Tough situation.. please share your opinions

A person in my family (married with a relative of mine) just lost her oldest child few weeks ago. It was either a suicide or an accidental overdose.. The 'kid' was 20 years old. Only couple days before it happened he had told her mother how his dad's red tabby cat was his only friend in this world (the mom and dad are separated, mom is now newly married). 

Needless to say his mother is absolutely devastated, she visits his son's grave 2-3 times per day. We're not religious people, the whole country is quite non-religious, but when stuff like that happens, of course it makes people seek for comfort. She had been asking her son to give her a sign that he is ok and happy now.

Well, few days ago her youngest son came home and said that this little kitten had followed him home. It was a red tabby who I was told looked exactly like the one the dead son had been talking about. The mother of course though that this is a sign from his son and is eagerly keeping the kitten. Sounds beautiful, doesn't it?

It isn't. They have a cat already. I think he's 3 or 4 years old, unneutered and in horrible condition. He doesn't even have a litterbox, he's pretty much 'outdoor only' cat. Ears nearly completely missing due to fighting, saw vet apparently only once in his life last summer when he had poisoning of some kind... Let's just say the cat is not cared for properly to put it short. Adding another cat when you can't even care for one..?
Another thing.. I'm fairly sure the kitten actually belongs to someone and is just lost. It was an area where people live, not in the middle of nowhere, where the kitten had showed up. He's very young, 8-10 weeks is my estimate after seeing 2 bad quality photos, but my sister saw the kitten and mentioned that she also thinks he clearly belongs to someone. The kitten had clearly been around people and handled a lot. The mother had of course also thought that there's a strong possibility that the kitten belongs to someone and might just be lost. She admitted that even if she saw a poster/missing note in a news paper, she wouldn't return the kitten. Even microchipping had crossed her mind when my sister politely mentioned that it would be wise to neuter the kitten if they plan on keeping him.

The area where the kitten appeared has mostly families with kids living in there, so he could belong to a child. I live in a different city so I can't keep an eye on possible 'missing' posters etc. I feel bad but don't know what to do, this doesn't seem right to me.

I am so sorry about their loss of a young son that way. I understand her thinking this kitten is a sign from her son but I do not think this kitten will do well or have a good life with this family. They neglect their other older intact male cat whom will probably become aggressive with this little kitten. Doesn't sound like a happy cat to begin with and understandably so, he is neglected. So I would encourage family members she trusts to talk some sense into her. Maybe tell her it was a sign that her son is in a happy place, but that doesn't mean she should keep this kitten. Try to find the kittens owners or another good home where he will be neutered and won't have to live outside for life. In fact, their unaltered cat might chase him off anyway. Poor baby....

There's nothing you can do but maybe offer advice for the care of the kitten, and their other poor cat. She probably wants to take very good care of this kitten, maybe this is an opportunity for her to learn.

The mom should get comfort in any way she possibly can, who knows maybe the kitten IS a sign from her son.

Feralvr said:

. Try to find the kittens owners or another good home where he will be neutered and won't have to live outside for life. In fact, their unaltered cat might chase him off

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this is a tough one, but I'm inclined to agree with trying to find the owner(s) mainly because of the older neglected cat. if the young man's mother associates the red tabby as having a link to her son's spirit it could very likely be emotionally tempting for her to keep the kitten, but if she can be content with one sign and not get too attached, it's probably for the best.

overall, this is tough - There are multiple issues to remember - but in my humble opinion 95% depends on the outdoor older cat's behavior toward other cats and potential for fighting. Outside kitty sounds like one tough cookie.

SwampWitch said:

There's nothing you can do but maybe offer advice for the care of the kitten, and their other poor cat. 

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I've tried to politely offer advice with the first cat. The reaction has been (told to someone else): "she's just a clueless city girl who doesn't know anything about keeping cats". I've been giving tips to my other relatives who are in contact with her and who are complaining and telling me what ever is going on with the poor cat. I myself rarely am in contact with her, maybe once a year, but my sister is good friends with her. My sister doesn't have pets, but through her I've at least gotten partly through with the fact that the kitten would be likely to stay around and not wander off that far away if they neuter him, so at least they're now considering it..

The older cat's reaction to the kitten was to stare at him and back away slowly. He may think the mother cat is somewhere near and ready to kick his butt, hence so cautious. The kitten seemed like he had been around other cats before and wasn't scared or shy at all, just went and ate the older cat's food.

They live in a small town, I live in the city, so we're not located in the same place, hence it will be very difficult for me to try to find the kitten's possible original owner. However her youngest son has already 'advertised' on facebook that they have a new kitten (no pic yet).. He has lots of friends, some of them possibly even live near the area the kitten was found, so if 'missing'-posters turn up, some of the kid's friends may spot them. And by 'friends' I mean other kids who he maybe goes to school with or even if he just knows them by name without actually being their friend (kids on facebook.. they just must have lots of 'friends').

Is someone checking the lost and found in paper?  Also online  for whatever covers your area(paper,craigslist)

Have you thought of calling animal control/shelter/rescues(maybe they adopted it out) and asking if there was a report of a lost kitten matching that description?

I have found a few younger ones outside who never were looked for  If someone took the kitten at 6 weeks they may have gotten tired of it already

I would call around and see if there is anyone willing to get the older one fixed.  Maybe have someone ask the neighbors to use their back yard.  Sure they are all saddened of the cats shape and sick of the spraying and if they have no cost involved may work.

catsallaround said:

Is someone checking the lost and found in paper?  Also online  for whatever covers your area(paper,craigslist)

Have you thought of calling animal control/shelter/rescues(maybe they adopted it out) and asking if there was a report of a lost kitten matching that description?

I have found a few younger ones outside who never were looked for  If someone took the kitten at 6 weeks they may have gotten tired of it already

I would call around and see if there is anyone willing to get the older one fixed.  Maybe have someone ask the neighbors to use their back yard.  Sure they are all saddened of the cats shape and sick of the spraying and if they have no cost involved may work.

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They have a local news paper over there, so if someone posts a 'missing kitty' ad, most of my relatives in that area will see it. The rescues won't adopt out too young kittens, the lowest age is 12 weeks (there is even a law against it), and this kitten was younger than 12 weeks when they 'found' him. I've been checking internet, but haven't found anything yet.

Their neighbors are relatives too (with very little interest to this matter).. My family owns some land over there so my grandma lives there (often feeds the cat but that's it), my uncle lives near with his family (they just got a 'new' cat, the cat is quite old and belonged to my grandpa who died this spring), and this woman with the kitten is married to my other uncle and they live there near too.

There are few non-relative neighbors too, one of them had actually trapped the older cat around 1-2 years ago and took him to a rescue, but it's a small town so my uncle's wife heard that the cat was taken to the rescue and got him back. We don't really have an animal control, it's pretty much handled by the police, and my uncle happens to be one, her wife is an ex-police.. They know it's illegal to let a cat outdoors without supervision which makes this even more annoying. We don't have any low cost neuter systems here, it costs around $100 (or more) to neuter a male cat and this certain kitty would need to be fully vetted (dewormed & vaccinated) before he could be neutered so the price would rise a lot. I'm kinda counting on that kid to spread the pic of the cat on facebook and someone to spot that it belongs to someone they know. Well, unless the kitten indeed is just dumped and doesn't have a home, which seems unlikely.

What a sad scene that mess is  Don't know of anything else to say then.