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A Cat's Resolutions!

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 
[Via the Freedom of Information Act, I've managed to discover this list of resolutions made by one or more cats. Of course, the cats wished this list be kept secret. So, for their sake, don't breathe a word of this to anyone.]

1. I may resent being dragged away from my territory to go on vacation with the humans, but I will not cause severe embarrassment to them and great hilarity to my human brother and sister-in-law by hiding under the back seat of the car and refusing to budge, resulting in their trying to remove me bodily, one from each side of the car.

2. I know I am not allowed on the counter at any time. This does not change just because my human is getting the food bowls ready for us. When I make a running jump for the counter top, I end up sliding and knocking everything from here to kingdom come. If I continue to jump onto the counter at feeding time, I will be locked in the cat carrier until she is ready to feed me. Since I hate that thing I had better quit.

3. I promise to never ever again try to escape the apartment my human lives in and go tearing up the stairs to the third floor window in the hall that has no screen and do a "test landing." I heard this might kill off one of my nine lives and I do need them all.

4. I shouldn't reach out and grab my human's foot from under the bed, especially when she is home alone. She screams REALLY loud.

5. I will keep my claws in my paws when batting the human for attention.

6. I will learn that when I do not respond to my name when I am called, I will risk the possibility of being locked out of the house. My human is a good person and makes sure I have food and water so I won't be traumatized into thinking I am a stray once again. I do not have to put on a royally-miffed attitude when she does get home. Also, I will not go to the neighbour's house and meow pitifully until they sympathize and let me in the house. That especially drives my human bonkers because she is positive I was OUTSIDE when she went back to work. So how did I get INSIDE during the afternoon? Hmmmm, a little cat burglary?

7. I will not act if I'm being murdered during a flea bath.

8. I will not act like a ram and smash my head against the window when I want to come in.

9. I will not act like it is the end of the world because someone touched my food dish.

10. I will not attach myself to my human's calf (esp. after she has just put on stockings to go to work), and bite and scratch just because I got the impulse to do so.

[Kudos to Debbie, Bailey, & Skippy from Yahoo!Clubs "Animal Psychology."]

post #2 of 3
...for something lighthearted this evening. After all the other posts that contain something sad, I feel a little better reading this.
post #3 of 3
Thank you, Joe....and I promise to keep it all very hush-hush!!
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