You have so many amazing supporters on here you may not even get a chance to read this...im long winded (your forewarned! LOL!).
Without giving a run down of all my life experiences I can say that I have "carried" more than so many friends of mine have and I ask God daily WHYYYYY, whats the plan here, purpose? Im not still sure but I know that I will know why one day. What I can say is that A. Ive been on BOTH sides of this EXACT situation. B. You WILL do it, get through C. BEST ADVICE EVER "Fake it till you make it", be it in your job, life, whatever....it works! (not saying be a liar by ANY MEANS).
AlphaCat i believe has made THE BEST point thus far. You should want to stay in and be with someone who is only helping you grow as a person, values the same things that you do, is your "soft spot" to land when you come home. Sometimes in life when end up not growing together in life we wind up looking back and realize just how far apart weâ€™ve grown, most times not even realizing it just simply because life, kids, school, work, etc.. get in the way. This is why it is so very important to truly KNOW yourself, REALLY KNOW yourself prior to marriage. I, along with so many girls, had to learn this the hard way as I was engaged at 18, married by 20. As silly as it sounds, I LOVE the movie Runway Bride and always encourage the young girls that I mentor to watch it as it truly has profound meaning through itâ€™s silliness.
The point that I am making, or trying to make is that there is nothing that you can do to make someone love you or even like you. SOOO many miss this GREAT GIFT they are given when things like this happen and they want their friends and family to make them feel better. That is WONDERFUL to have support and love but just remember to not rely on it fully as you will, as painful as this sounds, YOU WILL HURT until it clicks one day with you â€œhey, im ok and EVEN BETTER ON MY OWNâ€. When this happens you will reâ€”invent YOU, you will find YOURSELF again and THEN out of NOWHERE there will be this amazing person that appears in your life when you focus on you, let go of him and worry about nothing more than your own happiness. AS CRAZY AS IT SEEMS its true, show yourself some attention, BE SELFISH and you are going to be AMAZED at what happens! Hell, he may even want YOU BACK (hopefully you wont let that happen-but its your call). I know its hard to think of right now but I swear on everything it works. Now I have read some posts here that I just want to SCREAM OMG, ARE YOU SERIOUS but I mind my own business. At this point in your life youâ€™ve been handed this gift to start over (as bad as it sucks with the immediate needs you WILL wake up daily AND SOMEHOW DAILY it just works, just donâ€™t think past that for now). Ive read so much about blame, keeping in mind there are ALWAYS 3 sides to every story, his, herâ€™s and then the truth. Just try to not let the overwhelming support become your only crutch because thatâ€™s a bad road to head down and it doesnâ€™t show for much integrity when folks are just handed thingsâ€¦you are better than that, stronger.
As far as the relationship goes and him just walking away, thatâ€™s his own pain to carry. Its NOT ALWAYS because your not attractive, smart, doesnâ€™t love you, etcâ€¦ For example, ive met the most amazing man. If this person said, hey, lets leave tonight to Vegas to marry, I would NO QUESTIONS. Ive NEVER known that, thought that I had, but not this. If your religious theres a verse in the bible in I Corinthians that describes real love and what its supposed to and not supposed to be â€œlove is patient, love is kind, â€¦.â€ FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, this relationship fits every single line to that scripture. If your current life and love doesnâ€™t itâ€™s a gift for you because someone up above thinks YOU and YOUR KIDS ARE DESERVING OF BETTER! I bring my bf up because he had to walk out of his marriage not so long ago not because there was an affair as she claimed, not because there was abuse as she claimed or so on. His ex has said the most slanderous things about him and he just holds his head up. He is a man of moral integrity, value and so on. Of course, I am like, WHAT, WHY ARE YOU NOT STOPPING THIS, ETC..?? He just simply sayâ€™s, patiently, she will be â€œseenâ€, eventually, for how she is and what she is and he lets it go. He has paid for so much for her to get her life in order for so long but of course is unappreciative, thankful for it. THIS IN FACT WAS THE REASON he left. He knew that with his being in her life that he was in turn, somehow actually â€œde-motivatingâ€ her to be the person that she COULD be but didnâ€™t want to be knowing that she could sit around and live off of him. He so many times encouraged her to do things, not even for money, just for her own betterment, she didnâ€™t. Even after the divorce when he supported her for so long she STILL didnâ€™t take advantage of the situation until the VERY VERY last second then blamed him again, it was sickening to me but again, to him, he patiently stood by. He is a much better person than I. He still every so often says he hopes for the best for her, wishes her well and hopes that she finally will get the gumption she needs to do for herself, maybe being on her own will indeed do this. Its taken a while for me to â€œget itâ€ but heâ€™s right. I realized its not, in some situations that its just a nasty selfish thing but in fact you can turn around ANY SITUATION and see the positives in it. Maybe he loves you enough to let you go and prosper? If you think about it in these terms and KNOW that regardless your going to be happy as soon as youâ€™re a little selfish, your going to look back after taking each day step by step and say wow, who was that person, im so glad I found ME AGAIN!
Again, sorry to be long winded its just working with so many girls as a mentor i try to show them that ONLY WHEN they learn confidence, love themselves, support themselves can they love again and KNOW they'll be okay in ANY situation! :-)