Insecurities...

Most of you, by now, know that I'm an anxious person. I tend to worry. A lot. And, the two things I obsess about most frequently are my pets and their health and happiness and my insecurities within myself. Well, those of you know know that much probably also know that I started a new job as a vet tech assistant two weeks ago. I absolutely love my job. I couldn't ask for something better and I am so incredibly grateful to have this opportunity. But, that being said, I'm my worst critic and am constantly doubting myself and my abilities. And, the anxiety is getting to me tonight.

As a vet tech assistant, not only do I assist with pets, but I also cross-train at the front desk, run fecal and urine samples, do the clinic's laundry, walk the dogs, do most of the cleaning and restocking of the hospital, and, well, there's much more. And, I'm new. I have never worked in an environment such as this one and I am absolutely enamored with my job -- the good and the bad. It's hard on me physically sometimes and can be tiring and frustrating, but it is the best job I've ever had. But, by the same token, because I'm new, I feel like I am not doing good enough. There's some direction at work, but it's really a job where you need to do a set list of things each day and then assist where needed. And, I admit that there have been some days where it's been a challenge. I never complain and I take constructive criticism well. I appreciate the help of my coworkers when they remind me of what needs to be done or point me in the right direction. But, like I said, I've been there two weeks. I don't know everything. And, I'm ashamed to admit that I am not doing perfectly. And, despite my knowing that no one is perfect, I am coming down hard on myself.

For example, I had to go in today to get my dog's anal glands expressed. While I was there, I helped with my dog and had a chance to speak with one of the vet techs who I worked with on Friday night. And, she told me that I had forgotten to scrub the wet sink. And, it's true -- I did forget. I was washing dishes and got busy with something elsewhere and never got back to finish the sink. I apologized and asked if there was anything else and she said that I forgot to stock the drawers in the treatment area. Well, I did stock them, but I did it early on in my shift and never went back to it. I know I should've done those things and so I am grateful that she told me and reminded me (she was very nice about it, by the way) but I'm beating myself up for it. There have been other little things too, I'm sure. Generally, I do the best I can. I ask for help when needed and offer assistance when I see that I can be of use. I am willing to do everything they ask of me and I have a good attitude. But, my fear is that they think I'm flighty or not good enough. True, everyone makes mistakes -- especially when learning (I've worked a total of 7 days and approximately 30 hours). But, I'm downright terrified that my making mistakes will lead to my being terminated.

My mantra has been "I do the best I can with what I know. When I know better, I do better." It's helpful and I am generally quite proud of what I have already accomplished. And, I know, with time, I will grow into the position. Usually, people are training for this period of time, but I've jumped right in (for the most part). I've learned a tremendous amount, but there is another person in the same job position as I am who has worked for an additional week (receiving training the entire time -- I received formal training for one day) and I feel threatened by him. I know I am better at some things and he is better at others. I know I'm doing my best, but, frankly, just like anyone else, as I learn more, my best will change. I guess I just need reassurance that no reasonable person or company expects a new employee to know everything and not make mistakes in a two week period of time. Don't get me wrong, I need to work on myself to ensure that I get everything done. And, thankfully, I was told about things I forgot in a very quiet, respectful way. But, I've made no serious mistakes and have caught on rather quickly. So, why then am I hammering myself for not being perfect? No one has said they expect that from me -- actually, they tell me all the time that there's so much to learn and you can't figure it all out at once. And, I know I'm not the only one who makes mistakes now and again. I'm just anxious.

I work tomorrow from noon until 5:00pm. I hate to admit that I'm anxious about going in. I'm afraid I'll be fired or something (there is no indication that this is the case and, in fact, I'm picking up some reception desk hours in the next week or so). I love my job, but hate how I second-guess everything I think, see, feel, do, or...you get the point. I am looking forward to being able to improve tomorrow and learn and do more. Like I said, I love my job. Maybe that's why the stakes are so high. I know I'm probably overreacting and have nothing to fear. I know that I've not been reprimanded (just gently reminded about things). I know I can do better, but have been doing my best thus far. It's a learning process. Even the chief of staff said that there's a learning curve. Why can't I just accept that and move on without making myself so upset I can't sleep?! It's frustrating!

So, please...any reassurance? I know I need a kick in the rear for even getting down on myself about this, but, lo and behold, that's another area where I need to focus. I'm going to make sure that my anxiety doesn't get the best of me and I'm going to make tomorrow a terrific day. But, before I can do that, I need to get some sleep. I'm going to have some chocolate milk (I'm such a kid, lol) and then brush my teeth and head to bed. I'll check back tomorrow, but I am feeling better already. Sometimes it just helps to write it all out. Thank you all for allowing me to do that.

Make a list or several list for the different areas. Post them where you can see them to remind you what needs to be done in the order they need to be done.

Do you have a place to keep your stuff? If so that is a great place to put you lists. You can swing by and check the lists to make sure everything is being done/finished.

BREATH! Take deep, calming breaths and put a smile on your face and a smile in your voice. Keep your head up and look people in the eye. Anticipate what needs to be done and do it the best you can and then some.

All of these things will be noticed. It is a good thing that you care that you are doing your job to the best of your abilities.

Good luck!

Kim

I think you completely have the right attitude. When someone tells you where you messed up, you don't get defensive, you do exactly the right thing. I have anxiety problems too, and I hate starting new jobs. It takes me so long to feel like I know what I'm doing. Loving your job is also a good thing. People can tell, I guarantee it. And I'm sure you're doing a much better job then you feel like.

As you keep working your insecurities will fade. I was also going to suggest keeping a list. Everyone feels the same way. I know I did. When ever I start a new job. Its always with doubts of my abilities, even though deep down I know I'm a good worker. But you tend to think your not doing a good job. If I saw two co-workers talking together I would think they are talking about me. Give yourself a chance, when you know the ins and outs of your position you'll get your confidence up, believe me.

Originally Posted by Alison Joy

Most of you, by now, know that I'm an anxious person. I tend to worry. A lot. And, the two things I obsess about most frequently are my pets and their health and happiness and my insecurities within myself. Well, those of you know know that much probably also know that I started a new job as a vet tech assistant two weeks ago. I absolutely love my job. I couldn't ask for something better and I am so incredibly grateful to have this opportunity. But, that being said, I'm my worst critic and am constantly doubting myself and my abilities. And, the anxiety is getting to me tonight.

As a vet tech assistant, not only do I assist with pets, but I also cross-train at the front desk, run fecal and urine samples, do the clinic's laundry, walk the dogs, do most of the cleaning and restocking of the hospital, and, well, there's much more. And, I'm new. I have never worked in an environment such as this one and I am absolutely enamored with my job -- the good and the bad. It's hard on me physically sometimes and can be tiring and frustrating, but it is the best job I've ever had. But, by the same token, because I'm new, I feel like I am not doing good enough. There's some direction at work, but it's really a job where you need to do a set list of things each day and then assist where needed. And, I admit that there have been some days where it's been a challenge. I never complain and I take constructive criticism well. I appreciate the help of my coworkers when they remind me of what needs to be done or point me in the right direction. But, like I said, I've been there two weeks. I don't know everything. And, I'm ashamed to admit that I am not doing perfectly. And, despite my knowing that no one is perfect, I am coming down hard on myself.

For example, I had to go in today to get my dog's anal glands expressed. While I was there, I helped with my dog and had a chance to speak with one of the vet techs who I worked with on Friday night. And, she told me that I had forgotten to scrub the wet sink. And, it's true -- I did forget. I was washing dishes and got busy with something elsewhere and never got back to finish the sink. I apologized and asked if there was anything else and she said that I forgot to stock the drawers in the treatment area. Well, I did stock them, but I did it early on in my shift and never went back to it. I know I should've done those things and so I am grateful that she told me and reminded me (she was very nice about it, by the way) but I'm beating myself up for it. There have been other little things too, I'm sure. Generally, I do the best I can. I ask for help when needed and offer assistance when I see that I can be of use. I am willing to do everything they ask of me and I have a good attitude. But, my fear is that they think I'm flighty or not good enough. True, everyone makes mistakes -- especially when learning (I've worked a total of 7 days and approximately 30 hours). But, I'm downright terrified that my making mistakes will lead to my being terminated.

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Knowing where I shine in most in work settings, as long as I felt I was fitting into the staff and still being in a probationary period, I wouldn't give my options a second thought at this point.

But if you're seriously concerned, when the opportunity arises discretely inquire about the due process for dismissal, which is usually verbal warning, written warnings, then termination. If its an innocent mistake, they will likely pre-warn you; if its gross misconduct, you are not so likely to be given notice. For example, if you had an evaluation which was negative and didn't improve in a certain time or just continued to make the same mistakes carelessly.

Any employee fired because of a mistake that was a simple oversight should start looking for a better employer because they are obviously not valued in their present position.

Another suggestion might be to be very pro active in asking your peers/superiors what skills sets you could be develop to help them further. This gives them a chance to help you focus on what you could work on, and also a chance for them to identify your strengths to you. Truly, no one expects a new person to remember every single thing - but most people just love being asked for advice and being seen as a mentor.

I also like the idea of a check list - and if a there's another tech or colleague you admire already, ask them to look over your checklist - let them know you're hoping to adopt their best practices to improve your own work.

My guess is that your enthusiasm is shining through, as was already said - and knowing where you'd like to improve is already half the battle toward getting there. Good for you!

Originally Posted by darlili

Another suggestion might be to be very pro active in asking your peers/superiors what skills sets you could be develop to help them further. This gives them a chance to help you focus on what you could work on, and also a chance for them to identify your strengths to you. Truly, no one expects a new person to remember every single thing - but most people just love being asked for advice and being seen as a mentor.

I also like the idea of a check list - and if a there's another tech or colleague you admire already, ask them to look over your checklist - let them know you're hoping to adopt their best practices to improve your own work.

My guess is that your enthusiasm is shining through, as was already said - and knowing where you'd like to improve is already half the battle toward getting there. Good for you!

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well put... Have you been a tech before? If not this is what many call on the job training and the employer would now this upon hiring you... ie not expect you to know even the basics of the job for awhile.

Thank you all so much for your replies. They definitely helped put things in perspective for me.

As it turns out, I found out today that I have absolutely nothing to worry about and that I'm actually exceeding their expectations. This makes me feel so good -- especially since I've never worked in this field before and consider this to be my "dream job." It's a stepping stone on the way to my becoming a veterinarian and I am so grateful for this opportunity. Even though I've made some small errors (ie. forgetting to re-stock a drawer or forgetting to scrub the sink), I am excelling in other areas. The chief of staff and I spoke today, at her request, and she praised me for my willingness, good attitude, and aptitude. She said they have had no complaints and that they appreciate the work I'm doing and my passion for the job. It's incredible to me that I felt so much anxiety for something that wasn't even happening. I do this a lot. It comes down to not believing in myself. And, so, what a gift to know that others believe in me!

I have taken many of the suggestions to heart and have started carrying a small notebook and pen in my scrubs. It worked out really well today and I got everything I needed to get finished done before the end of the day. From the start, I have been forthcoming with questions or concerns I may have and am not afraid to ask for assistance. And, it appears that it is paying off as today I felt comfortable in my position for the first time. Each day I am learning more and experiencing more. I feel as though I grow exponentially with every hour. My coworkers have been nothing short of amazing during my whole training process and the veterinarians and office staff are excellent. I couldn't ask for a better work environment and that, too, is something that I am thankful for. I so appreciated the feedback this afternoon from the chief of staff as well as the continued support from my coworkers. Whatever insecurities and doubts I had about myself have dissipated and, while they may return, I know that I can overcome them. I just need to start letting go of my perfectionism and begin trusting myself and my abilities. I want to continue to grow and I know I can and will so long as I remain honest, open, and willing.

Thank you for all the reassurances. And, for the suggestions. I needed them at the time and promise to pay it forward when the opportunity arises.