I was just slapped in the face

By my four year old niece she walked upto and told me I made her mad when I got onto her for being ugly earlier and then she slapped me in the face and then she ran and jumped in my dad's lap. And I ran after her and spanked her and I told her that she was not to slap adults and then I told her until she can behave she was not allowed in my bedroom and so then she stuck her toungue out and spit at me. What the heck is my sister teaching her? My sister used to kick my grandma in the shins and my grandma would take it because she was in dad's home and she didn't feel that she should punish a child when they were at their parents home. I am not going to tolerate a four year old slapping me in the face. What is wrong with kids these days that they are so disrespectful and the really bad thing is if she is slapping grown ups at four what will she be doing at 14?

Oh wow hun, I would have been LIVID! Children are born innocent, and this is obviously learned behavior. Have you talked with her Mom?

That's terrible!!. My niece has two girls the eldest 3, and if Millie did that to me i'd be telling my niece to get her act together and start teaching her right from wrong.

Does she hit your sister as well?

Time to move out!

I don't believe she hits her mom, but the root cause is half the time they are putting her upto meanness towards myself and my uncle Dub who is a 72 year old man they put both kids upto kicking him and thought it was funny and so I can't completely blame her but it doesn't mean I will let it slide. I have already tol them either get them straightened out or I am not watching them anymore.

I hope you didn't really tell her she was ugly!
I think a lot of people just aren't good examples for their children, maybe that's the case with your sister, I don't know.
But, my ex boyfriend's little sister was the exact same way, and it was really all due to the fact that her mother yelled, screamed and slapped them. If only she had known how to behave maybe the kids would have an example of how they should behave too.

No being ugly is a phrase here it means that your behavior is ugly not that you yourself is.

I understand your shock and dismay, unfortunately you spanking her only solidified the lesson that hitting is the way to solve problems or express displeasure.

Next time don't discipline with hitting of your own. Take a priviledge away, instead. And keep Tavia away from the child, no telling what she'll do to your cat.

Unfortunately you don't need a license to reproduce, which is unfortunate because there are some people that just shouldn't be allowed to. Sounds like your sister is one of them.

She's teaching her kid nasty habits.

But from reading your past posts about the problems you have had with your sister, I'm not surprised that her own kid is turning out to be a spoiled rotten nasty kid.

Originally Posted by otto

And keep Tavia away from the child, no telling what she'll do to your cat.

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I have never had a child slap me. That is horrible. Her Mother needs to teach her some manners.

My nephew was horrible like that. He spit in my mom's face at the race track once, and threw rocks at people in the grandstands. One time my half-sister visited my family for Xmas and he bit me. I told her to discipline her child, and she tickled him and told him to "say sorry to aunt Tara." What the heck!?

I have a feeling her kids probably contribute to why I dislike children and want none of my own or to even really be around them at all. Especially when there are parents who just let their brats get away with everything including hitting or spitting at other adults.

To a 4-year-old, telling her she's "being ugly" will most likely translate to "you're ugly" rather than "you're doing something I don't think you should be doing." Can you imagine the hurt she must have felt hearing those words come from you?

Utopia and Otto are right: you did nothing but teach her that hitting is okay when *you* hit her. No matter what your words, your actions spoke much louder. I cannot, for the life of me, understand how people plan to teach children that hitting is not okay while hitting them. It makes. no. sense.

Originally Posted by Jillian

To a 4-year-old, telling her she's "being ugly" will most likely translate to "you're ugly" rather than "you're doing something I don't think you should be doing." Can you imagine the hurt she must have felt hearing those words come from you?

Utopia and Otto are right: you did nothing but teach her that hitting is okay when *you* hit her. No matter what your words, your actions spoke much louder. I cannot, for the life of me, understand how people plan to teach children that hitting is not okay while hitting them. It makes. no. sense.

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Totally agree.
And as an aside I was hoping you would post on this thread!

Originally Posted by otto

I understand your shock and dismay, unfortunately you spanking her only solidified the lesson that hitting is the way to solve problems or express displeasure.

Next time don't discipline with hitting of your own. Take a priviledge away, instead. And keep Tavia away from the child, no telling what she'll do to your cat.

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I completely agree. Hitting someone for hitting someone is negative reinforcement.

I would have hit her too. LACK of discipline these days seems to have kids being little brats. I know that when I was a kid I wouldn't DREAM of doing anything like that to an adult, because my mom would turn my butt red. I feared that! Everyone wants to be best friends with their kids. I'm not saying BEAT them, but an earned spanking back in the day kept me in line!

I can sort of see how what you're saying with telling a kid not to hit while hitting them is hypocritical, but still, the current generation is horrible without getting their butts popped for misbehaving. Instead, a kid misbehaves now and they get a cookie and told to go play. I can't stand seeing that. I'm so glad my friend is a butt popper when her child misbehaves, and she's one of the more well behaved children I've been near. The other friend is the "here's a cookie sweetie, go play" when her kid is being an evil little hitter, and she's a terrible kid.

Originally Posted by Tara & Rob

I would have hit her too. LACK of discipline these days seems to have kids being little brats. I know that when I was a kid I wouldn't DREAM of doing anything like that to an adult, because my mom would turn my butt red. I feared that! Everyone wants to be best friends with their kids. I'm not saying BEAT them, but an earned spanking back in the day kept me in line!

I can sort of see how what you're saying with telling a kid not to hit while hitting them is hypocritical, but still, the current generation is horrible without getting their butts popped for misbehaving. Instead, a kid misbehaves now and they get a cookie and told to go play.

I can't stand seeing that. I'm so glad my friend is a butt popper when her child misbehaves, and she's one of the more well behaved children I've been near. The other friend is the "here's a cookie sweetie, go play" when her kid is being an evil little hitter, and she's a terrible kid.

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I don't agree with you. I work with lots of children who would never dream of behaving in such a way. Because their parents don't hit or kick people either.

The child is four years old and behaves what she knows. She is being raised to use violence. She needs to be taught differently, and hitting her back is not the way to do that.

And I will repeat that a child being raised with this lack of values and focus on meanness perhaps won't hesitate to use Tavia to get back at her aunt.

I hope the OP will think about this and perhaps try to make a difference in her niece's life before it is too late.

You know, maybe you're right: maybe the next time my cat does something I don't want him to (after telling him over and over to say, not scratch my couch), I ought to just pop him one. I mean, sure, he doesn't understand what I'm saying, but at least if I hit him, he'll fear me enough to stop. Right?

Animals and children are really quite similar in many ways. Newborns are helpless and voiceless, like our animals. Toddlers need patience and reassurance and lots of lots of interaction with their parents and other loving people to learn what's acceptable and what's not. Sometimes, like animals, they need to be distracted, most times, they need to be positively engaged with. Again, young children, like our pets, have little impulse control and need to be reminded about what should and should not be done.

And yet... no one on this site would advocate hitting an animal. You would all say that the animal doesn't know any better, that it is only doing what's in it's nature. It's doing it's best to communicate with us (those who are charged with caring for it); maybe the dog is hurt or the cat is bored. They're doing the best they can. Hitting it would be of no use and would most certainly be abusive.

Kids, though? Hit them. Teach them a lesson. Don't actually put forth the effort to help them understand right from wrong in a give situation, just hit them so they're too fearful to do the "bad" thing again. Forget trying to empathize. Don't look for the root of the child's behavoir. Just him him or her. That way they won't grow up to be a "terrible kid."

Originally Posted by otto

I'm sorry that I don't agree with you. I work with lots of children who would never dream of behaving in such a way. Because their parents don't hit or kick people either.


And I will repeat that a child being raised with this lack of values and focus on meanness perhaps won't hesitate to use Tavia to get back at her aunt.
.

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I agree.
So a person takes offense to and doesn't like to be hit because they think it is not nice and not appropriate to hit then they turn to hitting a small child to make a some type of point that hitting isn't right? Child behaves as she has seen the only way she knows and is hit. Everyone hits each other. Cycle continues. Can you imagine an adult trying to settle their disagreements or unhappiness with other adults by hitting them? That might earn that person an assault and battery charge among other fun things.

This hitting of small children to discourage them from hitting doesnt make sense to me.

People are lazy for sure, and some people these days don't even make the effort to discipline their children in any way whatsoever, and add to that teaching them bad behaviors by example. But I don't think much more highly of those who hit their children and instill this fear in them, to me they are just as lazy, because they won't take the time to actually teach their children.
They are only "training" their child not actually making them use their ability to reason to understand what's right and wrong, but just relying on their instinct of avoiding further pain not to repeat the behavior...
And sure humans are a smart species, eventually when we grow up we get why things are right and wrong and why we were hit, but it's unnecessary and damaging.
Like otto said, I am scared of what will happen when this child feels like she's in the same position of power as her adults who hit her are; for example if she's around cats or other animals or even her peers, and she feels like she has the upper hand, and there isn't any more fear of being spanked to keep her in check.