I need to get this off my chest ...

I am desperately conflicted about putting my cat down. I understand that I must move forward, but I am haunted by the fact that I chose to euthanize my Tommy rather than take him home for more time with me. I am widowed and having to make these decisions on my own and I just can't seem to do so without terrible regrets after the fact. My Tommy was 15 yrs old and had been losing weight and not eating intermittently for quite some time. I thought something might be going on, but, to be honest, he did not appear to be in distress and could not bear to take him in only to find out he was dying. I finally caved and brought him in and the vet tried several options. They eventually did an x-ray and ultrasound and found he had a tumor in his spleen and fluid/blood that had leaked into the belly area. When I met with the vet, I decided to proceed with putting him down. I am in tears as I write this. I know at that moment, I kept recalling my other cat, who died a yr ago. At that time, being assured he was not suffering, I had hoped he would quietly pass at home. For several days toward the end, I watched him and was certain he would be gone by morning. As the days passed, I started thinking I shouldn't have done this - that I should have taken him in to give him peace. I finally did take him in, but always struggled with my decision at that time to think he would pass at home. With Tommy now dying, I thought ... I guess I honestly thought, I should spare him the distress of bringing him back home and endure my pain of bringing him back to be put down. I know Tommy's time had come, but WHY, why didn't I take him home with me one more day, one more week, ? I can't seem to come to grips with my actions and decision. I just want to hold him one more time. Why didn't I do this?

I am so sorry for you loss. You are grieving right now...your reactions and feelings are so normal. We all want to hold our friends just one more time.....I still do, and some have been gone over 7 years.

Your Tommy was sick, no doubt about it. Think of all the times that you did hold him, did kiss him, did pet him.....and some day when you meet up at the Rainbow Bridge..you'll have your chance to hold him and never let him go again.

He's at peace, he went without enduring pain, and he went in love....he's fine with that. Your wonderful memories will quell your grief in time. You'll know that you made the right decision. Just take your time to grieve for him knowing that your love for him gave him swift passage to sunny skies and green fields forever.

to you.

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. We all understand here because we have all been right where you are now. If you had brought him home one more time, it would not have changed things. We lost our 14 year old Speedboat in January. My husband was with me that day when the vet did another blood test and the results were so bad. My husband made the decision because he said he couldn't bear to bring him home, knowing he would just have to go back again. I understand why he did that, but I have told myself the same things you are, why didn't I take him home one more time. But now I realize we really did do the right thing. It would have been so hard on you if you had taken your cat home, knowing you were just going to have to go back. I hope you will reach the point where you can think about all the good times you had with him over the years. I am sure you did the right thing. It just takes time to be able to get on with life. I hope your memories will bring you comfort and peace when you think about your sweet cat. Hugs.

Thank you for listening and for your comforting words.

tomato

I just want you to know that many prayers are going up for you and your kitty.

As everyone has said, you did the right thing. It would have been terribly hard for you to return with him again. Sometimes, the choice is clear as was in your case.

I hope you reach a place soon where you can look back with a smile and not a tear. It just takes time....unfortunately.

God bless you and your little kitty who is probably at this moment meeting up with many of our cats who have crossed the Bridge.

Hugs to you for being such a loving friend.

I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Tommy, and your other kitty a year before him. Did this just happen? You are still in shock, and the pain of letting a kitty go can be a terrible agony at first.

In my opinion too soon is better than too late. I know many people do feel doubt and regret after, but you did the right thing by him. It's our final gift of love to them, letting them go in peace and dignity, without suffering. I have five kitties at the Bridge waiting for me, and a beagle, too. I have never had any regrets or doubts about my choices for them at the end, but that doesn't mean I didn't writhe in pain and loss for months.

You did the right thing, and Tommy loves you more than ever for sparing him any suffering.

Unfortunately, many of this have had to make this same hard decision, so we truly understand how you are feeling. I don't think there are very many of us who have not second guessed ourselves, and wondered why we did not do things differently. I have no doubt from reading your posts that you did what you thought was best at the time for a beloved friend. If you ended his suffering and were selfless enough to think of what was best for him instead of what you may have wanted, such as a little more time, you did the right thing IMHO. Please don't beat yourself up over your decision.
I had a lovely red tabby boy with FeLeuk. When he started to show symptoms, he went downhill very quickly, When I took him in, very ill, the vet said we could keep him alive for a few more weeks with meds. I was excited for a second, then it hit me that it would be a very selfish thing to do just because I did not want to let go. He went peacefully in my arms, and did not have to suffer for ant longer. I have wondered if I should have let him have his last few weeks, but have almost finally come to grips with it. It was the right thing to do.
I am very sorry for the loss of both of your kitties. You did not mention how old the first one was, but the fact that Tommy was 15 years old says a great deal about the love and care you gave him during his lifetime. I hope you feel less pain over your loss soon.

The bad side of being thinking beings is that we have regrets. It's easy to imagine that things would have been different had we just done this or that. We punish ourselves, even when by any rational analysis, we did exactly the right thing.

I don't know if you know about or believe in the Rainbow Bridge, but while it's not a rational belief, it is certainly a comfort.

Being alone makes us especially dependent on our companions. It sounds like you've had a rough spell.

I will tell you honestly; we have wonderful kitties at the shelter I volunteer at that so desperately need someone like you to care at them. I'm sure if they had the choice, they would love you, even knowing someday you would have to make the choice you have made for Tommy.

Sending my condolences out to you, with prayers for comfort and healing Tommy and your other kitty are on the other side of life, with your husband. I pray that you have the courage and peace to love again, and that Tommy guides to your arms a special little kitty who so very badly needs a dear soul such as yourself to love it

Hello there,

I hope that by now you've made some peace with your decision and aren't grieving with so much pain.

It's ALWAYS an AGONIZING decision. We never, ever feel the timing is right. My vet tells me that every situation is different, so that even with all her years of experience, it's still incredibly difficult to make these decisions and she often feels torn and conflicted afterward.

And, of course, the consequences are the worst imaginable: we feel we've either made our beloved cat suffer too long or we've taken him before his time.

The only thing I can say for sure is that we humans are not capable of feeling comfortable about these life-and-death decisions. If we were able to feel calm and rational about them, I believe we could no longer call ourselves "human." Putting a loved one — cat, human — to sleep is killing, to put it baldly. It goes against every shred of decency and morality we have. Even though we know in our heads that we're saving the cat from suffering, our hearts have to protest, or we wouldn't be human.

These decisions HAVE to be the hardest ones we ever make or we'd make even more mistakes than we do already. Your feelings are totally NORMAL. And keep in mind that no matter what you decided, you'd feel the same way. The most important thing is to focus on the cat's situation. You saved him from unnecessary pain. And the accompanying fear. That's something you can really good about. You were brave enough to spare him. Not everyone can do that. Too many of us are selfish and let the cat linger in pain because we're cowards or we're only thinking of our own feelings. You were a hero. And, honestly, deciding too soon is a hundred times better than too late.

I hope this gives you a little peace of mind. It's never going to feel right after you've put a cat to sleep, because you have a loving heart and a human soul. If you felt the least bit "okay" immediately afterward, you'd be a monster. Later, you eventually have some perspective and realize you were selfless and deeply kind to free your cat, even though it meant putting yourself through so much pain

The best consolation for an aching heart is to rescue another poor cat who needs you. I hope Tommy sends you in the right direction. May you find peace.

A wise person told me years ago when I had to put Tazzy down that this decision is so hard for us for one reason and one reason only:

"When their pain ends, ours begins."

it is a hard decision but it sounds to me like you did the right one- which means you really loved him. Kudos for you- what you are going through is simply part of the grief process when you second guess yourself and the time you made the decision.

I am still hurting from the loss of my little soul mate Jack. His full name is One-eye Jack but I called him Mr. Squeakers 'cause he never really had a traditional meow. It was more of chirps and trills like bird calls. Mom found him one Spring while I was out West and he had appeared to have been attacked. He came to the right place and got excellent medical attention. He had the remains of an eye that had to be removed. We had 6 years together and I was just devastated when he ended up with severe kidney failure. It was clear but painful to know what was the right thing to do. I never like the sound of "putting down" a friend, more like letting him/her move on. Another guardian angel!
About a year and a half later someone called mom asking if we could take in a little friend who needed a home. We declined the first time as our home was in a very calm place. The second call came a week or so later and something inside me said "We need to help this little fellow." His caregiver had become deathly ill and he (Nigel) was at risk of going to a shelter. That seemed so sad to me thinking that he'd go to such an awful place just because his "person" passed. Nigel has since adopted me as his "person" and we are best pals !! I feel that Mr. Squeakers knew I needed another little friend and helped guide us together.
I will be knocked right over with the flood of kitties coming at me around the Rainbow Bridge.
The hurting will diminish and may never completely go away, but keep busy living. There's always another little surprise right 'round the corner.
Glad to be on this site !
Marty

Oh my goodness, I am in no doubt that you made absolutely the right decision for your beloved cat, that doesn't mean that it's not a difficult thing to do though. And it sounds as if you really missed your departed spouse at such a difficult time too, and would have appreciated their input and made the decision jointly - after being part of a couple it can feel really raw and painful having to take a painful decision like that on your own, and it's when you're having to deal with emotional big decisions like this by yourself that you can feel most alone and unsure of the decisions you have to make.

I think given the circumstances your emotional reactions are not at all abnormal, it's horrible to lose a beloved pet, and although you say you are feeling guilty, remember that you did not make him ill - you cared for him well. It wasn't your fault.

Originally Posted by hissy

A wise person told me years ago when I had to put Tazzy down that this decision is so hard for us for one reason and one reason only:

"When their pain ends, ours begins."

it is a hard decision but it sounds to me like you did the right one- which means you really loved him. Kudos for you- what you are going through is simply part of the grief process when you second guess yourself and the time you made the decision.

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That quote is so, so true.

I too, had to make that awful decision last week. I knew Lucy would hang on as long as she could - for my sake but the one thing I didn't want was for her to start suffering and losing her dignity.

I did not want her to start messing herself. She was a proud, clean cat who took great pride in her appearance.

Keeping her alive for maybe one day more with me would have been very selfish on my part and so, I did the hardest thing I've ever had to do - let the vet do what was kindest, and best for her.

The end was very peaceful. She slipped across to Rainbow Bridge with her head cradled in my hand and us gently stroking her, telling her how much she was loved.

I will always love and miss her. She was very, very special. A one-off.

Parting with her was the hardest thing ever but I know in my heart I did the right thing for her as you will realise soon.

You are still grieving. I am still grieving. Sometimes it feels like it will never stop. I would give anything to have my Lucy back with me but I know that cannot be.

She sleeps in my heart now cushioned and surrounded with love.

Sending healing for you from one broken heart to another