This is not going to sound very good, but it's how I feel.
Had I had a choice, I would have not had children. I don't think (but I don't know) that I would have ever gotten married....or maybe wouldn't have gotten married at 16. I do know that Rick would have liked more children; I did not and I was very adamant about that. I don't really like kids all that much, especially really young kids and babies. Once they're older and I can actually talk to them and carry on a conversation and do things with them, I'm much better.
I love my son, I dearly love my son. But I had him so young that it was almost like a kid having a kid. And I think sometimes that we grew up together. While most children were complaining about their parents complaining about the type of music they were listening to, my son's complaint was that every time he'd go for a favorite cassette, his mother had it. And when he became a teenager, he looked older than he was and I looked considerably younger than I was. So when we were out shopping together, people thought we were a couple. That was just weird in so many ways and it gave us both the creeps. (I remember we were shopping one day and I stopped at the post office. When I got out of the car, a couple guys whistled at me. I ignored them, but when I got back to the car, he was a little appalled. "You're my mother!" Why are they whistling at my mother???" And then right after we built our house, we had bought a ton of evergreen trees and were trying to get them planted. DS and I ran down to the local store for a bit of lunch and the guy there was a very chatty old man. He asked us what we were doing that day and we said that we were planting trees. That they were young trees, but they would grow. And I remember he said, "Well, you two have your whole lives ahead of you and you'll live to see those trees grow!" And DS said, "Wait, a minute.....She's my mom!") Figure that when he turned 16, I was only 32. His friends had parents who were considerably older than that. So we had a lot of issues, just trying to get along sometimes. It was hard because I was really young, too.
I always thought that I was too selfish for children. I had to give up a lot when our son was born and that has always bothered me. And I'm not talking about materialistic things. I had our son at 16, so I was trying to be a mother to an infant son, a wife, and a student....because there was no way that I was not going to graduate from school. No way. The equator would have frozen over before I would drop out; it's the way it was. And I wonder what my life would have been like had I not gotten pregnant so young. I really wanted to go to college and I did eventually and graduated with a Bachelor's in Geography (and that's how I got my present job). But I think that had I been a younger college student, I would have continued my education, gone on for my Masters and eventually, my Doctorate. I loved college, even as a nontraditional student.
As much as I dearly love my grandchildren, I am not really the grandmotherly type. I don't live for my grandchildren; my grandchildren are not my reason for being. Sorry, but that's the way it is. I love to visit with them, I love it when they visit with us. But I'm always glad when they leave, too. I have a GF whose every other word is about this grandchild or that grandchild and, to be honest, I'm kind of dismayed by that. Why? Because it's like she has no life other than those grandchildren. None. She does very little that doesn't involve her grandkids. And, although that's fine for her, that would kill me. I think that Rick would visit with the grandchildren every single weekend if he could. And often he'll go down for the day to spend time with them. And I'll stay at home. I'm content with that. Like I said, I'm too selfish for children. I enjoy spending time with them. But not every weekend of my life. It's hard to explain.