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stressed out, cats making it worse (VERY LONG)

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
yesterday i made a mistake and kicked my cat instead of jut giving her the light tap that i always give her...and i feel really bad about it...and now people are telling me that im being a bad owner by not having blue fixed and still letting her go outside unsupervised...and the cats are getting on everyones nerves with knocking stuff down and fighting and ripping up the furniture (we dont ming that becuase we have a special chair that they are allowed to tear to shreds) but my mom just got promoted and she going to make a lot more money so she is going to buy new furniture and they are going to rip it to shreds because theyve never been trained to use a scratching post and pookie is spoiled (by me) which makes my mom mad because now she wont eat the walmart food she buys so i have to get pookie a different kind of food (more expensive) but i heard that walmart food is crap anyways...she usually likes purrfectly fish by whiskas...or meow mix in the cups or pouches...she hates ground food so i dont feed it to her but it annoys my mom that she wont eat it...and she doesnt like dry food much either...she only eats it when theres nothing else around (it was all my fault she got like this) i looked at her teeth and im noticing some yellow stains on them and shes only 2 years old...and blue teeth look perfect and shes 4 (she loves dry food) i love pookie but shes causing me all kinds of stress and now ive resorted to taking my anger out by kicking her (though unintentionally) and i want to become a better cat owner...we've had cats constantly in our household since 1999...after my moms cat died an untimely death at age 3 (she was purchased the same year as my dog and hes now 9) from an outside accident i vowed never to let pookie out so as to protect her from accidents and diseases...she was abused when we got her...she was very skinny and had diarrhea for about a week...although the funny thing is...she didnt have any types of worms in her or parasites on her...and someone cruel and mean had shot her with metal bb's (they lodged in her sides and theyre stuck there) but the doctor said they would never cause problems and they dont hurt her...we had her fixed and got her shots and shes been a very kind kitty but ive been under some stress lately and her knocking down things and fighting all the time isnt helping...and its so annoying when she poops on the floor when we're cleaning the litterbox...i dont want to get rid of her because i love her and my mom would be devastated to see her go...ive been told that havig blue fixed will help the fighting problems between the two and i will have that done asap...i will make sure to have it done sometime next week because once my mom hears everything people on here have kindly told me she will gladly take a day off to have her fixed...my mom loves that cat to death...and she couldnt bear to have another one of her animals die young from something like pyometria which couldve been prevented...im trying to get less stress in my life and be able to be kinder to pookie and everything but shes adding to the problem...always jumping on my dresser trying to get ot my turtle and getting underfoot...i dont know what to do anymore...getting rid of her will only pose to make me more upset as i love her very much so i need to work around her behavior in order to de-stress my life which i am trying to do right now...i dont really know what a feliway diffuser is but i heard on this site that it can calm cats so maybe that will keep her and blue from wrecking the house...and stop her crazy fits in the middle of the night with blue...having blue fixed will help (i heard) but i dont know if this is true...because blue always attacks her and nips at her back legs...so now shes started starting the fights and squabbles...ive only seen scratches on them twice...and they were on blue it it cleared up pretty quickly as blue has never had any type of health problems (where DO people get these sickly cats from) and i also heard that anxiety makes a cats reactions worse and makes them more crazy...what can i do with pookie to keep her from knocking things down and making noise AND pooping on the floor only when i clean the litterbox...any type of advice would really help...please...thank you
post #2 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovestripey View Post
yesterday i made a mistake and kicked my cat instead of jut giving her the light tap that i always give her...and i feel really bad about it...and now people are telling me that im being a bad owner by not having blue fixed and still letting her go outside unsupervised...
How hard did you kick her?!. You should never hit any cat no matter how light the tap is. And why is she not spayed?. Theres too many unwanted kittens to start with, and you would be doing her a huge favour by getting her spayed because she can contract problems later on in life such as breast cancer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovestripey View Post
and the cats are getting on everyones nerves with knocking stuff down and fighting and ripping up the furniture
This is what cats do unfortunately, but the fighting could have something to do with Blue not being spayed, so pleased have her done sooner rather than later.
post #3 of 13
Thread Starter 
i really didnt kick her all that hard (i actually think she was being a wimp about it) but since it upset her so much...if i hadve kicked a wall that hard it wouldnt have hurt me at all...and it doesnt hurt my dog...he seems to think youre playing with him and starts jumping and wagging his tail (hes a 75 lb pitbull so he doesnt feel anything) this morning she had came down here to me and let me rub her and pick her up and she even started purring...she really loves me and i think she could tell that i was really sorry...and blue annoys everyone with all thet yowling and rubbing her butt against everything so she REALLY needs to be fixed...and too much fighting...which IS probably cause by blue not being fixed...theyre just stressing me out...im getting back pain and knee pain...and im 19! my mom has been REALLY busy lately and shes going to have to find time to take blue to the vets to have her fixed...our vet is very good and doesnt charge much and she did pookie very good and it healed up VERY fast with NO complications whatsoever (my moms last cat got an infection which costed us another 600 bucks)...and pookie pulled out her own stitches when we werent looking so we took her back to the vet to have the docs look at it to make sure it was ok since she pulled out the stitches (which they did for free) and they said she was perfectly ok...as soon as i can pull my mom to the side (shes off today for some reason so today would be a good time) i can talk to her about having her silly cat spayed because she annoys everyone and harasses my pookie! everyone keeps telling me about all these diseases cats can get fomr not being fixed and of course everyone keeps saying she'll get preg and/or fight a male thats trying to mate with her when shes not in heat...in the meantime what can i do to ease the fighting as its getting progressively worse so i can rest and they can not be so agitated and forever nipping at the other ones thigh as she passes by and sparking a fight...i'll get blue an appt as soon as i can...but my mom doesnt get paid until next thursday so it will have to wait until then...its her first check coming in after her promotion...i need help so that they will chill out so i can...pookie seems ok for right now shes not that mad anymore...just a little bit...shes still slinking away from me a little and trying to go really soon after being held but i need somethnig to calm them and halt the fighting until my mom gets paid and can have the procedure done...i have heard about feliway but i also heard that it is VERY expensive and my mom has to get paid before she can afford anything and my dad refuses to buy anything for the cats saying "i dont like cats" all the time...anything that might help is appreciated...i was thinking of separating them but i think this is mean and i only have one litterbox so someone is gonna crap on the floor as she wont have a litterbox to use...anything to help these cats calm down for a week or so its so annoying
post #4 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovestripey View Post
blue annoys everyone with all thet yowling and rubbing her butt against everything
She's doing that because she wants a male cat to mate with her
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovestripey View Post
in the meantime what can i do to ease the fighting as its getting progressively worse
Feliway and getting her fixed asap to see what happens there first
post #5 of 13
I bet 95% of the problems will be solved if you get her fixed
post #6 of 13
My brother had 2 cats that hated each other to the day they died. Some cats just hate each other no matter what you do. My brother has cats he has seperated and they are fixed. They hate each other no matter what. Fixing her may or may not help. I have seen it go both ways.
post #7 of 13
If you can't/don't want to buy another litter box, you could try buying a cheap aluminum cake pan, add some litter to it, and have it handy when you clean the official litter box, putting it in the same spot until you bring her old box back in. Cat's are like children sometimes....they don't need to go until they don't have a "bathroom" handy. Hopefully that will help cut down on your stress, and help keep her safe at the same time.
post #8 of 13
Well for the mean time until your kitty gets spayed, it sounds like you just need to get out of the house. You sound really stressed, and it will probably be better for you AND the cats to spend some time outside de-stressing and doing something you enjoy. Your cats could be picking up on the stress, and taking it out on each other. They can sense when someone is on edge--in fact I'm sure they have since you kicked your cat. It sounds like you really love her and didn't mean to hurt her. But please don't ever kick your kitty again.

That's why I think maybe you just need to get some time away, if you're feeling stressed enough to do that. I also think that if you feel your cats could really hurt each other while fighting, then it's best to separate them and get another litter box, at least until you get Blue fixed.
post #9 of 13
For the single litterbox, multiple cats situation - I am taking care of a recovering stray cat, and don't have any other pets so I have no pet equipment. I just took three small cardboard cartons that seemed the right size, pulled plastic bags (like the kind you use to bag your groceries) over them to "waterproof" them, and poured in some litter. Actually, I found it's best to use two or three plastic bags, that way the litter won't leak completely through if kitty scratches the top layer. Worked like magic and this is a cat who never knew what a litterbox was, since he's always been outside. But it took him less than a day to figure it out.

I started with one box, but kitty had an "accident" that night. The next day I put out two more in different parts of the house, and no more accidents!

Of course, the weekly deep cleaning is ridiculously easy - just pull off the plastic bag carefully and replace with new bag + new litter. Have a large garbage bag ready to throw the used bag into. For daily "small" cleaning, I use a litter scoop.

This would definitely work as a temporary solution.

Otherwise, I am sorry that you feel so stressed out, because that is also affecting your kitties, and your message makes it clear that you love them and want to do right by them. Unfortunately, physical punishment will lead to the opposite, they will just fear you, as you have sadly learned. Is there anything you can do to focus your energy elsewhere? Like an activity outside the house? Maybe even some kind of part-time job? If that is possible - even babysitting or helping neighbors mow/weed their gardens or whatever - I think you would feel really good about yourself and having some money to spend on things that will make it easier for you to take care of your pets (like Feliway, extra litterboxes or little toys or treats). Of course it is also nice to have a little money just to spend on some treats for yourself!
post #10 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovestripey View Post
now ive resorted to taking my anger out by kicking her (though unintentionally) and i want to become a better cat owner...
When I read this this statement, I was rather stunned. Perhaps I am taking this out of context, but I am responding to your own words.

OK, well the good news is that you want to become a better cat owner. This is good to hear. The first step in that direction is to stop taking your anger out on your cat. It’s not OK to do this. Your cat is just a small animal that does not deserve this treatment.

You say you *unintentionally* kick your cat. You are not doing this unintentionally. You are being deliberate. When you approach your cat with the idea of just giving it a light tap you have already determined your action. Please stop doing this. It is not right to take out your anger on your cat or dog. You said you want to become a better cat owner. Recognition of your actions is a good start. Going back to anger management classes and getting to the root of what is causing your own pain would go a long ways towards helping you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovestripey View Post
i really didnt kick her all that hard (i actually think she was being a wimp about it) but since it upset her so much...if i hadve kicked a wall that hard it wouldnt have hurt me at all...and it doesnt hurt my dog...he seems to think youre playing with him and starts jumping and wagging his tail (hes a 75 lb pitbull so he doesnt feel anything)

I just don’t understand your logic. Why should your cat be OK with having to take your abuse? If someone that you were completely dependent on, came up to you and took their anger out on you by punching you -- even “lightly†-- how would feel? Of course, they *never* meant to punch you hard, but it happened. And now that person seems to be taking out their anger on you all the time. Oh, I’m sure you would love to fight back but you can’t because that person is much bigger than you and you know that if you do strike back, you are going to get it even worse! Are you starting to feel insecure, afraid, trying to avoid that person, are you feeling down on yourself, feeling helpless maybe, or maybe you are just being wimpy about it! But….but….they aren’t punching you “intentionally†so you should just take it !

You may think that there is nothing wrong in what you are doing, that you are not “really†hurting your cat. But you are. You are hurting it physically and emotionally as well as breaking its trust in you, and crushing its spirit. Your actions make you no better than that “mean and cruel†person who shot your cat with a BB gun.

And your dog, well, he doesn't feel anything so it's ok to kick him around. Lucky for you, he thinks you are trying to play with him. But there will come a time when you will “unintentionally†kick your dog too hard. Then your dog will be blamed if he reacts aggressively towards you because you kicked him.

When I read your other post, I was under the impression that this is something that had only happened once. I see from your other posts that this is not the case. It sounds like you routinely take your anger out on them. Again, I hope you will go back to anger management and counseling because if you can’t learn to control your anger you might want to consider putting your pets in another home where they will be truly loved and safe. You may think you love them, but you don’t. When you love an animal or another human being, you don’t wish to hurt them, you want only what is best for them.
post #11 of 13
Why the hell are you kicking your cat? If your kicking your cat you shouldn’t own a cat.
post #12 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by silvionc View Post
Why the hell are you kicking your cat? If your kicking your cat you shouldn’t own a cat.
As a rule, I would say that is true.

However, when my Zane tries to run out the door, I will stick out my foot to block him and sort of push him away. To an observer it might look like I am 'kicking' him, but I am barely making contact and it isn't hurting him at all. Perhaps what the OP meant was that she intended to do something like that and misjudged.

That being said, she should get the cat--or is it cats? The OP is so disorganized and badly written that I am having trouble understanding what is going on; punctuation, capitalization, grammar, and paragraphs are our friends people--fixed. It is what responsible pet owners do. Aside from the problem of unwanted kittens, spayed and neutered cats are both happier and healthier. Spayed females don't get breast or uterine cancers; spayed males don't get prostate problems. "Fixed" cats of both sexes are less aggressive, less prone to attempt escape if they are totally indoor, and less inclined to roam if they are indoor/outdoor (most people think that the former is better, but there are varied opinions about that.)

I don't see what the trouble is with getting an extra litterbox; they aren't that expensive. And cats can be trained not to scratch furniture, the owner just needs to take the time to do so.
post #13 of 13
Cats lose their trust if kicked or struck or even yelled at.

You seem to have so many issues about the cat, and the stress. The stress is bound to come out on your cats.

You probably will not want to hear this, but I think you should re-home the cat. You would be better off, and it would be the best thing for the cat.

It isn't the right thing to keep an animal just because you don't want to lose it. Think first about what is good for the cat, and being in a home where people find it easier to care for it would be a gift from you to your cat.

The fact that the dog is being kicked, too, tells me that perhaps you would be less stressed without any animals. Please consider this seriously.
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