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I'm so worried...

post #1 of 33
Thread Starter 
My daughter-in-law, Sam, called this morning. Mark has run out, on her and nobody knows why.

The first hint, that I had, was Christmas Day. Sam called, to ask if I had seen or heard from Mark. He hasn't been home, since Dec. 20. He showed up, here, that evening and told me that they were going to work it out. I talked to him, New Year's Day and he said that things were OK.

Sam says that there's some stuff, that she's leaving for him to tell me. I asked if he was on drugs, again and she said, "HE needs to talk to to you about that." I'm taking that as a "yes".

They've been evicted, from their rental and she's moved back to her parents' so, she'll be safe.

He's been doing, so well, for the past three years: working, clean and sober. I don't know if the prospect of being the father of twins is overwhelming him or, if he's just being a butthead. His father walked out, a week before Mark was born and I don't want to see history repeating itself.

Whatever happens, Sam has my support. She doesn't deserve this. She has another ultrasound scheduled, in two weeks and we should find out the sex of the second twin. She asked me to be there. I'm glad that she isn't blaming me, for Mark's misbehavior.

I'm worried about Mark. I don't want to see him messed up or dead. He's hanging out with his old druggie friends. I'm torn between telling him off and slapping him up along side of the head. He KNOWS what its like, growing up without a father. You'd think that he wouldn't want to do that, to his own kids.

Just when you think they're OK, these darned kids get themselves messed up, again. I just had to get this out.
post #2 of 33

I just don't know what to say, and anything I say will probably be really inadequate. So, I'm sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts, in hopes things work out well.

post #3 of 33
Cindy that just sucks for everyone involved. I hope that Mark figures out what's important - his WIFE and CHILDREN! - before they are born.

I'm sending my positive energy down to AZ in hopes that SOMETHING can get through to him.
post #4 of 33
I'm at a loss for words as well. What a tough situation for you to be in, Cindy. I hope that Mark gets in touch soon and let's you both know he's ok.
post #5 of 33
My heart goes out to Sam, but she is very lucky to have a mother in law who will stand by her all the way. I commend you for that Cindy. I hope that Mark will come to his senses and realises what is important, but Sam needs to focus on herself and having you with her all the way will be soooo important to her. Big hugs going your way from me and Sam, the twins, Mark and you are all in my thoughts!
post #6 of 33

So sorry to hear this. Drugs have a way of putting a hold on people that sometimes not even the strongest love can break. I wish you the best as you work through this.
post #7 of 33
Thread Starter 
Thanks, everyone. This is one of those times when, if I'd known 30 years ago, what I know now - I think I'd have had kittens, instead of kids. They don't give you nearly the grief, they're cheaper to feed and you don't have to buy shoes for them!
post #8 of 33
Cindy, I don't know what to say. Sending positive thoughts that Mark comes to his senses, soon. And positive energy to you and Sam as you deal with this.
post #9 of 33
Cindy....**HUGS** I wish we lived closer and I could come over and give you a big hug...I am so very sorry this has happened, and my thoughts and prayers are with you tonight, and with Sam. I am so glad she still feels she can turn to you for comfort and help! I hope Mark will realize what he is doing and will stop! Keep us posted, please!!!
post #10 of 33
Cindy, big hugs coming from my way too. What a confusing time for all of you. I think that as long as she has you for support, she'll be fine. I'm also glad she doesn't resent you for your son's problems, THAT shows maturity on her part. Now that boy will someday come around, but not until he hits rock bottom. She may not see him for some time and needs your unconditional love in this time of need.

TWINS! *sigh*
post #11 of 33
You're in my prayers, too.
post #12 of 33
I'm sorry to hear this.

Drugs have a strange way of altering people, perhaps he needs to get professional help now. I hope he finds the way back to his wife and twins before they enter this world.
post #13 of 33
Ah Cindy Mate I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time and Sam as well!!! Sending you lot's of positive thoughts that things will work out okay! I also don't know what to say other than we are all here for you mate.
post #14 of 33
I am so sorry to hear about this. My heart goes out to you and your family throughout this difficult time.

post #15 of 33
I hope everything will turn out ok for your son & Sam, and you! Maybe he just went somewhere to think things out?
post #16 of 33
I hope everything turns out okay, I know how worrying it is.

My uncle disappeared for a week, we were frantic with worry. He just had to clear his head and turned up safe and well.
post #17 of 33

You are doing everything right. You know what is right and being nonjudgementaL with Sam. Your son, if involved with drugs needs to know you and his wife have bonderies. No matter what you say or do to him it is his journey. He will have to do what he has to do. Just like you, and everybody else on this planet. It is very common for anyone to fall off the wagon. Three years isnt much. They usualy speak of 5-10 years then you can actualy speak of being in recovery. Recovery is a life long issue, work it daileysometimes hourerly.
Learned behaviors can be tricky, yes he knows what it's like to be without a dad, as painful as it is. He may struggle with not knowing the modeling steps to be a dad. Example. You have seen people dance, but not sure of the exact steps to go along with it. Drug addiction has grabbed the person for various reasons. It dosnt have alot to do with you, it has more to do with your son's coping skills.
I hope you and your daugther inlaw look into a support group. like AA or alnon. Get the support so you wont buy into his unhealthy behavior. And understand that you are powerless over the drugs. He has to hit bottem before he can rise. Hard to see your kid do that but that is the painful reality of parenting.
As we say in program...Let go let God.

Thank you for trusting us, with your life. Always through safety nets. Speak to all no atter how painful or embarrising. You will always find support.

post #18 of 33
Cindy, you, Sam, Mark and the twins are all in my prayers. I hope that he can straighten out and be what those kids will need him to be!
post #19 of 33
Cindy -

I am so sorry to hear about what your son is doing. I am praying for you, Sam, your son, and their children. It is so great that you are standing by Sam right now. I hope Mark can break free of whatever is holding him back from being the husband, son, and father he needs to be.
post #20 of 33
Cindy, I've been so wrapped up in my own kitty problems lately that I'm just now catching up on everything else going on.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm keeping you all in my prayers.

It sure sounds like you have a wonderful daughter-in-law, and with your love and support and hers, when Mark comes home (I'm NOT saying "IF"!!!!) I'm sure that the love from both of you will help him get the help and support he needs to kick this problem. He did it before, he can do it again.

The problem is getting him home. The shame sometimes compounds the problem, as I'm sure you well know.

You poor, poor thing. You must be worried sick.

All I can offer is prayers and cyberhugs. You are a wonderful, wonderful woman, and we're here for you.

post #21 of 33
Cindy, prayers and positive thoughts headed your way.
post #22 of 33
Thread Starter 
Bill's a big help. His son is messed up, too - doping and dealing. Since Bill refuses to give Greg any money and threw him out, three years ago, Greg has cut off all contact.

Greg was growing peyote, in Bill's yard. We've worked too hard, to get and keep our home and we're not going to lose it, because of someone else's screwups.

Mark is NOT getting money, for his birthday. I won't help him kill himself. He's maintaining a low profile - he knows what he'll hear from me. Face-to-face, I can always tell when he's lying.

I wonder if Mark will show up for the ultrasound. Bill wants to go, too. He's decided that, if he's in love with a grandma, that makes him a grandpa. He's been checking out tricycles and battery-powered cars and motorcycles. We may have a problem, with him.

Excuse my rambling but, this situation, with Mark, has me a bit frazzled. Thanks, for listening.
post #23 of 33
Cindy, Bill is so wonderful! I'm so thankful you have him to help you through this. He'll make a GREAT grandpa. And that's just what they're there for - to spoil the grandkids. Sounds like he's going to do a good job of it!

post #24 of 33
Cindy, I hope Mark shows up for the ultrasound. It sounds like you have an incredible guy by your side, who is ready to be a grandpa. You may need to restrain him in toy stores. I hope everything works out for you and your family.
post #25 of 33
Cindy, you might have provided an update somewhere, but I missed it. I have a habit of reopening old sores, so if you've brought us up to date and this is "rubbing salt in a wound," I am SO, SO sorry. !!!!!!!!!! But I've been worrying about Mark and wondering...... I've kept Mark, you and the whole family in my prayers.

I so hope there's good news - or - even just news.

post #26 of 33
Thread Starter 
Thanks, Laurie. I haven't talked to Mark, since New Year's Day. Bill and I are going to Sam's ultrasound, tomorrow. We don't know if Mark will be there or not.

If not for upsetting Sam, I'd probably tell him off.

I'll let everyone know how the ultrasound turns out.
post #27 of 33
...but does this mean he has turned up, and you know where he is? (Or at least that he is safe?) ...Or have you still not heard from him? (Look of deep concern remains on my face.....)
post #28 of 33
Thread Starter 
As far as I know, he's staying with a druggie friend and still working. If Sam had found out anything else, she would have let me know.
post #29 of 33
What a relief! I know that's not happy news, but at least he's both alive and safe. AND still working!! One step at a time. Continuing to work is a GOOD thing!!!!!

post #30 of 33
Cindy, my thoughts are with you!!! I really hope Mark shows up for the ultrasound! That is such an important thing for the father to experience as well as the mother! I hope he comes to his senses soon!!! My prayers are with your family! Keep us posted! I may not be around for a few days but will check in when I am online next to see how the ultrasound went and if there is anymore news of how things are going with Mark!
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