Hate...

I'm curious... There is a girl who I have been having some problems with. She seems to read into everything people say, and twist it in her mind to mean something worse then what they actually said. She has also gone to other people, telling them her INTERPERATATION of what they said and causing problems between people that aren't involved.

Every time someone is angry with her, she accuses them of hating her. My mom taught me at a young age NOT to use the word hate, unless I wanted that person dead. So to me Hate is the end of the road as far as disliking someone. I don't hate anyone, to me it would seem you would have to harbor negativity in your heart in order to hate someone.

What does hate mean to you? I hear a lot of people from time to time say that they hate each other, then they are back to best friends within hours. As far as I am concerned, I don't think if someone actually hated someone, that it could change that fast.

So I am curious what hate means to everyone else. Am I the only one who seems to take the word hate so seriously?

Thanks

Be safe.

What a thought provoking thread! I had never really thought about it that way. I guess I would have to say that I really only hate people that have done harm to me or mine. Not just with words, words can usually be ignored, but with really harmful actions. This also goes for people that abuse anything or anybody smaller and weaker than themselves. To me hating just takes too much energy to do much of.

I agree that hate is a very strong word and should not be used lightly at all. There is only one person I know of who I can honestly say I hate and that is someone who hurt my family in many, many ways. Otherwise there are people I dislike (although I'm pretty easy to get along with unless crossed.) but as for hate, it would have to take something pretty extreme.

As far as the interpretation thing goes, that is what communication is. Hubby and I are always having communication problems because we hear things and interpret them our own unique ways. I forget who said it but there is a saying that goes, "we see things not as they are, but as we are" well, the same goes for spoken things.

As far as hate, I hate the things that people do or say, but I really, really can't say that I hate the person that did the things. I really don't ever like to say that I hate a person. I will admit that I don't like someone, or that they irritate me, but I don't think that I know anyone well enough to actually hate them.

I've always used the word hate for things I don't like, like "I hate salmon" or something like that lol..I try not to hate people generally, and if I do happen to dislike someone I usually point out what I dislike about them for example, someone can be annoying or boring, so I don't typically just flat out say I hate the person, although if it's someone who treats me badly, then I probably would use the word hate.
In reality hate should be synonymous with dislike but I feel like, maybe there is a cultural significance to the word hate in the US especially, because the KKK, the nazis are typically called "hate groups" and it is always used in this context, like if someone is hating, I get the feeling like they are evil people, not just that they dislike someone.

I'm going to have to agree with you- hating a person is a very serious thing. I might hate brussels sprouts, but to say I hate a person would be pretty serious indeed. There are a few people I've reserved that for and each of them have been abusers of some sort.

I was also taught that "hate" is a very strong word/emotion. Now, I stated a billion times how much I hated onions when I was a kid , but I find it difficult, if not impossible, to actually hate a person. There are many people I've met whom I have disliked, but for me to actually HATE someone, they would have to be a person who has committed some heinous act, with no remorse.

Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN

As far as hate, I hate the things that people do or say, but I really, really can't say that I hate the person that did the things.

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I feel the same way. I don't think I ever hated a person but if I ever do I will no longer be human but more like a devil.

Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN

As far as the interpretation thing goes, that is what communication is. Hubby and I are always having communication problems because we hear things and interpret them our own unique ways. I forget who said it but there is a saying that goes, "we see things not as they are, but as we are" well, the same goes for spoken things..

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This girl is a piece of work. She dumped my brother then kept coming to me telling me what piece of krap he is, and how she hated him. She wanted me to comfort her and be all sympathetic. All she did was make me really mad. She's got a mom, she's got some friends, why come to ME for her issues with him. I finally told her that I was not going to have any more conversations with her about him. She went off on me about how everyone hates her, and misunderstands her. Then she went to MY stepmom and twisted everything to say that I hated her and was mean to her. I only said I didn't want to listen to her talk smack about my bro anymore. She's good at doing that. My hubby told her he didn't want her to come to gaming (D&D) for a little while so that the discomfort could fade between her and my brother. So she went to my sister and said that we were blaming her for something my sister did, and caused issues between my family and me. So now she is no longer allowed to come over at all. There was even an issue with "sarcastic mean bull____" suposedly being said about her by me and my friends. my stepmom was so angry with all of us over it. We had never said anything sarcastic and mean to her, while we were gaming, or together. (my stepmom's anger was all aimed at me and my sacastic mean bull___ that i was "saying" to or about her) So I know it was something to do her with taking things that were said that weren't mean and ran to my family to cause issues. She craves sympathy and attention, and loves it.

Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN

As far as hate, I hate the things that people do or say, but I really, really can't say that I hate the person that did the things. I really don't ever like to say that I hate a person. I will admit that I don't like someone, or that they irritate me, but I don't think that I know anyone well enough to actually hate them.

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I completely understand what you are saying. A lot of the stuff she does angers me to no end, and sometimes I am angry at her. I've tried to explain that I don't dislike HER, I just dislike a lot of her ACTIONS and things that she says.

But... on a positive note, since she finally realized that she can't do this over and over again to her friends and they remain her friends, she's seen the damage she caused. Now she is working towards fixing that issue she has. That's not enough to let her back into our lives, or house, but it is a start I don't bare ill will for her. I wish her all the best, but she's burned me too many times, and caused too many issues between me and my family. She's a great person with a beautiful soul. She just has attention and sypathy issues. The only attentions that she really likes is when people are saying "Pooor _____, you have it so rough, let me hold you. Pooor, Pooor _____"

She will get herself all straightened out. I have faith in her.

Be safe.

Originally Posted by yayi

I feel the same way. I don't think I ever hated a person but if I ever do I will no longer be human but more like a devil.

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so so true. I think the more anger and negativity one has in their heart, the less love they can have in there.

be safe

I also use the word hate as in hating a certain type of food as some one else stated. I do truly hate diseases that plague us at times in our life. I hated having cancer and I will always hate that disease. I hate anything that can kill us or our loved ones. I hated seeing my Misty die in front of me at the vet's, I hate the fact I can never see her again.

I don't hate people, I may dislike them or despise them for some reason but not hate. This was a very good question.

My parents taught me that hating is not a big deal, but life has taught me that hate is a negative and dark feeling that carries with it a lot of weight. It's not worth it.

The girl you are talking about sounds like she has a lot of anger since hating a lot of things, even in jest, means she is carrying some heavy burdens. She sounds very lost in life and overwhelmed. It's nice you have faith in her; I hope she figures it out some day, too.

This young lady sounds deeply, emotionally disturbed and I would stay away from her. Unless she gets some professional intervention, IMO, she will go right back to her old ways when under any kind of stress.

I dunno, but I hate Mondays

I don't really hate anybody. It's too stressful and it's very negative and most people aren't really worth me taking the time to hate them, if that makes sense. I may not like some people and I don't like what those people have done, but overall I don't hate anyone. I may feel sorry for them, but I don't hate them.

I do, however, hate snow. (Mondays come in at a very close second)

I am not trying to push my beliefs on anyone else, but I have to say here that I am a Christian. The Bible states that unforgiveness is one reason why prayers are not answered. I have had some major things in my life that could cause me to harbor hate and unforgiveness but I have had to deal with it and not hate and forgive the wrongs. I don't hate people. In fact it is such a strong word, I am not sure I could define what it means to me, because I just don't allow myself to go there.

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

The girl you are talking about sounds like she has a lot of anger since hating a lot of things, even in jest, means she is carrying some heavy burdens.

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To my knowledge, she isn't a hater. She just accuses everyone who is angry or unhappy with her of hating her. She thinks that people hate her if they disagree with her actions or what she says. She is a continual VICTIM of life. Every time something goes wrong in her life, it's someone else's fault, and she is the victim of the situation.

She does have anger problems. When she was asked not to come to gaming for "A LITTLE WHILE", she txted me a long text about how everyone in our circle of friends hates HER. How we all have her completely wrong. How I am in control of EVERYONE's actions. (I am the only other female in our circle of friends) It was DH's decision to ask her to stay away for a little while. Just until the discomfort was gone between her and my brother, then she could come back. Her txt attack to me, and bringing my family into it stopped that. She was permanantly banned from even stepping foot into our house, by DH's decision. She accused me of MAKING him do it. He wasn't happy with that one bit!

That was the reason I decided I was done with her. To constantly be attacked with anger (usually in txts verbally) over the slightest of things. Then to bring my family into it... .... yeah...

I do have faith in her. To loose the friends she made while she was with my brother, and to loose my friendship. (Not trying to make myself out as any kind of good person) I always stood up for her, pointed out her good qualities. Always had a shoulder for her to cry on. Tried to point her mind in positive directions when she was down. I was always there for her, even after she dumped my brother, I talked to her, and listened to her. (that didn't last, her smack talking about my brother was too much for me).

After having lost US as friends, she (I hope) finally realized that she can't be that way with her friends and expect them to keep being there for her. I cannot take the stress of her friendship anymore. Now she cannot come to me to help pick her up off her face. *shrugz* maybe I'm a bad person, but I honestly cannot keep myself positive while giving her all my positivity. She leaves me drained, tired, and empty.

Thank you for all your comments on this thread. I now feel like I am not the only one who takes the word HATE so seriously (When aimed at fellow human beings) To hate STUFF or ACTIONS, or FOODS... totally different.

I knew a girl once who did hate me. Every time she saw me her mood would sour. I had complete control over her life without trying, and laughed at that. She gave me control. Once I saw her at the carnival, she was laughing and happy, and having a great time, then she saw me. Her face went to a scowl, and she stopped laughing, and smiling. She left the line for the ride she was in, and dragged her two young daughters and friends with her. All I did was walk by her. She did eventually let go of her anger, and move on. But to hate is to hand control of your emotions to someone else... I like being in control of my OWN emotions!! I want to control my own life, and not let the sight of someone else having fun ruin MY fun!

Come at me with love, I respond with love. Come at me with anger, I will shut you out.

Be safe.

I don't think I've ever hated a person. Disgust, sure...thinking in an abstract sense that the human race would be better off if someone didn't exist, yeah, but I didn't personalize it as "I hate them ooooo look at all this emotion."

I've said things like "I hate it when that happens," where it's just such an off-the-cuff comment that you don't take the time to dig up the exact word. I've said things about inanimate objects that were obviously humorous overstatements like "your car hates me" but I wouldn't accuse a person of hating me, because it might be true

I can honestly say that no matter how bad it makes me sound there are 4 and only 4 people in this world I do hate. I feel deep down in my heart that if I ever saw any of those people on the side of the road begging for help tears in their eyes I would keep going by them. Those people have done stuff to hurt me, my daughters and my family. That to me is just unforgivable that is something that I can never get past. Its not something I dwell on, I dont go out of my way to make those people miserable, in fact I go out of my way to stay away from them and never see or talk to them ever again. Someone doing something to deliberately hurt my daughters is something that I would hurt someone over. Those two girls mean the world to me and noone will ever mess with them ever again as long as Im breathing. As for those 4 people that I hate. I dont think about them (with the exception of now) and I dont wish them harm. I just dont wish them anything as far as Im concerned they dont exist to me.
I feel bad sometimes that I cant get past the anger and resentment that I feel towards them but at the same time I dont feel that what they did warrents my forgiveness. They have done nothing in my eyes for me to be able to forgive them.

I am in the same boat as you. I have a girl that does that as well.

My mom raised me the same exact way and if we even grimesed THE H WORD we got smacked. So, like your mom said. It's the end of the road!

However, if she is causing you trouble, do NOT talk to her or communicate with her in any way. I found that easier with my issue.