Ivy passed away last night. :(

Hello all,

One of my cats died last night. I made a post in the health section a few weeks ago, and by the time I remembered about it, it was pretty old, and I didn't want to bump an old thread. Anyway, I do have one question that I'd like advice on, which'll be at the very end, in case you don't want to read everything. I'm sorry for all of the details here - I just feel like it might help me to type them out.

Ivy first had trouble breathing about a month ago, and I took her into the emergency vet because it looked really serious, and they said it was possibly electrocution, or a heart problem. I had her treated, and she got better. I took her in to my vet a week later for a checkup, and she was doing fine, but the vet suspected HCM, and recommended a cardiologist consultation. Conveniently, a cardiologist was already coming on September 3rd for another animal, so we wouldn't have to wait long. I struggled and struggled about the decision, because I had already spent so much money on her vet bills, but eventually decided to go through with the cardiologist appointment because I knew that it was best for her. So yesterday we had the cardiologist appointment, and when I picked her up, the vet told me that she did have HCM, but at this stage of the disease, she could very well have a long life expectancy with medication, and follow-up exams and such. His report noted that she had no signs of labored breathing or anything at the time, either.

When I got home, I noticed she was having a little bit of trouble breathing (her brother meowed at me to come look at her, otherwise I wouldn't have noticed, because she looked fine). I called my vet, but they were closed by that time, because the cardiologist hadn't finished until the very end of the day. I gave her the diuretic that she was normally on, thinking it might help, since it was almost time to give it to her anyway, while I went to chop up the new medication in to the right size. When I came back a few minutes later, she was having a lot more trouble breathing, and it was starting to look really serious. She went downhill so quickly, that I kind of knew she was going to die... so I made the decision to bring her in to have her put to sleep, rather than having her suffer at home. But when I went to pick her up to put her in her carrier - and I think this is the part that I feel the most guilty about - she made this awful screaming sound like she was in so much pain, and then she fell over and started coughing up blood. I don't know if picking her up like that did something to her, but I just feel so bad... I got in my car immediately, but she died within a few blocks of my house. I'm having her privately cremated, and I found a beautiful urn for her.

I just don't know what I'm feeling right now. I'm feeling so sad, a little bit guilty about if I accidentally hurt her, or could have done something different, and I just feel angry, too, kind of... From when she first got sick, to now, I've spent $1,800, and I don't want to feel like my money was wasted, but I couldn't afford the treatments to begin with, and now that she's gone, it's like I did it all for nothing, but I still have the bills to remind me of what I've lost. And if I had known that she was going to suffer so much and die in what looked like such a painful way, I would have had her put to sleep a month ago when she first had to be hospitalized. I just can't believe that she's gone. It was so unexpected. When I told my vet this morning, he was completely shocked, too, based on her exam just a few hours before she died.

Maybe the extra time with her was a gift, though - I got some beautiful pictures and videos with her, and I made sure to give her more love and attention than ever before. I made some of my best memories with her in the past month.

Anyway, my question...http://www.thecatsite.com/t/264305/advice-on-how-to-help-one-cat-after-the-other-passed-away  She has a brother, Oliver, who is now left behind. I love him so much, and I'm going to do my best for him, but when she was hospitalized before, he was so stressed out that he scratched his fur completely off in several places. Now that she's gone, he's constantly crying/meowing and searching for her, unless I'm cuddling with him. I did let him see her body, thinking it might give him some closure, but I don't think it helped... The question that I have right now is, how can I best help him through this? I want to give him as much love and affection as I can, but he starts meowing and looking for her the second I leave - nobody else can calm him down. I have work, and school soon, and I don't know how he's going to be when I'm gone for 8+ hours a day, and I just want to know how I can prepare him for me not always being there, but also give him the love and attention he deserves. =/ Any advice?

Anyway, here are some pictures. One of the three of us together (she's on the left, her brother on the right), and one of her by herself.

I am so sorry for your loss.  They are both beautiful cats.  As to how to help Oliver get over Ivy's passing, you  might want to ask in the Behavior Forum.  There are experts over there that might be able to assist.  Many people do not read this Forum as they find it too painful .  Letting him see Ivy's body was  good idea, and I'm sorry that didn't help him to understand.  Feliway diffusers might help with his stress...some people swear by them.  Some new toys might help, but I would NOT try to introduce a new buddy for him at this time.  (perhaps in a few months, but not right now, I'm thinking).  Also, there are specific CD's made for cats that are calming...just google that.  But like I said, you might start up a thread in Behavior to try to get the experts' advice on this.  Unfortunately, it's not really my area of expertise.

Again, my condolences.

Run Free at the Bridge, Ivy

My condolences on your loss of Ivy. HCM is awful. We lost our Jamie to it just over six months ago. When he was first diagnosed, the cardiologist said the average life expectancy after diagnosis was about six months, but many cats held on for a couple of years (he did). I was also told that the most likely scenario was sudden death due to a blood clot, which may have been what happened in Ivy's case; it's doubtful that picking her up had anything to do with it.

I've added a link to your Behavior thread to your above post, as you're far more likely to receive replies in that forum, as Sally said.

RIP, Ivy. You're missed so much.

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious Ivy. She was a lovely girl. My heart goes out to you and your other baby...

jlc20m

What gorgeous babies.  I'm so sorry for your loss of Ivy

Lots of strength  for you and Oliver

I'm so sorry about Ivy passing. It's horrible she was so young.

I just want to say that Papaya, you did not do anything wrong, didn't hurt Ivy, or injure her. I think that even if you left her laying where she was the same things - loud cry, coughing up blood - would have happened anyway. I'm not a vet so maybe I'm wrong about this but I think whatever was happening would have happened regardless of whether you picked her up or not.

Such a beautiful cat, and so young. What a lousy thing to have her die so young.

And while that's a huge sum of money to have spent think of this. If you hadn't spent the money and she died how guilty would you feel with a horrible case of the "if onlys" - that if only you had spent the money she would have been saved.

I'm sorry you lost your beautiful, much loved Ivy.

You did nothing wrong, it's so sad but poor Ivy is at peace now. You did absolutely nothing wrong, you were trying to help her to not suffer. There is always the guilt and the what if's, your life is changed now and there is nothing you can do. You and Oliver both need to mourn her, time will eventually bring you peace and acceptance. Love Oliver, he needs you badly right now, as you need him. Both of you will keep Ivy in your hearts, she will wait for you both at the Rainbow Bridge.

Thank you everyone. I'm going to give Oliver as much time and affection as I can, and hopefully we'll get through this soon. I'm thinking of having a memorial-type thing next week when I get her ashes back, for some closure. My parents and brother, although they only got to meet Ivy for a few short months, they came to love her, too (and they've never ever liked cats), so maybe it'll be good for them as well.