As a mod for a gaming community, They can be really rough places. does not make since, really. But they can be.
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Cyber Bullying - Thoughts and Experiences
- Thread starter Anne
- Start Date
I guess some people just need the attention...
I witnessed it on a dog-related mailing list I was part of YEARS ago. One person expresses his/her opinion and others go off on it.
Along the same lines, I belong to a Childhood Cancer Support Mailing List and about a year ago we had someone on the group who claimed to have a child with cancer and she relapsed and they went on and on, and later we found out it was a teenager faking the whole story. Munchausen Syndrome they call it. Very sick. It had a lot of us parents very emotional. And many of us wondering why/how someone could find that entertaining.
Welcome to the new age of technology...
I witnessed it on a dog-related mailing list I was part of YEARS ago. One person expresses his/her opinion and others go off on it.
Along the same lines, I belong to a Childhood Cancer Support Mailing List and about a year ago we had someone on the group who claimed to have a child with cancer and she relapsed and they went on and on, and later we found out it was a teenager faking the whole story. Munchausen Syndrome they call it. Very sick. It had a lot of us parents very emotional. And many of us wondering why/how someone could find that entertaining.
Welcome to the new age of technology...
When I was in high school, I was a big participant in a specific IRC chatroom. I became a really popular member, and it was a first for me (I wasn't popular in high school). I, regretfully, engaged in bullying, but at that time there wasn't a name for it. And I, many times, used the whole, "It's just the Internet. It's not like it's real life" argument.
It was only 2-3 years later, after I was in college, that I grew up and realized how stupid I had been. That argument is so stupid! Sure, the words are on the Internet, but there is still a REAL PERSON behind the screen name. And boy was I on the other end of that stick a couple of years ago.
And those who bullied me, tried desperately to attack me elsewhere. I'm thankful I had friends who 1) didn't believe the hype and 2) defended me in those other places. Those who bullied me didn't like the fact that I stood up to ridiculous and biased rules (I never broke rules, just challenged them privately). It wasn't fun, and it still drives me nuts that there was never any closure.
But you know what? I'm glad that I got to see what I used to do myself many (nearly 10) years ago, firsthand. I'm a better person for it.
In my opinion there is a major difference between being bullied and just not getting along.
I have been a member of various online communities for over 7 years. Rarely have I seen true bullying. I have seen parting of the ways due to miss and non communication. I have seen disagreements blown out of proportion. I have seen sides taken and beliefs held on to regardless of evidence and only based on friendship and not the truth. I have seen back stabbing and in fighting, but true, down and out bullying on the communities i have been involved with are rare.
To me true cyberbullying involves the use of information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behaviour by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others. Mostly I have seen stubborn people refusing to back down or change opinions and that has led to conflict.
I have been a member of various online communities for over 7 years. Rarely have I seen true bullying. I have seen parting of the ways due to miss and non communication. I have seen disagreements blown out of proportion. I have seen sides taken and beliefs held on to regardless of evidence and only based on friendship and not the truth. I have seen back stabbing and in fighting, but true, down and out bullying on the communities i have been involved with are rare.
To me true cyberbullying involves the use of information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behaviour by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others. Mostly I have seen stubborn people refusing to back down or change opinions and that has led to conflict.
sometimes you won't see bullying or realize what is going on unless you are the target, to other members of the forum comments made may seem harmless, but there is always some hidden meaning/motivation behind them, that usually only the target and the bully know- I've seen this plenty of times.
Also, as evidenced by a few posters in this thread, many outside people can get caught up in it and not even know exactly what they are doing until its too late, then when they try to distance themselves from the bully, they in turn become a target
Also, as evidenced by a few posters in this thread, many outside people can get caught up in it and not even know exactly what they are doing until its too late, then when they try to distance themselves from the bully, they in turn become a target
As someone who has been the victim of this, I can tell you that you are 100% correct.
Much of the harrassment takes place behind the scenes. It still happens on the forums, but the very worse of it happens off the forums or in private messages.
i've experienced something like this. it was through instant messaging (aka MSN). it was my partner's ex. she decided to add me & start being nasty, just because my partner "binned" her. she made up vicious lie's, tried to threaten me with violence. it went over my head though, she's just immature & stupid. no doubt, was probably "all mouth, no action".
infact, there's quite a few site's i've been a member of, that don't seem to be strict enough on bullying. i think it's awful! some people can get seriously upset from comment's.
forum's for instance, if people have got something nasty to say, then keep it to yourself. you don't know what damage you could do to the other person in question. if not, then say it in a way that's not nasty. for me, other website's like Myspace have an "approval system", am not to sure if the people who run the site can see all content being sent out, if they do, then they should really delete "nasty message's/comment's" from being sent out.
infact, there's quite a few site's i've been a member of, that don't seem to be strict enough on bullying. i think it's awful! some people can get seriously upset from comment's.
forum's for instance, if people have got something nasty to say, then keep it to yourself. you don't know what damage you could do to the other person in question. if not, then say it in a way that's not nasty. for me, other website's like Myspace have an "approval system", am not to sure if the people who run the site can see all content being sent out, if they do, then they should really delete "nasty message's/comment's" from being sent out.
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The comments don't have to be nasty or overly aggressive. Anyone that's known someone who's passive aggressive knows better.
Been there, done that too. Had someone I was friends with for years turn on me because I questioned how she was treating others.... then had that exact treatment turned on me. Our mutual friends didn't see what was going on or even understand it, and the person would try to do little things here and there to bother me for a few months. I laughed most of it off because it was childish.
You hit the nail on the head in my case! Like I said I will stand up for my friends.Originally Posted by strange_wings
The comments don't have to be nasty or overly aggressive. Anyone that's known someone who's passive aggressive knows better.
Been there, done that too. Had someone I was friends with for years turn on me because I questioned how she was treating others.... then had that exact treatment turned on me. Our mutual friends didn't see what was going on or even understand it, and the person would try to do little things here and there to bother me for a few months. I laughed most of it off because it was childish.
I'd venture to say it's comparable to junior high school behavior, as many of these Internet bullies act like they're going through puberty. It's just occurred to me that a lot of them may be going through menopause, or a severe "mid-life crisis". As far as self-esteem goes, it's not well-adjusted individuals you see persisting in such behavior, but those who seize the slightest opportunity to feel like an "alpha" in at least one aspect of their life.Originally Posted by strange_wings
I laughed most of it off because it was childish.
Perhaps chronologically, but emotionally? Does a rational, balanced, mature individual get his/her kicks out of harassing others? How's that for an oxymoron?
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I have been there also.And it's not a fun place to be.Originally Posted by strange_wings
The comments don't have to be nasty or overly aggressive. Anyone that's known someone who's passive aggressive knows better.
Been there, done that too. Had someone I was friends with for years turn on me because I questioned how she was treating others.... then had that exact treatment turned on me. Our mutual friends didn't see what was going on or even understand it, and the person would try to do little things here and there to bother me for a few months. I laughed most of it off because it was childish.
I couldn't agree more.
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But there's a catch in that as well. I think most of us realize it - but if one's friends are the ones instigating the problem and being the bullies, getting dragged along with them into it solves nothing.
My view on such things is to observe everything. Often there is two sides to every story and you may be missing a huge part. If a person jumps in to do what they think is a noble thing, defending their friends, they may look the fool later when they learn the whole story.
....mind you, I don't play favorites and will call someone on their mistake so often it doesn't make me a very popular person.
That wasn't my issue at all.Originally Posted by strange_wings
But there's a catch in that as well. I think most of us realize it - but if one's friends are the ones instigating the problem and being the bullies, getting dragged along with them into it solves nothing.
My view on such things is to observe everything. Often there is two sides to every story and you may be missing a huge part. If a person jumps in to do what they think is a noble thing, defending their friends, they may look the fool later when they learn the whole story.
....mind you, I don't play favorites and will call someone on their mistake so often it doesn't make me a very popular person.I'd rather be known as blunt and honest then be known as the protective safe person that champions everyones cause.
I am sorry so many have gone through this.
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Didn't necessarily say it was. But others do get swept up into things.
People have to live and learn, and while dealing with this stinks we all do learn something from it.
What's worse is those exploit others online completely. If that is part of learning how to protect yourself from this as well, maybe it's a lesson well learned.
My hat goes off to all of you who have spoken about your experiences because i've never been bullied be it in person or online, and i would never allow it to happen anyway.
I wonder how many of them would be like that face to face though?, not many i bet.
I wonder how many of them would be like that face to face though?, not many i bet.
i was a mod of one forum for some time...worked like there's no tomorrow, deleted offensive messeges, banned members who was offensive towards other people...you know, cleaning the forum from different freaks. at the same time never saw any acts of bullying..
Very good point, Susan! The cowardly hiding behind the anonymity of the screen and keyboard, and playing out their fantasies of power? You've got to wonder what their "real lives" are like, if they have such a thing.
I somehow picture such people as meek, timid little mice who don't dare raise their voices or make demands IRL. I suppose I should pity them, and do, when I'm in a generous mood. Otherwise, I tend to put them in the same category as cockroaches, fleas, ticks, mites, parasitic worms, and mosquitoes, i.e., "pests". I guess you can equate the "ignore" function with a "spot on" treatment for parasites. Or have I become too jaded?
yeh, as said above "all mouth, no action".
Been there, been victimized, and it even included the three moderators/owners of the board - they joined in the attack, despite the fact that I had done nothing to violate any Terms of Service. I was later summarily banned without reason. Well, not without reason entirely. One member decided she did not like me and campaigned via PMs and eventually the Mods bought into it...despite the fact that I had done absolutely nothing on their board other than read and post an occasional non-controversial comment.
It was a board which was a spin-off from one that originated as sort of a fan club for an author.
People hide behind message board personas and feel they can get away with pretty much anything.
And then the pack dog mentality kicks in and the 'bad girls' (or guys) start with the most unbelievable cruelty and hatred I have every seen.
Would they do it in 3D? I doubt it. The anonymity of a message board gives them a feeling of security.
It was a board which was a spin-off from one that originated as sort of a fan club for an author.
People hide behind message board personas and feel they can get away with pretty much anything.
And then the pack dog mentality kicks in and the 'bad girls' (or guys) start with the most unbelievable cruelty and hatred I have every seen.
Would they do it in 3D? I doubt it. The anonymity of a message board gives them a feeling of security.
I have been a victim of that as well. I used to post on a site called kanditrade. It was one of those rave related type boards. Well, from the start the webmaster and various posters never accepted me because they just thought it was creepy I was still going to raves at my age. And, sadly after time and time of making snotty comments I was banned from that site. They said it was because I was causing drama...buuuut, obviously that was not it. They just had to make themselves not look like the culprits.
