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Got married, do I take the cat?

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
Hello everyone. I am in a situation right now and trying to get a little insight on the best thing to do. Here is the situation:

I have had my cat, Abbey (gray/white/blk tabbey), for about 5 years since she was a kitten. All 5 of the years I was living at my parents house and that is where Abbey has grown up (indoor cat only). She follows me around everywhere I go in the house and sleeps with me at night. There is also a full bread Himalayan cat in the house and a lahsa apso dog as well, these 2 really keep to themselves and dont associate with Abbey too much. However, my sister got a cat about a year ago, Mojo. He was a black kitten, who is now a very pretty, active cat.

Mojo and Abbey are not extremly close, but you will find them laying with each other every now and then and they clean each other. Mojo like to play alot and Abbey hates that. He chases her around while she runs and hisses at him and hides under things away from him.

I just got married August 4th and moved out of my parents house on July 25th. I am trying to get settled in the house before I brought Abbey over. I just went out and bought all brand new cat stuff for her yesterday, to bring her to the new place this weekend. Here is my question:

I want to do what is best for Abbey. Naturally, I want to take her with me to my new place, my wife and I LOVE Abbey. However, because I love her, I want to do what is in her best interest, not mine.

Therefore, would Abbey be better off if I took her to our new apartment and she lived with my wife and myself. We have no other pets, so she would get all of the attention. However, while we are at work she would be left by herself with no other pets around.

OR... Would she be better off with my parents? There she has the company of the 2 other cats and the dog, while nobody is home. Plus, since that is her "home" would she be better off? My parents LOVE her. They are torn about the possibility of her leaving. They spoil her with attention and even spoil her with table food every now and then. I know Abbey would be extremly taken care of and spoiled with my parents. Plus, I have already been away from home a month and a half, so she maybe starting to get used to the fact that I am not around much any more. I see her about 2-3 times a week when I go see my parents.

Any ideas? Comments? Suggestions?

Thanks for all of your help and insight.
post #2 of 27
Tough decision, but knowing how cats like things to stay the same, I would leave her with your parents.
You can always visit her as often as you like.
post #3 of 27
I agree it is a tough decision. Although she may relish in all the attention and possibly become a new cat without the other ones around.

Why don't you bring her over for a week or weekend? See how she reacts. If its horrible or good, then you know you're decision.
post #4 of 27
CAts dont like to be moved it can be tromatic for them so she is best left at your parents like the other poster said you can visit her when ever you like
post #5 of 27
I say bring Abbey to live with you guys. She'd probably love being with you again, and being away from somebody who chases her all of the time. You could always get another cat to keep her company if you feel that she isn't happy alone during the day, but my guess is she'll probably sleep all day until you get home and play with her.

You're so lucky to have such great parents though! Good luck with whatever you decide!
post #6 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrouchingCheese View Post
I say bring Abbey to live with you guys. She'd probably love being with you again, and being away from somebody who chases her all of the time. You could always get another cat to keep her company if you feel that she isn't happy alone during the day, but my guess is she'll probably sleep all day until you get home and play with her.

You're so lucky to have such great parents though! Good luck with whatever you decide!


I would take her with you.
post #7 of 27
I would take her, I think she would enjoy having the place to herself especially if she gets chased and isn't particularly close with any of the other pets. I know I have one cat that would be in heaven if she had that option!!! She doesn't so much care for the other cats, good luck in whatever you do decide
post #8 of 27
It really sounds like Abbey is happy where she is. What if you left her there, and adopted a new kitty that doesn't already have the nice loving home that Abbey has? You'd still get to see Abbey, and you'd know that she's happy and well taken care of. But at the same time another deserving kitty would get the chance to have a forever home aswell.
post #9 of 27
Does she seem happy there with out you? Yes, moving a cat to a new home can be stressful for the cat but so can separation anxiety and it sounds from your post as though she is VERY attached to you. Plus, you mention she's more of a loaner in your parents home and the one cat she does spend time with seems to annoy her too. I personally think she could be VERY happy as a single cat living with you and your wife. I say try Jenney's idea of bringing her over for a weekend to see how she takes to it. If you do decide to do that you should also bring some of her toys and beds/blankets from your parents so she has familiar smells in the new home.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lunasmom View Post
I agree it is a tough decision. Although she may relish in all the attention and possibly become a new cat without the other ones around.

Why don't you bring her over for a week or weekend? See how she reacts. If its horrible or good, then you know you're decision.
post #10 of 27
Why don't you ask Abbey what she wants?
post #11 of 27
Take her with you, she will soon settle down and you know she will get lots of attention from yourself and your wife Like the other person said, you could always get another cat to keep her company too!

I for one would deffinitely take my cat Alfie with me, i'm at my other halfs for the weekend now and I wish i could have brought him here with me haha
post #12 of 27
IMO I'd take Abby with you and see how she does for about 6 months or so - give her time to adjust to things. Five yrs old is not so bad in making a change.

I took Mitten with me when I got married cause he was so attached to me. Mitten was an exception - you could take him ANYWHERE and it didn't phase him.

If Abby seems unable to adjust to things or doesn't like the new place, then you could take her back to your parents.
post #13 of 27
That's a tough one, alright. I think the others have given good advice, and I agree w/ ALL of them! They all have valid points....

If it were me, I'd take Abbey to the new home, and see how she likes it and adjusts. If she's not happy there, you can always take back to your parents, where you know she'd be treated well & loved, and you'd still have "visitation rights." And if it doesn't work out well at the new place, there is always an orphaned kitty that needs a good home. It won't replace Abbey, but you'd still have the best of both worlds.

I hope it all works out well!

KittKatt
post #14 of 27
How well adjusted is Abbey in general? If you feel that she doesn't have any serious hang ups, I believe you should take her with you. Remember though, pay extra attention to her since you and your wife will be her only companions.

I left my cat (who was not so well adjusted) with my Mom when I moved out of state in 1983. I still feel like I abandoned him. He was well taken care of, but I was the closest to him. If I had to do it over again I would have taken Lancelot with me.
post #15 of 27
Wow- first off, i applaud you being a responsible owner and trying to do what is in your cat's best interest. You are facing a really tough decision, so i feel for you.

If it helps- i was actually in your shoes a few months ago when I was deciding whether it would be in my cats best interest to move them into my fiance's hosue with me (i was already there) or to leave them with my mom. After a LOT of worrying and praying the decision we made was for me to take 3 of my 4 cats and to leave behind my dog and rabbit. The reason i took three of them- is that those three were exceptionally bonded to me and i knew they would adjust well, be ok. I was right They have done nothing but love it over here! They're soo much happier- they have a lot more room and space here too so that helps.

I left behind my three other animals because those were the three (Ginger- my 12 yr old wolf mix), Sophie- my rabbit, and Abilene-my feral dsh. I took Abilene in when she was a baby- she is a wild little thing even now- but has come a long long way. she does not adjust well to change and i knew that moving her would probably be the most cruel thing i could do to the poor little thing since she freaks out at change. She is very close to my mom and Ginger (wolf mix) so it was really in the best of her to leave her in the loving home of my mom. My mom was also VERY attached to her so i think it was the best decision. There is no way i was going to take Ginger- 12 yr old wolf mix. As Colin and I have two other dogs -both are very high energy and would have driven her nuts. Ginger sleeps with my mom every single night and is like my mom's shadow- my mom would have absolutely grieved to death if i took her and Ginger would have too...so there wasn't even a thought about taking her out of her home with my mom and moving her- i knew leaving her was the best option. The same goes for Sophie, my rabbit. I was actually going to move her in with us but my mom asked me not to take her as she was really bonded to her. So out of respect to my mom's request, i left Sophie with my mom because my mom wanted to keep her there. Sophie is also pretty bonded to Abilene- they sleep together and run around the house with each other- so i think it was in their best interest that i left those three there and i took my other three kitties with me since they were most bonded with me.

I would definitely take the time to consider who your kitty is the most bonded with. If your kitty is the most bonded with you- you need to take her with you and make the adjustment as easily as possible (take her favorite old beds from home with her and her toys that have all of her favorite scents on them -it'll make the transistion easier). I was worried about how my three would do being brought into a new home (i already had two dogs and another kitten over here at the time so i was also worried about them all getting along well/etc) But you know- i was worried over nothing- they've done nothing but wonderful since i brought them here! So sometimes that hard decision can definitely be a good one. Good luck whatever you decide!

Also- is it possible you could take her in with you for a month or so and see if she adjusts well/etc....if not could you take her back to your parent's home?
post #16 of 27
Thread Starter 
Well everyone, I appreciate all of your input. Here are a few more things to consider.

I think Abbey would be able to adjust. She is extremly laid back and I dont think she would have too big of a problem. I do worry about her lack of companionship. My parents are home alot more then my wife and I, and when my parents are not home, there are other pets in the house.

I am really torn between the decision, because when it comes down to it, I just want what is best in the cats interest, I can adapt. Its not like I am getting rid of her, she is just a short 5 min drive away.

The other issue I have thought about is Mojo. Though, Abbey may not be that attached to Mojo, Mojo is very attached to Abbey. Not to mention my sister has moved out to go to college, so Mojo's "owner" is no longer in the house. At the same time of taking Abbey's interest to heart, I also have to think about how Mojo would be effected by Abbey leaving. He loves having Abbey arround, and even if Abbey isnt always in the playful mood and hisses at him, he constantly shows her attention.

I think I am going to take everybodies advice and I am going to pick her up tonight from my parents. My wife and I have no plans this weekend and can smother her with attention. Over the next week or 2, we will watch the behavior of both cats, and if there is any change, then we will take Abbey back.

Thank you again for all of your input. Its a tought decision, thats for sure.
post #17 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by johnclopton View Post
Well everyone, I appreciate all of your input. Here are a few more things to consider.

I think Abbey would be able to adjust. She is extremly laid back and I dont think she would have too big of a problem. I do worry about her lack of companionship. My parents are home alot more then my wife and I, and when my parents are not home, there are other pets in the house.

I am really torn between the decision, because when it comes down to it, I just want what is best in the cats interest, I can adapt. Its not like I am getting rid of her, she is just a short 5 min drive away.

The other issue I have thought about is Mojo. Though, Abbey may not be that attached to Mojo, Mojo is very attached to Abbey. Not to mention my sister has moved out to go to college, so Mojo's "owner" is no longer in the house. At the same time of taking Abbey's interest to heart, I also have to think about how Mojo would be effected by Abbey leaving. He loves having Abbey arround, and even if Abbey isnt always in the playful mood and hisses at him, he constantly shows her attention.

I think I am going to take everybodies advice and I am going to pick her up tonight from my parents. My wife and I have no plans this weekend and can smother her with attention. Over the next week or 2, we will watch the behavior of both cats, and if there is any change, then we will take Abbey back.

Thank you again for all of your input. Its a tought decision, thats for sure.
Keep us posted on how she's doing. Also if you have any questions about this whole process let us know, because we can help.

and that it all works out for her and for you.
post #18 of 27
Since your sister has gone away would it be possible for you to take Mojo in too? I know that may be asking a lot but I also understand the conncetion they share even if it may be one-sided. While Frankie would probably be unphased if she were to become a single cat again, Wickett absolutly adores Frankie and would be lost with out her.
post #19 of 27
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by twstychik View Post
Since your sister has gone away would it be possible for you to take Mojo in too? I know that may be asking a lot but I also understand the conncetion they share even if it may be one-sided. While Frankie would probably be unphased if she were to become a single cat again, Wickett absolutly adores Frankie and would be lost with out her.

I tried!! Because I would love to take Mojo!! He is a great cat. However, my mom is extremly attached to him and wont let him go. Abbey and Mojo are like my moms own kids. The only reason she remotely even is considering letting me take Abbey is because she is my cat, she wont let me take Mojo. Especially, since now that I am married and my younger sister has gone to college, all her kids no longer live at home. The cats are her kids now. :/
post #20 of 27
I would take her with you See how she adjusts(which I bet she will adjust just fine) and if for some reason she just doesnt seem to do well, couldnt you always take her back to your parents?

Best of luck in whatever you decide.
post #21 of 27
I agree that if she is so attached to you that you should take her. And rescue an older not as playful cat to be her companion while you all are at work. And as for the Mojo issue, maybe you should just get your mom a new kitten. Well only if they are up to it of course!
When we moved all 3 of ours adjusted no problem at all. They made themselves at home in under a weekend! But there was no option of leaving them where we were, and we believe there was crap going on while my mom and I werent home.
Good luck with whatever you end up doing!
post #22 of 27
TAKE THE CAT WITH YOU!! She's obviously very attached to you and would wonder where you went and why you didn't take her with you. I moved from NY to Vegas and then to Florida and took ALL of my "kids" with me. There was no way anyone was going to be left behind.
post #23 of 27
I originally left my Siamese behind when I moved out because she had been living with my mom and her Siamese for about ten years (along with me) - I figured she deserved to stay in an environment she was used to, even though it tore me up to leave her behind. She started hiding under furniture and was very depressed. Whenever I would go visit, she was very clingy. I had adopted a preggo stray, and I'd bring her over with her son to play in the cat-fenced backyard. The night Sam got in my cats' carrier and wouldn't budge when it was time for us to go home, I decided to take her home with me - she rode in my lap, got into the new place, took her place on the bed, and never looked back. She never really liked the new cats, but she was ecstatic to be with me. I have never had a cat bond to me like that, and I think a lot of cats can do just fine even if "their" humans leave them (and I have had plenty of cats like this), but some cats bond very tightly with certain people and just won't do okay without them. If your cat is going to be depressed at your departure, please take her.
post #24 of 27
Chances are she'd be happier at your parents. Afterall, her 'friends' are there, she has the run of a whole house as opposed to a much smaller apartment plus she would be by herself all day while you two worked. You could try taking her with but I would bet money she would much prefer the only home she's only known as opposed to new digs.
post #25 of 27
It sounds to me a bit like bbey is being harassed by poor Mojo, and while she likes him a bit, she doesn't like his kittenish antics. My Tom is like that, and I have found out since I've had him that he really would have done a LOT better as an only kitty, or with an older, sedate companion. If Abbey stays away from the other dog and cat in your parent's household, chances are she's not terribly fond of them....

My opinion is that if Abbey really loves you, and you and your wife adore her, that you ought to take her with you. If it turns out she is terribly uncomfortable in your new apartment, after a few weeks of not settling in and enjoying things, you could return her to your parents' house.

If you DO decide to take her with you, PLEASE get some of your blankets/rugs/whatever from your house and some from your parents' house that they won't mind missing for a week or a few, and have them on the floor/beds/wherever at home where Abbey is for at least a few days, if not longer, and when ready to bring Abbey home, lay them about in places she is most likely to stay, so she has the comfort of home with her.

With your new cat toys and such? Don't spring them all on her at once.... keep a few in hiding at your house and/or move some smaller ones to your parent's house to absorb the smells. Get soem of your parents' clothing, dirty laundry, whatever, and put them on your furniture when you're not sitting on it, use her familiar food dishes for a while and slowly transition her to the new ones once she's settled in... that sort of thing.

But some feliway, I believe it's effective for 80% of cats--so it's likely it will work for her, and it will help calm her down.. you can spray it on things with new smells or get one of the plug-ins to disperse the scent throughout your rooms. It'll make things feel more "homey."

Extra litterboxes are a must, and confining her to a smaller room to make sure she feels secure at first will be helpful.

Just remember, moving is a big thing for cats..and if you're already unsure about whether she belongs with you (I'm not! ) you are more apt to worry and act abnormally during the moving process, and overreact to her reaction about moving. She's going to be nervous and scared, and it'll last for a while, but I'm sure she'll quickly get over it if you try to make things as smooth as possible.

No matter what you choose to do--good luck, and I hope you and your wife have a great time and will always be blessed enough to share your life with kitties.
post #26 of 27
That is a very tough decision. You have to ask yourself a few questions:
Is she happy where she is?
Will she be in a similar circumstance where you're moving?
Will it be a harmonious home for her (if a new spouse isn't ready to share you with a cat, that's not harmonious)?
Will moving cause her a lot of stress?
If you leave her can you insure that she'll still receive good care? Are you willing to make the effort to get her that care?


We had to do this. We just couldn't pull up stakes and move Molly when DH moved out of his dad's house. She was almost 10 years old and would have been going from a large ranch house in a big suburban lot to a small city flat where she would have to stay inside (no nice deck to sit out on).

We do still insure that she gets vet care, good food and lots of lovin' and we see her whenever we can. My FIL loves her and she's as much his cat as ours now.
post #27 of 27
Johnclopton, How is Abbey doing?
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