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Did you guys ever notice that...........

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
When you're single people constantly ask 'why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?' There is obviously something wrong with you if you don't

When you're in a relationship 'why aren't you guys getting married?' 'We want a day out' etc etc.

When you get married 'when are you going to have a baby?'

I could go on. I'm in the relationship category at the moment and I actually had to speak to a girlfriend of mine to get her to stop the rest of our friends from putting so much pressure on us!!! Why are other people so concerned with our lives generally?
post #2 of 19
I think a lot of people cannot imagine how someone can be happy unless they are in a relationship that is evolving through the "normal" sequence of dating-engagement-marriage-babies...

Personally, I don't think you can be truly happy in a relationship unless you can be happy by yourself.

Also, it's not like not having a boyfriend/girlfriend means that you're all alone. Usually, single people still have friends, families, co-workers, etc. Why should a romantic relationship be the only measure of happiness?
post #3 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie-p View Post
I think a lot of people cannot imagine how someone can be happy unless they are in a relationship that is evolving through the "normal" sequence of dating-engagement-marriage-babies...

Personally, I don't think you can be truly happy in a relationship unless you can be happy by yourself.

Also, it's not like not having a boyfriend/girlfriend means that you're all alone. Usually, single people still have friends, families, co-workers, etc. Why should a romantic relationship be the only measure of happiness?
I couldn't have said it better myself. It's like there is this mindset that this is the done thing so therefore of course you want all that stuff. I was happily single until the age of 26 (no serious relationships before then) and I was made to feel as if there was something wrong with me because I hadn't met anyone I wanted to commit to. I was a very happy single person! Now I'm still very happy but I happen to be sharing my life with someone without feeling the need to marry them or have babies at this moment in time. People need to butt out!!
post #4 of 19
Sometimes I just think people are nosey by nature! I mean look at how people just eat gossip right up ya know?

I'm at the married but no babies stage. I've pretty much let everyone know the plan is 2010 and not before or we will let you know....the 'don't call us we'll call you' attitude worked there for me. Most of the time anyway.

Oh, my friend who just had a baby 6 months ago has everyone wanting to know when they are going to have the next one. Actually she told me that like in June, so the baby was like 4 1/2 months old at the time!
post #5 of 19
I'm 34 and I get people asking me why I'm not married with babies by now. That there must be 'something wrong' with me (you can read into that all you want... they have). I assure anyone who bugs me about it that there's nothing wrong with me. I just have standards (didn't say HIGH standards, just standards) and it seems like the older I get, the worse the guys are. I'm a perfectly normal (ouch... I hate thinking I'm normal, but in terms of this stuff, I am) 34 year old female who just so happens to not follow the societal norms by marrying the first guy that looks good and adding to the overpopulation of the world (you can PM me if you don't like that opinion... but it's just my view, got it?). I refuse to settle for 'whatever looks good' like some are at my age. I've unplugged the biological clock and am doing my darndest to enjoy my life. I do what I want, and I'm happy that way.

That said, I wouldn't mind getting married someday... to the right guy. My match. My other half. Have i met him yet? I don't think so... Am I worried I'll never meet him? Not really. Do I want kids? My answer to that is "my own? not particularly, but if my future hubby wants a child and I'm not 40 yet, maybe I'll have one" I'm not hunting for a mate... I'm enjoying my life and he'll show up when he d*** well feels like it.

I would, however consider adopting a kid or two... once I'm financially comfortable. Whether I'm married or not. There are thousands and thousands of kids out there who need stable homes... I would be willing to do that.

I don't need the "white picket fence, minivan (which i hate), and 2.5 kids" to feel complete. I am a whole person unto myself. People around me have issues with my attitude... well, tough. Go cry to someone who agrees with you.

A.
post #6 of 19
I'm 22 and single. People do ask me why I don't have a boyfriend sometimes. Seriously what are you supposed to say when they ask something like that? I mean.. I wouldn't mind having one but I am happy being single too.

I don't understand the people that are only happy when they are in a relationship.
post #7 of 19
I'm a guy, 31, and single. A lot of my friends are married, have houses, and have kids. I'm no where near ready for that stuff. I certainly want to get married and settle down one day, but I'm in absolutely no rush. For now my Kitty is the love of my life.
post #8 of 19
I'm at the married, no kids stage. I got married late (35 yrs old) so I had ALL the "who are you dating, when will me meet him, when are you getting married" questions. I took care of that by moving to Guam when I was 29 to be with a guy I met online. That took care of most questions....except from my mom. Then, she wanted him to make an honest woman out of me.

Actually, he was a really good guy, and I can't say I regret the experience. I lived there for 4 years, but we finally realized we had grown apart and went our seperate ways.

I ended up marrying a guy I have been friends with for...at that time...over ten years! He has been my best friend through everything!

Now, when people ask "when are you having kids?", our answer is "if it happens, wonderful. If not, we're happy with each other." We're not doing anything to prevent it, but not trying either. When we give them that answer they really don't know what to say.
post #9 of 19
Quote:
I'm 34 and I get people asking me why I'm not married with babies by now.
Try being in your mid-forties, never married, no children. People don't ask anymore they just assume that you are a little odd..

I have people my age asking if I want to see pictures of their grand babies.

I am happy with things the way they are and to me that is far more important then any one else opinion on my life.
post #10 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catnip View Post
When you're single people constantly ask 'why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?' There is obviously something wrong with you if you don't

When you're in a relationship 'why aren't you guys getting married?' 'We want a day out' etc etc.

When you get married 'when are you going to have a baby?'

I could go on. Why are other people so concerned with our lives generally?
These are just normal questions that come from society norms. No big deal. Some people have nothing better to ask, don't think, or find them good conversation starters or something.
We are married without kids presently, so I figure naturally people will ask us when/if we are going to have children.
Don't be offended (if you are) by natural and normal curiousity or concern about you from others.
post #11 of 19
ugh I remember those days. IMO the worse was when you went to that stage of "Oh the boys will be chasing her soon" to NOTHING, NO COMMENTS is just bad. I felt ugly then.

However before B and I met when I would get that question and I felt like being "smart" about it, I would reply, "Because no man can handle me." or "I'm too crazy to try and be sane for a relationship". It would at least get some good laughs and people would change the subject.
post #12 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by cococat View Post
Don't be offended (if you are) by natural and normal curiousity or concern about you from others.
I don't take offense at those people... I get the whole societal norm thing... I took psychology and sociology courses in college... I get it, really.

it's the jack***es who think it's their mission in life to help me find a man. I had a boss like this... chauvinistic pig that he was... and trust me, I'm being nice describing him that way... I've also had friends who nudge me at conventions and such with "hey, so-and-so's kinda cute. what about him. you two would be good together"

I usually punch those friends in the arm... and tell them to leave me alone.

A.
post #13 of 19
I used to get those questions but now I get to hear my sister talking about how I am never getting married again and never dating again and how I should just rent an apartment.
post #14 of 19
OH, YEAH. And they do it because basically their own lives are a mess, and they won't/can't/don't do anything about that. It's far easier to be hypercritical about someone else and it amounts to bullying. I've learned that what's important to me is how comfortable I feel with living my life, and whatever anyone else wants to say or think is their business, but I sure don't want them to make it mine! Ignoring them is good; sooner or later, they get the message and go away to seek attention elsewhere.
post #15 of 19
My reply of "I killed my last boyfriend" with a straight face usually ends the conversation!
post #16 of 19
well when people hear about my ex husband they are normally like no wonder you are a bit afraid to commit
post #17 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catnip View Post
When you're single people constantly ask 'why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?' There is obviously something wrong with you if you don't

I never had anyone ask me that question. It just seems that everyone in my high school were cruel b*st*rds and they knew the answer, because i was the ugly duckling.
post #18 of 19
I think a lot of people are afraid of getting old and never get a chance to hook up before the prime of their lives are up, and it's like this mass hysteria that takes over. Meh, it's just your hormones whispering I tell 'em.

Besides, you shouldn't have to "work" to keep a relationship "alive". If it happens, it happens, if you have to force it, then it ain't ever gonna work.
post #19 of 19
When I was about 43, my boss and I were talking about such things one day (he was a friend, more or less), and he asked me why I wasn't dating anybody. I said nobody was beating down my door, and he thought about that for awhile and then said, "Do you like sex?"

I did not slap him. I just said wistfully, "I don't remember..."
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