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One for the guys - were you taught to be self-sufficient?

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
My husband was not taught to cook, clean, iron, do laundry, etc. when he was growing up. He had a bit of a learning curve when he moved out on his own. On the other hand my brothers were taught everything domestic at an early age. My parents thought it was very important for them to be self-sufficient.

So, were you taught how to cook, clean, iron, do laundry, etc.?
post #2 of 26
I have to jump in and post. LoL
Hubby had everything done for him. I swore that I would not raise my son that way. It took many years to get hubby to help without asking etc.
post #3 of 26
I wasn't taught that. My family is extremely conservative. heck I don't think my parents told me about the birds and the bees

When I was young I still had that 'woman stays home and does the housework' type attitude.

I was married for about 7 years though. After about a year I learned how to co-exist and be a help to the household instead of a hinderance. I am still shocked we stayed together that first year. But I certainly learned a lot.

On the reality side though, we only learn when we want to learn.
post #4 of 26
My husband is a farm boy... that should say it right there.

He and his 2 brothers know how to clean house pretty darn good. His mom cooked the meals, but the boys did the dishes after every meal. Still do when we go for a visit.

I will have to admit, that the majority of the housework is done by my husband due to my inability to do most of it I load the dishwasher, and occassionally vaccum, I can put the laundry in the wash if someone brings it down to the laundry room and some general tidying. But he and the kids fold the laundry, do the dishes, mop the floors, etc.

My husband was taught well by his parents.... he has no issues with doing anything. He can cook but that one I do...occassionally I let him bbq LOL. (I tend to take ownership of the household stuff that I can actually do.... cooking is one thing that for the most part I can do )
post #5 of 26
I have to jump in here too- my ex was never taught any of those things and it was extremely frustrating as I work(ed) 2 jobs and was also expected to cook, clean, etc. A lot of things did not get done and all he would do is complain...well get off your behind and do them yourself! This was one of the main reasons we did not stay together

If I ever have children and have a boy, you better believe he will be cooking and cleaning!
post #6 of 26
My mother was raised with seven brothers and one sister, and the girls did all the work around the house. She would even occasionally be late for her own date because she was ironing a brother's shirt for him to go out. She said she would never let her son get away with that. My brother learned right along with the rest of us: cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Then when he got married he had to teach his wife how to cook.
post #7 of 26
I'll answer this for the live-in boyfriend:

He is the oldest of 5 brothers (ages 23, 21, 20, 19, 7) and one sister (age 14). His mom does not work and has a full meal on the table when his dad gets home from work at night...and she packs all of their lunches. She does all the laundry and more or less any cleaning that is done. The only one in that house who has ever been made to do ANYTHING is his sister. I feel bad for her because she is nagged all the time to help with the dishes, laundry, etc. Our of his brothers, my boyfriend is the ONLY one who ever did anything in that house...and even that was limited. I know he would clean up, but mostly only when he knew I was coming. If he didn't take the laundry downstairs, it would sit there until they had no clothes. Haha...boy, was he in for a shock when he moved in with me. I clean plenty, but I do ask him to help. If I cook supper (sometimes he does, but I usually get home from work before him), then he does the dishes, or vice versa. I wash his street clothes, towels, etc., but he washes his work clothes. I hate packing my own lunch....there's no way I'm doing his. I have to say, he's adapted pretty well and even does things without being asked once in a while!

My parents both worked while I was growing up, and while the division of labour was a little more even, my mom still did most of the housework, cooking, laundry, etc. She still packs his lunch for work and does all the laundry (I don't think my dad would know how to do it). My mom has spent some time in the hospital both when I was in high school and now that I'm out of the house, and I remember having to pick up the slack because my dad wasn't very self-sufficient. I swore I would never let a boyfriend/husband be like that.

Now, my brother...he was taught how to cook, clean, and do laundry, but is just too lazy to do any of it!
post #8 of 26
The title said one for the "guys" but I'm female and will answer:
I learned none of those things. My mom was a housewife aka "the maid".
Looking back I loved it like that! but it wasn't right. I was 20 and away at college before I did a load of laundry.

btw - although I was raised without chores I never for an instant believed someone would be cleaning up after me for the rest of my life once I grew up. I moved out at 18 and took care of what needed to be done, not well, but I did it. Took me a long time to cook though or to be good at it at all.
post #9 of 26
MMmm... well... My brother learned how to cook through necessity and knows in general how to clean, though I don't think he would do.

My Dad does the laundry in their house, though, and I folded it while I was home, now he does.
post #10 of 26
Ill answer for my man Lol. He wasn’t taught a thing! After two year he is JUST learning to help, but only if I ask. For the past few months he is learning to ask me if I need help but wont do anything on his own. I do everything, he will help if asked but wont do anything on his own without me there.

For me, I wasn’t taught a thing either. I was a very spoiled child and never cooked a thing until I moved away with my boyfriend two years ago. I did laundry maybe once a year, never cleaned. I always watched my Mom do these things though, she was a house Mom.

Somehow after a long time (too long) of being a spoiled baby I run my house to the tee. Everything is clean, perfect, on time, homemade meals everyday. Maybe it’s bred into us, or maybe after watching my Mom for all those years, I went from a spoiled nothing to a woman with a full time career who runs everything at home perfectly. I am always busy now.

There is no excuse for lazy guys, if I can do it so can they (seriously, I was bad lol), YET you hear about it all the time that women do most of the chores…. I wonder why.
post #11 of 26
I'm pretty much domestically retarded. Very utilitarian when it comes to cooking; about the most complex dish I make is an eggwich; fried egg and a slice of cheese, on an english muffin.

I actually vacuum more often than I tidy the place up, only because I don't like the kitties having to roll around in hair, and perhaps ingesting more than they already do. But wrappers and bottles might stay on the coffee table for weeks.

I'll wear the same casual clothes for an entire week, to limit my laundry loads. Come home, take the work clothes off, put on the Van Halen T-shirt and jeans. Repeat.

I know, I make it all sound so desirable. Amazing I'm still single, isn't it?
post #12 of 26
I had to jump in too

Travis is very self-sufficiant. He had a rough childhood and lived with his dad permanantly since he was about 8. His dad taught him everything he knows now. Heck, he can cook , he cleans, he's very responsible and he's taught ME how to be self-suffiant. I was very spoiled and didn't have to do anything. It's a learning experience, for sure. We have lived together for 4 years and I still have trouble keeping a su[er clean house and still CANNOT cook for anything. Luckily Travis can or we would live off macaroni and cheese
post #13 of 26
Josh is very self sufficient. He irons, does dishes, washes the floors! He even prefers to do his own laundry but I force do it
post #14 of 26
(I'm female, but I can answer for my brothers)

Is ironing even considered a necessary skill nowadays? LOL. I can't iron...I mean, I can turn it on and get wrinkles out of clothes if I need to, but I'm definitely not good at it. And I think I've used my iron once since I got my own house, 5 1/2 years ago. And that was just to use some of that iron-on hemming stuff .

Anyway, my mom never made any effort to teach any of us domestic skills, mainly because she grew up with a maid and didn't know a darn thing herself. My youngest brother has prepared his own food since he was 8 or so, just because he's really picky and didn't want to eat what my mom made. She said "so make your own food!" and he did. I learned to do my own laundry when I was 12, because if I didn't do it it would be 2 weeks before I saw clean clothes. I think my other brother helps out around the house because his wife makes him, LOL.

Hmmmm.....maybe having a mom that didn't know anything about keeping house was good for us!
post #15 of 26
this is a fun thread, i had to jump in too. BF is very use to me making/serving the coffee in the morning, i do the laundry/dishes, BUT we are both extremely lazy when it comes to picking up after ourselves and putting things away. So basically our clothes end up in heaps our house is an unorganized mess, but we dont fight over it, we kinda just deal with it. Then ill get sick of things every once in a while and straighten out the clutter. He does cook tho and he likes to. I never learned how to cook and have no desire to.

It drives my mom nuts that i have no desire to cook and im messy and unorganized cause shes a clean freak.

But its def both a combo of me and BF being lazy!
post #16 of 26
My mom taught me to do laundry when I was about 6 and ironing at 8. By age 10 I was given the lower level of our house to clean (all tile and mom believed in washing floors on her hands and knees so we didn't own a mop). I was appalled when my brother, at age 22, was separated from his wife and moved in with me for a few weeks. He didn't know how to do laundry and he spent 4 years at college 2000 miles from home - it wasn't like he could bring laundry home and have mom do it for him.

After nearly 20 years of marriage to a man that doesn't see dirt until there is enough to support agriculture, I've given up on expecting him to know when things need to be cleaned. He knows how to clean, he just has to be reminded when to do it. I do his laundry, but he does his own ironing. I do most of the cooking (I'm better at him than he is), but he does the dishes. But he does a much better job at vacuuming than I ever will, and if something needs repair, he is much more patient and will do a better job than I will.
post #17 of 26
I can cook, clean, and iron. We had to do chores around the house every Saturday morning before Mom kicked us outside for the day. We had to help dust, clean our rooms, and vacuum. During the week, we had to make sure the dishes that were already dirty were washed before our parents came home. When I got a little older I had the responsibilities of mowing the lawn and taking the garbage out to the curb.

I can iron, I just rarely do it. When I was in the Army I used to press my own uniforms. There were some sharp creases in the arms and legs.

I can also do the laundry.

Everything is made mor difficult now with a bad back, though.
post #18 of 26
Hubby's mother did everything for him and his siblings growing up. Even now she still does! When we go visit, and stay over, we wake up, and she already has everyone's placemats, plates, bowls, spoons, juice, milk, cereal etc. set up. She gets weird about us doing dishes, or helping out in any way. This is just how she is, and she does everything in the household.

Amazingly, hubby moved out and learnt to do everything because he had to. He was used to having things done I guess, and living in a clean house, so he had to do it himself. So now he cooks and cleans without batting an eyelid. So I think it helps if you've been taught to be that way, but there's nothing to say you can't figure it out - it's not hard!
post #19 of 26
Well my BF is incredibly self sufficient. To be honest, he does the majority of the housework because he says I don't do it right, . *looks around the apartment* Well, you can definitely tell the BF is out of town for the weekend, lol. He's also a pretty good cook, though he doesn't generally like to unless the mood strikes him.

One thing he does hate to do is laundry. He's capable, but many times when I ask him to separate laundry I have to totally redo it.

He grew up with two older sisters and his mother (his dad was out of the picture and his older brother had already moved out). So, he was definitely taught to be self sufficient and how to be a true gentleman. I don't think I have ever once seen him leave the toilet seat up, .
post #20 of 26
Gary left home at 15 and has pretty much always done everything for himself. He is a FABULOUS chef (because he is totally beyond "cooking"). I'm great at breakfast and lunch. He used to do all the housework with me (before the health problems) - and since he's a bit of a germ-o-phobe, he was always more crazy about it than I was.

Before we hit the road, he quit his job a couple of months before I did. He used to do all our cooking and cleaning, all the laundry, and iron my stuff. He loves shopping, has great taste in jewelry and clothes, loves to do my hair - but is as much of a spaz at doing my nails as I am.

post #21 of 26
Charlie (catfolks) is sleeping right now, so I'll answer this for him....yes, most definitely! He's the youngest of three, his brother and sister being several years older than him. His mom and dad were self-employed, often worked early and late, so as he put it, he learned to cook out of self defense. He's a great cook, knows how to clean, do laundry and iron too....but like me, it's not his "favorite" thing to do, lol!
post #22 of 26
I am a stay at home dad (wife works) so I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc for three daughters.....I've been pretty much self sufficient since 17 when I joined the British Army.... so yes i can even use an iron pretty good if the need arises hehe
post #23 of 26
I know my fiance was taught to clean, but he still sucks at it. He can't cook for anything, but I told him, when we have kids (especially a son) we are sharing dinner duty. So he better learn a few dishes to make because I don't want my (future) son to think that women belong in the kitchen while he sits on his butt playing video games.
post #24 of 26
We all had assigned "chores" around the house when I was growing up, and we rotated them, so yes, I did learn most of the in's and out's of keeping house. And, when my grandfather fell ill, we all spent a week with grandma to help out with her housework while she cared for him, and she taught me the secret of homemade biscuits.

And no, I can't post the secret, because it's basically "knead the dough till it 'feels right'.
post #25 of 26
Well, like others, I'll post for hubby, too!

He wasn't really taught to be self suffecient, from what he tells me, anyway, until his dad remarried when he was 9. Then his step mom tried to make him do things himself, which of course caused him to rebel... And I think he still rebels against house work to this day for that very reason!

He's getting better, though!

I was taught to be self suffecient, but, well... I always seem to find something better to do!

So between the two of us, well, our house can fall in to quite the state before we're like "yup, something's gotta be done!"
post #26 of 26

I was just wondering how many gals here are self sufficient:

* Can you change your cars tires?

* hook up a new washing machine to the water pipes?

* Repair the lawn mower?

* Put a shelf up?

* Put some new tiles up in the bath room?

... my brother learned how to repair cars from my dad- he and his buddies would be off, buisy digging a ditch (?) so they could lower an old motor out of one of their cars for replacement

Me- I'd go find a garage to do that kind of a thing.


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