TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › What do you do for your spouse?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

What do you do for your spouse?

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
I was wondering what you do to show your spouse (not asked of course) you care and love them. I am talking a small massage at the end of a long day, a dreaded chore around the house, those types of things. And if they do something nice for you do you feel bad that they did it or does it make you love them more?

I made a promise to my husband before our daughter was born 9 mos ago, that as soon as she was born I would help him with his diet and help him lose weight. I have been getting up early and making his breakfast and lunch for the day. He has started a new job that requires him to leave the house before 5:30. Now I am getting up at 4:45 in the morning to make his breakfast and lunch before he leave and also to get ready for my day as well. I am not doing it to be a martyr or because "I have to", but because I want to and that was the promise I made. I think he is having trouble with it all because I don't get home from work unitl 7-7:15, and we barely have enough time to feed our daughter and put her to bed, before we have to go to bed ourselves. Does not leave much time for us. I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to or care, so why should he feel bad??

Anywone else do things like this for their spouse and do they feel bad too??
post #2 of 27
That's a wonderful thing you are doing. Honouring commitments is very important to me as well.

I've been married to hubby for 30+ years and we still always say thank you to each other. I thank him if he does something to fix my car or fix something around the house that I've asked him to do. I always make sure he has a good meal on the table because he doesn't like junk food and appreciates good food. He almost always thanks me for making a nice dinner and that still amazes me since I feel it is part of my job in the partnership.

So, my theory is to never take the other person for granted, continue to show appreciation by at least saying thank you on a regular basis so the other person doesn't feel taken advantage of.
post #3 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittycorner View Post
I was wondering what you do to show your spouse (not asked of course) you care and love them. I am talking a small massage at the end of a long day, a dreaded chore around the house, those types of things. And if they do something nice for you do you feel bad that they did it or does it make you love them more?

I made a promise to my husband before our daughter was born 9 mos ago, that as soon as she was born I would help him with his diet and help him lose weight. I have been getting up early and making his breakfast and lunch for the day. He has started a new job that requires him to leave the house before 5:30. Now I am getting up at 4:45 in the morning to make his breakfast and lunch before he leave and also to get ready for my day as well. I am not doing it to be a martyr or because "I have to", but because I want to and that was the promise I made. I think he is having trouble with it all because I don't get home from work unitl 7-7:15, and we barely have enough time to feed our daughter and put her to bed, before we have to go to bed ourselves. Does not leave much time for us. I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to or care, so why should he feel bad??

Anywone else do things like this for their spouse and do they feel bad too??
Make the beds, mop the floors, vacuum the rugs, do the wash, clean the windows, take care of the cats, pay the bills, have dinner ready when DW comes home, and most important of all, communicate.
post #4 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
That's a wonderful thing you are doing. Honouring commitments is very important to me as well.

So, my theory is to never take the other person for granted, continue to show appreciation by at least saying thank you on a regular basis so the other person doesn't feel taken advantage of.
Yes, yes, yes... sometimes I do feel as though I am taken for granted!! Not just by my BF!! So when someone acknowledges what I have done, and reciprocates in some way, it feels really good!!
post #5 of 27
I am taken advantage of at work all the time, and I hate it. It makes me feel just horrible and hateful.

At home however it's another story. Dh cooks for me, helps out with the cat boxes, feeds the fish, and takes care of the outside of the house, lawn care, snow shoveling(until this year )
I do all the laundry, vacuum, sweep and mop the floors, dust, clean all three bathrooms, share the cat litter responsibilities, and feeding of the fish. Hmmm. doesn't seem like much when you write it out. But it's a three hour job just to clean the house some days. ( I'm a perfectionist....)
post #6 of 27
I always have 18 boxes of cereal in the pantry so he has a variety
post #7 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella713 View Post
I always have 18 boxes of cereal in the pantry so he has a variety
I love it He is so spoiled

I do a lot for John, I clean up after him, I cook, I put away the laundry & really don't make him do much of anything. I usually try to take him to lunch/dinner once a week and he does the same for me

I do all of that because I want to, and because if I don't do it, its not done right
post #8 of 27
Thread Starter 
I definitly think that acknowleging the nice deed is a neccessity to any situation-and to keep a marriage going communication is a must! Cleaning the cat boxes is something I wish he would do more of-with 9 kitties they fill up fast and it is a chore that no one likes doing, but has to be done. I do not mind the things I do-keeping the house clean, laundry, taking care of our 9 mos. old daughter and taking care of all the kitties, birds and fish. He does his share as well, so to me making breakfast and lunch for him is no big deal, so I just wonder why he feels so bad that I am getting up extra early to do these things for him, as a way of showing how much I love and appreciate him? Maybe it is because we both work full time jobs and keeping a clean house, and a small zoo of animals is a full time job in itself???
post #9 of 27
DH and I, early on, read the Five Love Languages and it really opened our eyes. His love language is Words of Affirmation. Acts of Service is a close second for him. Mine is Receiving Gifts.

So, he tries to give me little gifts (doesn't have to be something he bought, or anything expensive) and I always try to tell him what a wonderful man and husband he is.

We haven't even been married 2 years yet, lol.
post #10 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by babyharley View Post
I do a lot for John, I clean up after him, I cook, I put away the laundry & really don't make him do much of anything. I usually try to take him to lunch/dinner once a week and he does the same for me

I do all of that because I want to, and because if I don't do it, its not done right
Since I don't work, I take care of the house and the animals. And I really do enjoy doing it. And like you said, if I want it done right I have to do it myself.
post #11 of 27
I tuck a lovenote in his lunchbox every morning when I make him lunch.
post #12 of 27
Massages without asking, Sex without asking (we just "know" when) , Making each other a cup of tea (sometimes adding a few cookies too).

DH does most of the cooking as he works from home and I don't. So I always thank him for whatever he cooks for us
post #13 of 27
This is a super sweet thread.

I leave my DH the occasional note in his pocket. I do laundry but that's as much for me too. I wash his hair when we shower together and scratch his back in bed. I swear, he's like a dog... he loves being scratched and pet! I try to always thank him when he opens a door, makes me dinner or does anything else for me and he does the same. When we were drinking coffee I'd always make his too. Oh, and I try to seduce him sometimes too so he's not always the one to heat things up.
post #14 of 27
Gary is very, very ill, so I pretty much do everything all the time these days. But he never takes it for granted - which I really appreciate. And one of the sweetest things he does to thank me or tell me he loves me is to write messages on the wall of the shower with those markers for kids to play in the bathtub. It is SO wonderful to head in for a shower and find rainbows and hearts and poems or messages of love or whatever all over the place. Never fails to bring a smile. I do this for him too. Or write on the mirror. Or leave notes in his underwear drawer.

And we always thank each other for everything. It gets tiresome hearing Gary thank me all the time for everything, and I always tell him he doesn't need to thank me. But it's so much better than not being recognized for it.

Laurie
post #15 of 27
Laurie, That is so sweet. It's nice that he still shows his gratitude even in his illness. It's so easy when your ill to become bitter and angry.
post #16 of 27
Thread Starter 
I am sorry to hear your husband is ill, but that has got to be the cutest thing I have heard yet. My husband is always getting mad at me for not letting him open doors for me, he is such a gentleman. He is pretty good at making sure that I have everything I need or want-the problem is that there is just not anything that I want-guess I just have everything I need within our little family-who needs anything else?
post #17 of 27
I thank him everyday for his unconditional love. My ex was a cheat and I never thought I would be able to love or trust another man. My DH has taught me to love & trust totally. I am one of the lucky ones
post #18 of 27
I do little things for DH everyday. Like run out and get him something while he's on the X box or get him a glass of pop. Sometimes I feel like his gofer but I guess it's nice to help him out.
post #19 of 27
Laurie, I don't know whether I've mentioned how much I admire your marriage. You and Gary are so lucky to have each other!
post #20 of 27
That is very sweet
The little things that we do without thinking aren't always so little to other people, are they?
post #21 of 27
well, my situation's very different! yeh, i try & help out the best i can. my partner does everything for me (& i do mean everything), i alway's give my partner hug's & kisse's, so he know's i appreciate what he does for me.

we help each other, with the bill's & food shopping. we go out for the day together, we spend alot of time together. we do give each other break's aswel, when we need to. i know Dan need's break's, as he's my carer. at night, i like to just cuddle up to him & watch the tele!
post #22 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella713 View Post
I always have 18 boxes of cereal in the pantry so he has a variety
post #23 of 27
Never any one certain thing every day, just whatever needs to be, like if I know he's tired, I'll bring his coffee to him without even asking...things like that. Mind you, he spoils me rotten, lol!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Persi & Alley View Post
Make the beds, mop the floors, vacuum the rugs, do the wash, clean the windows, take care of the cats, pay the bills, have dinner ready when DW comes home, and most important of all, communicate.


To me, there's no better thing that can be done in a marriage than the very last thing that you mentioned....communication! The lack of communication between a husband and wife or you and your s/o is one of the worst things for a relationship that there is, take it from someone who knows. A couple of years ago, I had a online affair, and no, I'm not proud of it, but when all was said and done, in the counselling that we've had since then, the biggest, and I mean BIGGEST problem was a lack of communication.....both of us had decided that the other one just didn't love us anymore....bad, bad, bad....and oh, so wrong!
post #24 of 27
I keep telling her she can have the Divorce, that she keeps asking for. Just mail me the paper work

does that count?
post #25 of 27
Oh my goodness, I adore my husband, so I do so much for him!! I cook, clean, do laundry, rub his shoulders after he works, you name it, I probabally do it!! He is so spoiled!!! I even call him spoiled and he grins!! He is so proud! But he does a lot for me in return.

I think it is wonderful what you want to do for your husband. He is a special gift to you and you to him as well. So when you do stuff for each other, neither should feel bad. Marriage is a blessing and you should give and receive and it should be guilt free!
post #26 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by LDG View Post
Gary is very, very ill, so I pretty much do everything all the time these days. But he never takes it for granted - which I really appreciate. And one of the sweetest things he does to thank me or tell me he loves me is to write messages on the wall of the shower with those markers for kids to play in the bathtub. It is SO wonderful to head in for a shower and find rainbows and hearts and poems or messages of love or whatever all over the place. Never fails to bring a smile. I do this for him too. Or write on the mirror. Or leave notes in his underwear drawer.

And we always thank each other for everything. It gets tiresome hearing Gary thank me all the time for everything, and I always tell him he doesn't need to thank me. But it's so much better than not being recognized for it.

Laurie
That is just the SWEETEST thing!!!!

I have totally spoiled my boyfriend. I take good care of him, cook for him, give him consideration, laugh at his (dumb) jokes. Sometimes I think he takes me for granted and then he will do something sweet out of the blue, even something small, like show up with a bag of my favorite coffee. He's not a romantic man, but he's a good man.
post #27 of 27
Question is??? What I Don't Do For Him!!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › What do you do for your spouse?