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did you ever get news that someone is dying

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
And no matter how hard you try, you just cant seem to feel anything about it?
post #2 of 12
I have been lucky enough to never have lost someone I cared alot about, thank god.

When my grandmas died, I was sad for my mom and dad..but I wasn't that close to either of my grandmas so I wasn't that sad It seems weird, but I just wasn't.
post #3 of 12
Yeah bruce, I know what you mean -- felt that way about my grandmother, didn't even want to go with my mom to the funeral (but I was 15 and didnt' have a choice in the matter)

And just two weeks ago I found out that my late step-dad's father is dying and has named me as beneficiary/executor because I'm the only family he has. OK, I do feel something about that, but it's mostly guilt that I haven't seen the man in almost two years even tho he lives a mere 20 miles away.

Who is it that you've gotten the news about?
post #4 of 12
I used to work with Cancer patients all the time and Eventually i'm affraid to say I got a little numb to the whole dyeing thing. When it got to the point that it seemed like I was fakeing It was time to get away from that job.
post #5 of 12
No. Tho I'm not sure that I would feel anything if my ex-husband was dying (feeling more for my son's reaction, then for the ex). DH and I always said we would go to the ex's funeral only for the sake of the kid's but we would not be sad the ex's were dead.

A better question would be "have you ever had someone dying and no matter what, you could not be there at the end?"

That happened to DH's brother - we were in Hawaii on our honeymoon; talked to him the day before. Next morning (Hawaii time) we got a call he was in the hospital with massive heart attack. We could not be home to be there in the very end and both of us were pretty upset. We got home the next day.
post #6 of 12
Originally Posted by theimp98 View Post
And no matter how hard you try, you just cant seem to feel anything about it?
I usually have some reaction, but its not always sadness. In one case, I was glad, in others relieved (if they had a long terminal illness). But usually I am sad at least for their family. I don't think I have the same view of death as a lot of people though, I don't understand the desperate grief that some people react with.

If you didn't really know someone while they were living, it doesn't seem odd to have no reaction that they're dying. If their going will be a positive thing for the people they affect, then maybe it is normal not to feel much.
post #7 of 12
Yes I lost my father to cancer when I was 17. I was with him when he died, I lost my Mother 2 1/2 years ago to dementia. my husband sat by his mother's bedside a year ago and watched her die, we just found out his father is dying of liver failure, the last few years have been very difficult for our family
post #8 of 12

Nothing to feel guilty about. The body has its own way of dealing with stress.

I loved my Dad very much! Yet when he died I didn't shed a single tear. It was many years later, something like 10 or 12 years, maybe even more, that I ended up bawling my eyes out over his death. It turns out that my body had shut itself down when my Dad died and I was incapable of feeling much of anything over it. However, years later I went to a funeral for an Uncle (my Dad's brother) whom I hadn't seen since I was a little kid. But he looked so much like my Dad that I just started to cry and couldn't stop. I had to leave the room and I spent the whole service in the ladies room bawling my eyes out ... for my Dad.

Sometimes it just takes time. So don't feel guilty because you don't have any real emotion attached to their death right now. It's your body's way of coping
post #9 of 12
I one of my past co-workers told several of us that her husband had lung cancer which had spread to other organs I wasn't sad. He had been an alcoholic, unemployed and while not mean she had a tougher life than she should have because of him To many of us-her friends, we knew that his death while sad for her in the long run let her enjoy her life. And this has come true-she met a wonderful, kind man and is leading the life she deserves.
post #10 of 12
Yes indeed. The way I see it, we can't help how we feel - that is the sum of our experiences with people. We have control over how we act, not how we feel.
post #11 of 12
Yes, but that feeling goes away in most cases. It's shock that won't let you accept it, feel it, embrace it.

My dad died when I was almost 14
My uncle just passed away this spring, cancer
My grandpa, illness
Two of my best friends lost a parent to illness my senior year

It's been something I've had to accept and learn to deal with. It's a very hard thing, but it's life. It always reminds me of how precious life really is.
post #12 of 12
No, but I expect it to happen eventually. If she ever dies; but I suspect her evil will keep her alive like it has the last 93 years.

Usually, I'm very affected when those I know die, even, like recently, if the death is a relief because a painful terminal illness.

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