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Im sick of the people in my house!

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
Im sorry if this post turns out to be too long or in the wrong spot, but i need to vent about this and possibly get some advice on what to do with this situation.

Let me start at the beginning when i first got Monster, my 7 mo old kitten.

Back in May, on Memorial day to be exact, this guy (who lives in the recovery home right next to my work) came in with this teeny tiny itty bitty kitten. it was love at first sight. i could tell the kitten was sick, he had a runny nose, runny eyes and was sneezing. they guy said that the kitten was one from a group that lives over there, and did not belong to him so i was welcome to take him if i wanted, and boy oh boy i wanted to take him home. bc i live with my boyfriend and his family, i had to call his mom and ask her. she was hellbent on not letting me bring him home, but i finally convinced her to let me. i called the humane society and asked them what to do with a kitten so young, i knew he was too young to eat solids. they explained everything and iwent home and got all the necessities. i got on the computer to do research on it and i learned alot about raising kittens. the next day i took him to the vet and got medicine for him, he had conjunctivitis and a URI. i weaned him at the appropriate time and litter trained him which, i thought was going to be way more difficult than it really was. he has since grown into a handsome young cat and i am so happy i gave him the oppprtunity to live a healthy life.

However, my happiness is dampened by the fact that even after 6 months of having him here, my boyfriends mom still talks about the fact that she orginally said NO to having a cat and that she still doesnt want him here. she is constantly blaming him for things that get destroyed in the house and even praises the dog when he barks/goes after the cat(has never "attacked him) and yells at anyone who tries to yell at the dog for it. im not going to lie, my cat has destroyed a couple plants, a blind in one of the windows, but i replaced the plants and the blind. he has broken a picture frame which i CANNOT replace, he ripped the jingle thing off of a christmas door hanger, which i sewed back in place. but alot of the things he gets blamed for like destroying a cherry wood side table, is something he didnt do. the table was just given to her (used) from her sister. it was in the living room for ONE day. i was constantly watching Monster bc i dont want him to get used to being on that table, knowing my bfs mom plans to put breakable things on it and i know he would get on there and break them. so i told EVERYONE that if they see him on the table to push him off and to be CONSISTANT with it and we all were. the next morning i wake up and she is telling me to go look at the table and its all scratched up. now there is NO WAY he did that. he just got neutered and they clipped his claws (back and front) really really short so he cant scratch ANYTHING. he was never on that table for more than 5 seconds, everytime he got on it we pushed him off right away. and he gets locked in my room with me at night.

but its not just the fact that she is constantly blaming things on the cat, its that she could care less what happens to him. SHE opened a window a while back and he got out and got lost and when my bf was freakin out on her for it she came back and said "well it aint my fault and it aint my cat i shouldnt have to worry about it". then she could care less if she lets him out via the back door when letting the dog out. she dont like the fact that the door always has to be closed(more in summer than in winter) bc the dog is used to being able to come and go as he pleases with the door being open. now with the holidays right around the corner, and our tree just being put up yesterday, im really worried bout how things are going to work out with the tree. he seems slightly into it, he hasnt really climbed it and it just got done yesterday. i had explained to her that i had read that tinsel is really bad if ingested by a cat, and this was before the tree was up. last night i came out of my room and the tree was all decorated and it looks great, and i was so0o happy that there wasnt any tinsel on the tree, i had thought she really took what i said into consideration. but then she said well i still have to get tinsel on there and i looked at her like ????? do u not care if my cat dies? also, tinsel is just going to attract him to the tree even more than he was orginally, and i know she doesnt want him destroying her tree. but she didnt even tie it up like i asked her to.

i am just getting so sick of always having to hear about Monster. yeah he is a little bad, but in all honesty i really dont know if he is acting like a "normal" kitten does or if he really has behavioral problems. i kno some things he does is not what most cats do, such as attacking hands and feet, but that is bc he was away from his mother too early. i have tried what i can to get him to stop that behavior but he insists on doing it, so when he starts, i just walk away. but i really dont think he is a "bad" cat i just think he is acting like a kitten will, and just so were on the right page, i make sure i explain to them that despite the fact that he looks like an adult cat(he weighs a whopping 10 lbs, but healthy according to the vet) that he is only 7 months old and kittens stay kittens up until they are a year old.

i am so frustrated by this, i didnt get a kitten so everyone can hate him. i love my baby to death and it really hurts my feelings when people say bad things about him and all. i just dont know what to do about this situation anymore its really overwhelming. i want to find an apartment so i wont have to worry about it anymore but i jsut cant afford one right now at all. so im not sure what to do...

sorry for this long and somewhat meaningless post but i had to say something as this was building up inside from not having anyone to discuss this with... THANKS!
post #2 of 11
I'm sorry you are in that position, but honestly, I don't think there really is much you can do except keep your cat confined to your room unless you are personally there to supervise where he is and what he's doing.

It is her house that you are living in and she can pretty much do what she wants and calls the shots. Keep saving up that money so you can move out on your own.
post #3 of 11
Thread Starter 
Yes, i understand that it is her house and she calls the shots but that doesnt mean she should act the way she does. i have tried confining him to the room during the day while im at work but he just sits there and cries and carries on until my bf or someone else lets him out. what im trying to say is, his behavior is not bad enough that i feel he needs to be confined anyway. she complains when he goes tearing thru the house like a madman, which i know most cats do that at some point in the day.

she doesnt understand the way he acts because she has only had ONE cat. his name was Mitch and he crossed over the bridge several years ago. he was indoor/outdoor and from what i understand she pretty much worshiped that cat. she never wanted another cat after that, but my bfs aunt and cousins moved in here with their cat Smokey, who unfortunately crossed the bridge a few months later bc he became an outdoor cat after moving in with us and the back door was always open for the dog, and he got hit by a car. she never complained about Smokey the way she does about Monster and it just kind of upsets me when she says things about him, like making jokes about when he got out that she was hoping he wouldnt come back... thats not cool
post #4 of 11
What I was trying to say is that she CAN act anyway she wants - whether she SHOULD or not isn't relevant. That doesn't make her right but it is her prerogative to behave as she wants. You are basically a "guest" in her house.

Other than confining the cat to your room, advising everyone to not let it out of your room no matter how much it cries, there isn't a lot you can do. It almost sounds as though she doesn't like you very much and is taking it out on your cat just to hurt you.

It seems like a bad situation for everyone, the kitten, you and your BF's mother who didn't (and doesn't) want the kitten there at all.
post #5 of 11
Yes, I would keep him confined to your room, if even just until the Christmas decoration are gone. As long as you love him up as often as possible while he's in there, he'll forgive you, and it's more cruel to let him get at things like tinsel, than it is to confine him. Tinsel WILL kill him if he eats it and if you can't afford surgery to remove it. I've seen it before. Yes, it is her house but people who have no regard for a life are horrible in my book. Even if she does hate him, to disregard his life and put him in harm's way is unforgivable. IMO. Ps. He IS a normal kitten. You should see the amounts of things my cats have destroyed (and still do, even as adults!)
post #6 of 11
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
What I was trying to say is that she CAN act anyway she wants - whether she SHOULD or not isn't relevant. That doesn't make her right but it is her prerogative to behave as she wants. You are basically a "guest" in her house.

Other than confining the cat to your room, advising everyone to not let it out of your room no matter how much it cries, there isn't a lot you can do. It almost sounds as though she doesn't like you very much and is taking it out on your cat just to hurt you.

It seems like a bad situation for everyone, the kitten, you and your BF's mother who didn't (and doesn't) want the kitten there at all.
Im really trying to explain things the way i see it thru my eyes everyday. i dont think her problem is with me, i have lived here for 4 years exactly and we have never had an argument or anything. you are right, she has every right to act the way she wants. but i just dont see what her problem is with the cat, yes i understand she didnt want him to begin with, but when i asked her if i can bring him home, she initially said no, but then changed her mind and said ill think about it, then before i left work i called to find out if she came to a decision and she said yes, bring him home. so if she felt that strong about not wanting a cat, she should have told me NO and stuck with that choice. but that is irrelevant. he doesnt rip up carpet or furniture, he has NEVER peed/pooped ANYWHERE other than his litterbox, and if that was the case, i could understand her hate of my kitten. other than that i dont understand WHY she hates him so much. and it hurts me to know that. i will try to keep him in the room
post #7 of 11
This is just an thought, but it could be that she resents another cat being in her house since Mitch has crossed the bridge. The other cat that was brought in became an outdoor cat that died soon after. It sounds like she doesn't want to have anything to do with another cat, regardless of who it is or it's personality. Sometimes it's hard for a person to accept another cat after the one they loved has died. Maybe sit down and talk to her about that...find out if that is the problem.

That aside, Monster if being a normal kitten. Even the attacking feet and hands thing is normal (and very annoying!). From what you said, he growing up very heathly and very well adjusted. Kittens have a lot of energy to burn. The best way I've found to wear them out is a laser pointer. Maybe you can get one and play with her in the mornings so she sleeps while you're at work.
post #8 of 11
Not sure of your circumstances of why you have been living with your bf's parents for so long, but it is her house, she makes the rules.

If you don't want your cat blamed for anything anymore, then you have the choice of either (1) rehoming him, (2) keeping him confined when you are not there to supervise, or (3) move out to your own place.

Our BIL is staying with us for the next 6-7 months - we have written rules (that he agreed to and signed) about what we expect and what is and is not allowed in our house. If he has a problem with them, they can be discussed but its more or less - you go by our rules or you find another place to live.

Too many times, problems occur without stuff in writing and people get mad/upset. Anytime you have a long-term arrangement of staying with a person (and sometimes even a short term one) its far better to spell out the rules and expectations in writing so there are no misunderstandings later on.
post #9 of 11
I think you aren't going to like this but it seems to me from your first post that she made it clear from the start that she didn't want the cat. You talked her into something she didn't want to do. I don't find it surprising that she is being uncooperative now.

Sorry, but that's the way I see it...
post #10 of 11
Thread Starter 
everyone here has good points and yes as i said before this is her house and i understand that she is going to do what she wants, period. but i never PUSHED her to let me get him. i had always wanted my own cat, dont ask me why, i was never allowed to have one growing up bc my mom is allergic. i had asked her several times in the past to let me get a cat and she had always said no, and then closer to the time i got Monster, she had started saying well if YOU take care of it yada yada. when Monster came into the picture i had asked her she initially said no, then reconsidered and said call me before you leave work and i will let you know. i called and she said to bring him home, and had no problem up until he started getting a little older and was in everything and doing crazy things. dont get me wrrong i absolutely LOVE this woman bc she has done so much for me. she took me in when i was 16 and had nowhere to live. that was right before christmas and she went out of her way to buy me gifts so i would have something to open christmas morning with everyone else. i am not trying to sound ungrateful or that i dont appreciate her for everything she has done for me. it just that she talks about wanting him to DIE and while she is saying it she makes it seem like she is joking but i know she really isnt.
post #11 of 11
You know, I don't think this has anything to do with the cat. It sounds like the cat is just a symptom of other stuff going on.

Have you sat down and had a long heart to heart talk with her about how you are feeling? If not I would suggest doing just that. Because it sounds like she has some issues with you, or the living situation or something, that is manefesting itself into passive aggressive behaviour towards both you and the cat.

When you talk to her don't be confrontational. Don't use statements such as "why do you..." or start any sentence with the word "you" when you are wanting to point out something she does. Those types of statements are confrontational and place blame.

Instead using things like "I feel very hurt when you say that you wish Monster was dead" or "I sense that you are unhappy about me living here." Those are qualitative statements that don't place blame but instead validate your feelings to certain actions on her part, without placing direct blame on her.

It really does sound like she has some major issues about something to do with you and she is using the cat and your feelings towards it, as a means to get to you for whatever reason.

Best to sit down with her and have a good long talk and find out what the issue really is, because I can pretty much promise you that it's not the cat.
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