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post #31 of 48
So now what? It just continues? He gets to keep beating them? What he does is inappropriate, inhumane, and illegal. Will you have to start being mean to your cats now to satisfy him? Will you have to hit them?

Your cats are just acting the way cats do. Cats jump on things, they get into things. That's part of the joy of having them. That's just what they do.They can't stop being cats. He uses that as an excuse to victimize them and it sounds like you're very close to enabling him again. Of course, he's going to say keep them -- who will he get to brutalize if they're not there?

Please stop enabling him. Get them out of the house. Classic abusive behavior blames the victim -- "oh, if they just didn't do that, I wouldn't have to hit them." He's a bully and a batterer -- HE IS the reason he hits, not them.

This is just heartbreaking and sickening. If he abuses them again, and you knew and didn't get them to safety, you're participating in the abuse. The guy is an animal batterer. That's his sickness. The cats? They're just kitty cats. It's on him, not them. And since you know about it, at this point it's on you too.

Whatever goes on in your relationship with him, the cats are innocent and trapped. You said you would get them out of danger. Please live up to that.

I can't stand this. I'm so sorry and angry to see you slip back into enabling it.

Even if he never ever harms them again -- and I find that unlikely -- those poor cats still have to live with someone they're deathly afraid of (and they have every right to be). Get them to a home where they'll feel safe and ARE safe.
post #32 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by AddieBee View Post
I wonder if he was abused as a child and that's why he's acting out? Sounds like a control freak and an abuser.

Cats first, you and the baby next. Abusers also make you feel like it's all YOUR fault, if only... blah, blah, blah..... It's a bunch of BS. The problem resides with the abuser, not the abusee! Contact a women's shelter ASAP and get some advice. I would venture to guess that you have very low self esteem issues and you kinda knew/suspected this guy was volatile and violent before you married him. With abusers, once they have their "prey" (wife, girlfriend) sometimes what appears to be ok just is NOT! The real person emerges.

Sounds like his family enables his bad behavior. I have seen soooooo many marriages/relationships like that. The DiL becomes the target, the victim, the scapegoat. The woman knew stuff going in, thought she could change him or that it would get better and it doesn't; it gets worse because now he "owns" you. Don't let it happen. Get some help -NOW!!! Before the hitting and kicking finds its way to you or the baby, or both.

eDIT -- PS - the fact that he's using the cats to torture you - yes, that's what it is - inflicting pain on them inflicts pain on YOU - tells me everything I need to know.

EDIT - PPS - don't tell him you're talking to people on the internet about this. That will send his temper into the stratosphere and he may try to prevent you this access.
I agree with this 100%, b/c what Addiebee describes is almost exactly like a relationship I had several years ago with an abusive ex. I never saw my ex hit or kick my cats, but I saw plenty of yelling & screaming. My cats were terrified of him - so that tells you something right there! They would always run and hide whenever he was around..

I can't add much more than what the others have already said. But it's true that if your husband is abusive towards the cats, you and the baby will come next. That's how it always starts - first with animals, then with people. Take a look at some of the infamous serial killers: most of them started out on animals, too. Your cats are afraid of your husband for a reason - just the same as mine were. I can't even begin to tell you what my ex put me through - but if your husband is anything like my ex was, you don't want to find out....

Please, please, please, get your cats away from this man ASAP! And I know no one can make you leave him until you're ready to, but I sure hope you make a decision to soon - before you & your baby are next. This man is an abuser (regardless of his so-called "loving" family life), and a controller, and he's dangerous. He might cause irreversable damage that you may never recover from. Take it from someone who knows...

I will be praying for you, your baby, and your cats' safety.

~KK~
post #33 of 48
Just a reminder folks, this is the wonderful world of the internet and while we don't have direct contact with the OP, we cannot for sure know what is going on in her home. In real life if any of us were to come across this kind of situation we would surely report it as cat abuse, but we do not have the authority to do that, so please keep your focus on the cats and trying to help them. Look up local shelters or low-cost spay/vaccination facilities and PM her the info- the bottom line is be constructive, not berating, be encouraging, not harsh. The OP must care about her cats, otherwise she would not be posting here asking for help.
post #34 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by x7anooonah View Post
Layla says hi everyone she is on my lap . Well, he came home tonight and I was like well you should be happy to know that I have been looking into giving the cats away. He was like what why? I was like what do you mean bc you hate them and your mean to them. He said you dont have to get rid of them its just they do things that they should not so someone has to disipline them and it wont be you. I will admit my cats are not trained well bc I am a pushover and never wanted to hurt their feelings. They jump on everything no matter how many times you say no or put them down, they annoy me a lot as well with their bad habits but at the end of the day I know they are cats and thats that. He on the other hand treats them like they are kids who did wrong and he really thinks they know better and that they just try to push his buttons (whatever). We talked before and he said he would not do all that if I helped keep them from doing all that bad. It lasted for awhile but not long of course. I do not know how to train my cats they are to old for it now. And they never do what I say anyway but they do what he says.
With that kind of attitude your house is not an appropriate place for pets of any kind.

GET THEM OUT!!!

I firmly stand by my previous statement that if you don't do something to stop the abuse you are as much to blame as he is.
post #35 of 48
My stepfather kicked my cat. A year later, he was kicking me and my mom. It doesn't stop with animals.

This man is trouble. Big trouble. Hurting your cats qualifies as abusing you, incidentally; so you have a very good reason to either leave or force him to face his issues in counseling.

It is very scary to leave somebody who is hurting you... You probably know just how your timid cat feels. But for the sake of the cats and your child, I think it has to be done--either temporarily until he shapes up for good, or else permanently. At the very least, find your cats a safe place as they are the ones in the most danger.

This is abuse both to you and your cats. It is wrong.
post #36 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenheart View Post
So now what? It just continues? He gets to keep beating them? What he does is inappropriate, inhumane, and illegal. Will you have to start being mean to your cats now to satisfy him? Will you have to hit them?

Your cats are just acting the way cats do. Cats jump on things, they get into things. That's part of the joy of having them. That's just what they do.They can't stop being cats. He uses that as an excuse to victimize them and it sounds like you're very close to enabling him again. Of course, he's going to say keep them -- who will he get to brutalize if they're not there?

Please stop enabling him. Get them out of the house. Classic abusive behavior blames the victim -- "oh, if they just didn't do that, I wouldn't have to hit them." He's a bully and a batterer -- HE IS the reason he hits, not them.

This is just heartbreaking and sickening. If he abuses them again, and you knew and didn't get them to safety, you're participating in the abuse. The guy is an animal batterer. That's his sickness. The cats? They're just kitty cats. It's on him, not them. And since you know about it, at this point it's on you too.

Whatever goes on in your relationship with him, the cats are innocent and trapped. You said you would get them out of danger. Please live up to that.

I can't stand this. I'm so sorry and angry to see you slip back into enabling it.

Even if he never ever harms them again -- and I find that unlikely -- those poor cats still have to live with someone they're deathly afraid of (and they have every right to be). Get them to a home where they'll feel safe and ARE safe.
Excellent post! Oh, and cats are not like dogs, they cant be "trained"....cats are cats. They run,jump, climb.........they are supposed to!!!
post #37 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by x7anooonah View Post
Layla says hi everyone she is on my lap . Well, he came home tonight and I was like well you should be happy to know that I have been looking into giving the cats away. He was like what why? I was like what do you mean bc you hate them and your mean to them. He said you dont have to get rid of them its just they do things that they should not so someone has to disipline them and it wont be you. I will admit my cats are not trained well bc I am a pushover and never wanted to hurt their feelings. They jump on everything no matter how many times you say no or put them down, they annoy me a lot as well with their bad habits but at the end of the day I know they are cats and thats that. He on the other hand treats them like they are kids who did wrong and he really thinks they know better and that they just try to push his buttons (whatever). We talked before and he said he would not do all that if I helped keep them from doing all that bad. It lasted for awhile but not long of course. I do not know how to train my cats they are to old for it now. And they never do what I say anyway but they do what he says.

He was not beat what so ever growing up and he came from a very loving home. My in laws and I get along great they just (told him not me) that now that we have a baby we should not have cats running around. BUt what is it to them or anyone for that matter.

I Listen friend, you are enabling him now. This really is starting to sound like classic abused wife syndrome. See Info here, especially "Honeymoon Phase"

Before you and your new child "push his buttons" like the cats, I think you should seek help. =( Please don't let this abuse continue. It's not right for you, the cats or anyone.
post #38 of 48
Yeah... my stepdad, the one who beat me, always used to say he was "keeping me in line"; and my mom believed him when he said he was just disciplining me. I was a teenager. I wasn't the best kid--I hated doing chores and I read with a flashlight under the covers and I raided the chocolate stash--but I didn't deserve that kind of treatment. I was being a teenager. And your cats are being cats.
post #39 of 48
This is a terrible situation. You know serial killers start out beating animals?? If my husband was to do anything in the negative to my kitties, I wouldn't leave him, I'd DIVORCE him!

If your cats are truely loved by you then you would get them out of there!! I think this sucks and it must be terrible having everyone telling you stuff you dont want to hear, but those cats can't defend themselves. Are you telling us that HE is never alone with THEM?? I dont believe it. How do you know what goes on while you're not there. And if you can't take them to the vet you are in a worse situation. Cats hide their pain so they could have had multiple broken bones without you even knowing it!!! They could be in pain this minute and that could be why they pull away! DO SOMETHING!! YOU are in charge of the situation right now, make it better, RIGHT NOW!!
post #40 of 48
We're getting pretty far off-topic here. Our concern should be for the cats and help with some advice on what to do for the cats, not her marriage or her relationship with her husband.

It's very easy to sit back and be an arm-chair critic of others if we don't have to walk in their shoes. The OP didn't ask for advice on her marriage so let's get back to the cats, please.
post #41 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
We're getting pretty far off-topic here. Our concern should be for the cats and help with some advice on what to do for the cats, not her marriage or her relationship with her husband.

It's very easy to sit back and be an arm-chair critic of others if we don't have to walk in their shoes. The OP didn't ask for advice on her marriage so let's get back to the cats, please.
Well, if this man abuses the cats, the best thing for the cats would be to rehome them, IMO. Cats should not be kicked and thrown-I think that much is obvious. Apparently the cats are also un-fixed, they don't have any shots, and the husband would not buy premium food for them. I think most would agree this does not sound like a good environment for these cats. The best thing for the cats, IMO, would be for OP to somehow try to find a new home for them.
Some of these cats behavior the husband does not like could very well be because they are not spayed.
post #42 of 48
This thread is heartbreaking. Please please please rehome your kitties! I know it is a hard thing to do but it is the right thing to do. Please show your love and compassion for your animals by doing this. They deserve a better quality of life where they are not in fear of being beaten.
post #43 of 48
"He on the other hand treats them like they are kids who did wrong and he really thinks they know better and that they just try to push his buttons (whatever)."


If any man treated a child like that hitting and kicking the child Id divorce him in a second regardless of how much I "loved" him...and being a true animal lover myself also a member of PETA I could never be with anyone who didnt love animals like I do...people who treat animals like that will soon turn on people when the animals are gone...as you said he treats them like they are kids...you have a kid so seeing what he does to your animals is how he will treat your child....That being said I agree with everyone else who has posted in this thread you NEED to rehome your cats immediately!!! Then work on your relationship if you want to salvage it.
post #44 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenheart View Post
Number 1: GET THOSE POOR CATS OUT OF THERE.

That's a no-brainer. Their lives are in danger.

You love them, right? Then you need to protect them. If you don't protect them, then you can't really love them; your actions don't support the notion of love if you're just standing by and letting them be abused.

Get them out of there.

Sorry if I'm being rude, but this makes me so angry. This guy's a monster, and he's got two little helpless beings at his whim. Please stop abetting him by doing nothing. The first thing I thought when reading the carrier story was, that's like a nazi.

Don't romanticize it - they're not going to pine away for you if being with you means getting abused. Get 'em out of there.

Please get them out today. And don't get any more pets unless you're not with him any more.

If you will do nothing else, tell him you will call the cops. There are laws against what he's doing. Then if he does it again, follow through - call the cops and the ASPCA cops. Take pictures while he's doing it for evidence and so that he knows it's not going to be his "secret" any more.

Sorry, but this just makes me furious. Get those poor cats away from that abuser.

Forget reasoning with him at this point. You wouldn't argue with a fire, right? You just do what needs to be done to keep the living creatures safe. For God's sake, at least get between him and the cats when he's abusing them, so he has to get through you to get to them.

I know I'm being harsh but this makes me sick.
I'm steaming mad just reading this I'd leave him in a millisecond. Who's next, you, the baby? This man is a sick monster from what I've read.
post #45 of 48
X7, I'm worried about you, your child and your cats. What you are describing is the classic abuser. They start with animals and move onto people - that is you and your child. You must get your animals, your child and yourself out of this situation now. Without counseling, and a strong desire to change from your husband, this is not going to get better.

Don't believe me? Google "signs of an abuser" or "domestic violence and cruelty to animals."

I have family in your town - I even use to live there. There are resources for you and there is help available - it only requires you to reach out and let someone know. You, your child and your animals deserve more. You've made the first step by asking for help on this board. The next step is to contact the city or county. I promise you that they take this very seriously and will help you get away. The hardest part is going to be staying away until he gets help and actually changes or staying away.
post #46 of 48
As I read your posts it sounds like to me that he resents having responsibilities and is having a hard time dealing with it.

The cats, the child and you. He is not handling it well. Instead of hitting you or the child he is taking out his frustations on the poor cats. He is venting and it shows in abuse.

He needs to lash out at something and the cats are the smallest and easiest targets. He does not love them as you do, or love then at all for that matter, so it is easy to single them out.

If you had no pets it would be a window, a door, a wall until he loses control and it becomes you, your child or both.

I think his sudden concern of the re-homing of the cats is because then he knows he does not have a frustration outlet. You are removing his target and the only things left are you and his child.

The plain fact is the man needs someone to speak to him about his behavior. Can you speak with his father about his temper and that you are not only afraid for the cats but his temper has raised the bar enough that you are also frightened.
post #47 of 48
It's possible to change, though. He can change... I think the kindest thing you can do for him is to make the point that things can't go on this way--that if he doesn't learn to control his anger, you won't feel safe with him. He isn't hitting humans yet, and that means it's early in the cycle. He's not set in his ways nearly as much as he would be if he'd started hurting a human; and that's a good sign. It means that if he gets help, he can still change. Maybe it will take you moving out and/or finding a new home for the cats to get him to see this is serious... maybe he'll go to counseling if you just say, "I'm worried about you; the way you treat the cats shows me you're dealing with a lot of anger, and having a hard time." I don't know how serious this problem is right now; all I know is, it could get serious in the future--easily. He could kill a cat; he could start hurting humans. He needs to get help now before anything like that happens.
post #48 of 48
As the OP has not been back to comment on this thread and all posts seem to be reiterating the same sentiment, I am closing this thread.
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