Just a little .... vent. Or need for hugs, I guess.
In January, we "celebrate" four years of no pain free time at all - ever - for Gary.
In March, we "celebrate" five years of chronic pain attacks beyond most human comprehension.
He tells me just about every day he can't take it anymore and if it weren't for me, he'd end his life. I understand, because I watch him suffer. I couldn't take it, day in and day out.
He struggles to live. He struggles to work.
He struggles on.
If it were an issue of a feeding tube or a life support system, I'd pull it. But it isn't. He wants me to make the decision for him. I won't.
...Nor will I hit him in the head with the 2 x 4 that he begs me so frequently to do. Nor will I let him try any of the insane ideas... stabbing himself in the eye with an ice pick, or stabbing a hole in his sinus with the ice pick to relieve the pressure. Nor do I think removing his eye will help stop the pain. I've hidden the hammer (though I'm pretty sure the wrench would do as much damage). All of these ideas are very common among people with this pain.
I struggle to get proper sleep to stay as emotionally balanced as possible.
But sometimes it's just.... overwhelming.
And yes, we've been in therapy.
In January, we "celebrate" four years of no pain free time at all - ever - for Gary.
In March, we "celebrate" five years of chronic pain attacks beyond most human comprehension.
He tells me just about every day he can't take it anymore and if it weren't for me, he'd end his life. I understand, because I watch him suffer. I couldn't take it, day in and day out.
He struggles to live. He struggles to work.
He struggles on.
If it were an issue of a feeding tube or a life support system, I'd pull it. But it isn't. He wants me to make the decision for him. I won't.
...Nor will I hit him in the head with the 2 x 4 that he begs me so frequently to do. Nor will I let him try any of the insane ideas... stabbing himself in the eye with an ice pick, or stabbing a hole in his sinus with the ice pick to relieve the pressure. Nor do I think removing his eye will help stop the pain. I've hidden the hammer (though I'm pretty sure the wrench would do as much damage). All of these ideas are very common among people with this pain.
I struggle to get proper sleep to stay as emotionally balanced as possible.
But sometimes it's just.... overwhelming.
And yes, we've been in therapy.
The problem is that we don't have insurance - which doesn't really matter, because when we did it wouldn't cover it. The surgery/devices are about $80,000+
