How do you know you are ready to die?

Originally Posted by Trillcat

i have just emailed my folks, let them know what is going on. I feel like I am sroking out. Breathe, Laura, breathe.
I am shaking, afraid to even look at what my heart is doing. I am dizzy, not at all in a good way

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have the phone ready to call 911 if you feel too sick. They will help you even if you have no money it is the law, and ...well as long as you're alive you can always pay the bills later. So please don't hesitate to call 911..
I think you may be having an anxiety attack though. There could be so many things that could be wrong besides a heart attack or stroke or anything fatal for that matter. The fact that you're focusing on the worst possible scenario is making me think it could be an anxiety attack, but that's just what it sounds like to me, you really need to see a doctor...

You've mentioned the high pulse and blood pressure before... it must have been a concern at some point for you to have the monitor.

I just looked up free clinics in Wisconsin: http://www.fcglr.org/directory/Wisconsin/wi-home.htm

Most pharmacies have their own prescription programs to help lower the cost of any meds you may need.

It does sound like you're also having a panic attack. Gary had them quite frequently until he decided to take zoloft - and this has really controlled them, and for him at a rather low dose.

Other than trying to control your breathing - in through your nose and out through your mouth, and talking yourself down (do it for Ginger!), there isn't a lot to do about the panic attack.

Perhaps grab a book, and distract yourself. Read it out loud.

You are going to be OK, and there is help. There are a lot of people that care about you. Please check out the free clinics site! Call one!

While these can be difficult to distinguish from an anxiety attack, these are the symptoms of a heart attack in women:

http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/hea...fheartatta.htm

Here are the symptoms of a stroke, including symptoms that may affect women:

http://www.stroke.org/site/PageServer?pagename=WOMSYMP

If you have any questions, please call 9-1-1 regardless of your fear about the bills.

I know its a panick attack , I know this, I am mentally aware, but I cant stop crying, and the heart is going so fast, and now I have freaked out my foks.
A book, I like books, I am so feaked out.
i really can't breathe.

Free clinics can be amazing. I was very skeptical about them not caring as much about their patients but I was proved wrong.

They were very concerned with me and did everything they possibly could to help me out. I got a free EKG, medication, and they even sent me to the hospital lab and covered all the costs for a round of bloodwork.

Then a week later, the doctor called and left a message on my phone saying she just wanted to make sure that I was okay and to call her back with how I was feeling.

In my opinion they are much more caring, and will do more to help take care of you.

So CALL!

Trust me, you don't want a 2000$ bill from the ER, but let me tell you something, charity here covered a LOT of my ER bills and they will do the same for you, so don't be worrying about the cost.

In the long run, it's really only money, at the very worst you can just let them eat your bill...God knows they make more than enough money off of sick people who can afford it.

Originally Posted by Trillcat

I know its a panick attack , I know this, I am mentally aware, but I cant stop crying, and the heart is going so fast, and now I have freaked out my foks.
A book, I like books, I am so feaked out.
i really can't breathe.

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*hugs SO tight*!!

Do you have anyone that can come over and metaphorically slap you in the face and tell you to stop being so silly and freaking out? Sometimes the best thing for panicing is someone to tell you how ridiculous you are being!

It sounds to me like you just need someone tangible to tell you to calm down. Can you go see your parents?

You can splash some very cold water on your face and what I've done is even get a big bowl of water with ice in it and put your whole face in it and let it sit for a few seconds. It will slow your heart a little bit.

If you have anxiety disorder you need to get yourself into a psychiatrist. If you are in a crisis situation call a panic/anxiety hotline, and get yourself to a state run program asap. Regular doctors don't understand anxiety/panic/agoraphobia.
I've been there. You must find the strength within yourself to seek help.

Good, you like books!

FOCUS on breathing. You CANNOT cry if you are breathing deeply OR evenly. It isn't physically possible. FORCE yourself to slow down the breathing. The face in water is a good idea - it'll help you slow things down.

No matter how shaky or silly you feel, do read out loud. Even if you're crying and your voice is all wobbly. It will help distract you from your thoughts, which is exactly what you need right now.

Books - good!
Breathing - good!

...and get your butt to a free clinic on Monday for evaluation. If you're in a university town, it'll probably be a good one with practicing student doctors - they'll go out of their way to care and aren't old enough to be tired of it yet. It may be as simple as a med to reduce your blood pressure, which diet may offset with time, and you'll be able to stop the meds.

The parents are about 140 miles away.
I am being silly, And now I have freaked out my folks, But it is all good, they need to know.
I am so, so tired now, going to snooze with Ginger, she has been hiding, poor girl ,very sensitave to me. But we snooze under a big blue fuzzy balnket, I will wake up tomorrow, feel stupid for all this, deal with my folks and probably go to the hospital.
She will be taken care of. and so will I
Now sleep.

National Institute of Mental Health's Anxiety Hotline: 1-888-826-9438

Good girl! I posted the last note before I saw your post. But now you have the number if you need it.

Originally Posted by ut0pia

You can splash some very cold water on your face and what I've done is even get a big bowl of water with ice in it and put your whole face in it and let it sit for a few seconds. It will slow your heart a little bit.

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Putting some cold water on your wrists helps with this too. Also, if you are too distracted to read, put on some music. Listen to the beat of the music and breathe in, two, three four, out, two, three, four; or whatever is a good tempo.

...and since your PM box is full, DO NOT FORGET:

http://www.fcglr.org/directory/Wisconsin/wi-home.htm

FIND A CLINIC and if they're open Sunday, go tomorrow.

Keeping up the

Originally Posted by Trillcat

The parents are about 140 miles away.
I am being silly, And now I have freaked out my folks, But it is all good, they need to know.
I am so, so tired now, going to snooze with Ginger, she has been hiding, poor girl ,very sensitave to me. But we snooze under a big blue fuzzy balnket, I will wake up tomorrow, feel stupid for all this, deal with my folks and probably go to the hospital.
She will be taken care of. and so will I
Now sleep.

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Trillcat, bottom-line:
IMHO if you were really dying, like your post indicated you feared, your instincts would have kicked in, and you would have called 911. When in danger, a person, or animal, will do whatever it takes to save its life, and so would you.
So, how would you know if you were dying? You would probably not be typing away on TCS. You would not care the least about money, bills, distance, phone, shame, or whatever - you would be blind, and the only thing you would see in front of you would be saving your life.

So, I can't add anything that hasn't already been said...
Tomorrow will be a better day

I know your sleeping now. Since you like books I thought you may like to read this book that my mind has referenced at times and has helped me through anxiety.
The Anxiety Cure by Dr. Archibald D. Hart

Hope you feel better in the morning! Please visit a free clinic from the link offered by LDG.
Best of luck

You need to start thinking positively. No more of this negativity. Find something you like to do and concentrate on that. Do something to keep your mind occupied. You will stop worrying and will start to feel better. If you start to feel worse, get to a doctor ASAP. Who cares what (s)he will say? You are who you are. You shouldn't feel the need to change to suit someone else. I hope you feel better soon

If you need someone else to talk to for anything, I'm here for you too. PM if you need to.

Originally Posted by carolinalima

Trillcat, bottom-line:
IMHO if you were really dying, like your post indicated you feared, your instincts would have kicked in, and you would have called 911. When in danger, a person, or animal, will do whatever it takes to save its life, and so would you.
So, how would you know if you were dying? You would probably not be typing away on TCS. You would not care the least about money, bills, distance, phone, shame, or whatever - you would be blind, and the only thing you would see in front of you would be saving your life.

So, I can't add anything that hasn't already been said...
Tomorrow will be a better day

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^ What she says is true. Coming from someone who has almost died a few times due to a form of hemophilia. When you really ARE close to dieing your instincts will kick in overdrive and you will call 911 or end up in an ER.

You'll be okay seriously. Grab that hotline number and find a free clinic nearby. People will want to help you don't be afraid!

Originally Posted by carolinalima

Trillcat, bottom-line:
IMHO if you were really dying, like your post indicated you feared, your instincts would have kicked in, and you would have called 911. When in danger, a person, or animal, will do whatever it takes to save its life, and so would you.
So, how would you know if you were dying? You would probably not be typing away on TCS. You would not care the least about money, bills, distance, phone, shame, or whatever - you would be blind, and the only thing you would see in front of you would be saving your life.

So, I can't add anything that hasn't already been said...
Tomorrow will be a better day

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You know you are right, I once thought I was gone for sure, a bad acid (LSD) experience, (many years ago) I thought of no one, not my parents, my freinds, no one except me and survival. I got better and felt very selfish for thinking that way.
I can't sleep so I am back here again, now feeling crazy.
Bess you all, for the phone numbers, my inbox is now clear. sorry about that.
I am calmer though sleep is not my friend right now.

This may sound silly and trivial, but for the moment it might help a bit to calm Ginger first, if she is upset and sensitive to you. Petting a cat is a wonderfully calming experience for both parties. Just get her on your lap and stroke her slowly and deeply while she purrs. Your breathing will slow and you will feel happier. I guarantee it. That is no cure in the long term - you do need to see someone professional, but try a bit of cat therapy too! We are all here for you, as you know, but you must help yourself too.