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Dumb ?...which outfit looks better? - Page 3

post #61 of 81
Shell after reading how things went I agree with you that he kind of brushed you off . that make me made myself , how dare he treat you like that . So he was up late hmmmmmm . To think positive : maybe he could not sleep . negative : he was telling you a lie . Yes talking or email is in order to see what is going on . I feel for you ((((HUGS))))
post #62 of 81
I think sending him an email like you said is good enough. Maybe tell him how you felt how he treat you, etc, and see what he has to say/ My friend met a guy in California, who she really likes. She even went out there quite a few times to see him. A few months ago, he was blowing her off, but I guess he was always busy with his work. I cant remember if she wrote him a letter or not, but things are fine now. I even told her to write him because she had nothing to lose!
post #63 of 81
Ok diving in here. Sounds to me like the two of you are on different wavelengths. He wants a pal, a friend, and you want something a bit deeper? If could be that without knowing it, you came on to strong with him in a conversation, a movement, a look? Could be anything really. Some guys are just slow when it comes to committing themselves, and to some guys, a kiss is a committment. I dated a guy when I got out of high school that didn't kiss me for 3 months! Turns out his mom and dad had shared a very rocky marriage, and Dave wanted to be certain of the girl he planned on being with before committing himself. He was also 6 years older than me at the time! We almost got married even, but I decided that I needed more than he had to offer, and broke it off with him.

Shell you are so young, and although the dating rules have changed a lot since I last played them, don't place your worth on whether a guy likes you or not. If he is meant to be in your life, the relationship is easy, not uncertain, you share laughter, not tears of frustration and you get along in silence as well as conversation. You are friends first, and the rest evolves later.
post #64 of 81
Shell, I agree with Hissy here.

First of all, you have only known him for a month, and a pretty stressful one at that. Go slow.

Look at the facts. You met him on the internet. It started as a little correspondence, maybe you will have a chance to get together. Then, all of a sudden, you have moved 80 miles to live in the same city, you had him help apartment hunt, you had him help shop for furniture, now you are all moved in and you are "dating". I know he offered to help, its not rational, but I bet he got scared.

I bet a lot of guys would be scared. I would be too.

Take it easy, I would definitely NOT send a long email, or ask for "the talk". Unless you had some very strong reason to expect more at this point, just let things be.

And, as for agreeing with Hissy, what I mean is, I see really really strong signals in what you have done that might suggest to him that you want something more out of a friendship. Give him a bit of breathing space.

I dated a guy once who broke up with me because I used to phone him on Mondays to see if he had time for a movie that week. And that was really all I wanted. A movie date.
post #65 of 81
Shell, Gotta agree w/Hissy too, she makes a good point.
Hope it gets better for you! BTW, you caused me to remember why I hated dating !
post #66 of 81
Hi Shell.

You looked gorgeous in #2 and #3..

Sorry your date didn't go well.

I agree with Mary Anne on this one though

Hugs to ya! Sam.
post #67 of 81
After reading Sammie5's response (sorry I don't keep up on the boards much anymore) I can really see why he brushed you off. Even though it was a rare set of coincidences, I can see that he is really wondering just exactly what is it you want from him? You see date, and he is thinking wedding bells and financial responsibilities! I didn't know you had involved him in all that was mentioned. Give him his space, don't write that letter, don't push this with him and then see where it goes. I know you are lonely, been there done that have the scars to prove it, but try not and let lonliness push you a direction you may not really be ready to go in and the man in your moment is clearly not wanting to be in.
post #68 of 81
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone for your suggestions & your opinions. I haven't sent him an email or even talked to him today. For right now, I think I'm just going to cool down & let it flow on it's own.

As for him going apartment & furniture hunting, he did that on his own free will. I never asked him to go with me, he offered. I thought that was super sweet of him to do that & he really helped me a lot. As for him thinking it's wedding bells & etc, I wouldn't think that he'd be thinking that at all. I told him that I wasn't ready to settle down but if it happens that's fine. You just never know when the right guy comes along...or the wrong one for that matter. As for the commitment issue in a kiss, it didn't bother him before...even earlier this week. It's just one minute he's pushing forward & the next he's pulling back. So obviously he's scared of "what might be". I won't push him...I let him handle all of this on his terms.

Hissy, you nailed it. I'm lonely...I admit that. I truly think that might have been what pushed me off the deep end last night. The homesickness has started to settle in & it's scary to be completely alone. I can only talk so much to the kitties, ya know! But once I start working, I'll be able to make new friends & the loneliness won't be so bad. It's just that right now all I've got is Ric up in Lincoln & obviously I'm pushing him too much.

Thank you all for making me realize what I've been doing & it's time for me to stop being so selfish about it. Hopefully, Ric & I can work this out and if not, I know I'll always have him as a good friend. That's the most important thing to me. A good friend in high school told me this saying & I've always thought about it in every relationship I've ever had:
"It is easier to make a friend a lover than making a lover a friend". Pretty true, huh?

Thanks again everyone! Sometimes I just need someone to ring my bell once in a while & make me see straight! That's what friends do, right? Thanks for being my friend!
post #69 of 81
I know you'll get many different opinions on this, but I think it's leaning towards him being a dud. He had to do some "yard work with his buddies" the next morning??? This guy has his priorities all wrong. A date with a gorgeous gal like you is far more important Shell. I think if he liked you, he would only mention the Saturday morning yard work if he was trying to make the point that he would rather wake up tired the next day then to have missed a night on the town with you.

Besides, he replied to an email at 1:45 AM! -sounds like an internet chat rat to me. This guy is giving clear messages, however passive. This is what he understands, so I would suggest not bothering to call him, email him or anything. I also think this is consistent with how he bahaved when you were getting to know him online. He had to be coaxed. You deserve much better Shell. There are guys who appreciate touchy feely girls who can return that affection without acting passive, or like a slimeball for that matter.
post #70 of 81
Quote:
As for him going apartment & furniture hunting, he did that on his own free will
Yeah, and isn't that just the kicker? Of course he did all that, and then probably scared himself. Because you did nothing to scare him except be a sweet, thoughtful, appreciative friend. And of course he offered to help, and it would have been really rude of you to say, no thanks, I don't need help, I can do it myself.

Its one of those venus/mars things. I've been there, done that.
post #71 of 81
Play hard to get, men love that
post #72 of 81
I was just going to say that Ginger.. Why not wait for him to contact you?
post #73 of 81
If he DOES call, don't be available, for whatever he wants to do. Can't let him think that you're needy and desperate!

Above all, DO NOT call him. He blew you off, its now up to him to re-establish contact.
post #74 of 81
Hey Shell

I admit, dating guys isn't my strong suit...The last guy I dated was almost 5 years ago (Oh man...I need to get out more! And meet more ppl!!), and we never actually "dated". I moved out to his place (it was just for a visit, and I loved it there, and everyone was so nice, I decided to stay for longer), and it was just in a tiny little town that didn't have much, so all we pretty much did was go to Bible Studies and Church. But he was very sweet...at the time. As time went on, he just got way to over protective (he didn't want me to spend time with my (ex now) best friend who had friends in the "big city" and he didn't approve of what they were doing with whom, etc etc). Eventually I figured out that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him, and broke it off. We still keep in touch some, although I think he's married now (just), and his gf didn't like me, but oh well. We had a "history" together, and it was good while it lasted. Someday it will happen, and you'll know!!! I'm sorry your date was such a bummer. Hopefully it all works out for you.

P.S. Re reading this I think it sounds kind of negative and I don't mean to come off that way.
post #75 of 81
I just have to share my most recent experience with a man who is dating. That would be my Dad. Obviously, Dad is a bit out of practice since he and Mom were married for 35+ years before she passed, and of course there was a grieving period too. So, really, he's about 40 years out of practice.

My father is an idiot. He says it himself. Women "hint" that they like him and he doesn't get it. Later when they knock him over the head with the fact that they wanted to date him, he looks back and says "Oh, did she mean that when she did this?" My sister and I roll our eyes and say "DUH!" LOL (He also still hasn't grasped the fact that he's really quite a catch!)

Anyway, the point to all of this is - don't necessarily read too much into it! Maybe he was nervous about starting his new job. Maybe he just wasn't in a romantic mood, just a mood to hang out with a friend. Honestly, most guys don't think that this is a problem with a girl they are seeing. Maybe he is a bit wary that all of a sudden you ARE so close - that 80 mile safety net he had when you met him is suddenly gone and you are REAL now. Not just a flirtation on the internet.

Just sit back and enjoy the ride Shell. Dating can be fun if you don't take it too seriously.
post #76 of 81
You looked great in the clothes that you chose.

I started my relationship online. We did know each other before though as we went to school together. There were moments of stress and not fully knowing what was happenning. But, really they are part and parcel of the dating game. It's only when they happen 24/7 that things are not going well.

It's been a month. Just sit back and try to enjoy the ride. Don't make it your number one priority and put pressure on things. Friendship is what makes a relationship work.
post #77 of 81
Quote:
Originally posted by Hydroaxe
I know you'll get many different opinions on this, but I think it's leaning towards him being a dud. He had to do some "yard work with his buddies" the next morning??? This guy has his priorities all wrong. A date with a gorgeous gal like you is far more important Shell. I think if he liked you, he would only mention the Saturday morning yard work if he was trying to make the point that he would rather wake up tired the next day then to have missed a night on the town with you.

Besides, he replied to an email at 1:45 AM! -sounds like an internet chat rat to me. This guy is giving clear messages, however passive. This is what he understands, so I would suggest not bothering to call him, email him or anything. I also think this is consistent with how he bahaved when you were getting to know him online. He had to be coaxed. You deserve much better Shell. There are guys who appreciate touchy feely girls who can return that affection without acting passive, or like a slimeball for that matter.
Aww Shell, sorry it didn't go well like you wanted to. I also agree with everyone's comments but also like this one that Hydroaxe pointed out. I wouldn't bother calling him for a few days really, just see if he calls you, don't even email him. And some guys do love the 'chase' factor. But you deserve what you want, so if he isn't giving it to you, definitely keep your doors open to other men that you will meet once you start your new job. After all this is only dating, not boyfriend/girlfriend situation or marriage. Many fish in the sea, start fishing LOL! (((hugs)))
post #78 of 81
Shell,
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this dating c**p. As I mentioned, you're a lovely young lady. You deserve better. I hope things work out for you.

George
post #79 of 81
Shell - you deserve the best and if he isn't ready to give you the best, then he isn't worth it. If you think that he is something special, however, give him a little space and time!
post #80 of 81
Just my $.02

Might get flamed for this, so I'm gonna duck!

Yes, it's kind of cheesy, and yes, it has some stuff in it that some people can find offensive, but as far as the basic message goes, I highly recommend a little paperback book called "The Rules". The basic message is very true: To find someone that will value you and treat you well, you need to value yourself, and treat yourself well. DON'T let a man take you for granted. If you let someone take you out at the last minute, stand you up, or brush you off, they will continue to do so. Don't call him. If he really wants you, he will make the time. If not, it's his loss. You are a babe, Shell! Keeping that in mind will save you from the heartbreak of ending up in a relationship where he plays the man and you play the doormat. I've been there, done that, and have thanked the girl who recommended that cheesy but blessed book to me heartily because of the grief it's saved me, and the happiness it has helped bring. It teaches women (who are all too eager to make excuses for men who don't treat them well) simple ways to act like we have a backbone, until we can develop one. If you want a partnership, you need to be treated with respect.

Please forgive the long post, and if you're a tough girl, more power to you - but I just wanted to help you out in case you need a hand. Boy, I did!

*edit
Another advantage to this method is that it allows a guy to go at his own pace and not feel smothered, which can sometimes kill a budding relationship.
post #81 of 81
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone for your replies. I have taken your advice & have not called or emailed him. I'm betting he calls me tonight since we both started our new jobs today. But if he doesn't, it's ok. You guys are right...I've pushed too hard out of lonesomeness & not out of "love". I just try too hard at times & it back fires at times too.

As for being a doormat, I've been there & done that...hoping that I've wise up a bit from the last time. No man is going to treat me like crap unless I let him which won't happen.

Thanks again for everything! You've all made me open my eyes & realize my actions.
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