelmed with taking in more and more. I don't foster anymore (or at the moment ), because of the very reason you say. It is too hard on me to let them go too.

Adding in: Stephen posted about this earlier and I thought maybe you might be ready to make that call and wanted to share the number again. Stephanie who works the hotline and is such a wonderful, caring, compassionate and experienced pet loss (not just from death) support person AND she even talks with people and rescuers who are dealing with the same issue as you with having that HUGE hole in the heart, feeling guilt ridden, and emotionally scarred at having to part with "fostered" cats who have become family members. In fact, I think I am going to call Stephanie. I lost a dog NINE MONTHS ago and am still grieving and am beginning to think there is something wrong with me, the fact that I just can't move past it. Some days are harder than other's and I still cry easily.

This hotline is free and here is the number. ASPCA Pet Loss Hotline -- (877) GRIEF10 ............. (1- 877-474-3310)

Thinking of you, Georgiesmommy

Feralvr I dont think there is anything at all wrong with you...I know the loss of a loved pet and it is near impossible to get over...Georgie has been gone 8 month and i still dry at least once a week for him...i tried to call her a few times but only got message and she never returned my calls today is 5 weeks to the day i had to send my babies away and it still feels like day one...i miss their faces so much..I am really sorry you lost your sweet puppy I hope each day gets better and a little easier for you

 

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Everything I do feels wrong…I feel like I picked and chose the cats to send away, like somehow some were better than others, some more worthy of being in my home…that wasn’t the way it was, I gave up the ones I was never supposed to have …I didn’t love them less but it feels like that’s how I felt…they were not dispensable to me I feel like they felt unloveable bc I “threw them away”….i miss them and if there were anyway I could bring them home I would….this not knowing is killing me...i know i know they dont have human feelings and I know i post too much....im sorry

 

Georgiesmommy said:

 



Everything I do feels wrong…I feel like I picked and chose the cats to send away, like somehow some were better than others, some more worthy of being in my home…that wasn’t the way it was, I gave up the ones I was never supposed to have …I didn’t love them less but it feels like that’s how I felt…they were not dispensable to me I feel like they felt unloveable bc I “threw them away”….i miss them and if there were anyway I could bring them home I would….this not knowing is killing me...i know i know they dont have human feelings and I know i post too much....im sorry



 

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I feel your pain and know your pain. Surrounding you right now with a bubble of love, strength and courage. If you believe (and I am not overstepping) this as I do - Keep saying it over and over. The hard part is knowing which it is. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time, living in the moment right now, accepting hardships are the pathway to peace. Life is not easy and the decisions we have to make are not easy and sometimes they will haunt us forever BUT they don't have to. I believe that when your heart is as pure as yours, as good as yours, your intentions are good and pure, then you have nothing to be guilty of, nothing that you did wrong even if you can't see it right now, absolutely nothing about what you did was choosing who was loved more or less. IMO - you had the COURAGE to change the things that needed changing. Now, somehow you have to accept that what you changed was crucial and necessary in your life and just LET GO and keep living life and loving the ones you still have. They need you, Georgiesmommy. You have a purpose in this life, as we all do, and at times we lose sight of it.

Thank you for your words to me about my dog. :touch:

HI Ziggy'smom...I was wondering if you could answer my response to your message from Sunday? I am so grateful for any help you can give me you are such a wonderful person to try

Georgiesmommy said:

 



Everything I do feels wrong…I feel like I picked and chose the cats to send away, like somehow some were better than others, some more worthy of being in my home…that wasn’t the way it was, I gave up the ones I was never supposed to have …I didn’t love them less but it feels like that’s how I felt…they were not dispensable to me I feel like they felt unloveable bc I “threw them away”….i miss them and if there were anyway I could bring them home I would….this not knowing is killing me...i know i know they dont have human feelings and I know i post too much....im sorry



 

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You don't ever have to apologize for how you feel!!!
Your feelings are real and obviously still raw!!!
We are all here for you and I know how much you love your babies as like you I love mine so much! My heart aches for you truly!
I too was a single parent and I can understand you being overwhelmed and backed into a corner and forced to make decisions that you had no choice to make!
Remember you had NO choice!!! You would of been homeless!!!
I know that doesn't mean you hurt less. We are all here to listen to you.

thank you...i still count down the weeks..like this past wed was 7 weeks since i did this to them...it kills me bc no one ever came into my place to make sure they were gone like they told me they were...i miss my cats everyday ..i got a pm from someone here saying they may be able to help me at least find out what actually happened but haven't heard back yet...

I have not personally done any fostering.  I have a close friend who has fostered several cats and even socialized ferals.  She was doing this on her own privately and I can tell you that any cat or kitten in her care is very well taken care of and will stay with her until they find a forever home.  My friends cats get fed high quality food and have unlimited access to love and toys.  I adopted one of my cats from her when he was returned to her by someone else.  Her cats receive any vet care they may need immediately.  Some of the cats in her care have had to have expensive medical procedures for health issues and everything was taken care of immediately.  She treats all of her cats like she would treat her human kids.  Some of her cats are semi-feral and they still get vet care and as much love as they want to accept.

You had to make a difficult decision quickly under pressure and you made the right one even though it hurts.  My friend has the finances personally to be able to take on all these cats and while she has a few less cats than you did she has the space and the fiances to meet all their needs. It sounds like you had great intentions but got in over your head.  My friend has stopped taking in new cats because she does not want to get in over her head since she now has a demanding full-time job and is taking care of her elderly mother.  Please know that you did everything you could for your cats and have now given them a chance at a better life.  I am sure that they will adjust to their new living situation.  You did the right thing even though it hurts. Getting evicted to protect your babies would not have helped them or you.

I cannot believe its been almost 2 months and i still cry..alot...especially when Chillon's brother AJKItty comes to me and gives me a little meow....he sounds just like him and looks almost identical except for the eyes, AJKitty's eyes were always so sad looking and super small where Chillon's were HUGE...i just wish I knew for sure how they are...even if it were to confirm my worst nightmare at least i could know and try try to move on

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I know how much everyone here is trying so hard to help me overcome this and I appreciate it beyond words but I I can’t get it through my head and I don’t think anyone understands ..not here in this group but people around me..I told those cats I love them and that I would love them forever..then one day I just sent them away…and they never saw me or their family ever again…to me it’s like I had no choice but to put my kids in fostercare, ok that happens, but then I never even visited, they don’t know it’s bc they told me I cannot, all my babies know is I told them I loved them forever and then totally forgot about them and abandoned them and hurt them forever..I know people tell me cats are not capable of feeling these things but I simply cannot help thinking they do…I miss my cats beyond measure

[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <woNotOptimizeForBrowser/> </w:WordDocument></xml><![endif]everytime I close my eyes I can see Vinny sitting on my floor at my feet his head tilted back eyes closed in pleasure as I pet him I can hear Chillon and see him hoping on the tops of all my chairs to get to me to say how much he missed me when I came home from work…how he wanted to kiss me for hours but his tongue we so rough

Again I'm so sorry! Yes we here do understand. I'm actually crying thinking about how it would hurt me to loose my babies. God I feel for you and there is nothing I can do to help you! I wish this never happened to you but it did. We are here for you to vent.

You are completely understood here on this site. We all feel for you SO very much and some of us do know what you are going through. The guilt can be all consuming - mentally taxing, tortuous and exhausting. I think of you often and keep you close at heart. I wish there was more I could do and say to ease your grief and suffering. Just know we are here to hold you up however we can.