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I really need some vibes

post #1 of 18
4/8/11 at 1:32pm
Thread Starter 
Some of you from fb already know, but the other day my mother told my sister and I that we were dead to her. It was my nephew's birthday and I had just said its your grandson's b-day and my sis said if she cares she will call, and mom flipped out.

The reason sis said that is my mom walked out on us when I was two and would drop in every few years. And my sister finally told her how it made her feel and mom told her that she was gone to her and when she called me I finally told her what she did when she left us and begged her to tell me why and she told me that we were both dead to her.

I just don't understand what I did that made me so bad that my mother doesn't want or love me. I just really need some way to heal right now.
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post #2 of 18
4/8/11 at 1:39pm
You didn't do anything. It sounds like your mom has a lot of issues. Don't blame yourself for the way she acts and for her not being in your life. SHE has the problem and you and your sister are not the cause of it. I'm sorry she's acting that way.
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post #3 of 18
4/8/11 at 2:03pm
Oh Gail... what sad is this...
Please do not blame yourself... I mean IF she didn´t want you....JUST pray at the Lord for her soul and be in peace....
Don´t give up!... you´re in my prayers in this moment....

....for a strong woman as you´re!........
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post #4 of 18
4/8/11 at 2:04pm
Wow...

You did absolutely NOTHING wrong, it sounds like your Mom has some major issues and she's living in a different world.
I'm sending you loads of vibes to get through this I wish there was something I could say or do to help you through this
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post #5 of 18
4/8/11 at 2:08pm
Oh hun, I am so sorry, sounds like you are better off without her as much as it may hurt you.Doesn't sound like very motherly words to me at all, be strong hun.xx
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post #6 of 18
4/8/11 at 2:21pm
Sweetie, your mom is obviously not mentally balanced/stable. No matter how much it hurts, you have to find a way to accept that. Her problem is herself, not you or your sister. She walked out when you were two, sweetie. She wasn't prepared to handle being a mom.

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post #7 of 18
4/8/11 at 2:50pm
You didn't do anything wrong, your mother did. She's the 1 with the problem.
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post #8 of 18
4/8/11 at 2:58pm
Thread Starter 
Thank you, for the kind words I know some of the members might have caught some of the arguement between my sister and my mother on my facebook page and for that I am sorry, for that. I really feel that saying what I needed to say to her did help some but I really wish she would just admit to being wrong she simply says that she never abandoned us.
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post #9 of 18
4/8/11 at 4:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LotsO'Cats View Post
You didn't do anything. It sounds like your mom has a lot of issues. Don't blame yourself for the way she acts and for her not being in your life. SHE has the problem and you and your sister are not the cause of it. I'm sorry she's acting that way.

You can't blame yourself for your mom's actions. She has to take responsibility for what she did to y'all herself. She probably says you're "dead" to her because you & your sis are reminders of what she did, and she'd rather pretend that you don't exist than to take responsiblity for her actions. I'm so sorry that you've had to experience something like that.
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post #10 of 18
4/8/11 at 4:13pm
Aw,hon, your mom has major issues. Don't take anything she says to heart. I know it's a shock to hear that from a mom. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Hold tight to your sister. You have eachother. And that may have to do for now.

Again, I am so sorry.
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post #11 of 18
4/8/11 at 4:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tavia'smom View Post
I just don't understand what I did that made me so bad that my mother doesn't want or love me. I just really need some way to heal right now.
It isn't anything about you! It's not your fault! Please stop being a victim of your Mother's emotional abuse! Become a survivor!!

By the sounds of it the person that gave birth to you is someone incapable of feeling love and attachment. That's a defect in her. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. She's defective and it resulted in you and your sister being abused, emotionally/mentally by her. Because of her personality defect, you and your sister, both suffered the fallout from it.
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post #12 of 18
4/8/11 at 4:56pm
I am sorry for what you and your sister are experiencing. I understand. Our mother left three little girls, ages, six months, one and a half and three years old. It was hard growing up without her. I understand feeling rejected. Please don't blame yourself. You did nothing. Nobody can force your mother to take responsibility for her actions. She is going to have to do that herself, and she may or may not. In the meantime, if you are hoping for a relationship with her in the future, I would just try to keep some light communication going and pray that time will make her realize what she did.
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post #13 of 18
4/8/11 at 5:37pm
I agree with all the posts. Perhaps also your mother knows you and your sister are happy with your lives and she wants to you two to be miserable like she is.
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post #14 of 18
4/8/11 at 10:39pm
There's nothing children of that age could "do" to drive a parent away, so don't let her lay a guilt trip on yyou. There are people who aren't cut out for parenthood, and you and your sister were probably better off without her. Ditto the grandchildren.
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post #15 of 18
4/9/11 at 3:10am
Reading your post made me think back on a time when someone dear to me was being inexplicably cruel. A lot of my pain arose not from the abuse itself, but from the guilt of feeling angry with someone I loved.

But sometimes people you love do bad things. Sometimes they are even bad people. It's okay to recognize that. It doesn't mean you're disloyal, and it doesn't mean you've stopped loving that person.

I hope that helps a little.
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post #16 of 18
4/9/11 at 6:24am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
It isn't anything about you! It's not your fault! Please stop being a victim of your Mother's emotional abuse! Become a survivor!!

By the sounds of it the person that gave birth to you is someone incapable of feeling love and attachment. That's a defect in her. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. She's defective and it resulted in you and your sister being abused, emotionally/mentally by her. Because of her personality defect, you and your sister, both suffered the fallout from it.
I completely agree with this. You can either allow yourself to be a victim or you can pull yourself up and deal with it. It's your mom's fault, not yours. You sound like such a nice person and you don't deserve it. It's as simple as that.
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post #17 of 18
4/9/11 at 7:30am
Oh hun. You mother sound a bit like my mother. And I have come to accept that her problems cannot be my problems anymore. I am so sorry you are going through this dysfunction and mental unstability with your mother. It is not your fault, you can't change her either. I have learned I have two choices with my mom. #1 carry on with a VERY superficial relationship and draw a VERY big boundary line. or #2 cut her out of my life. You have a good heart and you are a very strong person. I, too, have a sister and have been through all of this **** together. I am glad you have your sister to talk too.
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post #18 of 18
4/10/11 at 10:02am
It must be horrible to be abandoned like that! As everyone else has said, you did nothing to cause it. You and your sister are in my prayers, as is your mom. Perhaps some day she will realize what she has missed and request your forgiveness.

You both were treated so unfairly; it's heartbreaking. God bless you.
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