husband is mean to my cats

brokenheart · Dec 12, 2007

Originally Posted by x7anooonah

trust me I know you all are right that is why I am home on here asking! Is there anyway that I could keep them together? I do not know what layla would do without Najwa shes so shy and scared around everyone but me and Najwa

. So do you all agree I should call a no kill shelter? Is there anymore suggestions that I could have? I would be willing to give whoever takes them all of their things as well for free if I knew it was a good home. I wish I could find an older lady who loves cats to take them and they could have what they deserved, what I am not allowed to give them

.

A shelter will most likely try to get them adopted together. I've volunteered in a shelter and we very often adopted cats out in pairs when they were very attached to each other.

You are doing a wonderful and loving thing, if you get them to safety. As someone else mentioned, the shelter may very well be able to let you know how they are doing in a new home. Please let us know what happens. Our concern right now is for the cats, as they are in the most immediate danger, but we want you to be all right in your home situation, too.

Please, get them to a safe home for the holidays. Please call a shelter right now; you need to get them out of danger today. Chances are the shelter will let you visit them there (not your husband).

x7anooonah · Dec 12, 2007

I contacted two places everyone, thanks for your help. I just wanted you all to know that when he goes after my cats I always do stand up for them and I always to take them away from him. I never just watch it. Bc of that we fight all the time and have had several fights. I am a PROUD animal lover like my family but he is not like his. I am a member of PETA, sad huh that this goes on in MY own home. I remember they sent me a magnet with a number to call if someone abuses animals. I laid it out for him to see and he trashed it. Said was I planning to send my husband to jail over my "dumb"cats.

x7anooonah · Dec 12, 2007

Originally Posted by Brokenheart

A shelter will most likely try to get them adopted together. I've volunteered in a shelter and we very often adopted cats out in pairs when they were very attached to each other.

You are doing a wonderful and loving thing, if you get them to safety. As someone else mentioned, the shelter may very well be able to let you know how they are doing in a new home. Please let us know what happens. Our concern right now is for the cats, as they are in the most immediate danger, but we want you to be all right in your home situation, too.

Please, get them to a safe home for the holidays. Please call a shelter right now; you need to get them out of danger today. Chances are the shelter will let you visit them there (not your husband).

THANK YOU ALL and I hope they do GOD WILLING let them stay together and that they get a great home.

strange_wings · Dec 12, 2007

Originally Posted by x7anooonah

Especially if he is mad at me he always takes it out on them I guess bc he knows I love them.

This sentence worries me. You have realized already why he is acting this way, now you need to take steps to protect yourself. Look up resources for battered/abused women in your area. Abuse doesn't have to be physical. There should be some counselors you can talk to without it costing you anything. You need resources close by to turn to, you can't let him control you this way.

I know Oklahoma is pretty backwards as far as shelters and animal cruelty laws go, but there are some cat rescue groups. Try calling the Petsmarts in the city and see if they have the name and numbers of any groups. With a no kill cat rescue your cats will be more likely to be adopted out together.

It sounds a bit like you might also have some meddling in-laws? as far as them coloring his view on the cats.
Were I in your place, he would be out that door with a restraining order and wouldn't be allowed on the property until after he went through a lot of counseling himself.

Again -please get help, this situation could get much worse for you and it's nothing you want to have a child living with.

Edit - glad to see you're taking some steps already.

twstychik · Dec 12, 2007

I know this is hard for you but you ARE doing the right thing! It's good to know that you always defend your cats but at the same time (if it hasn't happened yet) I wouldn't be surprised at all if he attacked YOU for defending them. I'm thinking happy thoughts for you and your kitties. That they can be adopted by a loving home. That they can stay together and find strength in one another... they know you have their best interests at heart. That your home becomes happier as a result... and That you have the strength to do what you need to for the safety and well being of yourself as well.

p.s. that is a precious picture of them!

sadie's mom · Dec 12, 2007

Have you considered there's something "wrong" with your husband if he's kicking your cats? Have you thought about the fact that if he's kicking the cats, what's next - the kids?

Anyway you look at it, his behaviour is wrong -- wonder how he'd like to be kicked!

addiebee · Dec 12, 2007

Originally Posted by Sadie's Mom

Have you considered there's something "wrong" with your husband if he's kicking your cats? Have you thought about the fact that if he's kicking the cats, what's next - the kids?

Anyway you look at it, his behaviour is wrong -- wonder how he'd like to be kicked!

I wonder if he was abused as a child and that's why he's acting out? Sounds like a control freak and an abuser.

Cats first, you and the baby next. Abusers also make you feel like it's all YOUR fault, if only... blah, blah, blah..... It's a bunch of BS. The problem resides with the abuser, not the abusee! Contact a women's shelter ASAP and get some advice. I would venture to guess that you have very low self esteem issues and you kinda knew/suspected this guy was volatile and violent before you married him. With abusers, once they have their "prey" (wife, girlfriend) sometimes what appears to be ok just is NOT! The real person emerges.

Sounds like his family enables his bad behavior. I have seen soooooo many marriages/relationships like that. The DiL becomes the target, the victim, the scapegoat. The woman knew stuff going in, thought she could change him or that it would get better and it doesn't; it gets worse because now he "owns" you. Don't let it happen. Get some help -NOW!!! Before the hitting and kicking finds its way to you or the baby, or both.

eDIT -- PS - the fact that he's using the cats to torture you - yes, that's what it is - inflicting pain on them inflicts pain on YOU - tells me everything I need to know.

EDIT - PPS - don't tell him you're talking to people on the internet about this. That will send his temper into the stratosphere and he may try to prevent you this access.

catloverin_ks · Dec 12, 2007

Arghh....

those poor babies!!!

I hope that they get adopted to safe loving home!!

x7anooonah · Dec 12, 2007

Layla says hi everyone she is on my lap

. Well, he came home tonight and I was like well you should be happy to know that I have been looking into giving the cats away. He was like what why? I was like what do you mean bc you hate them and your mean to them. He said you dont have to get rid of them its just they do things that they should not so someone has to disipline them and it wont be you. I will admit my cats are not trained well bc I am a pushover and never wanted to hurt their feelings. They jump on everything no matter how many times you say no or put them down, they annoy me a lot as well with their bad habits but at the end of the day I know they are cats and thats that. He on the other hand treats them like they are kids who did wrong and he really thinks they know better and that they just try to push his buttons (whatever). We talked before and he said he would not do all that if I helped keep them from doing all that bad. It lasted for awhile but not long of course. I do not know how to train my cats they are to old for it now. And they never do what I say anyway but they do what he says.

He was not beat what so ever growing up and he came from a very loving home. My in laws and I get along great they just (told him not me) that now that we have a baby we should not have cats running around. BUt what is it to them or anyone for that matter.

MoochNNoodles · Dec 12, 2007

Honey I'm sorry to say this, but I just don't see how you can work this out. Correct me if I'm reading this wrong, but I'm hearing you say he's treating them like they were children. Kicking and punching is not for children. And that is not discipline. It's 100% abuse. No ifs ands or buts about it!

I'd be beyond devastated if I had to give up my girls. But I love them too much to let them go through something like that. It's loving them to get them in a better situation. You need to think about your child in this too. What will your child think? Lets say even if he never starts beating you our your child, well most likely your child will still believe that is how to treat an animal. People say that actions speak louder than words, but I'll say that often strong actions from strong people speak much louder than words from a non-aggressive person!

brokenheart · Dec 12, 2007

So now what? It just continues? He gets to keep beating them? What he does is inappropriate, inhumane, and illegal. Will you have to start being mean to your cats now to satisfy him? Will you have to hit them?

Your cats are just acting the way cats do. Cats jump on things, they get into things. That's part of the joy of having them. That's just what they do.They can't stop being cats. He uses that as an excuse to victimize them and it sounds like you're very close to enabling him again. Of course, he's going to say keep them -- who will he get to brutalize if they're not there?

Please stop enabling him. Get them out of the house. Classic abusive behavior blames the victim -- "oh, if they just didn't do that, I wouldn't have to hit them." He's a bully and a batterer -- HE IS the reason he hits, not them.

This is just heartbreaking and sickening. If he abuses them again, and you knew and didn't get them to safety, you're participating in the abuse. The guy is an animal batterer. That's his sickness. The cats? They're just kitty cats. It's on him, not them. And since you know about it, at this point it's on you too.

Whatever goes on in your relationship with him, the cats are innocent and trapped. You said you would get them out of danger. Please live up to that.

I can't stand this. I'm so sorry and angry to see you slip back into enabling it.

Even if he never ever harms them again -- and I find that unlikely -- those poor cats still have to live with someone they're deathly afraid of (and they have every right to be). Get them to a home where they'll feel safe and ARE safe.

kittkatt · Dec 12, 2007

Originally Posted by AddieBee

I wonder if he was abused as a child and that's why he's acting out? Sounds like a control freak and an abuser.

Cats first, you and the baby next. Abusers also make you feel like it's all YOUR fault, if only... blah, blah, blah..... It's a bunch of BS. The problem resides with the abuser, not the abusee! Contact a women's shelter ASAP and get some advice. I would venture to guess that you have very low self esteem issues and you kinda knew/suspected this guy was volatile and violent before you married him. With abusers, once they have their "prey" (wife, girlfriend) sometimes what appears to be ok just is NOT! The real person emerges.

Sounds like his family enables his bad behavior. I have seen soooooo many marriages/relationships like that. The DiL becomes the target, the victim, the scapegoat. The woman knew stuff going in, thought she could change him or that it would get better and it doesn't; it gets worse because now he "owns" you. Don't let it happen. Get some help -NOW!!! Before the hitting and kicking finds its way to you or the baby, or both.

eDIT -- PS - the fact that he's using the cats to torture you - yes, that's what it is - inflicting pain on them inflicts pain on YOU - tells me everything I need to know.

EDIT - PPS - don't tell him you're talking to people on the internet about this. That will send his temper into the stratosphere and he may try to prevent you this access.

I agree with this 100%, b/c what Addiebee describes is almost exactly like a relationship I had several years ago with an abusive ex. I never saw my ex hit or kick my cats, but I saw plenty of yelling & screaming. My cats were terrified of him - so that tells you something right there! They would always run and hide whenever he was around..

I can't add much more than what the others have already said. But it's true that if your husband is abusive towards the cats, you and the baby will come next.

That's how it always starts - first with animals, then with people. Take a look at some of the infamous serial killers: most of them started out on animals, too. Your cats are afraid of your husband for a reason - just the same as mine were. I can't even begin to tell you what my ex put me through - but if your husband is anything like my ex was, you don't want to find out....

Please, please, please, get your cats away from this man ASAP! And I know no one can make you leave him until you're ready to, but I sure hope you make a decision to soon - before you & your baby are next. This man is an abuser (regardless of his so-called "loving" family life), and a controller, and he's dangerous. He might cause irreversable damage that you may never recover from. Take it from someone who knows...

I will be praying for you, your baby, and your cats' safety.

~KK~

katiemae1277 · Dec 13, 2007

Just a reminder folks, this is the wonderful world of the internet and while we don't have direct contact with the OP, we cannot for sure know what is going on in her home. In real life if any of us were to come across this kind of situation we would surely report it as cat abuse, but we do not have the authority to do that, so please keep your focus on the cats and trying to help them. Look up local shelters or low-cost spay/vaccination facilities and PM her the info- the bottom line is be constructive, not berating, be encouraging, not harsh. The OP must care about her cats, otherwise she would not be posting here asking for help.

mschauer · Dec 13, 2007

Originally Posted by x7anooonah

Layla says hi everyone she is on my lap

. Well, he came home tonight and I was like well you should be happy to know that I have been looking into giving the cats away. He was like what why? I was like what do you mean bc you hate them and your mean to them. He said you dont have to get rid of them its just they do things that they should not so someone has to disipline them and it wont be you. I will admit my cats are not trained well bc I am a pushover and never wanted to hurt their feelings. They jump on everything no matter how many times you say no or put them down, they annoy me a lot as well with their bad habits but at the end of the day I know they are cats and thats that. He on the other hand treats them like they are kids who did wrong and he really thinks they know better and that they just try to push his buttons (whatever). We talked before and he said he would not do all that if I helped keep them from doing all that bad. It lasted for awhile but not long of course. I do not know how to train my cats they are to old for it now. And they never do what I say anyway but they do what he says.

With that kind of attitude your house is not an appropriate place for pets of any kind.

GET THEM OUT!!!

I firmly stand by my previous statement that if you don't do something to stop the abuse you are as much to blame as he is.

callista · Dec 13, 2007

My stepfather kicked my cat. A year later, he was kicking me and my mom. It doesn't stop with animals.

This man is trouble. Big trouble. Hurting your cats qualifies as abusing you, incidentally; so you have a very good reason to either leave or force him to face his issues in counseling.

It is very scary to leave somebody who is hurting you... You probably know just how your timid cat feels. But for the sake of the cats and your child, I think it has to be done--either temporarily until he shapes up for good, or else permanently. At the very least, find your cats a safe place as they are the ones in the most danger.

This is abuse both to you and your cats. It is wrong.

catloverin_ks · Dec 13, 2007

Originally Posted by Brokenheart

So now what? It just continues? He gets to keep beating them? What he does is inappropriate, inhumane, and illegal. Will you have to start being mean to your cats now to satisfy him? Will you have to hit them?

Your cats are just acting the way cats do. Cats jump on things, they get into things. That's part of the joy of having them. That's just what they do.They can't stop being cats. He uses that as an excuse to victimize them and it sounds like you're very close to enabling him again. Of course, he's going to say keep them -- who will he get to brutalize if they're not there?

Please stop enabling him. Get them out of the house. Classic abusive behavior blames the victim -- "oh, if they just didn't do that, I wouldn't have to hit them." He's a bully and a batterer -- HE IS the reason he hits, not them.

This is just heartbreaking and sickening. If he abuses them again, and you knew and didn't get them to safety, you're participating in the abuse. The guy is an animal batterer. That's his sickness. The cats? They're just kitty cats. It's on him, not them. And since you know about it, at this point it's on you too.

Whatever goes on in your relationship with him, the cats are innocent and trapped. You said you would get them out of danger. Please live up to that.

I can't stand this. I'm so sorry and angry to see you slip back into enabling it.

Even if he never ever harms them again -- and I find that unlikely -- those poor cats still have to live with someone they're deathly afraid of (and they have every right to be). Get them to a home where they'll feel safe and ARE safe.

Excellent post! Oh, and cats are not like dogs, they cant be "trained"....cats are cats. They run,jump, climb.........they are supposed to!!!

kittee · Dec 13, 2007

Originally Posted by x7anooonah

Layla says hi everyone she is on my lap

. Well, he came home tonight and I was like well you should be happy to know that I have been looking into giving the cats away. He was like what why? I was like what do you mean bc you hate them and your mean to them. He said you dont have to get rid of them its just they do things that they should not so someone has to disipline them and it wont be you. I will admit my cats are not trained well bc I am a pushover and never wanted to hurt their feelings. They jump on everything no matter how many times you say no or put them down, they annoy me a lot as well with their bad habits but at the end of the day I know they are cats and thats that. He on the other hand treats them like they are kids who did wrong and he really thinks they know better and that they just try to push his buttons (whatever). We talked before and he said he would not do all that if I helped keep them from doing all that bad. It lasted for awhile but not long of course. I do not know how to train my cats they are to old for it now. And they never do what I say anyway but they do what he says.

He was not beat what so ever growing up and he came from a very loving home. My in laws and I get along great they just (told him not me) that now that we have a baby we should not have cats running around. BUt what is it to them or anyone for that matter.

I Listen friend, you are enabling him now. This really is starting to sound like classic abused wife syndrome. See Info here, especially "Honeymoon Phase"

Before you and your new child "push his buttons" like the cats, I think you should seek help. =( Please don't let this abuse continue. It's not right for you, the cats or anyone.

callista · Dec 14, 2007

Yeah... my stepdad, the one who beat me, always used to say he was "keeping me in line"; and my mom believed him when he said he was just disciplining me. I was a teenager. I wasn't the best kid--I hated doing chores and I read with a flashlight under the covers and I raided the chocolate stash--but I didn't deserve that kind of treatment. I was being a teenager. And your cats are being cats.

glitch · Dec 14, 2007

This is a terrible situation. You know serial killers start out beating animals?? If my husband was to do anything in the negative to my kitties, I wouldn't leave him, I'd DIVORCE him!

If your cats are truely loved by you then you would get them out of there!! I think this sucks and it must be terrible having everyone telling you stuff you dont want to hear, but those cats can't defend themselves. Are you telling us that HE is never alone with THEM?? I dont believe it. How do you know what goes on while you're not there. And if you can't take them to the vet you are in a worse situation. Cats hide their pain so they could have had multiple broken bones without you even knowing it!!! They could be in pain this minute and that could be why they pull away! DO SOMETHING!! YOU are in charge of the situation right now, make it better, RIGHT NOW!!

yosemite · Dec 15, 2007

We're getting pretty far off-topic here. Our concern should be for the cats and help with some advice on what to do for the cats, not her marriage or her relationship with her husband.

It's very easy to sit back and be an arm-chair critic of others if we don't have to walk in their shoes. The OP didn't ask for advice on her marriage so let's get back to the cats, please.

husband is mean to my cats

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