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I think I must of just had an emotional break down.

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 
I was busy here browing TCS drinking my coke when My mother goes come here Sam, I ran over much to my dislike , and saw the words jumping out onto me , man attemps to commit suicide, I contuined to read on and what I read brought absoulute tears to my eyes, I smashed my coke across the room, I screamed chucked the phone and just cried.

37 year old man Adrian Macnamara of Italian Heritage was one of my parents ( Mothers & Step Dad's best friend) attepmted to commit suicide , he lived in a flat renting one bedroom and indowsed the place with gasoline and then striking a match , yelling " May this let the devil rid me and all that other crap.. etc etc" he managed to escape with a few burns and he did over $50,000 worth of damage, he was sentanced to over 300 hours of communtity service and is on I think it's Probation or something , what really got me was his family has tried to kill him before he earned alot of money but blew it all on gambling,drinking & drugs ( we didn't know this) - he once went into my mothers work - this was 1 week before he attempted fate and asked for money, mum said no , she doesn't like borrowing money. My family was very close to Adrian he used to come and stay for weeks at a time he had good friends, invented lots of games and was a terrible singer() , He was a great person but had borrwed money from Ian(step-dad) before and we hadn't seen him since easter, he has an unlisted number and we couldn't get ahold of him.
He admitted to the judges his family had mental history and he lived in a fantasy world.

I'm not looking for sympathy- I just wanted to rant- as you know my life sucks recently and as I was just getting a grip' on myself this has just made it worse, My step dad moved out a week or two ago and i had to ring him to tell him my feelings, I hope you don't think I'm crazy or anything but this upsets me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much

Much Love, samantha
post #2 of 30
Thread Starter 
BTW: After tonight and tomorrow I'm not going to be here until Sunday night. Too much stress.
post #3 of 30
Whoa.... Sam im soo sorry. You have been through more than your share lately. I wish I could say a magic word and make all the pain go away for you.... ((((Sam)))))))
post #4 of 30
Hey sam,

dun think too much abt it...we all have our bad days and our past...anytime u need anybody to talk to, the forum is always here..
post #5 of 30
Hi Sam-

It seems like lately your plate is overflowing with so much on it. Your parent's friend sounds like he has some heavy mental problems or a big bout of depression happening. I hope he gets some help along with his community service he is performing.

To be so overwhelmed, and to be so young and sensitive, puts you at great disadvantage. I wonder if your mom would let you go see a counselor and just talk to a professional who can help you find your way out of stress?

You are such a remarkable young lady, you bend but don't break. I hope you can keep that flexibility and find peace in all of this.

Hugs ((((((((Sam)))))))))))
post #6 of 30
aww Sammykins, I know you're not looking for sympathy, but I do sympathize for you. What you're going through is really tough for most adults - nevermind a 13 year old. Well done on taking out your rage on that pop can, it's good to get your feelings out right away instead of building them up inside - which is usually what I do.
post #7 of 30
Thread Starter 
Sandra,Kate,Mary-Anne & Tamme

Thanks so much Sandra, I wish that there was a special word as well, I kinda wish that my mother hadn't told me about this I was about to do my homework and now I feel I don't really need to.. I start late tomorrow 10:00AM at college, so maybe after a good nights sleep I will feel a bit better!

Thanks Kate- I just wish Adrian hadn't attemped that- I know I shouldn't but I feel guilty.

Mary Anne.

Yes Adrian does have heavy mental problems , we never knew about them but this just proves he did have he did have depression and we did know about that. I hope he gets alot of good advice and goes off all the bad stuff.

We have councellors at school but I feel people will look down on me when I talk to them and I'm worried they might tell my mum, I love my mum don't get me wrong but I don't feel quite as attched to her as I do my step dad who has moved 20 minutes away and I never see .... I don't want to see a counceller that makes it seem as though I have problems, I think I need to see one though..

Thanks Mary Anne

aww tamme , thanks so much I felt so much better yelling & - and after I talked to Ian it releived me of all my stress - also being here to talk on TCS has helped me alot right now.

thank you,
post #8 of 30
that's what we're here for girl - if anything we'll listen.
post #9 of 30
Hey there Sam, i don't think you had a nervous breakdown
You're just under a lot of stress for someone your age at the moment...
I think we're all proud that you only had to resort to chucking a can of coke... and not to something more serious...

Don't be too hard on yourself...

I went through the same thing when i was your age. My mother re-married... and MAN did i have issues that i didn't deal with well... You're doing fine... Just remember this...

It's NOT your fault. Keep saying that to yourself... it's NOT MY FAULT... it's NOT MY FAULT... it's NOT MY FAULT...

post #10 of 30
Thread Starter 

Hey Suraya-
Thank you.
I know it's not my fault but it's still such a horrible thing to happen to some body so close to my family.

I went through the same thing when i was your age. My mother re-married... and MAN did i have issues that i didn't deal with well... You're doing fine... Just remember this...

Hey Hun- Are we talking about the same thing? I'm kinda over mum cheating on Ian- I was more upset about Adrian......

Thanks anywho!
post #11 of 30
Ya i know .... but .... i can imagine how it's all compounded .... but then that's just how i would feel ... last straw ... sort of thing ...

but ya, the it's not your fault thing was in relation to your mum not adrian (especially cause you mentioned how your life was sucking recently)... *sigh... No one told me it wasn't my fault ... and i think i may have needed to hear that way back when ...

who knows? i probably wouldn't have believed them anyway...

Hey have you heard of reiki?
post #12 of 30
Thread Starter 
BTW I always call you Suraya is that your first name? If it's not I can call you Yzma

Yeah you're right it was the straw that broke the camels back.

I agree. I'm sorry nobody told you it was your fault I bet you felt it was I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

No, What's Reiki?

Thanks Hun!
post #13 of 30
You mean that isn't the way all teenagers act?!?

My teen sons are always on a rant.

Hey Sam, take it easy, don't internallise the issues with family friends. Hopefully he will get the help he needs. If this incedent really bothers you, acess your emotions. If you are still depressed over this, hit some hummor sites, comb your cats, and/or excersize. It is OK to be sad and depressed, just don't dwell on it.

Hope this helps.

Iceman (of DragonPass)
post #14 of 30
it's a form of energy healing... i use it on my cats... to heal them...
it's quite popular in NZ... so they say anyway.
I'm going for lessons again soon.

My fiancee's mum's friend is a reiki master and she concentrates mainly on animals... I want to do that one day...
Can't wait!
post #15 of 30
Thread Starter 
Hi Iceman.

That's right- I have heard about John and his antics, I'm sorry!

You are right, I need to take some time off and just enjoy life, yzma's right it's NOT my fault. I'm talking on MSN to my mates at the moment and they are making me feel a whole lot better... oh no mums just errupted in tears ....

Thanks you are such a gem -- you made me feel better!

Ok Yzma( You didn't answer my question)
I haven't heard of it here in NZ .. But I will look into it.
Hope you enjoy the lessons
post #16 of 30
My first name is suraya....
But my user name is Yzma...
You can call me either so long as i can still call you sam
post #17 of 30
Sam I'm so sorry to hear that. Everyone has offered you great advice so all I'll say is i'll be thinking of you.
post #18 of 30
Thread Starter 
I knew it Yzma......... I knew your name was Suraya! YAAAAAY.. LOL Thanks..

Thanks Catherine, I have just been getting to know you in the last few days and I'm sure we will be great friends

Thank you! I feel so mcuh better!
post #19 of 30
Actually, Sam, that's normal.

When my best friend died when I was in college my Mom called me to tell me and I remember screaming and kicking (I don't remember much else).

Talk to people about your grief--you'll feel better.

Also, just so you know--he wasn't thinking about anything but how to stop the despair. When someone becomes suicidal they no longer think rationally and they may have even decided that their death would benefit their loved ones. I know this because I was once suicidal. When you are not suicidal you cannot even begin to comprehend the despair that person is going through. I hope they get him some help.
post #20 of 30
Sam, I understand how you feel about counselling. But really, there is absolutely no shame in going for help. If you break your arm, do you fix it yourself? Same thing applies to emotional stuff. There are people who are trained to help with issues that we can't handle. The thing is, they may give you great "tricks", techniques to help you handle what is turning out to be a huge amount of emotional stress. And then you can channel your anger, or fear, or frustration into really productive healing.

Its not something that you should keep from your mom, if you think you need counselling, but your friends should have no reason to find out unless you tell them.

Keep your chin up! You are an amazing young woman!
post #21 of 30
Sam hon,hang in there,things will get better,and you know you can PM me anytime.((((((HUGS)))))
post #22 of 30
I agree about counceling. If you ask then not to tell your mom and they need to tell an adult give them Ian's number! This should give you the opportunity to open up and not have to worry about your mom.

(I know as she is here from time to time I'm busted and she will know, but it might still work for you.)
post #23 of 30
Hang in there Sam! I know that everything seems like it is a craphole right about now but ever incident in our lives happens for a reason...To Make You A Stronger Person. PM me if you want to talk okay?

post #24 of 30
You can go to the school counsellor and tell her how you are feeling through all this - they are bound by confidentiality and cannot tell anyone without your permission. You can go and see her and tell her that you do not want your mum to know. I am sure she will understand. That is what they are there for.

I am sorry that you have to go through so much at your young age.

post #25 of 30
Thread Starter 
Thanks Erika,Sammie,Teresa,Sherral,Cathi & Kellye!

Erika- I'm sorry that you were once suicidal and I'm sorry you had to loose your bestfriend when probably that was the time when you needed her most.

Sammie- You're right about the broke arm thing, I'm going to school in 2 hours so I'll ask about councelling there, but as I said after talking to Ian, my friends on there phone and all the people here at TCS I feel so much better.

Sherral- Thanks Hun! (((HUGS)))

Teresa- Thank you, Mum will probably only visit here if there is a problem, but she knows all of you because I always talk about your cats and I always share the funny stories and tell her to pray for our loved ones

Thanks Cathi- I know you're there!

and Kellye thanks very much you are such a gem

post #26 of 30
Sam, sorry to hear you have more sadness and worry. I hope your mom's friend finds the help he needs. And I hope you find strength in your friends, your pets, and your friends here at TCS.
post #27 of 30
Sam dear, I'm so sorry to have missed this....I have been off and on all week, and not a chance to do anything! I'm sorry this is happening to you! I hope you are dealing with it better now, and are getting councelling! It helps to be able to talk it out with someone! Or if it helps, you can write it out too...I find that helps me more than talking, but after I write it, and accept it, then I can move on to talking about it. Anyways, I'm sorry to hear yet another thing heaped on you! I'll be thinking of you!!!

post #28 of 30
Thread Starter 
Thanks Brenda & Pam.

I'm going to councelling about a few things now.. Lets hope it works.
post #29 of 30
Sam, I am so pleased that you are going to try counseling. Just remember that if you don't like the first counselor you try, then go to another one. Sometimes a counselor and client click right away and sometimes they don't. Do give it a chance though! I wish you much luck and bravo to you for being brave enough to seek help!
post #30 of 30
Thread Starter 
Thanks Renae - The lady I'm going to is a friend of my Nanas but seeing as she's a professional I can trust her she specilises in coucelling for greif- She's lovely!
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