When is it enough?

Just a little .... vent. Or need for hugs, I guess.

In January, we "celebrate" four years of no pain free time at all - ever - for Gary.

In March, we "celebrate" five years of chronic pain attacks beyond most human comprehension.

He tells me just about every day he can't take it anymore and if it weren't for me, he'd end his life. I understand, because I watch him suffer. I couldn't take it, day in and day out.

He struggles to live. He struggles to work.

He struggles on.

If it were an issue of a feeding tube or a life support system, I'd pull it. But it isn't. He wants me to make the decision for him. I won't.

...Nor will I hit him in the head with the 2 x 4 that he begs me so frequently to do. Nor will I let him try any of the insane ideas... stabbing himself in the eye with an ice pick, or stabbing a hole in his sinus with the ice pick to relieve the pressure. Nor do I think removing his eye will help stop the pain. I've hidden the hammer (though I'm pretty sure the wrench would do as much damage). All of these ideas are very common among people with this pain.

I struggle to get proper sleep to stay as emotionally balanced as possible.

But sometimes it's just.... overwhelming.

And yes, we've been in therapy.

Oh, Laurie

It is so hard to share the burden of pain when it's your spouse. Mark has chronic pain from an accident and there are days when he can hardly move. You might look into counseling (for yourself) to have a sounding board or some kind of support group so you can find some folks to act as a sounding board. Does he take meds? What about something like acupuncture?

I think Gary would benefit from acupuncture, though not for this condition. I know one person out of literally hundreds that swears by acupuncture.

My therapist has fibromyalgia, so understands the chronic pain part... but therapy for me doesn't really do much. What's there to say? Yeah, it sucks to watch someone you love live with so much pain.

Basically, I try to bury myself in work, helping people with their kitties, helping kitties, and cat predation/TNR research. Find the positives where I can. And ask for hugs here at TCS every once in a while.

Laurie.

I have an uncle, my mom's closest brother, who's been in worsening chronic pain and declining health for over 10 years, at this point it's probably going to be the drugs that will kill him, and they only just barely take the edge off. It is heartbreaking to see, and I don't know how my aunt can deal with it. You and she and many others are very strong people to stand by your loves and do the best you can, just to be there with them, for them.

I've got pretty much unlimited hugs, so take what you need. And I've got lots of time to read and type, or just read, if you feel like venting or talking or anything, anytime.

Lots and lots of .....

I'm so sorry - I know what it is like to be in long term pain. It took four years of constant pain in my foot before I finally resolved the problem. It is completely demoralizing. I would rather go through the pain myself than have to watch a loved one suffer without being able to do anything....I can't imagine how frustrating it must be....

((((( )))))

That is rough... Audrey and I have our separate issues to contend with, me with my heart and diabetes issues and her with her musculo-skeletal issues. All that I can say is that we will be ears here...if you need to blow off steam or what have you...you have some rather broad shoulders here...

from me and from the furkids.

Oh Laurie

I don't understand...doctors can't help him?

I'm so sorry to read about your husband. It must be heartwrenching.

I am not in physical pain, but do understand having a condition from which I cannot get relief. It's been 12 years for me. It gets old. I lose hope. If not for my daughter, I too, might no longer be here.

However, I strongly believe that there has to be someone or something out there that will help me. I have never stopped looking. I've logged probably thousands of hours studying my disease, and have tried all sorts of medical and alternative therapies. I still search almost daily.

Please encourage your husband to keep seeking answers and relief. If you can give a few specifics, I would be honored to research for you all, if you all don't have time, etc.

Big hugs to you. It must be awfully difficult being the partner of one who is so impacted by pain.

Oh Laurie. Big huge monster

Hugs to you and Gary, Laurie!

Oh Laurie, there is nothing to say really besides sending you a thousand hugs... :h ugs: :hug s:

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

Oh Laurie

I don't understand...doctors can't help him?

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So far, no.

Oh Laurie, I'm sending many hugs

Originally Posted by CatMom2Wires

I'm so sorry to read about your husband. It must be heartwrenching.

I am not in physical pain, but do understand having a condition from which I cannot get relief. It's been 12 years for me. It gets old. I lose hope. If not for my daughter, I too, might no longer be here.

However, I strongly believe that there has to be someone or something out there that will help me. I have never stopped looking. I've logged probably thousands of hours studying my disease, and have tried all sorts of medical and alternative therapies. I still search almost daily.

Please encourage your husband to keep seeking answers and relief. If you can give a few specifics, I would be honored to research for you all, if you all don't have time, etc.

Big hugs to you. It must be awfully difficult being the partner of one who is so impacted by pain.

Click to expand...

I didn't know you'd been dealing with this for soooooo long. Truly, it breaks my heart.

And thank you for SUCH a kind offer! Research is actually what we do for a living, and it has been the one empowering thing for me. I'm really quite the expert on his condition, and I find that I know more about it than most neuros at this point. The one thing he's got going for him is that his pain management doctor is willing to research anything I suggest LOL. He calls me "Dr. Laurie."

Honestly, someone reminded me earlier tonight that the pain is a symptom of other things going wrong, and as western medicine hasn't been able to treat him, we really do need to see a Naturopath. I need to find one we can get to that is also an MD.

My biggest fear is that in the end, part of the problem is, in fact, Gary himself, in that he truly believes in the seat of his soul that he deserves to suffer. He suffers from PTSD from the Lebanon war, and he was in a combat unit on the front lines, and things happened during the war for which he cannot forgive himself.

This is not to say that I believe his condition is psychosomatic, because I don't. But even though he has the will to keep going, I don't know that he actually has the will to get better, if that makes any sense.