What do you quarrel about as a couple?

Several years ago, the NY Times did a survey of couples. Turns out couples fight about three major things: sex, cleaning, and money. DH and I have always fought about cleaning. I hate doing it and I resent having to do it. This is a sensitive question, so if you don't want to post, you could just poll.

I notice there was no option for "nothing"!
Honestly, DH and I don't argue at all any more. There's nothing to fight about and we are pretty much in tune with one another.
Since my DH quit stopping a the bar on the way home from work....I have nothing to complain about. That is refreshing, because it is something that we argued about for years. I'm just glad that I hung in there, because many times I wanted to throw in the towel. We will celebrate 27 years next year and it's better than ever!

Cleaning is the big issue in our house, but we don't really argue. We have lengthy and in depth conversations about it.

See, DH grew up in a home where everything had a place and was in its place. I grew up in a house where my mom's thyroid condition gave her 0 energy and relied on us children to do the housework. When my brothers moved out, there was just me to do the housework.

I resent housework, soooo much. Not only was I an honor student, but I also worked 20+ hours a week myself. When I did have free time, it was with a to-do list of household chores. I resented my mother too (until I got older and was diagnosed with a thyroid condition myself).

That being said...my tolerance for messes is at a higher threshold than DH's because of our upbringing, so he gets frustrated that he's "always cleaning up with no help" and I'm frustrated because I just don't see the mess he does.

Like rational adults, we're trying to work on ways to keep things from getting too bad around here, but my pregnancy hasn't been an easy one. He's been kind enough not to harp on me about housework while I'm throwing up.

We've got time to smooth things out. Our 4th wedding anniversary is the 14th of this month. I'm looking forward to so many more.

It may sound strange, but we have been together for 13 years and we rarely ever argue or fight. We'll have a big fight once or twice a year, but we don't tend to bicker about menial stuff. Our idea of a big fight, also, is walking out of the room and not talking to each other for a couple hours. *shrug*

We don't argue that much. When we do its usually about in-laws. Either his mom treating me poorly, or him arguing with my dad. Otherwise its pretty peaceful around here. We divide the housework and cooking. We both have things we hate to do (his is dishes, mine is folding laundry) so we each do the thing the other one hates. I do 100% of the care of the cats, but that was agreed upon in a discussion as his idea of a "clean" litter box is different from mine!

We do play thermostat wars frequently, and fight each other for bed space at night! (He's a bed hog!)

I envy couples who don't fight. Our marriage has always been stormy. But we've never fought about sex or money, so thank god for that! (Wish I could get him to pay me for cleaning then I wouldn't resent it so much.)

we fight about cleaning. i like everything to go in a place... i have adhd and i lose things when they don't go in the same spot every single time, and when i can't find things i get really cranky.

dh, sweet wonderful man though he is, SUCKS at putting things away in a place. he puts them away, but just shoves them willy nilly and wonders why i get ticked off when i have to rip the house apart to find something that should be *right there*.

it really depends. We dont fight or argue that much, but we can bicker a bit. He loves to push buttons and finds it amusing.... then he wonders why I curse him and he doesnt get any for the night! LOL!
Oh and his fear of commitment... that can be a big one, but not so much now! It was causing a lot of stress but he went to China in June, and I moved in, ever since then we have been happy! He claimed I should find my own apartment after I got a job and a bit saved up, but then the first month he only had to pay half of the mortgage and got to buy his new shocks instead its never come up again!
For the most part it is just little things every now and then. We've been together almost 8 years, so most things have just fallen into place.

Its the typical you havent cleaned house or the house is a wreck, or him complaining about me being sick and then me complaining about how he doesnt baby me when I'm sick!

cats...
He was raised where no animals are in house. Cleaning he thinks i do fine on(tho I have to clean more cause of the cats) sex I bother HIM about, money I have taken care of a few weeks after meeting him I was doing all his payments/banking. I stand up for my causes and I had them before we met. Most of the time now hes relaxed but every so often i hear about the cat hair on bed(get washed every other day) or poop smell(and yours smells like roses??? lol

We are working out alot of issues we had with animals/his family(pretty much worked that to ground and quite quiet now...sigh hope I didnt mess that up)

Originally Posted by capt_jordi

he went to China in June, and I moved in

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Wait, he went to China and when he returned, you'd moved in?

Originally Posted by Primula

Wait, he went to China and when he returned, you'd moved in?

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Sorry, but that's a great story!

Gary and I bicker, definitely. We work together too, and it's almost always about how to handle various work situations. We have very different approaches, and mostly we compliment each other. But we can aggravate each other at times.

We have been married for many years and am blessed. It is very rare for us to quarrel. Our automatic default is to have normal adult discussions when there is an issue.

Mark and I really don't quarrel, but his inability to clean up and de-clutter his stuff is really the one source of friction between us. I think he's slowly, very slowly coming around.

Most of our arguements stem from money and thats just based on the past year. For most of the year we lived off $400 a month and not only was he stressed but I was also because we had agreed he would get a job and I wouldnt work but when the time came he didnt want to work for someone else. Once he got the job though everything smoothed out. Now most of our issues happen because he needed a tool box for work and then needed to outfit the whole thing with tools which if any of you have dealt with tool shopping you know its EXPENSIVE!!!!
There are times when I feel like I have to cave into his shopping because he needs the stuff for work but also because he is the one making the money. But there are times when I just have to step up and tell him he cant buy the cheaper tools because its just too much every week. I would rather him purchase the more expensive (Mac or Snap On) tools on credit and pay weekly to them rather then shelling out $100+ a week on cheaper tools hes going to have to replace sooner rather than later. Im the one in charge of paying all the bills and making sure that everything is taken care of...this week he is banned from any and all shopping LOL we have 2 bills due tomorrow so he can suck it up.

There are a few other issues we have but normally only come up when he is in a bad mood....We have too many animals, Max is too big, theres too much hair, yada yada yada. I just let it go in one ear and out the other because I take care of the house inside and out. He never has to take the dogs out, scoop litter boxes, feed any pets, scoop poop outside, mow the lawn anything so I just ignore him. LOL



Since July when Bf started working things have gotten GREAT, neither of us want to kill each other anymore, we rarely fight...we have only had one big whopper of an arguement since July and I dont even remember what it was about, I think it only happened because we hadnt been arguing and needed to argue just for the sake of arguing.

Dana and I very rarely argue, but when we do it's usually about chores or money. He'll do chores but I usually have to constantly remind him. As for money, we usually have completely different views on how it should be spent, but we're pretty good at comprimising.

None of the above

We rarely argue about anything. Most of them usually would be about him working later than he said he was going to on weekdays, and not letting me know about it Sometimes I'd crab about him working on Sundays, but he's motivated to fix his Monte Carlo, something I encouraged, so I'm fine with it. I'm busy with school work on weekends (online classes) so I don't notice as much right now and use the time to relax with the kitties and get stuff done. Makes it that much more special when he comes home

Cleaning we usually try and split up a bit on weekends. No arguments at all about money or sex.

Originally Posted by Kailie

As for money, we usually have completely different views on how it should be spent, but we're pretty good at comprimising.

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When I married, I was determined that money should not be an issue since this had always been a conflict with my parents when growing up (too many kids, not enough money). We have never shared money and we have separate bank accounts. When we pay a shared bill (cable, for example), we send two checks. If we had pooled our resources, we would have fought about money because money is power and we always have power struggles in our house. As it it, we never talk about money at all.

We bicker, usually the cause of it is him not listening. So he'll miss some vital information, that I did tell him about, and claim I never told him anything. Other times he'll hear me perfectly fine but forgets then, again, claims I never said anything.

Originally Posted by strange_wings

he'll hear me perfectly fine

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They hear fine, it's the listening they have a problem with.

Originally Posted by Primula

They hear fine, it's the listening they have a problem with.

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I will tell DH something and later on, he'll deny I ever said anything.