Is there still hope left or should I just give up?

I am just getting to this thread. Wow, what an ordeal for all of you. Lots of vibes that she pulls through all of this.

I spent the night in the waiting area and my dad stayed in the room. I have been feeling sick the last few days and the last thing she needs is for me to give her something to make her worse.

They kick everyone out from 6:30-8:30 so I ran home really quick to check on the cats, check mail, take trash out, etc.

I don't think Tedi is really eating much. He has a UTI, but I'm giving him meds. I think he misses my mom too much. I will have to see if he will eat something else. He has already lost 2 pounds.

I will try to send you an update later. I haven't talked to the doctor yet, but, hopefully they can figure out how to get the fluid out so that she is able to breath on her own again. That is their goal.

Try to get some rest.... I'm sure they are doing whatever they can to keep her as comfortable as possible. I'm sure the cats miss her, but I know she will be happy knowing your taking care of things at home.
I know how it feels to wish you could snap your fingers and *poof* everything is fixed. Unfortunately, not possible so all you can do is your best to keep strong and push through. We are all thinking of you and praying.

The last day has been a nightmare. It all started when the doctor came in and my dad was in there by himself and was basically told that my mom had a slim chance of recovering and may be on the respirator for the rest of her life.

He came out balling and I ran in because I thought she was crashing. I found out when I came back what really happened. I told him one doctor could not determine her fate and my mom will fight if she really wants to make it.

Anyway, based on that news, we did call her family to tell them and get them to tell the whole family in case someone did want to come over.

A friend of ours drove my dad home. He really needed to go home. He was getting too emotional. I stayed there to talk to my mom even though she couldn't respond.


I did cry for a bit after that. I just want her to get better. Another doctor did come in to talk to us. He said that they were looking into possibly getting her a liver transplant. However, she would have to rest a few days and get stronger before they could do it. The steroids may still be able to get her liver right. Let's hope so because her levels are not too far off from being normal.

A good friend came up later again and stayed with me for a while. I don't remember what he said to my mom, but we did get a response of her shaking her head and she did shake her head a little when I asked her if she heard me earlier.

Another good friend came up there and stayed along with my best friend who also came up. The one friend stayed so we could run out and grab some food. While we were away, the friend of ours said the nurse came in, they were changing her diet so that it was easier on her liver. She also said that she has seen people in worse conditions than my mom and is optomistic that she can recover.

We stayed the night in the waiting room and went to bed after 1. We woke up a little before 7. I came home about 9:45.

My dad and her best friend came up, and I went in to check her oxygen levels. Yesterday they moved it from 80 to 60. This morning it was at 50. My dad came home a little after I did. Her best friend called us a little while later and I was hoping it wasn't bad. She said they moved her Oxygen down to 40. Meaning she is not needing to depend on it so much.

Please, keep your fingers crossed and thoughts going that she will recover. Her liver is getting better and I'm hoping it is just trying to learn how to function again. Regardless, she needs the rest and that may be just what she needs to recover. I hope that fluid does go away on its own.

I have layed down for a few hours. I am about to take a shower and go back in a few. I have two cats in my room.

The nurse last night said she was improving. I sure hope so. She has a bunch of people thinking of her and coming by. I also had someone go by her church to tell the pastor. Maybe he can give her some more inspiration.

I'll try to keep you posted.

Continued prayers and Glad to hear the nurses and other doctor's feedback, and that they are able to decrease the settings on the respirator.

I just read through this whole thread, and I am so sorry for what your mom and your whole family have been going through!

I'm sending heaps of vibes that she completely recovers.



Laurie

I'm definitely keeping her in my prayers. I'm so sorry it has come to this...

Being able to lower the oxygen levels, and getting a response from her are both VERY good signs. Your mom's body has been through a lot, and it sounds like maybe now it's starting to regulate itself. Your family are still in my thought and prayers.

I went back to the hospital about 4:30 and since I've been here they have lowered her oxygen level from 40 to 30. Her PEEP went from an 8 to a 5.

That means that she doesn't have to exert as much to exhale. The pastor from her church came by today while two of her friends were there and they all said a little prayer for her. He is coming back up tomorrow after church.

I just hope that she continues to improve. I also hope that her body will be able to recover and that she will be able to breathe on her own and her liver can straighten itself out.

I'll try to give another update tomorrow.

This all sounds good now, this is wonderful news -- it really does sound like she may be on the upswing. ICU is a good, good place.

I know what a toll this is taking on you and your dad. There's so much love and support coming to you from here, hon... just hang on.

Honey, you need to get a decent nights sleep. I'm worried about YOU right now. I know it's hard, but you don't want to get sick now. Lay down, and get some rest. Your mom sounds like she is doing better, so take it easy for a few hours.

My dad told me this morning that she has infections in her lungs, blood and a UTI. This is NOT good. She was doing so well, and now this.

I am so angry that I can't do anything. I try to keep being positive, but this could go downhill so fast. They are watching her very closely.

I'm so sorry your mother is having such a bad time. I'm sending lots and lots of healing her way and for you and your dad.

My dad has been moody since he was told about the infections. I wasn't in there when the doctor was in there to tell him.

I went home for a few hours to take care of the cats, call her family, and look for documents.

I came back about 1 and waited for the pastor from her church. He read out of the bible to her and then said a prayer. She really responded to the pastor and even tried to put her hands together to try and pray. She also shed a tear and I don't know if that was in relief, happiness of her pastor's support, or sadness.


I talked to her some more and told her some things that she needed to hear from me. I told her again that I would have taken her place and that she has to keep fighting.

A friend of hers came by so I could go and grab something to eat. My dad came back from being home and he is just not doing well. He is moody, not eating, and not responsive.

I think he is worried about the biopsy. I am also, but I am hopeful because of how well she has responded to the steroids. I am more worried about the infections.

I just hope she can pull through. I need all the vibes you can give.

So are they attacking the infections now? Something intravenous, or through a nebulizer, or both? Do you feel confident that they're completely on top of all her issues?

We are praying so hard for your mom.

Well, my mom is still in the same condition. I hope she can pull through. I really do.

I came back to the room after a little bit and my dad was in there. He was holding her hand and I asked him if he washed his hands since she was under and contact precaution. He said she wanted him to hold it.

What came out of his mouth next really shocked me, but in a way it didn't since it explained his mood for the whole day. He said that when she leaves, he will leave also. Take that anyway you want, but I had all these red flags go off. So he went out into the waiting area and I stayed in the room with mom for a few hours.

During that time, I called a good friend of mine and asked what I should do. He told me to call the chaplain at the hospital to talk to him. She did and came back to tell me that he is in a dark, deep, hole. He can see the light, but he can't reach it. He is trying to find some connection with my mom which is her church. I called her pastor and asked if he could come by tomorrow morning to talk to my dad. He said he would.

I stayed until midnight and finally decided that I needed to go home because I wasn't going to do anyone any good if I didn't. I now have no mom to go to, which I really need and want, and now with my dad despondent, and gone mentally, I feel like such an orphan!

I got home to find that my dad had thrown some pictures away from him in the trash among some other things. I called my aunt in Germany to tell her what is going on. She suggested telling the nurse to see if the doctor could also talk to him and maybe give him something.

I don't know what to do....I'm getting so depressed, angry, sad, and I feel like my world is crumbling. If something does happen, and my dad does do something, I think that would be so selfish to leave me with no support or family to lean on. I feel just as crushed, depressed, and lost without my mom, but I also know that what he is doing is not the answer.

I also know that is not what my mom would want. Please, someone help me. I have a feeling that I will be crying all night. I have to put all the pictures away before he has a chance to throw them out.

I know you must be close to some of the other members here, and that I am not close with you, but please know I care, and my strongest advice for you would be to call either a friend who would stay up to talk with you no matter the hour, or come over just to be with you tonight and over the next couple of days to support you.

If there is truly no one available right now, and no close friend from TCS sees this to call you tonight, I suggest a 24 hour hotline...they are staffed by caring folks who have the skills to listen and help you through this moment.

I am hoping someone can just come be with you, that you can then get some sleep - it will help give you some strength to deal with this, exhaustion makes it worse.

I know this must seem enormous..both your parents are in crisis at the same time. I hope when you see your Mom in the morning, you find she's a bit better re the medicines working with the infections. I still have hope for her, and I have a lot of faith in you, from what I've seen you are a strong, very caring daughter...a credit to your Mom.

Please call someone even if it's a 24 hour hotline, or your mom's minister. If I could will you comfort and strength long distance, I would.

He has also thrown out all his medication and I found the wills on the table. I called the nurse about 4 times and asked if there was a pysch on call that she could tell what is going on and that I was afraid that he would do something to hurt her or to hurt himself.

She is suppose to call me back and let me know what is going on. I'm so stressed out!

I did call my best friend who happens to be in town for a few days. I also called another friend that is a good friend to me, but also my family and someone who I consider as a father figure. He said I did the right thing and I hope that they can help him.

Yes, you did the right thing. I'm glad you reached friends and family, and I hope tomorrow, to read that things are better with your Mom, and that your dad is getting help for dealing with this very difficult time.

I'm so tired....I feel so alone. This is not how life is suppose to be. What do I hold on to now?