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post #31 of 59
Originally Posted by Trouts mom View Post
My dad is estranged and may not even come to my wedding.
I am sorry to hear that

I can kind of empathize, my father's parents disowned me and were not there for me when I needed them.
post #32 of 59
My dad was born in the 60s. He lives and works in Las Vegas at the Hilton. He's worked at hotels as long as I can remember.
He is an alcoholic and former drug addict/user. He has a frightening temper and has been fired from jobs because of it.
He is incredibly abusive and made my childhood a living hell by his own hand and by exposing me to other abusers. His parental rights have been severed from three of his four children. Even aside from his other issues, he just doesn't know how to be a father.
He put a permanent grudge in my heart not by what he did to me, but by throwing a 2 week old kitten against a wall and giving it brain damage. I will never forget being 7 years old and watching that, as well as trying to save my poor kitten, who died 2 days later.
My dad gave me my love of music, especially classic rock, and I am thankful for that and hold it dear, but I'm afraid there are rifts that will never go away.
post #33 of 59
Originally Posted by Mollysmom View Post
He put a permanent grudge in my heart not by what he did to me, but by throwing a 2 week old kitten against a wall and giving it brain damage. I will never forget being 7 years old and watching that, as well as trying to save my poor kitten, who died 2 days later.
Reading this and the rest of the heartbreaking memories of some of your fathers is so sad
post #34 of 59
My father was born in New Jersey. He was a child during the Great Depression, and his parents, though they had come from rich families, were dirt-poor. Dad grew up in the woods, in a shack, with no electricity nor running water. He was the starting quarterback on his high school football team, which set a unique record: no wins, no ties, AND no points scored during his last season! He loved to tell that story. He fought with the 28th PA ("The Bloody Buckets") in WWII, and met my Mom in England. My first brother, who is 20+ years older than me, was born in England.

After the War, he bought 1.25 acres for $200, using every cent he had. He and Mom each worked 2 jobs while they literally built their own house, and raised 2 boys. Dad never had a credit card, nor debt, so he wanted to never have a mortgage, either! He had no books, videos, etc. to show him how to build a house--he just used logical thinking and remembered what he saw from other houses being built. He first worked digging graves (by hand back then!), then in a steel mill, where he worked until he retired in the early 1980's.

Dad was always ashamed of not having a college education (though he was quite smart, IMHO), and ashamed of his house, saying it was just a "shack". He loved animals, especially cats and dogs. (He always said that he hated people and loved animals.) He was a talented artist, too. I have an oil painting he did of me when I was 4, gardening in our field.

Unfortunately, despite all of his remarkable and admirable qualities, he was very abusive toward me, mentally, verbally, and physically. He beat me savagely. I both hated him and loved him at the same time--does this make sense? However, when he died 10 years ago (this October), I did feel sorry for him. I even helped the hospice nurse bathe him, and prep him for the undertaker. I told him that I loved him, as I was combing his hair. Sadly, this was the only time in my life that I could show him any affection. Not because I never wanted to, but because he wouldn't let anyone love him. I think he enjoyed being hated.
post #35 of 59
My father is a physician. He is the youngest of his parents' 3 children and the only son. His father was an attorney who prior to his days of law, served in the Navy. His mother was I believe unemployed, but I'm not sure.
post #36 of 59
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
Reading this and the rest of the heartbreaking memories of some of your fathers is so sad
I agree. It's so sad when fathers are like that. . .
Thank you so much for the hugs.
post #37 of 59
My dad is 69 years young. He was born to parents that were into rollerskating and trains both of which my father grew up loving. My grandparents owned a roller rink when I was young and my father dance skated (like figure skating on ice). He taught me to skate and to love learning and history. He's a total history buff and loves to hunt up little facts.

When I was born he and Mom owned a flower shop, to this day the smell of a good florist shop brings back memories. Since they know flowers they are going to do the flowers for my wedding.

After the flower shop daddy spent many years as a salesman in various fields, everything from chemicals to process microchips to janitorial supplies or car parts.

My dad taught me to be independent and to step up and fix what needs fixing so that if I ever had to be on my own I could do it myself.

Unfortunately He also taught me how to use drugs and drink. I knew the phone numbers of the local bars cuz after work that's where he and mom would hang out for a couple of hours. When I was a teen I used to swipe cocaine from him. Gratefully we both have seen the damage we were doing and have quit, but I wasn't a happy teenager because of the drugs.

He's now a grandfather of two and a great-grandfather of one. He's also a cat lover. I can't remember a time in my life when there weren't cats in our house. His all time favorite was Marmalade, she was a tortoiseshell that wormed her way into his heart. He spoiled that kitty rotten! He and mom now have DumDum. Now that's a whole other story...one weird kitty though!
post #38 of 59
My dad is a commercial and industrial insulator. He's 56 this year and I'm told by family members that I'm his clone.

Dad started as a steel worker at 16 because that was what his dad did and that was what boys were expected to do, but he got bored with it and trained as an electrician until he and mom had me. Then, of course, it was the middle of a recession and there was no work for electricians, so he became an insulator. Dad's nothing if not adaptable.

My dad is one of those people who knows everyone in a room within 10 minutes of walking in, but he's not terribly outgoing and would rather spend his time at home with his family than out in public.

My dad is one of the gentlest people I know. Grandpa took him hunting once and all he did was find a quiet spot to watch the wildlife all day and scare it away from the other hunters. He and my mom rescue abused dogs and it still brings tears to my eyes to watch how easily he connects with them.

My dad has always been a firm believer in the "no daughter of mine is ever going to have to depend on a man" and is the main reason I know how to do most car and home repairs and generally have no qualms about doing them. He's also my fishing buddy...not that we ever catch anything, but we'll take the boat out into the middle of the lake and kick back with our books until we get hungry, then go for french fries and the floating chip truck.

I could tell stories about dad all night, but I'm sure everyone has somewhere else to be. At the end of the day, Dad is one of the most influential people in my life and I love him dearly. One of the best moments he ever gave me was when he walked my down the eisle at my wedding making goofy jokes under his breath so neither of us would cry. That's my dad in a nutshell.
post #39 of 59
Originally Posted by Trouts mom View Post
My dad is estranged and may not even come to my wedding.
He is someone who shouldn't marry even though he tried 3x's and almost a 4th but she smartened up and moved out. His mother told my mother the day I was born that he wouldn't be a good father. She was right. I feel sorry for my half sister. I still haven't met her. I have such ill feelings toward my father that I can't bring myself to meet her.

I almost had to contact him after 20 years of not speaking to him. Thank goodness for facebook and finding my estranged cousin. His mother contacted me via phone. We also don't speak. She apparently has dementia. I contacted my cousin of her condition and she speaks to my father regularly.

This is the first time in 20 years I can celebrate father's day not b/c of my father but for the father of my son. It's a happy day again.
post #40 of 59
My father is 87 years old. He was the youngest of a large family of 9 siblings. His family wanted him to become a priest but he refused and paid his way to become an accountant. After he married, he became a foreign diplomat. He served as the Philippine commercial attache in Argentina, Mexico, and the US. After 15 years of service, he returned home and was elected governor of his province. He served 3 4-year terms. He is now active being a regional commander of the Philippine Veterans Association.
post #41 of 59
My dad was born in Chicago in a family of 11 children. The family later moved to Wisconsin. I believe my dad's first job (aside from working on the farm of course) was as an ambulance driver. His dream was to become a state trooper, but for some reason that never came to pass. He joined the army instead, and that became his career. For some reason, even though I was pretty young, I remember the day he left for Vietnam. My mom was holding me as she said goodbye to him, and after he left, I remember she was crying and she said to me (probably more for herself), "We'll be alright, won't we!". I remember not understanding any of it, and feeling afraid seeing my mom cry. He did return...I remember that day too...and we all went to the airport.

After 20 years, he retired from the army, and took a job with a company repairing large factory machinery. He eventually moved to New Mexico, and got a job doing the same thing.

In January 2000, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He moved back to Wisconsin, and lived with my brother and SIL. He died that October. My brother and I were at his side as he passed, each holding one of his hands.
post #42 of 59
I'm adopted and my father IS my father as far as I'm concerned - not the man that provided sperm to my bio mother.

My father was a very good man and a loving husband/father to both my mom and me, and my sister. We were under a year when adopted (6 months). He was a hard worker and also a man of God (elder in the church). I'm proud of my father.

But funny you mentioned "milk man" - my hubby's father really was a milkman too - he died in a hunting accident when hubby was only 9 months old! My husband's step dad was both physically and verbally abusive to the kids. There were 10 kids total in the famils (step, 1/2 brothers, and natural bro/sis).
post #43 of 59
What a great question.

I have 3 Fathers.

1. Biological Father: he is a bad, bad man and I hope to never hear from him again, but I can't help feel sorry for him, and the child trapped inside of me stil wants to please him. ( can u say, Chris has issues with disappointment? LOL)

2. Stepdad Mark: off topic but its funny, I call my parents "Mom and Mark"...my one DD calls her parents "Mom and Mark".

Mark is 46, 8yrs younger than my mom. He came into my life when I was just young, I think 7 or so, he was only in his early 20's then. One heck of a guy, for standing by my mom and helping support my brother and me.

He is a very hard worker, and a great man. Unfortunately he had an alcohol prob when I was younger....and would often take us for car rides when he was drunk. (he's part of the reason I am a strong advocate against drinking and driving). I was put in hospital when I was just shy of 14, so I really didn't have a lot to do with him. He would work, drink, and as I got older, we'd fight alot.

When I moved out of institutions, and on my own.... then pregnant and had my daughter when I was 19, Mark was 33ish.... He was amazing, and truly the father I never had. He quit drinking so much, and was an amazing support. There's nothing he wouldn't do for me, or any of us kids. He is truly one of my daddy's.

3. My father in law I was blessed to meet him when I was 23. But didn't get to know him well untill 5 or 6yrs ago. It was an instant father/daughter relationship He never had a daughter, and was fairly unemotional. A very very hard worker, aside from his job (factory manager) he also did crop farming. I have never once heard him whine about the amount of work he did. He retired a couple years ago, and ended up working part time for a family member LOL... He has problems not working. This year they decided to rent out the farmland, so they could actually relax, go places, etc.

He has a very stern demeanor, but a softer heart now (having a daughter like me can soften anyones heart, because of how emotional I am). I can count on one hand, the number of times he's cried. #1 was the first time I gave him a Father's Day card (I wrote in it too), and #2 was at my wedding when he was dancing with me.

He is the ONLY person that can get this response from me: preparing for my wedding, I was taking a load to the reception hall which included a wooden wishing well my brother made. (this was after I had injured my back) I got into the back of the truck to move things closer to the tailgate for others to lift off. He had come out just as I had bent over the wishing well. He didn't yell, but said firmly "Chris"... I looked up with that deer in the headlights look and stuttered, all he did was point to the ground. I got outta the truck and stood on the ground. No arguing, no feeling bad, just instant obedience. Noone in my life, not authority figures (police, social workers, etc) or family members, have ever had that. All of them, I'd argue with. But when dad has that tone in his voice, I listen. (he made an awesome manager.... he is not someone you want to argue with..... not because he'd hurt you or anything, cuz he'd never do any physical harm... he just has THAT look)

post #44 of 59
My dad is the youngest of 7. His father was an alcoholic (but a wonderful grandfather) and used to beat all his children or he'd drink at the legion all day leaving the youngest kids in the car. He grew up in a rather small town (1200 people) and everyone knew him. He did a lot of stupid stuff (like when he was 14, drank a whole bottle of dandelion wine and passed out on the town hall lawn in the middle of winter) but everything made him stronger. He never finished high school and didn't until he was over 40.
He married young to my brothers mother. They divorced after my dad met my mom. My mom helped raise my brothers.

When I was little, Dad never held a real job. He started his own lawn cutting business and us kids would help. Then when I was 8 or 9, Dad got a real job working in a plastics factory. We moved from that small town Dad grew up in to the big city. Dad then took a job as a bylaw enforcement officer (aka ticket guy). He's been transferred all over in the company, lost his job due to something that happened in the early 1980's). Dad now drives taxi part time and does security the rest of the week.

My dad and I fought all the time, he was very similar to his father but like both of them, he's a wonderful grandfather. I'm very close to my dad now but there were times I said I hated him. But I love him and he's my dad.
post #45 of 59
My father is, was and always will be my best friend. He was born in 1934 in a small town in Pennsylvania. He was an only child and spent most of his young life on a small farm out in the country. His upbringing not only taught him good morals but a strong sense of value. He met my mother when he was managing a movie theatre. She was the popcorn girl. They married when my mother was 16 and he 20. They raised 5 children together, me being the youngest, and were married 50 wonderful years until God called my father home March 17, 2003. How I miss the physical being of my dad, but he is with me in spirit not only today, "fathers day" but every day of my life.
I love you Pop.
post #46 of 59
This is amazing thread. The good and the bad. Now if I can see through my tears, I will tell you a little bit about mine.

My father (and mother) just retired this year. They are slowly driving each other nuts but I think they will live. In fact, I think retirement suits him just fine. He seems to really enjoy it. He loves to do handyman type stuff and is always busy working on one project or another, golfing, fishing, etc.

Like his father and grandfather before him, he was a cop. We were never rolling in money, but he and Mom made sure that we were provided for. With Dad around I always felt protected and I still run to him when I feel the need for that in my life. He taught me to always be cautious (I imagine because of his job) which maybe made me a little "over-the-top anxious" of things. He taught me to fight for what is fair and just and never to let anyone walk all over me. I'm a little sad now that my parents retired I am so busy with work demands that I don't get to see them much.

Dad enjoying the retired life:

post #47 of 59
My dad (named Thomas Edward, but known just as Tom) was born in very rural Cape Breton, Nova Scotia in 1933 to an Irish mother and a very strict Scottish father and 3 siblings. He left the province in his early 20's to come to Ontario to look for work. Even though he left Nova Scotia - he was a Cape Bretoner through and through.

He was at a few jobs in Toronto before settling for a manufacturer of polyethylene products as a salesman. He had a gift of making everyone feel instantly comfortable in his presence and wanting to truly know the other person. He could care less if you had a dollar to your name or you were a millionaire. He had friends in both circles (and everywhere in between)and never cherished one over the other.

He became the top salesman very quickly and clients often stayed with his company only because they wanted him to be the one to sell the product to them. He was honest, hardworking and literally loved everything in his life - money meant nothing to him, but your heart meant everything.

He was big boned and we called him the bear. He always shared his love for life through his jokes, stories and deep belly roaring laughter. He was the glue that held this family together - he cherished life and everything within it.

He was diagnosed with colon cancer when I was 12, fought it for 4 years, but then eventually passed away at 52 years young. He was one of the brightest lights that ever shone our way.

He died a week before his 53 birthday, 3 weeks before my birthday. I still remember the amount of people attending the wake - the amount of flowers filled 3 rooms - it was unbelievable how many people he touched. The next day we needed to hire police escorts for our car procession to the cemetery since the line of cars seemed to have no end.

Missed more than life. Happy Father's Day, Dad.
post #48 of 59
I can't quite read this thread today -- it's just more emotion than I can handle on Father's Day. But I will read it a little at a time, starting tomorrow, and I thank you all in advance for sharing so much of yourselves.

Meanwhile, I want to post this photo here -- it's the one we used as Papa's author photo on the sleeve of his book, which just came out this month (there's a thread about it). This was taken in November 2008, about three months before he passed. The plane is an old Piper L-4 just like the ones he flew in the South Pacific in WWII.

I love this picture.

post #49 of 59
My father is a retired sub-station operator from P.G.&E.He has always been my best friend and has helped me more than I can ever repay over the years.My dad is my hero!
post #50 of 59
My father is retired a retired teacher. He is German and he taught mostly German and English to high schoolers. Sometimes when I had a day off (in grade school) if he had a half day or a grading or report card day he'd take me to work with him which I loved. He did not know German from childhood, he studied it in college. He was born and raised here in Chicago along with his older sister. He loves fishing and reading (scifi and history especially) and probably is a big reason why I enjoy those things as well! He taught me to fish as a very young child and I used to go on fishing trips with him and my great-uncle. My father and I (and sometimes my mother) still go fishing together although not as often. We always have gone to a lot of places together (especially since he retired) like museums, day trips to forest preserves or nature areas, festivals and things like that and he also was usually the one who drove me places such as to dog training classes when I rescued my two dogs, out to the suburbs to adopt my pet rats/hamsters, to pet shops, etc... He was always the more easygoing one so if I wanted something when I was a little kid I'd try to ask him instead of my mom who was a little more strict.

Tonight we (my mom, me, my brother, my sister, and my sister's husband) are taking him out to eat to a nice barbecue restaurant my sister suggested.
post #51 of 59
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for sharing your fathers with us.
post #52 of 59
My father died at the age of 73 of Lung Cancer, some ten years ago. He was a RC man (delivered drinks) and was a long time truck driver for the rest of his life. I am one of 7 kids. He was much easier on the boys and more strict on the girls. (especially me) I was the only one that ever got into trouble for anything. (it seemed) I do miss my father, and loved him very much, but somehow I cannot forget all the HELL he put me through as a child and young adult!!
post #53 of 59
my dad was a prison guard in germany. but he loved animals and he also raised showdogs, schnauzers. when i was growing up we always went to dog shows. but we also had horses, other dogs, cats, birds, chickens, ducks, an aviary with finches and other birds. he always took us for walks in the forests. he got killed in a car accident 26 years ago on his way to work. it was his day off and they asked him to work someone else's shift.
post #54 of 59
I love this thread, because my dad is brilliant.

He was abandoned in his teens by his mum who was seperated from her husband (a very hard thing to cope with in the '50s) and ran off to marry someone else leaving him in charge, and he had to raise his 2 younger brothers and look after various dogs and cats too (which I am sure he did very well, he has told me loads of stories about the animals he had at that time!). He left school at 14 with no qualifications, and became a jockey. He lived in a rural part of the UK where that was the one potential road to fame and fortune. He met my mum and fell in love and married her, I was born 3 years later, and my brother was born 3 years after me. (They have been married happily now for 41 years, I wish them loads more happy years together)

In the meantime my dad was diddled out of loads of money by his trainer, and left the horseracing world for good. He went to work at a factory, putting rivets into aeroplane wings (including Concorde) because he was little and could get right to the ends of the wings. His hearing has been damaged irreperably.

For a while he did manual work in a tannery - hauling around animal skins and turning them into leather to be made into jackets etc.

Then when the tannery closed down and made him redundant he went back to aircraft fitting - and found himself at the forefront of flammability testing on aircraft - got promoted to a top engineer position, and to this day he is the world's top authority on some aircraft fire testing safety system or something like that (I don't know the details).

I am SO proud of my dad. He's come from nothing, denied a proper education due to circumstances, couldn't even finish school, yet is now an engineer and an expert in his field - the best expert worldwide in his speciality, the person whom others consult if they need to know what's what.

The thing to add on top of that is that my dad's also really brave. He's an ex jockey who is 5'4 tall and weighs 110lbs soaking wet - but I've seen him leap out of a car to successfully stop a mugging, and he also once jumped in front of a car to delay it at the risk of his own life (he did get a couple of cracked ribs as a result) so that my brother could write down the registration number - resulting in a serial rapist being caught and sent to prison for a long time.

Not only that, but he will ALWAYS help me with anything I need, he drove to pick up my OSH kitten which was a 200 mile round trip for him (including picking me up on the way of course!) AND a year later he did the same round trip with me to pick up Jacob, he's helped me move house a couple of times, he's given me new kitchen cabinets and fitted them, I live 40 miles from him but I know if I phoned him tomorrow and said I needed a lift to the dentist he would say OK and be there. He's superdad and I love him.

My dad is everything to me. His actions have taught me how I should live my life, his bravery is second to none, his intelligence can't be matched, and the way he lives his life should be a lesson to the whole world.

It's just gone Father's Day here, I did phone him, but I just want to say publicly I LOVE YOU DAD! You're an inspiration to me and I love you loads.
post #55 of 59
My father when I was born was in the Marines. Some time after I was born (I think before I was 6) he left the military and took a civilian job at NAS Jax. He became a sheet metal engineer and works on a certain type plane that I can not remember right now. He is into his 50's pushing 60 and still works there full time.
post #56 of 59
My dad is going to be 52 in July. When I was 5 he graduated from college. He went back to school to get his degree. He has worked all his life, since he was like 14. He worked at a pizzeria (sp) and at his dads job. His sister was pure evil and I hated her. SHe made his life hell, once when my dad was dating my mom, his sister put sand in his fuel tank.....it was a nice mustang y dad rebuilt the engine and all....B****. SHe was the devil i swear. My dad has been through a lot and he understands what i have to deal with my brother. His dad died when i was 5, and his mom and sister stopped talking to us then. Broke my dads heart, but i am his family, and I love him no matter what and he never needed them! He was working at Texaco oil companies dealing with oil rigs. He worked at numerous waste water treatment plants in cities around here. He is now a supervisor at the Sanger waste water treatment plant. (hopefully he wont lose his job, since they have cut pay). His ancestors came over from Germany in the late 1880s. He grew up having to work for everything he wanted. And he loves cars, he has had many nice old cars, one i remember was a nice camero he would drive me to school in. He has a 1984 944 Porsche now. He loves cats, he had one named tracy as a kid. So i guess i got my love of cats from him? He has rescued 6 kittens from his work thus far, we have 3 of them now. Im daddys little girl and he knows it lol. I love my father and am proud to be his daughter
post #57 of 59
I've read this thread and it's made me cry [Oh, Yeah].

Daddy, I love you so dearly and you know the reasons why.

I forgiven you your faults as you've forginven mine, [so we can now call it 'square'].

I know what you meant, and you're also recognized my reasons.

You loved us, you NEVER punished us, you NEVER so much as yelled, ......[yet alone struck us].

I have NEVER been abused, by you or by our momma.

You were an angel..................hopefully I can carry on and be the same as you.

I LOVE you soooooo, much!
post #58 of 59
This thread is really touching.
post #59 of 59
Good question - who is my father?

Is is the man who slept with my Mum and then left 2 weeks after I was born and then returned when I was 18 and wanted to give parenting a go. I don't think so.

Is it the man who my Mum was with when I was 2 months old and is the only man I've ever called Dad. He treated me like his Child and now his family is my family and you've probably heard me refer to my Nana several times (also my best friend), that is her son. When Mum & Mike split up I still continued to see him on a weekly basis.

Shortly after they broke up my Mum got engaged to a man called Ian. Who I lived with from the age of 3-13. He is my Dad too - he raised me, taught me the joy of reading and how to create board games, paint fences and lay concrete. I still see Ian every month.

I'm lucky to have a Step Dad too. His name is Tom and my Mum has been with him since. We didn't get along at the start but now we do and we don't live together anymore but he is very good to me.

I had a very confused childhood but trust me I only have one Mum!
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