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How DO you respond to this?

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
I got an email from the sister of a friend. This is what she wrote:

Hi Sophie! I was talking to Chad earlier and we were discussing my cat, Fantasia. She is a beautiful silver tipped pure long haired persian. We got a small dog and she is no longer happy with us and Brook has developed allergies to cats. I would give her to someone who wants her and could give her the love and attention she needs. She does need brushing daily as she is a long haired cat. Would you or possibly someone you know be interested? Chad said you could maybe check with Ralph. She is about 12 years old and in good health. She is fixed and her front paws are declawed so she must be an indoors cat.
We are planning to go visit Chad for his 40th birthday in Atlanta! Thanks! Wanda


I find it hard to believe that her daughter suddenly developed an allergy to cats when they've had cats since her daughter was born....and she is now in her 20's. I'm not sure how to respond. I want to respond with how I really feel, but not in a rude manner. What do you all think?
post #2 of 28
In all honesty - I'd gently and politely let her know that I thought she was making a mistake without being too judgemental, but if she doesn't change her mind I'd help her to find a good home for the cat. If she doesn't love it enough to want to keep it, then the best thing you can do is make sure it ends up somewhere it will be loved. Sad situation though.
post #3 of 28
I agree that there is certainly more to it then what she is saying...However that said we have to consider what is best for the cat and obviously right now a new home is just that..

This reminds me a a similar situation I encounter a few months ago. The people who live across the street from me had this gorgeous ragdoll named Dorthy. The had had her for 10 years and then decided to get a small dog..
The dog was of coarse very energetic and cute as puppies are.
A few weeks after the dog arrived I asked the Lady how Dorthy liked it and the answer was.
She doesn't!!!!!
A few weeks after that I was speaking to her again and asked how the situation was progressing..
Her answer was "Oh we had to have Dorthy put down, to many behavioral problems."

There are worse then then re-homing your cat because it no longer convenient to have them...
My suggestion Help her find a new home for the kitty then tell her what you think.
post #4 of 28
I would politely tell her your real opinion on the matter. Be sure to mention that the cat is now 12 years old, and probably is very bonded with the family. It's going to be so stressful for her to lose the only family she knows. I really don't see how her daughter could suddenly become allergic to something she has known her whole life. If she has suddenly developed allergies, it is probably to something that was recently added to the home. But more realisically they are probably just tired of the cat and want an easy out. People always use the excuse of allergies when they want to get rid of an animal, it's like allergies is the magic excuse that they think everyone will accept without question
post #5 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Epona View Post
In all honesty - I'd gently and politely let her know that I thought she was making a mistake without being too judgemental, but if she doesn't change her mind I'd help her to find a good home for the cat. If she doesn't love it enough to want to keep it, then the best thing you can do is make sure it ends up somewhere it will be loved. Sad situation though.
That is so sad. That cat deserves a loving home. Ugh, I am so sorry.
post #6 of 28
Yeah, they're tired of the cat. Or the cat and dog are not getting along, they're not going to try to make peace in the house and the solution is to get rid of the kitty. Sigh... Do what you feel is right, but you're not going to punch holes in her story.

If you can help her rehome the cat and keep that beautiful girl from a terrible fate.... that would be awesome.
post #7 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaireBear View Post
I would politely tell her your real opinion on the matter. Be sure to mention that the cat is now 12 years old, and probably is very bonded with the family. It's going to be so stressful for her to lose the only family she knows. I really don't see how her daughter could suddenly become allergic to something she has known her whole life. If she has suddenly developed allergies, it is probably to something that was recently added to the home. But more realisically they are probably just tired of the cat and want an easy out. People always use the excuse of allergies when they want to get rid of an animal, it's like allergies is the magic excuse that they think everyone will accept without question

Yea....is your friend's sister certain the daughter's allergies isn't from the DOG rather than the cat? Seems suspect to me and that the "old" cat is now boring compared to the new puppy so they're looking to dump the cat. I grew out of that when I turned 15...

Anyhoo, just be honest in your reply to her. Perhaps suggest that they give the cat and dog a little more time to adjust to each other and explain that the cat has ruled the house for the last 12 years and the puppy is now "invading" her territory.

Also mention that there are plenty of OTC allergy meds and Rx meds that will help reduce her daughter's allergies in a few short days. One of our friends is very allergic to her 2 cats, but she loves them too much...so she takes meds for it. I still suspect its the dog though...
post #8 of 28
I would just take the kitty... and then tell them how sorry you are that they didn't value their companion of twelve years any more than this. And you might whack them a few good ones for declawing the poor thing, too.

Even if you can't keep the kitty, she'll be better off with you choosing her next home than those people.
post #9 of 28
I would suggest that she wipe down the cat daily with distilled water. And point out that a 12 yr old cat has little chance of being rehomed at that age. And I might even question her "sudden" allergies too - maybe its the dog; or maybe its the combination of both pets. She was fine with one, but not with two.
post #10 of 28
Remind me of an email I got from one of my friends about 1 1/2 yrs ago. I had given her a kitten several years before that and they had a dog and another cat. "Suddenly" her stepson (a teenager) who spends limited time with them developed allergies and they had to find homes for all the animals. She asked if I wanted my cat back!!

It was so sad that she just had to do this.

I would suggest that her daughter get allergy tests to really see if she is allergic or if this is an excuse for something else going on in the household.
post #11 of 28
It is possible to develop allergies at any time even well into adulthood. I suspect that the new puppy is getting all the attention and they are now tired of the adult cat though. I've seen this before, people love animals when they are babies and young adults but they want to get rid of them when they are older and get another baby.
post #12 of 28
Unfortunately it's totally possibly to develop allergies later on. I'm 22 and I just became allergic to flavored lip balms (stuff I've used for years, too!). So, it happens... I'm really sorry they have to give up their cat .
post #13 of 28
My guess is that the cat isn't getting along with the dog or vice versa. It's very sad and frustrating that they would rather find a home for the long time resident instead of finding a solution for the dog who has not yet had time to establish too strong of a bond. Why is it the cat that always gets booted and not the dog?
post #14 of 28
My mother developed allergies to cats when I was younger and still living at home. Bless her heart. She stuck it out for years until my cat and I moved out. She would have never dreamed of asking me to get rid of a companion we'd had for years.

With that said it could be possible she does have allergies but as someone already mentioned there are meds she can take. However, if that were an option they were willing to consider they probabally would have done so already. Sounds like they're just bored with the cat now. What a way to repay a loyal, loving comapanion of 12 years. I would definately tell her I would help re-home the kitty and then once I had him/her in my possession I'd let her have it. If you tell her prior to getting the kitty you run the risk of her doing something drastic or lying about kitties whereabouts in order to save face. Good luck. Sending magic, kitten fairy dust your way in hopes you find that baby a good home.
post #15 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
I would just take the kitty... and then tell them how sorry you are that they didn't value their companion of twelve years any more than this. And you might whack them a few good ones for declawing the poor thing, too.

Even if you can't keep the kitty, she'll be better off with you choosing her next home than those people.


She'd be much better off with someone else who will really love her, than instead of being with someone who is only thinking of their own selfish intentions.

I hope the poor baby finds a good home with someone else.

~KK~
post #16 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by tierre0 View Post
My suggestion Help her find a new home for the kitty then tell her what you think.

I agree. It sounds like they got the puppy and decided that the poor cat doesn't fit their home anymore.

Talk about oblivious to the needs of a living creature that they took in and promosed to love and care for forever.
post #17 of 28
Two things. The first is that my allergist, when I told him that I had a
cat, decided that I should have allergy shots for the cat. Worked right away.
Second, the cat would be better off with some cat lover, IMO.
post #18 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchess15 View Post
My guess is that the cat isn't getting along with the dog or vice versa. It's very sad and frustrating that they would rather find a home for the long time resident instead of finding a solution for the dog who has not yet had time to establish too strong of a bond. Why is it the cat that always gets booted and not the dog?
Well, probably because one of the first questions a doctor will ask about allergies is "do you have a cat?"

But beyond that... Some people get drawn into the whole "OMG this this loves me with all its heart and NEEDS me soooo much" that dogs/puppies do... And forget that just cause the cat doesn't act like a dog doesn't mean it doesn't care.
post #19 of 28
My brother is going through something like that! He's had his cat for probably a good 18 years and his new women doesn't like his meowing and want to either throw him out or PTS the cat! Toonsis is his name! My brother said that he will go with the cat! He's actually going to leave her for the cat! I LOVE IT!! He says he has a way better relationship with the kitty anyway! The cat has no teeth, no claws, and is completly unadoptable, so none of that is an option for him!

I would help her find a new kitty home, even though it will be devestating to the kitty who will be thinking "what did I do wrong??" The poor thing!! Get the kitty in your pocession and give her a piece of your mind... or maybe a piece of my mind! A cat is just like a child, you dont get them part way through life and bail out! Oh You're 5 you can take care of yourself doesn't cut it for me! People need to take care of their pets ALL the way through their wonderful lives!
post #20 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by SophieC View Post
I find it hard to believe that her daughter suddenly developed an allergy to cats when they've had cats since her daughter was born....and she is now in her 20's.
It's actually quite common- your body chemistry changes every 7 years or so. My boyfriend didn't grow up with cats, but had friends who had them and he never had a problem until he was 24 years old. Suddenly, he was SEVERELY allergic to cats; not just watery eyes, runny nose, but a full-blown asthma attack. I'm pretty sure if he had always been allergic, he would have noticed.

Anyway, he's 30 now and in the past year, he's noticed having less and less of a reaction to other people's cats (except Russian blues, any gray cat- he still can't breathe around them, strangely.) We got our cat on a "trial basis" and in the 2 months we've had him, he hasn't had a single reaction.
post #21 of 28
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all the advice everyone. I will sit down today and respond to her email. I know what I want to say, but I don't know how to say it without coming off as very ugly and rude. I've known this person for a very long time. She has had cats all her adult life and loves cats very much....that's why I'm having a hard time understanding this. I can not take the cat myself....not even temporarily until I find her a home. As for finding her a home.....where I live, it's VERY hard to find people who want cats. I'll keep you all posted.
post #22 of 28
How about something like:
How sad that your daughter's allergies are forcing you to rehome a lifelong companion. Especially when your daughter will be moving out in the next few years.
I am so sorry that the allergist was unable to help her deal with the new allergy - so many people are able to get amazing relief form the medications.
I know that you have thought long and hard before deciding to do this as you are well aware how difficult it is to rehome to older pets. Not everyone will overlook those quirks that we don't even notice. And the stress of the change doesn't always bring out the best in the rehomed pets.
post #23 of 28
I would try stressing the importance of the stress that a 12 year old cat will go through being rehomed. I took in a 12 year old cat from a family who had her since she was born. They decided to move and not take her along. She was a wonderful loving cat all the while they had her, she was fixed and front declawed, completely indoors, playful and happy and content. I have had her with me now for almost 1.5 years and we have yet to touch her or even get anywhere near her without her lashing out and biting aggressively. We pretty much ignore her and just feed her and clean her box. Well, not ignore her, we talk to her and be near her, but don't even try to touch her anymore.

She is clearly not happy but there is nothing else much that we can do. Kittens can get stressed out in a move, imagine what it will do to a 12 year old.

-find out if the daughter can go on allergy meds until she moves out, she is 20, she is bound to move out soon...

-the cat would probably even be happy just in a room all to herself even, its not ideal but its better then removing the cat completely...

-tell them about the stress and problems it can cause, even leading to illness, stress can cause illness, respiratory problems, urinary tract infections, DEPRESSION!
post #24 of 28
Thread Starter 
OK.....I typed up this response this morning at work and emailed it to myself at home. Once I get home tonight, I will send it to her. What do you all think?

Wanda,

Sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you on this. My old computer went out on me and I don’t yet have email set up on my new one. I check my email every so often on my mom’s computer.

You’re probably not going to like my response, but here goes….

I’m assuming that you’ve had Fantasia all her life, or at least for a good portion of it. You say you got a small dog and she is no longer happy with you. I don’t know if proper introductions were used or not in introducing the new dog into the household, but there are methods to the process. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t. You say that Brooke has developed allergies to cats. Are you sure it’s the cats and not the new dog? There are many over the counter medications that do wonders for people with pet allergies. Is Fantasia the only cat you guys have left? I know when I called you a couple of years ago to see if you would be interested in a kitten that was born under my house, you told me you had 4 cats and couldn’t take any more in.

Since joining an online cat forum, I’ve learned lots of useful and helpful information on cat behavior and cat needs that I didn’t really know beforehand. It doesn’t seem fair to the cat, who has probably developed a special bond with you as her family to suddenly be booted out of the house because of the new dog. If it were me, I would try to rehome the new dog and not the cat who has been with the family for so long. It’s not the cat’s fault that the dog is invading her territory….she’s just doing what comes naturally. Is there any way you can keep Fantasia separated in her own part of the house instead of giving her away? Even just her own room might work. Or maybe even give them more time to adjust to each other. Rehoming is going to be extremely stressful on Fantasia, especially as a senior cat..…to the point where she will possibly develop behavioral issues and/or serious health issues. There is someone on the cat forums that took in a wonderful 12 year old cat from someone who moved and couldn’t take her. She’s had the cat for a year and a half now and they can not get anywhere near her without severe aggression from the cat. They can’t even touch the poor cat.

I didn’t bother to ask Ralph for two reasons….one, they have a 2 small, indoor dogs. Two, they had a cat once who pooped on Troy’s artwork (which was on the floor) twice, so they threw the cat outdoors. It went missing and was later found dead on Evangeline Thruway, hit by a car.

I am sorry to say that I can not consider taking in your cat because of the fact that I already have 3 cats and one of them has behavioral issues when it comes to other cats. Cats, I find, are particularly hard to find homes for in our area. I wish it weren’t that way. There is a no-kill shelter in Carencro called Lafayette Animal Aid. I can get in touch with Kathleen and see if she knows anyone who might be willing to take in a 12 year old cat. But, I would try really hard to make it work for little Fantasia.
post #25 of 28
I think that's excellent, helpful and sympathetic but pointing out the problems without making it personal iykwim, hopefully she will take note but whether she does or not I think the tone of your response and the info given is great - I always like to say 'you catch more flies with honey than vinegar' and I think you've taken your time to explain your viewpoint in a way that's not going to be dismissed because of being preachy or haranguing- if she doesn't take note it means she's really not interested in trying to resolve the issue.
post #26 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by SophieC View Post
I got an email from the sister of a friend. This is what she wrote:

We got a small dog and she is no longer happy with us and Brook has developed allergies to cats.

I find it hard to believe that her daughter suddenly developed an allergy to cats when they've had cats since her daughter was born....and she is now in her 20's. I'm not sure how to respond. I want to respond with how I really feel, but not in a rude manner. What do you all think?
I also find it hard to believe but based on the part of her letter I left perhaps you could point out the correlation between the new dog and the new allergies?!
post #27 of 28
Thread Starter 
I sent the reply letter to her Thursday night. I have not heard back from her since then. I pretty much don't expect to at this point either. I imagine she was not happy with my reply, but she's not the type who would angrily write me back. I'll let you know if I do end up hearing from her.
post #28 of 28
Thread Starter 
Not exactly the response I was hoping for, but at least she doesn't sound mad at me.............

After Brook graduated in 03 she moved out and got the dog. When she moved back home she left the dog with her friend next door. This past June her friend moved to New York and called and gave Brook the dog back so that is how Ginger came to live with us. She was 4 years old, pregnant, full of heart worms and scared to death. We got her all fixed up and now she is healthy and happy. Fanny was very upset and let me know it by pooping on the rug instead of the litter box. The vet told me to isolate her with her litter box and food. Well she was moved into the shop / game room area and has adjusted well but she is not getting the love and attention she deserves. Brook has had allergies for years and we noticed how much worse they are when she is around the cats. Especially Fanny as she has long fine hair so Brook has started to avoid the cats due to her allergies. Yes I still have four cats and can't give them all the attention they need. I would give Fanny to someone who has no other animals and really wants a beautiful long haired pure pursian but I wouldn't just send her to a shelter. Let me know if anyone on the forum is interested. I need to send you a picture. She is beautiful and sweet!
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